Secretly worried

Ugh, being forced into toilet training William has been a *****. He's 2yrs 4 months and he's doesn't talk, so how am I supposed to know when he wants to go?! I'm afraid he's gonna be in nappies when he starts pre-primary! Currently sitting next to him for the past 15 mins waiting, and I just know I'll take him off in a minute and he'll do something!

And that's my next issue - he doesn't 'act' like all these other 2 yr olds that I've seen on tv shows, IRL, and doesn't even really do anything that an 12 or 18month old does. He doesn't have a vocabulary of (minimum I was told) 150 words. His vocabulary right now is 2. 'Mumum' and 'again'. They are the only things he says.
He doesn't pick his clothes, he doesn't jump (he rocks side to side while trying to dance, that's bout it), doesn't climb stairs, doesn't put things in a bin, doesn't walk anywhere unless he's at home, ILs place, my dad and grandmothers house or at daycare, doesn't like to draw, or paint, doesn't want to be read to (although he'll open a book and turn the pages and look at the pictures), doesn't repeat anything if I say it (tried today to say 'Kat' and he just ran around laughing), doesn't know anything on his body and doesn't point to it on our bodies, doesn't 'play pretend' and rarely does what I ask of him (only thing he does is pick up things when I say 'Ta for mummy') He's obsessed with grabbing my hair (something my brother does too when he's over here or we're over there), looking into our eyes, building blocks in the same color and stacking them up in the same sizes.

Secretly I'm worried... Really, really worried. My brother is mentally disabled, my dad is 'slow' (ugh, I hate saying that!) and I'm scared he's inherited it too... That was my biggest concern having a boy, that he'd inherit that gene and that I am gonna have to do everything that I did when my brother was young. I'm having anxiety attacks over these thoughts that I don't eat for days (not great when I'm supposed to be expressing for Katherine)

Anyways, he's been sitting on here for almost 20 minutes so I best get him off cause I said I'd only do it for 10 minutes. I think I'm going to stop doing this until we're BOTH ready to do it. Right now, I just don't feel ready in myself to do it.

No need to reply - I needed to get this out - I just wish I knew what to do :(

:hug: The best thing to do is to see your GP. Early intervention can make a huge difference to a child's outcomes. It really hurts when you see a Dr and they agree with you but then they can hook you up with people who will be able to help you and your gorgeous little man.

Big hugs to you DD. The only advice I can give is that as a mother of a child with "issues", follow your gut and seek help. If your concerns get downplayed by your GP, get a referral to a paed or go to another GP. If there ends up being nothing to worry about, fantastic and no harm done. If there is something that needs to be addressed, the sooner the better. Good luck.

Thankyou Onyx :hug:

My CHN put us on the waitlist for an OT and speech therapist back in Nov and was told it'd a waitlist of bout 6-16 months :(

Thanks Lulu - I'll be seeing my GP in 2 weeks for DDs 2 month needles so i'll ask him for a referral then

And things like this make me worry bout DD too.
Right now?
* She's drinking and drinking and drinking... then crying and crying and crying.
* Never falls asleep on her back anymore, just wants to sleep on her side or stomach (we put her on her stomach when we're awake and can see her/grab her all the time) which causes us to have so many sleepless nights (or broken nights)
* She never seems 'happy' - the only time she's not crying is in her sleep but even then theres some times when she crys - I'm finding myself saying under my breath 'For eff sake, be quiet!'

I dunno what I'm doing wrong with either of them :(

Yeah, I'd look into EI. Do you know what the problem is with your brother & dad? Is it inherited? My BIL is 'slow'. He contracted meningitis & the brain swelling/fluid caused the damage. I worried about it & so did DH. It was only about 4 years ago we found out the full story.
IL's also lost a baby who was severely disabled at 3 weeks old. I'm pretty sure he was Trisome 13, but now 100%... But all our children & IL's other kids are fine.

Remember that all babies to develop at their own rate. no point stressing about a probkem that may not even be there. Mine didn't 'click' to toilet training til they were older than average. DD2 still wets the bed at nearly 7 & was delayed in speech. Other than her ADD & a bit of SPD, she's perfect :)

You're not doing anything wrong. For their ages they both sound like they are doing things that are completely normal. There may be something not quite right (listen to your instinct), but there is no such thing as normal :hug:

Clover, I'll answer (by editting this) in just a minute. I'm moving from the laptop to Tapatalk on my phone because I've got DD on my lap crying (surprise surprise)

Ok back with DD snuggled on my chest (but still crying)

My brother - DH and I think - he has undiagnosed Autism - but he was diagnosed with behavioral problems and learning difficulties. He's 25 and has the mental age of a 6 year old.

My dad? Honestly I have no idea. All I know is his doctor many years ago, called him 'slow' and... *shudders* retarded (I shudder cause I HATE that word with a passion) - all because of being dropped by one of his brothers (he has 3 older brothers) a couple times.

I wish I was closer so you could meet Aiden. He's almost 4 and has about 20 words. He has started speech and OT, goes to daycare and an early intervention intensive school two half days a week. These are wonderful things he has gotten into and it takes time to see big results but he's making small gains. A is still in nappies, obsesses over simple things (like cans, toys, blocks), is very violent due to frustration with being non verbal, has oodles of sensory issues and is just generally a difficult kid day to day. Aiden doesn't enjoy being read to (he screams), he doesn't pick his clothes (his sisters do), he doesn't repeat things or know body parts and frequently runs away. My house is like fort knox 24/7.

He has only recently started pretend play and that is because his speech therapist tries it with him. It started with DH and I spending 10 minutes passing a plastic cup back and forth pretending to drink and smacking our lips. The first time he did it once and then wandered off and now 6 months on he will do it himself. Now he will find lions or dinosaurs and make them roar and make car noises but that's it for now.

That's describing William down to a tee Rhyb.
He LOVES his blocks, lines them all up by colour and build by colour. Doesn't answer his name when called, runs around the house, obsessively plays with my hair, but he's generally a happy child.
DH hates that he doesn't say 'dad' and when I say 'dad' all he does he laugh - he hates it so much that he says to me (DH that is) 'Don't bother, he's never gonna say dad'
Breaks my heart but drives me mental at the same time.
And it doesn't help when DH keeps saying 'Well, all my hopes lie on Kat now' makes me so sad for DS :(

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Oh hun. Definetely have him checked out.

I know how you feel about those words. My BIL is an amazing person, but so many people don't care to see it, or they use it to their advantage :(

Do you still wrap Kat firmly? If you're worried about sensory issues, maybe she's like Bri. Bri is a seeker. She prefers tight clothes, tight shoe laces, tight hair etc & stresses to the point of howling if they aren't tight enough (:rolleyes:)
Bri is a big movement seeker as well. Maybe Kat likes to move & a swing would help? (just going off the things I've read from you on fb). Bri was the hardest of my babies. Screamed for hours on end. She really wore me down. By the time she slept I was the one crying :(

Talk to your health nurse or gp. They'll help you with OT/paed etc.

just rubbing because ill come back tomorrow when my older two are in cc and reply.

gigantic hugs dd xxx

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Thanks ladies, really.

Clover - yep, she still gets wrapped firmly and that's the only way she sleeps on her back. But, she's such a restless sleeper that she kicks herself out of the wrap in no time and then is awake again. Total opposite to William, who hates being held tightly, hates anything on his head or feet (but is getting better with wearing shoes)
I'm laying down in bed, and she's wrapped really tightly on her tummy on my chest under the blanket, so I'm hopefully gonna get up and wrap her before she wakes up.


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Honestly A only now says dad. As in the last 2 months. He gets confused easily and will call DH mum when that happens but DH just calmly says dad to help him. He calls everyone mum and they just say their name to teach him. A hates shoes and will only wear fake crocs (he can help with them, still gets the wrong feet adn if it doesn't work straight away he gets mad). Aiden obsesses with rubbing his hands over my face and arms and kissing my face. He has gone so far as to kiss drs, teachers and shop assisstants on the hand when happy. He has started licking my skin too (I joke it's ike guinea pigs and salt licks) and he rolls in dirt and has daily dust baths (I tell people he's part quail when they stare). Aiden is very, very high energy with little understanding of emotions and can only react to them in cartoons (sounds nuts but in sad moments in movies he fakes crying and cuddles me, scary bits he cings to me and pretends to tremble, and happy bits make him clap and dance). It's like tv is in technicolour and real life is black and white (happy or angry). There seems to be no inbetween.

Yeah, William constantly covers his ears when it comes to things he doesn't like in movies. He runs away from the tv. And when something comes up that's funny, he'll laugh.
William has only just (in the past two or months) reciprocated when I've said 'kiss?' be it open mouth kiss or little peck kiss.


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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I seriously, seriously recommend you read "Gut and Psychology Syndrome"- it will help you see why your children have the behaviours they have AND you'll find it can be fixed!! Which is extremely awesome :D

I'm wondering why you say you are being forced to toilet train your son? 2ys 4mths is at the young end for ANY boy to toilet train so I'd be dropping it for now seeing he doesn't seem ready.

Hun, you sound like you are under alot of pressure at the moment. Who is forcing you to toilet train? As an Early Childhood teacher I can remember learning at uni that kids have to have "maturation" to TT which means their brain and bladder are sending the correct symbols, until this point kids can be taken to the toilet 1000 times and sometimes may do something but they wont be TT until they are ready.

I am a big believer in early intervention. Don't know if you remember but my DD had physio for a year for low muscle tone and was slower to crawl, walk etc.I hated the fact that she wasn't able to physically do what other kids were doing, but going to the physio with her and doing all the exercises gave me something to focus on.

I have taught many kids in kinder whose parents have told me their child had a language delay or this or that but had early intervention and now at school age have caught up, its the ones that don't get in early that have trouble later on, as is harder to catch up.

I really recommend seeing your GP to get a referral to a good paediatrician who can steer you in the right direction, do testing, reassure and support you and the kids. Alot of paeds do bulk bill, so not always expensive.

And last of all, kids do develop at different rates. DD has only started talking lots in the last 3 months. xxx

Oh hun :hug: Personally I would also drop the TT. it doesn't sound like he is ready, I know neither of my girls were at that age. Does he nod and shake his head for yes and no? If so, can you look in to baby signing to help him communicate if he doesn't have the words?

I agree with the above posts - trust your gut instinct and get him looked at, persist if you need to until you feel comfortable with the answers. Look st the GAPS diet and give it a go - it can't hurt.

As for Kat, it sounds like reflux to me. If she is lying down and it is painful for her it is likely that the reflux is coming up. I would also get her looked at for this and also look at how you can help her by propping up her mattress, the foods you eat etc.

Just sending you a big big hug Hun. And am here if you need xxx

I was gong to say reflux for Kat as well. My DD (also Katherine!!) has silent reflux until about 8 months. She would cry constantly and feed ALL the time. It's a catch 22 thing, they want the milk cause they have reflux (heartburn) but it makes it worse in the long run. She also didn't like lying down and would do better on her tummy. Maybe get a GP to check her out. If it is reflux, there's a lot that you can do.
Hugs honey, this sounds like a hard time for you. xx

Huge hugs DD :hug:. I would also recommend stopping with the TT atm. Both my boys didn't TT until they were good and ready - both were just on 3 when they finally got it. Take that stress away from you right now, you don't need it!

Definitely go with your gut instinct about your DS, get him checked out and push the point if you don't feel listened to. Poor Kat sounds like she's uncomfortable. It could be reflux so it's worth getting her checked out too. I would highly recommend getting a paediatric chiropractor to look over her too - ours worked miracles for my babies :).

:hug:

Check with your MCHN to see if your local council offers an early intervention program. My previous one had one called Toddler Matters and it was a "supervised play group" that was attended by various specialists such as an occupational therapist, speech therapist etc and they would observe the kids and that could lead to further action if it were needed. We didn't qualify because it was for under 3s and mine was too old for it by the time we thought there may be issues.

It's hard when you think something might be wrong with your child. There is help out there and it could be something very minor that is holding him back :hug:

i just wanted to back up what the others have said about TT. ds2 has turned 3 and i haven't even started TT him yet. he's just not ready. give it some more time.

sending you lots of :hug: and support DD.

i think you should trust your gut instinct & if you feel you need to take some action, then do. as everyone has said, it's better to get started early.

fwiw, my DS is 2yrs 8mths & i don't think near TT at all. his cousin will be 3 next week & i saw a post on fb yesterday about 2 'puddles' that he left in ikea when they were there & to me it doesn't seem like he is totally ready either.

:hug:

Big hugs. :hug:

Oh, forgot to add, it really does sound like kat has reflux, def get her checked out hun xxx

:hug: I don't have anything constructive to add, just a :hug:

Hun, please dont think because he isnt 'getting' toilet training at barely 2 that there is anything wrong with him! None of my kids have trained before 3.5 - even my autistic son. Neither of my neurotypical kids are in any way slow or have a problem. They just werent ready and I refused to spend my life worrying about something so inconsequential!

As for your other concerns, can you go and see a pediatric psychologist? They would be your best avenue of figuring out whats normal and what isnt with your sons behaviour. They will usually not make any calls until the child in question is 3 though, so just be aware of that.

Forgot to add, Isaac is 3 in July. He is nowhere near toilet training.

Oh DarekDreamer what an awful lot of anxiety and stress you have atm :comfort: I cant say anything more than what these lovely ladies have said. Trust yourself, trust your gut and do what you believe is right for W. You are his Mummy and you are hard wired to know him better than anyone else. You are doing a great job, dont forget that :hug: With Kat, I put my 2 cents in else where on her ;)

FYI my DDs are 2yrs 3mths and not TT. DD1 has done one wee on the toilet and that was this morning. Rest of the time she wees on herself (if she's ever nappy free). Kids take time to TT so try not to worry.

DD2 is 4 in august shes only just TT she still has quite a few accidents and 25% of the time still needs a nappy for bed

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Thanks all. I've been reading but not responding yet cause I had a horrid night last night.

Its not just the 'not ready to TT' thats making me feel like this. TBH, I'm quite ok with him not being ready to TT (it's DH who's got a bit of a problem) but it's everything else. The not talking (only saying mumum and again), the not answering his name - ever - when we call him, the obsessiveness he has with my hair, the obsessiveness he has with the blocks, the not wanting to walk anywhere, the not using forks and spoons, the not being interested in using a cup, ther needing to eat everything off the floor, the being such a picky eater... after getting just one comment, it's all piling on me and I'm just a bit worried - well, a bit more than a little bit.

DH and I, with Kat, are thinking either reflux, silent reflux or colic. I'm doing as much research as possible and they seem the three most likely

With the reflux and colic - ALOT of bubs who have reflux have colic aswell as they are constantly crying which upsets their tummies creating more wind and also because of the acid. Reflux on its on just means a baby who spews, silent reflux means it doesnt come up and out of the mouth. There are bubs who have reflux which doesn't bother them (just creates alot of mess), however bubs who have acid reflux show the symptoms of being uncomfortable and in pain - crying, screaming, not sleeping, waking up frequently from sleep or not sleeping for long, screaming when put down, wanting to be held upright when awake and asleep, wanting to feed frequently as it soothes their throat at first but then the pain comes after, throwing her head back and lying/ sleeping in weird positions with neck at a weird angle. For my DD (who you know still has silent reflux at 2.5years old) she put on heaps on weight at first but then she got smarter and worked out that feeds were hurting her and then she stopped wanting to feed, was very fussy, pulling off, clenching her lil fists and feet and tensing her whole body, then she stopped putting on weight and growing in length also. She then had physio - for the low muscle tone, but also because she didn't know how to isolate her muscles as she was always tense from the pain and expectant pain. Reflux is something you want to get treatment for as soon as possible as it can create more problems. I know how stressed and sleep deprived you are at the moment and am offering my support to you as a fellow sleep deprived, stressed out mumma, wish I lived closer so I could you give you some real life support.

As for your DS, I am sorry reading the posts made you more worried, but for me, my anxiety about DD just made things worse. I really hope you can get into a good specialist/doc who will listen and respond to all of your concerns quickly. Has his daycare mentioned anything to you about his behaviour? I know he has only been going a few weeks but they can be a good starting point, maybe talk to the teacher about your concerns. Quite often they are a good starting point and can point you in the direction of early intervention services and know the right people to get things done!

My DS is going through similar as your little girl. I reckon he has reflux and am trying to get help for him now. If you get a chance, i have found the book "Colic Solved" very helpful in understanding how reflux works, and the different symptoms it can cause.

I also say don't worry about toilet training until the kids show they are ready, just too much stress for little benefit.

Sweetie, massive hugs to you. I can perfectly understand your concerns, I have mine too about my DS. He will be 2 in 2 and a bit weeks and the only words he says is mumum, bob (bob the builder) and others which don't mean anything like gaga, ba, and a couple of animal sonds and lately sheeeeeeesh. He still flaps his arms but a lot less since he started walking (mostly running) at 19m, he kicks his legs almost constantly in the high chair, stroller, car seat, it's like he's powered with a duracell battery. But he can also sit still if he is focused 100%. He used to be a fantastic eater, now hardly eats at all and has gone from liking many different foods to just 3 or 4 of his faves, like cheese, yogurt, dry bickkies & apple. He understands a lot more than he communicates to us. He only drinks from a straw cup, and refuses to use a sippy or a normal cup. Does not express interest in cutlery at all, will only eat off the food tray or floor. I still spoon feed him. His used to be obsessed with ceiling fans, now it's street lights/power poles. He was never into books, and just now will let me hurriedly read one to him before he turns the pages. He looks at pictures when I ask him where certain things are but will not point to them. He does not point to anything. He does have excellent eye contact though.
When he was around 12 months, I found he wasn't responding to his name but eventually did. Sometimes I think he responds to my tone of voice rather than his name as when someone else calls him he ignores them. He hums almost constantly when he eats. He doesn't offer cuddles or kisses unless I ask for them. He just recently started to sit on the couch when I say lets get the shoes we're going here or there. So he knows he has to sit there so I can put his shoes on. He will almost always give me a kiss when I ask for it (sometimes just tilting his head towards me) but not cuddle. But if I start cuddling him, he likes it. So a lot of things I am concerned about myself, and I have booked him in to see a developmental paed next week (I have been waiting 5 months to see him). I am a big believer in early intervention, and will do whatever is required to help him before he goes to kinder/school. GL hun, I know how awful it is to be so worried but if you seek some answers it will ease your mind. Some kids are a bit quirky but grow out of it.

:hug: DD, I don't have any advice about your DS. But you sound so upset and worried for your little boy.

DD sounds perfectly normal for a baby her age. I think it's probably that you're so anxious about DS that dealing with a new baby is that much harder. My little angel has just stopped screaming for no apparent reason for the fifth time since 6pm and fallen asleep by my side on the bed instead of being snuggled. They are unpredictable creatures, small babies!

Thankyou all - really.

I've got an appt with the GP for DDs 2 month needles on the 19th, so I might see if i can make it a double appt and get DS seen to as well. Our dr just loves DS and DD (already!) and will happily see him whenever.
My stresses just keep getting worse.. so bad that I have even asked my mum when she noticed things 'not right' with my brother. She asked why and I almost broke down - the stress is just beyond a joke.
I'm just glad that DH let me go out, on my own, last night for a few hours. I really needed it

:hug: talking to the GP could be exactly what you need - they sound good with kids & approachable. it's always good to get an unbiased opinion from someone not so emotionally involved. now you've made the appt, you can try (i know, not easy!) to put it out of your mind a bit because you've taken the first step.

i'm glad you got some time to yourself last night, you very rarely seem to get that much needed time to recharge your batteries :hug:

Awww hun, I wish it wasn't so stressful for you but as parents that's all we do! Glad you had some time on your own, my psychologist told me to take some time out when it was all getting too much. Best advice ever xox

Miss B - your little man sounds like a perfectly normal 2 year old boy! I'd love to hear if the paed says anything different, but that all sounds pretty normal to me.

DarkDreamer - your DD sounds EXACTLY like my son was at that age, and we kept being told it's just normal newborn behaviour... finally someone decided to look into it further and the poor darling was suffering from Silent Reflux. A bit of medication and he was 100 times better... less crying, less arching of his back, less grumpiness in general. I genuinely think that if we had worked it out earlier his first 3 months of life would have been so much easier for all of us - so definitely get it checked out and if you feel something isn't right, make sure someone listens to you.

DarkDreamer, how are you going hun? Have you been to anyone with your DS lately?

Just a bit of an update from the appointment with the developmental paed that we had in early March (an update for you too Connie :)). We were grilled for an hour and asked a million and one questions, and the doc doesn't think he's got anything going on except an overall delay. I have to say I was relieved when the app. was over, but I'm still not 100% convinced. He said DS is a few months behind in most areas of development. He believes that at least 2 half days a week in crache is going to really help him, especially with his speech. Since my last post, he started mimicking his dad when he says go go go (when crossing the road). Apart from that, nada in the speech department. He has however, started to point to objects in his books almost overnight. Like all these months of me pointing and naming them finally paid off. He still doesn't say dad :( We're going for another app. in two weeks at the Children's Hospital to further asses where he needs most help with. Speech will be one of them for sure. And he's planning to take some bloods too, as he suspects he's got low iron. That will be fun and games as he screams when he's being measured, let alone jabbed with a needle.