How long did it take for you to find your groove with second baby?

I'm sorry if this has been asked before. I've had a hunt through old threads, but can't find anything.

When you had your second baby, I'm just curious as to how long it took for things to settle down, for you to find a rhythm of sorts with a newborn and an older child. Was it longer if you had a baby with a medical problem? Easier with an older child? How often did your routine go up in smoke?

Just thinking ;) Trying to prepare a bit, so I don't feel overwhelmed if I'm pacing the hallway in the middle of the night with a crying baby lol.

DD will be 3 years four months when bubba arrives. I think it took me a good six weeks to settle into a routine with her when she was born.

Just subbing cos I'm wondering about this too....

i'm wondering the same thing but have been watching some friends in the last year to get an idea as well!! i have one friend who is the most organised person i know (she got sick of her frozen meals she cooked during PG before they ran out :lol:) and even she said in the first few weeks she called her mum to say 'i just don't think i can do this'. but 6 months on she looks like a complete natural & i reckon she was there easily by 10-12 weeks.

i'm trying to mentally prepare myself that it will be a while - i took 6 weeks with DS to feel close to 'normal' again & i'm expecting longer this time!!

Subbing as well. I was going to post a similar thread but this one would be able to answer some of the same questions.

DD2 had significant health issues so TBH "routine" was never something that happened for us. I also had a 12 month old who was a very bad sleeper/settler at the time too.

The first few months weren't fun, but the turning point for me was when I just sort of gave in to it all - threw the idea of routines and schedules out the window, gave up trying to settle DD2 down for a sleep etc. DD1 still had her sleep (such as it was) when she was used to having it and DD2 usually fell asleep while bfeeding on me at the same time I was settling DD1 in bed. Our days got a lot easier. With the issues we had with DD2, DH had to really step in with DD1 and do a heap of stuff with her so I could concentrate on DD2. I had a few times where I would just thrust DD2 at him and leave him with a screaming baby so I could spend some time with DD1. DD2 also spent a considerable amount of time in a sling or ergo so I could do things with DD1.

I'm hoping this time around with significantly older siblings life will be a whole lot easier, but its really so reliant on the character of the little person who comes into your life. A happy, easy going baby and you're laughing. I really want to know who I have to pay to get me one of them ;-)

Interested. There's going to be 19 months between DD and Beez. I'm very very very nervous.
Most of my nerves is because Beez is (fingers crossed) going to be full term and healthy. DD was already in a routine and feeding routine when we finally got her home at nearly 7 weeks old.

Very quickly!

I was stressed out thinking it would be like when DD1 was born but it was SO much easier. I think it's just coz you're more confident. With DD1 it was a big lifestyle change. With DD2, well, our life was already changed and she just fit right in. Just took a couple of weeks to get used to the new normal, but it all seemed very easy and relaxed :)

There's a groove? DS2 is 14 weeks and we still haven't quite got it, however as he gets older it is slowly but surely getting easier, having said that we still, quite oftenly, have our 'moments' DS1 loves attention and with DS2 being a huge Velcro baby and having reflux and wind issues he isn't the happiest baby so poor DS1 gets neglected a little, and being only 17 months old he doesn't understand why :( but as I said, with DS2 getting older and being able to interact more, and us being able to see the signs of wind, reflux, tiredness ect. quite easily and therefore being able to settle him quicker, it's easier to handle them both. You just do what you have to do because, well, you don't have another choice. I work everything else around their naps, so when they are awake I can give them my undivided attention. DS1 naps once a day for at least an hour and DS2 still has 3 or 4 decent naps a day so they tend to sleep at the same time at least once so that's when I get in a little bit of cleaning, dishes done/dishwasher stacked and dinner on the go, but always make sure I have some 'me' time, even just 15 minutes to sit and do nothing, regenerate for the afternoon shenanigans. And I also rely on my hubby and mum a lot as much as I hate to admit it because it makes me feel some what like a failure, but I definately appreciate their help. I agree that carriers have been my lifesaver, means DS2 is happy coz he's being held and I have 2 hands free for DS1. I'm also a lot more confident the second time around, even though DS1 had no issues and was a happy bub and still is. He also makes it easier by being able to play with his toys or read books as I feed DS2 and he puts himself to sleep so that's something else I don't have to worry about. It definately would be ALOT easier if DS2 was just as cruisey

I actually found it quite easy. Going from no baby to DD1 was a nightmare, I don't think I woke up from the fog for a good 6 months but she was a very demanding baby. Fed frequently, didn't settle easily and never slept long... I'm just thankful she started sleeping through at 2yrs 7months, just before DD2 arrived. DD2 is a dream baby, I've even had times when I put her down to go pee and come back to her asleep! DD1 NEVER did that, I still can't imagine her falling asleep independantly as she is still fed to sleep lol. I was aprehensive the first day I had with them alone but that was it, same for our first outing just the three of us but it really only took a couple of days to feel comfortable with the new normal. I think if I had of had DD2 first and then DD1 it would be a very, very, VERY different story as I would have had such unrealistic expectations of DD1 after experiencing DD2. DD2 is the perfect second child, low maintenance and very engaging (smiley, babbly... DD1 never babbled because of her speech issues) which is great for the bonding between them and us too.

I think the age gap helped also. DD1 is able to assist with things, I can reason with her to an extent (DD2 needs to feed a lot so she can grow muscles to play with you and such), she can play independantly for short periods, knows how to get water or food, I don't need a double pram to go out, close to toilet training so just one in nappies are the few things I can think off the top of my head that help.

The other thing that helped I suppose is I was mostly a single parent with DD1 (officially from 6months but I might as well have been the entire time) whereas I have so much support from DP this time it just feels completely less overwhelming in comparrison. Plus being the second, you sort of know what you're in for and I was mentally preparing for another DD1 so DD2 was a pleasant surprise in her laid back attitude lol. The first time DD2 actually cried was at about a month old and I wanted to rush her to the doctor because I was convinced something horrible must have happened (broken bone etc) as she never cries. I really felt just having DD1 was harder than having DD1 and DD2 is so I think a lot of it comes down to the baby rather than the number of children all up.

Probably about 12 months! Somehow I bumbled along for that time and tried to appreciate my little baby in the blur that was life.

We had an overseas move when he was 3 months old and had a lot going on with his older brother who is autistic. I found a groove once my older son was going to preschool part time and I had an in home therapist for him in the afternoons, so finally I could devote some time and enjoy the day time feed to sleeps with my baby.

It just took a few weeks at our place but we were much more relaxed about where DS (number 2) slept, be it in the swing or in the carrier/sling etc.

I found my way VERY quickly 2nd time around :)

Like most people, i was apprehensive as to what lay ahead but very quickly found myself finding it really cruisy! There is always that initial adjustment to get used to life with 2 kids instead of 1 and making sure your first born doesn't feel left out etc but we all found DD2's addition to the family very smooth sailing and she has been a VERY cruisy baby too which has helped. I am way more relaxed 2nd time around, we haven't' had feeding problems like we did the first time around, it's just been SO much easier!! :) Number 2 just seems to fit into the family so easily because you have already gone through the whole life adjustment the first time around, so having already one child you know what having kids is all about.

So much easier, that I started up my own internet business when DD2 was only 3mths old!!!

I hope it's just as easy for you ;)

I reckon a few weeks. You know my DD - she is quite high-energy and I wanted things to remain as "normal" as possible for her, so DS was born Thursday morning and Tuesday I was at my normal Tuesday playgroup, Wednesday playgroup, visit at mum's Thursday and Friday music. DD needed her little routine, that was important to us. That and I wanted to show DS off ;) I had a few visitors over the weekend but by the time Monday rolled around, I was ready to get back into things with her.

He was pretty cruisey in those early days - most newborns are - he was hungry, so he spent a lot of time being fed, and he was unsettled a bit, so spent a lot of time in the bouncer while we were at home, but he also put himself to sleep in his cot one day while I was getting ready to go out, when he was about 5 days old. Had a grizzle but DD was having a tantrum so he got ignored and by the time I got to him, he'd gone to sleep. Bless! I also borrowed a sling off Det (thanks Det!) which we used HEAPS while out and about, and a HAB, which we used not as much, and had my trusty Ergo. Have you got carriers hun?

He didn't ark up until DD was older, which was wonderful. Couldn't have handled two of them being terrors at the same time! Oh wait - that's my life currently!!

One of the biggest things I reckon to work out now is who looks after whom at night time. During the day, esp with your DD who is pretty self-sufficient during the day, you'll be fine - bubs cries, tend to bubs. Tell DD what is happening, ie if she wants you attention while you are involved with bubs, you'll be able to say "DD, baby needs me right now, I will be right with you as soon as I have finished doing X." and she will most likely get it.

Nights, different story. DH and I made the decision that I would tend to baby and he would tend to DD overnight. He adjusted quite well I have to say, and was even waking up when she cried without me elbowing him in the ribs!

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Very quickly!

I was stressed out thinking it would be like when DD1 was born but it was SO much easier. I think it's just coz you're more confident. With DD1 it was a big lifestyle change. With DD2, well, our life was already changed and she just fit right in. Just took a couple of weeks to get used to the new normal, but it all seemed very easy and relaxed :)

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This! We are 11 days in after having DS and feeling quite confident. We have already established a routine of sorts. In saying that, our bubba is a hell of a lot easier than DD was at this age, ie feeding and sleeping.

I think I walked around completely bewildered with dd for probably 2 months, this time I haven't had time, you just gotta get on with it and poor bubs just has to fit in, lol. I am enjoying number 2 much more because I am so much more relaxed. Actually makes me sad that I missed enjoying this amazing time with her :(

You make it work, somehow :)

About 4 months here. Roughly as long as it took me to remember and take to heart my decision to not waste time stressing about stuff like I did first time.
The first month was easy as DD slept all the time. But then that changed, and DS dropped his day nap.

Honestly no time at all for going from 1 to 2, but about 12 months to get together with my first! DD1 was a tough baby, DD2 had her issues, but not too bad in comparison and at least with her I already had the experience ;)

Fairly quickly.
But honestly I didnt have a choice, Dh went back to workt he the day after DD2 was born and he was doing 14hr days. Her didnt have a day off again until DD2 was 16 days old.
I kind of used the same routine with DD1. I just fed DD2 around that routine, if I was running late then I was running late. I think a new routine kind of evolved by itsellf once I gave up being strict with the old one... Does that make sense?
So I kept meal times similar, I gave myself about an extra half hour either side of meal times. So instead of dinner being at 5pm, it was somewhere between 4:30 and 5:30. Whenever I could get it done.
DD1 gave up her day nap when DD2 was born, so that was interesting. Bedtime, I would feed DD2 if she needed it whilst I did bedtime routine. Cleaning was done when I could get to it, and thats still the same now.

:hug:

For me it was really when DS2 moved to two regular sleeps. It meant I could organise our day and trips out. However I think things will really be good routine wise when DS1 moves to one sleep. Then we can go on adventures in the morning.

Pretty quickly a week or so probably - I am a very non-routine person, and cope with change/fluidity quite easily and as had never really done the routine thing with DD so wasn't too different with DS. He just fitted in with whatever. If anything is now 8 months down the line am finding more awkward as he is now not happy to sit in stroller, he wants to be out commando crawling etc so now I have to think about doing different things in terms of activities as some are not great for a commando crawling baby. E.g. We used to go to Prahran market regularly on Tuesday for the animal farm and he would either be sleeping or just happy to watch from stroller, now he wouldn't be happy in it and isn't the sort of place he can commando crawl around. The early days of sleeping/feeding etc were far easier I reckon.

Jumping into this thread as wondering how it will all pan out for us too.... Interesting to read the varied experiences.

So far DS is still needing and having a day nap, I am hoping this will continue for most of this year, but who knows..............

Good Thread PRM ;)

It took a lot longer than I hoped unfortunately. DD was quite young 2.3yrs and DS had reflux so the first few months were not much fun (most of it is a blur!). I think the turning point was when DS started solids so around 5-6 months. Of course looking back it was all worth it :)

I found it pretty easy with dd2, we were out and about the day after she came home, going to post office, dropping dd1 at day care etc so we were in the groove pretty quickly. She was fully bf, so we learnt to feed wherever we were much better than lugging around bottles. Nights were a bit harder as she had mild reflux and was unsettled. I found it harder going from 2 to 3.

It is taking awhile here, DD2 is 5 months old and I'm not sure we are totally there yet? I had the combination of cruisey first born (cruisey when she was a baby, not now!!) then much harder refluxy don't-want-to-sleep, other medical issues second born. Age gap 2 years 3 months. DD1 had pretty much given up her day sleep before DD2 was born - but wasn't getting enough sleep so was permanently tired and grumpy - and refused to have a nappy on when DD2 was 3 weeks old. Though if I was being truthful I would say it has taken almost all that time (perhaps all that time, not sure if I've even found it yet?) just to find my groove with DD2 alone without considering DD1 in the mix, she is not the worlds greatest feeder and it just seems to be one struggle after another just keeping her fed and putting on weight.

I think I was in shock for the first 6 months or so with my first, and I was probably still in a fog when he turned one :D He was a full on baby! He cried a lot and fed all the time, never self settled, woke frequently...so I was fully expecting another high needs baby when his little brother arrived. But I'm pleased to say that Buster is a very laid back baby and so we found our groove very quickly this time, he just fits right in with a smile on his little face :D He was born on a Friday and I took him to Moo's music class on the Wednesday followed by shopping!

My first son continues to be my challenge almost 4 months on, I think it all comes down to them being individuals. I'm fairly certain if I'd had Buster first and Moo second I'd be telling a very different story!

Can I say immediately and never at the same time?

What I mean is that having two never seemed anywhere near as hard as I imagined. We were out and about very quickly BUT DD2 never settled into a routine (maybe because we were out and about TOO quickly) and I struggled to get her to have more than one 45 minute nap per day. Plus we had BFing difficulties, she had reflux and was really quite whingy. So that was all a bit tricky.

Having said that, I didn't feel too stressed because I felt more experienced and I think you know that tomorrow's another day and what seems like a huge problem on a particular day won't be a huge problem for too long.

DD1 was an incredibly easy baby so I think it just balances out.

it's fascinating to read all the different experiences. It sounds like it's so different depending on the little people! For me, we had a 2 year age gap. My first was a cruisey boy despite allergies & feeding issues, a great sleeper. My second was an unhappy refluxy bub and at 6 weeks old was sleeping less in the day than my toddler... and boy was she grumpy for the rest of the time. I quickly did whatever I could to get through. Lots of wearing bub... but on the plus side, she was a great feeder. When she was 2.5 months my DH got sick and remained sick on & off (up until now actually - and she's 18 months old). When she was 5 months old and Mummy was still desperately taking one day at a time - something had to give, and I got some help with her sleep which saved my sanity. I think it retrospect that the best thing you can do is ... be prepared to do whatever you have to. If your toddler has a bit much TV, so be it. If you have to let your bubba cry sometimes, so be it. No matter what, sometimes with two little people there just isn't enough parent(s) to go around. I still remember one day trying to get her to sleep with my toddler crying at the baby gate for "cuggles pweese mummy". My heart just broke in two that day. And I remember days where I had exhausted every single option in my toolkit - walking, strollering, rocking, cuddling, wearing... you name it, she was still awake and still crying. But you know what? At the end of the day you get through it. And everyone gets fed (somehow). And they love you. And they cuddle you. And they don't turn to you and say, "remember that day last year when you were really tired, snappy and in tears".

And the flip side. The first time she really LAUGHED... was sitting at the dinnertable in her highchair she was just KACKING herself at her brother. And I must admit once she was over 6 months old I found that easier too. When bub is littler, getting the toddler to a playground and feeding bub while toddler plays - that helps everyone no end.

I'll be honest, I feel like I've been to hell & back over the last few years (but some of that is to do with my DH's health issues), but boy i'm tough now. I can . do . anything. And regardless of what kinda baby your second baby is, you'll have some days where you feel a total mess, and you'll have other days where you start to dare to dream that you're superwoman. Having little ones is hard work no matter what kinda babies you have, but they curl those little chubby arms around your neck, and... before you know it, they're both running around and you realise you made it through the baby stage with a toddler. And you think, I did it!

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it's fascinating to read all the different experiences. It sounds like it's so different depending on the little people! For me, we had a 2 year age gap. My first was a cruisey boy despite allergies & feeding issues, a great sleeper. My second was an unhappy refluxy bub and at 6 weeks old was sleeping less in the day than my toddler... and boy was she grumpy for the rest of the time. I quickly did whatever I could to get through. Lots of wearing bub... but on the plus side, she was a great feeder. When she was 2.5 months my DH got sick and remained sick on & off (up until now actually - and she's 18 months old). When she was 5 months old and Mummy was still desperately taking one day at a time - something had to give, and I got some help with her sleep which saved my sanity. I think it retrospect that the best thing you can do is ... be prepared to do whatever you have to. If your toddler has a bit much TV, so be it. If you have to let your bubba cry sometimes, so be it. No matter what, sometimes with two little people there just isn't enough parent(s) to go around. I still remember one day trying to get her to sleep with my toddler crying at the baby gate for "cuggles pweese mummy". My heart just broke in two that day. And I remember days where I had exhausted every single option in my toolkit - walking, strollering, rocking, cuddling, wearing... you name it, she was still awake and still crying. But you know what? At the end of the day you get through it. And everyone gets fed (somehow). And they love you. And they cuddle you. And they don't turn to you and say, "remember that day last year when you were really tired, snappy and in tears".

And the flip side. The first time she really LAUGHED... was sitting at the dinnertable in her highchair she was just KACKING herself at her brother. And I must admit once she was over 6 months old I found that easier too. When bub is littler, getting the toddler to a playground and feeding bub while toddler plays - that helps everyone no end.

I'll be honest, I feel like I've been to hell & back over the last few years (but some of that is to do with my DH's health issues), but boy i'm tough now. I can . do . anything. And regardless of what kinda baby your second baby is, you'll have some days where you feel a total mess, and you'll have other days where you start to dare to dream that you're superwoman. Having little ones is hard work no matter what kinda babies you have, but they curl those little chubby arms around your neck, and... before you know it, they're both running around and you realise you made it through the baby stage with a toddler. And you think, I did it!

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Love this post - very well said. Sounds like we have had similar kidlets! Your 'moment' reminds me of some of our early days, me standing in the bathroom trying to BF DD2 while also trying to undress DD1 and get her on the toilet NOW (because with early toilet training there is only NOW). It is a hopeless mess some days but you get there!

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Bless! I also borrowed a sling off Det (thanks Det!) which we used HEAPS while out and about, and a HAB, which we used not as much, and had my trusty Ergo. Have you got carriers hun?

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I've got a caboo on order. Hopefully will keep me going for a little while.

These experiences are great. Thanks for sharing them all. DD is usually a chilled out kid, but I'm expecting some upheaval with her when bub is here. I'm really hoping we can get into things asap.

Also I remember saying to my dad in the early days about how I felt bad because with DS he was often handed over to them so I could do stuff with DD, or left sleeping and not cooed over etc etc - and my dad made a good point that all the time you are feeding a new born, cuddling them to sleep etc they are having the contact with you that they need, when they are feeding they are close to you which is what they want - the fact you might be reading their elder sibling a story at the same time etc doesn't matter to them. They will adore their sibling and although their early days may be quite different to that of your first child, they are not any worse off is just different (the amount of joy the baby gets from their elder siblings is enormous - sometimes I am a bit jealous of how DS is with DD - if she is about that is where his eyes are, and she extracts the best giggles from him and always has :-))

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it's fascinating to read all the different experiences. It sounds like it's so different depending on the little people! For me, we had a 2 year age gap. My first was a cruisey boy despite allergies & feeding issues, a great sleeper. My second was an unhappy refluxy bub and at 6 weeks old was sleeping less in the day than my toddler... and boy was she grumpy for the rest of the time. I quickly did whatever I could to get through. Lots of wearing bub... but on the plus side, she was a great feeder. When she was 2.5 months my DH got sick and remained sick on & off (up until now actually - and she's 18 months old). When she was 5 months old and Mummy was still desperately taking one day at a time - something had to give, and I got some help with her sleep which saved my sanity. I think it retrospect that the best thing you can do is ... be prepared to do whatever you have to. If your toddler has a bit much TV, so be it. If you have to let your bubba cry sometimes, so be it. No matter what, sometimes with two little people there just isn't enough parent(s) to go around. I still remember one day trying to get her to sleep with my toddler crying at the baby gate for "cuggles pweese mummy". My heart just broke in two that day. And I remember days where I had exhausted every single option in my toolkit - walking, strollering, rocking, cuddling, wearing... you name it, she was still awake and still crying. But you know what? At the end of the day you get through it. And everyone gets fed (somehow). And they love you. And they cuddle you. And they don't turn to you and say, "remember that day last year when you were really tired, snappy and in tears".

And the flip side. The first time she really LAUGHED... was sitting at the dinnertable in her highchair she was just KACKING herself at her brother. And I must admit once she was over 6 months old I found that easier too. When bub is littler, getting the toddler to a playground and feeding bub while toddler plays - that helps everyone no end.

I'll be honest, I feel like I've been to hell & back over the last few years (but some of that is to do with my DH's health issues), but boy i'm tough now. I can . do . anything. And regardless of what kinda baby your second baby is, you'll have some days where you feel a total mess, and you'll have other days where you start to dare to dream that you're superwoman. Having little ones is hard work no matter what kinda babies you have, but they curl those little chubby arms around your neck, and... before you know it, they're both running around and you realise you made it through the baby stage with a toddler. And you think, I did it!

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Such a beautiful post :) thanks for the honesty.

My DD is nearly 5 months old and we haven't found our groove yet. She has severe reflux, reading the above posts it seems so many bubbas have to suffer through it :(

DS wasn't an easy baby either. He swapped day for night but by 6 months he was sleeping through the night. It was harder to adapt to life at home which I found quite lonely until DS became a toddler and we did some more interesting things.

I'm afraid to think when we will get our groove this time around. 9 months and 1 year seems to be common opinion of when she will outgrow her reflux. That is when I'll breathe a sigh of relief. But for now we do have the occasional good day. She babbles and loves her mummy. She adores her brother & daddy.

Were staying with my parents for the moment as the sleep deprivation was too much. She cries alot especially when changes are introduced and my DS was very unhappy. I never expected it to be like this. But it is what it is and one day we will be over it. I think it comes down to the little person you will meet soon. All the best :)