strong opinions on finding out the sex of your baby

Have to get this off my chest.....

Ok so I have always wanted to find out the sex of my baby... and completely get it that it is a personal preference and some people are strongly one way or the other. BUT I don't understand when people ask you if you are finding out and you say yes they get SO angry!

I would never push my opinion on anyone but for some reason I am getting it from every direction... only on DH side though...

His sister almost blew my head off and his best friend (yes a male) emailed us telling my DH to 'try and change my mind'

ARE YOU SERIOUS!!????? are you carrying the baby? Are you the father of the baby??? I am so angry!

Am I over reacting!?

You are not over reacting at all, finding out the sex is between your DH and yourself, nobody else's business. Sorry you are going through this.

Regards,
Dianne

NOT AT ALL!!! I have a close friend who for my entire pregnancy with DD said not to find out and was "disappointed" when we did... uhhhh its MY baby!

Then this pregnancy everytime i see her its "remember, say it with me... I WILL NOT FIND OUT THE SEX OF MY BABY.."

Her reasoning is that when the baby is born people wont care as much "oh you had the baby.." ... ummm this baby will be grand baby number 10 on my DPs side and we all still get very excited when a new baby is born. And if no one cares then they aren't really our friends are they and who thinks like that anyways??

Oh my goodness :o In one who's pretty well in the "don't find out" camp, but I'd never go off at someone for finding out! I might ask them not to tell me if they're family and I'd like to be surprised myself, but I don't really care that much...

I've had a similar opposite reaction though, someone got annoyed at me for NOT finding out.

How ridiculous that people have such a strong opinion on something that is totally your choice. I guess I just don't see the big deal. I desperately wanted to know with my DS andso did hubby, so we found out at 19 weeks. We knew what DD would be before conception. This bub came as quite a surprise, so this time around I've decided to keep the secret and I have no idea what this bub is. Hubby has known the gender since 12 weeks though. *shrug* I just don't see how that impacts anyone else's life :)

Remember, an opinion is not a fact. It's just one person's belief or preference. Ignore them. It's none of their business.

You'll also find people like to share their opinions about names. For this reason we would excitedly tell people made up names, rather than hear them tell us they didnt like our name preferences.

The need to try to change your mind is just a projection of their own issues. Just imagine holding a mirror up to them and sending their opinions back to them.

I am glad I am not the only one... i totally get you are either one or the other but I would never put my views that strongly onto someone else... and make them feel guilty for choosing one way or the other!
I dont want to walk on egg shells worrying about how someone is going to react... its not fair!

you're totally not over-reacting.

I usually tell people who are pushy like that.. 'Don't you think having a child is shock enough to the system?' :p

I agree with the others tell them to mind there own business, i found out all four and never had an issue, this one was such a surprise im determined not to find out, im just hoping my will power holds out

Not at all, your choice in every single aspect of it.

You're not over reacting at all - I wish there was some way to block it out because feeling judged for your decisions at a time like this is really not fair.

I always think it would be nice to leave it a surprise to start with but change my mind well and truly before the morph scan lol - its no ones business but your own. Can your DH tell them to butt out??


**Sent from my phone using Tapatalk.

I guess I dont take things like that personally. No one can make you feel guilty without your permission. Just let go through to the keeper.

You could send a return email saying:
Thank you for offering your opinion on our parenting choices. Should we feel the need for your advice on this or any other decisions we make during the life of our child, we'll be sure to ask you.

Or would they not get the sarcasm?

I understand that people have strong ideas about it and they either will or they wont do it, but I don't get why people get hung up over other people doing it? It's none of their business and I'd be telling this person to pull their head in and butt the **** out. It's like when DH and I were getting married and his brother told us we couldn't have kids until he owned some land! I was like WTF? I told him that when we have kids is for us to decide, not him. There were a few other choice words thrown in there too. Good thing I didn't take his advice because we'd only have half as many kids as we do now. But he's a real wa.nker though.

I would sent a short email back... Wow you're rude.

Did you clarify that you aren't giving the baby a sex change, nor are you going to decide not to have the baby because it is a particular sex :rolleyes: For goodness sake, you are just finding out what is already there!

We got accused of knowing and not telling and got hounded constantly - because we didn't want to find out! So opposite problem, but totally understand!

Opposite here, did not find out and were abused over it. Once work colleague was so angry I thought he was about to commit violence over it :rolleyes: Boy he ranted on for ages about how we would not be able to plan etc

I think it says more about them than yourself. Even if they do care (I am not a fan of finding out and hate being told the gender), it is how you handle it. I would never get angry at anyone for choosing to.

We had the opposite, everyone thought we were crazy for not finding out.

Over the last 12 months I've come to realise that no matter what you do someone will have a problem with it "know better" or flat try to ram the opposite of what your doing down your throat as if it's the only way to do something.

If your happy with what your doing ignore them and try not to let it worry you or tell them your doing what's right for you and your partner and is none of their business so butt out.

Totally understand how your feeling :hug:

Seriously? WTF is wrong with people. That's crazy.

We had a few People ask and look at us weird when we said we weren't finding out, but people actually get angry about it? That's... odd.

We had the name thing though. Told GMIL that we had chosen "Isaac" for our boys name and she said "oh no you cant call him that! That's horrible. He'll get called Zac!" We did anyway and she called him by his second name for a year and a half!

Thanks for all your support guys... I feel better now. I totally get why people want to keep it a surprise.. and that's great... I would never react or push my view on anyone and I guess I just expect the same back.

Oh and the name thing... man no one should say anything about the name you have chosen... that is cruel too! I wont be telling anyone my names until the baby is in my arms! They wont be able to try and get me to 'change my mind' when its done on on the birth certificate!!!

damn stupid people!

love to you all! x

A bit late, but definitely not over-reacting SB. People can be so judgmental. We copped it from a few people too.

I think as soon as you get pregnant (engaged, even!) people feel the need to give you all sorts of unsolicited family planning and parenting advice as if your life and relationships were now public!

Ignore them, they're projecting their own opinions and values on your choices. Pffffffffffffffft!

Wow! I'm so sorry to hear your family and friends are giving you a hard time about finding out the gender of your baby.
That seams so petty in the grand scheem of life.

We are having the opposite reaction as we have not found out. When asked what we are having I say "a baby!" It's noone elses buisness. We wanted the babys gender to be a surprise for us. Besides we have one child of each gender so what ever we get it a bonus.

It's noone elses buisness wether you find out or not, as for writing an email to deter you from finding out.....well I have nothing nice to say about that other than tell him to mind his own buisness.

I think people should mind their own business and keep their opinions to themselves.

I got huge amounts of drama from my ILs because I refused to tell them DD2's sex. Nobody but my mum and my lovely belly buddy friends knew I had found out DD1's sex so that was ok, but they all knew that I found out DD2's sex but I refused to tell any of them until she was born. My DH hadn't wanted to find out, so I refused to tell anyone else the sex of our baby until my DH knew first, which meant after her birth. They were furious.

I'd just be telling them all to sod off. Your baby. Your choice. Sadly though it seems that from the second your pregnancy is known, everything has an opinion on everything and so many people seem to be offended when you don't take their advice.

I had the same reactions so we told people we weren't finding out and then found out and kept it to ourselves. :dance:

Thanks everyone... I am standing firm on my decision...

To top it off, on the weekend we saw her again and she said 'so you’re NOT finding out the sex right???' I told her I hadn't changed my mind. so she turned around and said 'well when I get the call to say he/she has arrived don’t expect me to be excited'

wow thanks!!!! Seriously after everything I have been through to get here and with everyday of this pregnancy a blessing how dare you make me feel guilty about any decision I make!

Anyhoo enough of my whining....

thanks again all. :)

Omg! Who says that!?
It sounds like you are better off without her. :hug:

I wish Heva&Zacky but she's my sister in law... I wish it was that easy to not see her again but that wont be able to happen for me! :(

:( :hug:

:hug: How horrible of her :(

How about you DON'T call her the day your gorgeous bundle arrives. Then when she gets upset about that (cos she will!) you can just say, oh didn't think you really cared seeing as you know what gender he/she was going to be, so I called other people who were excited and wanted to know.

:

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How about you DON'T call her the day your gorgeous bundle arrives. Then when she gets upset about that (cos she will!) you can just say, oh didn't think you really cared seeing as you know what gender he/she was going to be, so I called other people who were excited and wanted to know.

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:lol: I would :p


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

Yeah i would too, she sounds like a right cow :(


Sent from my iphone, so may not make sense

I agree i wouldnt call her either. Thats just plain rude for anyone to say let along your sil whom knows your history

sent from my galaxcy so please excuse the spelling

good idea.... I have already decided not to invite her to my baby shower, well my sister did because she is throwing it for me and is so angry with what my sis in law said... so good call... she wont be getting a call from us... but if DH caves she will be the very LAST on the list, she will probably hear from my mother in law before she hears from us! :)

thanks girls, your the best!