Next time, I will... Next time, I will not..

Oh! The things I would do differently in the delivery room.

I was just thinking about all the small details I would change- next time. I was wondering what others would do differently during a subsequent labour and birth.

I'll go first.
Next time I will-
Get naked at the earliest opportunity!
Demand all the pillows I feel I need, then proceed to arrange a nest on the floor if I see fit. (I was too worried about being an inconvenience, than doing my thing)
Stay off my back.
Drink more water. Maybe have a coffee. Make it a double :)
Bring my own music, because the stuff they were playing was messing up my groove. They insisted it was relaxing. It sucked so much having music I hated playing while I was also in agony, lol.
Bring something from home to clutch when I feel out of control.

Next time I will NOT-
Give up on myself or lose trust in my body.
Give a toss if my MW doesn't like the way I labour, or finds me annoying.
Submit so easily to the cascade of intervention.

Interesting thread!

This time I will not have a plan. I will release myself from anything prescriptive and just do my best with what gets put before me. I can't "plan" my birth but I can make the best choices as they arise, one by one.

That's all I've got O.o.

Next time, I will not involve myself with a hospital. Even though my birth experience was great, its not where I wanted to be.

Next time I will have music! It would have been very welcome but I didn't think I'd want it.

Next time, I'll labour and birth in water. I don't think I'm much of a land beast :lol:

Next time, I'll hire a birth photographer. I wish I had better pictures, not just iPhone ones.

Next time, I will not have any fear, as I briefly did with DD during and shortly after transferring. I know what's coming and I know what my body is capable of now.

I have super quick labours, my longest has been 2 hours from first contraction to baby.... the first time I held on to get to the hospital as I was scared and had no idea how close I was to birth. The second time I held on because my mother and partner BEGGED me not to have the baby in the car. The third time my husband asked me to wait for the homebirth midwife to arrive so he could feel supported....


This baby I am not holding on for anyone!

:

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Next time, I will not involve myself with a hospital. Even though my birth experience was great, its not where I wanted to be.

Next time I will have music! It would have been very welcome but I didn't think I'd want it.

Next time, I'll labour and birth in water. I don't think I'm much of a land beast :lol:

Next time, I'll hire a birth photographer. I wish I had better pictures, not just iPhone ones.

Next time, I will not have any fear, as I briefly did with DD during and shortly after transferring. I know what's coming and I know what my body is capable of now.

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Aaaaalll of that except the specifics of why...

Plus:

I will NOT be induced, unless it's another stillbirth. I said this only a week before Amelia was born, but the fact I gave in proved I was right to begin with. If it is another stillbirth, s/he's being born at home after the hospital helps get my labour started.

And if I do end up in hospital again...

I will have my doula, husband, and mum reminding me that I can do what I want, **** what the doctor/midwife says.

I will NOT be strapped down again :angry:

If I'm told I have to labour in a postnatal room with another woman in it, I WILL tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine and go home to freebirth!

Next time I won't listen to anyone who doesn't know my medical history and makes me doubt my decision to have an elective caesarean. I will just have the caesarean and have a super fast recovery as I did with DD2.

I had next times for this birth and it wholeheartedly disappointed me which was unfortunate but I haven't given up entirely.
Until I get my notes I can't think about the next one but I would like to tentatively say next time I'm not leaving home :)

:

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I had next times for this birth and it wholeheartedly disappointed me which was unfortunate but I haven't given up entirely.
Until I get my notes I can't think about the next one but I would like to tentatively say next time I'm not leaving home :)

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Squishy hugs.

Okay, after a little debriefing via text message (:lol:) I'm in a bit of a better frame of mind and will be more positive ;)

I WILL be naked at home, except for maybe a dressing gown for some walking around the block. If I want to go outside naked, I'll go out the backyard and freak the neighbors out :rofl:

In early labour, I will go to the DVD shop and get the funniest movies I can find to watch while I can stand it, because I've read laughter really helps things along. And how great would it be to LAUGH a baby out?

I WILL *PROBABLY* have two doulas - a student and an experienced one. Whoever's not with me at any given point in time can take notes so I have a kick-ass homebirth story to post to BB ;)

I WILL involve my other children - Amelia can be my little babydoula, Ianto can watch over us and keep us safe as he did with Amelia.

I WILL TRY TO not name the baby prenatally. I will try to wait until I see their face to name them.

I WILL put baby straight to the breast with minimal help, and not be too spaced out to tell anyone if it hurts :rolleyes:

I WILL think of more and come back to this thread :lol:

I will have my candles and music set up and ready
I will start filling my pool early
I will birth calmy and not scare my daughter
I will remember the enema so I don't poo in the pool over and over (eeeek)

I will not drive into town to waste early labour time and drive home having contractions
I will not waste all my hot water system on a long hot shower before filling the pool
I will not push and push too soon just because I feel stuck
I will not panic just because my plug hasn't shown and my waters haven't broken

I will stay at home, make a nest, dim the lights, get everyone to shut up, have no music (I found even my favourite songs annoying) get the midwife to sit in the corner and knit unless I ask her to help me
I will be the one to say the sex of the baby
I will do skin to skin with cord intact
I will touch the head so I am the first to touch the baby
I will realise that the most important people in that room are the baby and me and everyone else can go to hell with what they want. (apart from DS who is not an adult so different of course!)

I will not find out the sex of the baby until it is born and I will ask the midwife to not declare it until I have seen first
I will not try to please anyone but me and DS and the new baby
I will not lie down on a bed at all but go to my nest if I need to rest.

I will breathe properly.
I will trust my body - it knows what to do
I won't push because someone suggests I try. I'll push when I feel the urge to push.
I will have music on
I will get DH to remove the clock on the wall that became my focus point and replace it with the first photo we took of DD post birth
I will actually get into the shower/bath instead of planning to and then never thinking about doing it while actually in labour
DH will be the one to tell me the sex of baby

Wish I could have a list like the above!
I will have an elective caesar.
I will breastfeed my baby in recovery.
I will love skin to skin contact with my baby as soon as s/he is born.
I will ask them to do the apgars on my chest if baby is fine!


I will not hand my baby over to be weighed/measured, they can come to me.
I will not labour or achieve a vaginal birth. I have tried, and tried and I can't go there again. I farewell this opportunity and forgive myself for feeling sub-maternal. I can get them, I can gestate them, I can feed them, I can mother them, I just can't push them out. Please don't debate this with me, I am at peace.

I will avoid an induction unless it is really required.
I will not be strapped to a ctg n stuck on a bed.
I will not have a midwife I hate.
I will have delayed cord claming.
I will avoid needle to birth placenta.
I will stay at home as long as possible!

It's unlikely there will be a next time, but just in case....

I will not get pre-eclampsia and all the shenanigans that go along with that

I think this is a great thread, but reading through it makes me feel a little bit sad. It's ridiculous that so many are unable to birth the way they want in our hospitals - private or public.
I've been lucky - maybe I'm in a minority? - I had my private hospital births my way. I went in knowing what I wanted, didn't let anyone dictate to me ... and had two great births. I still am proud of myself that I went against hospital advice and left when I only 1cm dilated with DS1 to go home to labour. They wanted me to stay because my waters had broken (yeah ... great reason to stay and be monitored in my book - not!). I returned as I said I would just 2-3 hours later at 7cm and had DS1 not long after.
Going public this time, but will go in with the same mind set.

I truly wish that when you all give birth next time, you get the birth you want - or at least get to choose what happens next ... xx

I've been lucky/chosen well with care so don't really have much to change (at least very little that is actually within my control), however . . .

I WILL NOT spend my labour having an anxiety attack over the outcome

I WILL have a slower birth than DD2's was and WILL NOT birth by the side of the road (she was born in hospital, but if we had lived where we do now I wouldn't have made it so very much on my mind this time)

I WILL tell any unwanted visitors to sod off.

Great thread! My DD's birth was pretty amazing, but in hindsight there's a couple of things I want to do differently - I simply know better now.

I will:
Pack my bag before 36 weeks. Trying to pack during labour sucked!
Print my list of wishes (delayed cord clamping, physiological third stage, chest crawl and baby-led attachment) - last time I hadn't printed this and by the time I got to the hospital I was too far gone (it all happened very quickly) and I just couldn't articulate anything but "no drugs".
trust that I know when and how to push.
Wear a sarong or be brave enough to birth in the buff. Stupid gown.
hopefully birth in a more comfortable position (ie not on my back)
announce the gender to DH again :)

I will not:
submit to AROM, internals or monitoring unless I appear to not be progressing
"just hop up onto the bed"
listen to conflicting advice from midwives in the nursery re: breastfeeding.

I think that's about it. Looking forward to birthing my Pud :)

I've already had my next time, and got most of them, but this was my list:

I will be 'better' at managing a quick labour.
I will see labour as a challenge, a challenge I can do and do well! Bring it on!
I will get in the bath or shower if I have time.
I will use my knowledge and experience from last time to be less scared.

I will not be induced.
I will not labour on my back (first time I was trying to rest and save my other positions for when you need to pull out the big guns, turns out that time had already been and gone and I had done a fair wack of transition on my back - oops!)
I will not be in so much shock that I won't remember most of it.
I will not throw up so much!

The only one I didn't get was the not being induced one, but it wasn't a huge deal, first induction was one lots of gels and all over bar the shouting, second induction was AROM and a similar result, so it didn't have a bit impact on the whole event.

I will do pretty much the same thing as last time, except:

I will ask DH to slosh me with Rescue Remedy when I hit transition panic time.
I will ask DH to announce baby's gender.
I will lie down more postnatally.

Next time (in 7 weeks or so), I'm going with a private obs who supports VBAC and isn't just 'letting me try'. I'm demanding bby be with me post birth, regardless if it's VBAC or repeat CS. Why is that it DH was deemed able to hold our newborn upstairs on ward, yet not able to stay with me in recovery and hold baby with me????

I've found out what the obs' policies are on going overdue, length of labouring for VBA2C etc, rather than having public hospy policy thrown at me whilst in labour.
We've got our gorgeous doula again, I've been doing acupuncture, chiro and alternative healing before this birth and I'm not listenting to relative's advice that b/c I have big babies surely it's better I just have an elect caesar this time??? (always said by mothers who've never had a caesar or difficult recovery).

Again, will be ignoring the midwives and maternal health nurses about the need to top up, FF my baby (the GP's and paed's seem to be ok with my kids, just the nurses freak out about them dropping down the percentiles). DS2 went from the high 90th% down to 10-25th and he's now a healthy 2.5 yr old, so hopefully just fully BF again.
And definately want to get in the shower this time - monitoring or no monitoring - just going to do what I want!

I will have music playing!!

I will do a calm birth course to help me remain calm an feeling in control.

I will breathe through my contractions and focus

I will not panic!!



Sent from my iPhone so sorry for the spelling and punctuation!!

Theres not likely to be a next time buuuuut, next time

I will remember what I have brought with me in my 'bag of goodies'

I will contemplate pain relief to be stitched :redface:

I will get more photos taken.

Otherwise I scored awesomely ;)

Not likely, but

I will have someone there just to take photos and video. Turns out I don't mind an audience and my Mum was a dreadful videographer.

That's it.

I will do everything else exactly the same. I am very lucky.

Y'know, about the only thing I'd change about the Penguin's birth is I'd remember to ask for the bath. Even with everything that happened, every decision that was made was an agreement between me, my OB and the midwives or was made with our (mine and Penguin's) best interests at heart.

Next time I will:
Try to focus on the details more, my labour and birth was so fast it was a blur and DH reminded me of many of the details I had forgotten later.
Hope like crazy this baby isn't as early as DS was and wont need SCN attention so my baby isn't whisked off almost straight away

Next time I wont:
Accept visitors when I am tired, I am going to use that DO NOT DISTURB sign ALOT!
Listen to all the different midwives advice and just stick with the ones I connect with

I was lucky that I had a great labour and birth, there is nothing I regret as such, but it would have been nice to have my baby in my arms instead of an incubator for the first 2 days

I'm pretty lucky with DD2s birth there wasn't much I wanted to alter but

I will rest more after the birth
I will get to term ( this I have achieved)
As I'm at term I will get the option of a water birth
I will discharge home early if we are both well
I will be as active in labour as I was with dd2
I will cherish my last birth experience however it proceeds :)


I will not put up with visitors overstaying there welcome by hours!

Some interesting replies AFM

Like dd I will listen to when I feel I need to go to hospital and not when the midwives say so (early labour didn't exist for me even though the midwives insisted I stay home)

Id like to think I won't panic - I didn't with dd but since developed panic disorder so I must work on feeling comfortable with not knowing what the new baby will bring.

I will stay in my own world

Unlike dd

I will NOT have pethadine
I will find something to focus on other than the pain - ill be doing pregnancy yoga and mindfulness
I will get naked so I can have complete skin in skin contact
I will ensure I get some direction - I felt completely lost during dds birth and before I knew it the forceps were used and there she was :(

I haven't decided yet on whether or not to have dd there - dh completely disagrees with her being there but I think she would get so emersed in the whole experience she would probably help me focus more than anyone else.



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Just realised that there will probably not be a next time...:cry:

Just splitting with DH now...took 7 years to conceive DS and I am 38 this year. Not looking good.

However I think probably if there was another time, I wonder if being in a better relationship and having more control over my life would make a difference to my attitude in labour...alongside having been there done that??? Oh well I guess that is one thing I will never know.

Sorry to hijack. Just got me thinking...

Some really great replies here, I could definitely add a few to my list of 'wills'

Like remembering the goodie bag, and using its contents during labour
-having a photo of my newborn DS to motivate me

some more will nots -

I will not be induced again unless it's absolutely necessary. Or unless my waters are broken for 4 days and no baby has emerged, again... :rolleyes:
I will not listen when the MW tells me not to scream. Sometimes you just need to scream a bit at the peak of a contraction, sometimes you need the gas. I like to alternate!


Thanks for all your interesting responses, keep them coming please!

If im lucky enough to be blessed with another healthy baby, i will do it all exactly like i did with DS birth (birth story recently been posted Roman Oliver), just at a slower pace, not that you can control that, but everything about his birth was just how i wanted it, except the speed of it, wayyyyyyyyyyyy too fast, felt a bit shortchanged to say the least.

Next time I will...
freebirth at home.
eat the sodding jaffa cakes and not let them sit in a corner of the room when I want to eat them. And I'll do the "full moon, half moon, total eclipse" thing too.
play (and majorly win at) scrabble and hold a full-on conversation if I find something interesting and not give a toss that it may be freaking out people who aren't used to birth like that, because quite frankly I am not reading from a script. Oh wait, already did that. It did rock. I'll do it again - have to wait until Liebs can play scrabble now, unless I substitute for snakes and ladders.

Next time I will not...
involve my husband beyond conception unless he well and truly redeems himself.
involve any medical staff beyond getting my maternity NHS card and the GD tests done, unless I happen to find one I really like for antenatal appointments.
allow people to bully and torture me - there is nothing stopping me from walking away, even in full labour and pushing I could do that (and did walk quite happily when I was "allowed"). Not that I'll have people around, but the thought's there.

^^^ mmmmm Jaffa cakes


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Jaffa cakes are officially on my list!!!! lol

I have been lucky and had 2 pretty awesome births, although both quite different (first time I had an epidural, second was a waterbirth). But, next time I will
- remember to take photos, or have someone with me who's job it is to remember - both times DH and I forgot.
- not invite DH's family straight after the birth. I love having my Mum & sisters come, but DH's whole family came and well and truly outstayed their welcome.