Breast Feeding in Public

I plan on breast feeding little spud when she arrives and i have my breast feeding class next week, as well as an appointment with a post natal midwife to teach me to express early so that i have stores for her because of my GD.

So laying in bed last night, chatting to DH and it came up about BFing in public, which he is against. So my question was why? He says he cant explain why, he just doesnt think its appropriate. So my next question was would he expect me to feed his daughter in a toilet then? He said no, just would need to be discreet. So would a blanket over her and me suffice? Nope its not proper decorum. He then said it would depend on the situation and if i could perhaps turn from the table. He also feels there are too many sickos in the world that might have weird thoughts about BFing mothers.

While i will obviously respect my DH's wishes, i was taken a bit by surprise. For me its never bothered my seeing a woman feeding her child, but then i am a woman. Has anyone else had this raised by their partners? What is your solution? How do you go feeding in public when the little ones NEED a feed?

DH had similar thoughts when we discussed this the other day. I never breastfed DD (well, I did for a week).

And I plan on BFing this bub.
I said that I don't care what people think about breastfeeding in public, it's my body and my baby. They can't see anything unless they're looking for it.
He says that I need to cover up (alot!) while feeding in public.

It'll be interesting to see what happens when my bub turns up.

It's a woman's right to breastfeed wherever she wants.

Honestly, I feed whenever and where ever I need to. Im not one to worry about what other people think about b/feeding because well lets face it, its natural. And if they have a problem with it then its their problem not my job to make them feel better.

But if you feel the need, or if it would make you feel more comfortable, put a wrap over your shoulder, you can buy breastfeeding wraps which ahve a sling that goes over your head and covers bub and all
Honestly Dh doesnt care about where or when I feed so long as I am comfortable. Although if someone does look at me funny when feeding, dh has a tenacy to say something to them about it.

My partner was the same. He wasnt sure about it in public and to be honest neither was I.

Then our baby girl arrived.

When she was hungry, I fed her. I didnt care who was looking and DP didnt seem to either (We had a few awkward moments when OTHER people were uncomfortable and DP didnt know what to do though) I think it realy depends on where you are when baby is demanding that feed you know? Some places are fine, and others you may need to find a more appropriate spot you know?

I fed DD in a pub, while a bunch of guys watched a football game. I think she was about one month old? I also would take her off into a quiet space though, once she got older and would pull off the boob to look around... leaving my boobs out in the air for way more time than was comfortable :lol:

My ex had a problem with it. But I only did/do it out in the open if I feel comfortable anyway. He did get over it & would tell me to ignore anyone who had a problem with it.

It was more a male thing for him. He didn't want other blokes seeing his wifes boobs. He was ok when it was family or close friends though.

I use to wear 2 tops. One would go up & the other down, but I don't bother now, & haven't since DS was little 4 years ago. It was something we both just got used to. After a while he started joking that half the state had seen my boobs & was alot more relaxed about it once he realised that it wasn't as out there & obvious as he thought it would be :)

Oh and I never used a wrap or blanket either. It would distract DD and make her fussy. I just wore tops I could easily pull aside so really the only bit that was "out" was the bit Tiah had in her mouth :)

I was very nervous at the thought of breastfeeding in public when pregnant with DD1, but found when she came along that I had no concerns at all. Hungry baby so sit down, whip a boob out and away we go. I had bought wraps to cover us but never used them - too uncoordinated to get everybody happy and covered, and honestly just didn't care.

DH stayed uncomfortable with it for a while. While he was very supportive of me bfing, he still had a bit of that "that's my woman's breast and I don't want anyone else looking at it" kind of thing going on I think. He would try to put a muslin wrap or something similar over us but DD1 always wriggled it off. He did get better as he became more used to it, and by the time DD2 came along I'm not sure he even noticed any more when I was feeding in public so maybe give your DH a bit of time to get used to the idea. You may find that when he sees just how little exposure bfing causes he relaxes about it.

It's a common anxiety for many mums!
My suggestion - try not to think about it as BREASTfeeding (because all the emphasis goes on the breast), but instead just think about it as feeding your baby. At the end of the day, that's what you're doing and why shouldn't you?

With DS, I was so worried that a) people might see my big flabby belly (singlets helped) and b) everyone would see that I didn't know what I was doing. :lol:

Perhaps the breastfeeding class will help your DH gain a different perspective? Do you have many friends/family with little babies - or perhaps could you get along to an ABA meeting where he'd get more exposure to breastfeeding. Sometimes it's just so 'alien' to many as they're really accustomed to bottle feeding and see breasts as sexual.

It sounds like you're doing lots to prepare yourself for life with a new baby - that should give you a bit of a head start. Hope all goes well for you!

My DH had this problem for a while, he always used to say "cover up they're looking" "let's go to the parents room" and stuff like that. One day I got jack of it and said "are you checking tits out when you see other women breastfeeding? And did you when you were a teenager?" he looked at me for a moment and slowly said "nooo it's never crossed my mind" and he's never mentioned it since!


Excuse my sucky spelling, I'm on my iPhone

I fed in public all the time. I tried to use a cover with DS but gave up very quickly & didn't bother at all with DD. No-one ever said anything to me. My mother was the only person who had an issue with it. She tried to cover me up while we were in a dr's waiting room. Apparently she thought I might offend the oldies. I carried my DD into the dr's office still feeding. He thought it was great! DH supported me all the way. Even my Grandma thought it was great. She proudly told me how she'd BF 9 kids & not one of them ever had a bottle.

Tell your DH he's being stupid & feed wherever you want.

Wow, I didn't realise it was so common for part era to think like that. Honestly, if DH ever said anything like that to me, I'd tell him he was an idiot. DH has always supported and facilitated me feeding in public. Yes, those are boobs that are attached to his wife, but they're also feeding his baby. I have loads of pictures of DH and I posing in various public places while I feed DD; trams, restaurants, waiting rooms, buses, galleries...everywhere. My mum tried the whole 'try to be discreet' line with me and I found it totally insulting. I'm not doing anything to be ashamed of, so I'm going to go about it as normal. People don't go around telling ****ty girls to cover up and be more discreet, or go into shops asking that their overtly sexual advertising be more discreet. I find the notion of having to practice 'discretion' while feeding my baby so backwards. I refuse to sit in a corner and hide, and I've always had nothing but smiles and nice comments from men and women when I breastfeed. I'll still use a parents room if I'm close by and it's a nice one, but meh, DH and I are not hiding away eating our meals, DD hasn't either (except once I covered her with a blankie, when we were at a bright load Japanese restaurant and she was too distracted to eat).

DH had no issue with it, if anything his only problem was not being patient enough for bubs to get in a decent feed (he was always in a rush). DH is can also be scary looking, so I think anyone would have been too afraid to try and perve on me whilst feeding.

I was so so lucky with DH, his family is very conservative but his mum is a lactation consultant. If he ever had any issues with it he knew better to voice anything but to my knowledge he didn't. There have always been situations where I would move to feed somewhere else, but always more for comfort than anything else.

sent from my watzamajig so may not make sense....

I've said to a friend previously that honestly, you'd see more flesh walking through the entertainment precinct on a Friday night than what gets exposed while feeding a baby. Usually it's just a little bit of boob and a baby's head in the way of the rest. DH was sort of bothered at first but soon got used to seeing it as just feeding our baby rather than flashing my boobs.

There is also part of me that thinks that those breastfeeding covers and blankets and such actually draw attention more than anything because they're fiddly and awkward, emphasising the fact you're trying to hide something. Mind you, I'm another one who'd just settled down to feed at the Dr's surgery while waiting only to be called nearly straight away - so stood up and walked in, still feeding DS. My Dr gave me the hugest grin when he saw it :)

I fed my 11 month old DD at my granny's funeral today.

I have breastfed everywhere. it's a baby's right.

Even if DH had been "against" me feeding in public, I'd have done it. Not his boob flapping in the wind, is it? :dunno:

If you want to see how people's minds can change, dig through my old started threads and find the one titled "I have to thank you for something" :)

DH had issues with me BF in public and many times told me it wasn't approriate to feed where I was, I got ****ty with him many times over it and told him it was my right and Law to BF where ever I wanted or needed too. I have BF all over the place shopping centres, markets, kids concerts, zoo, aquarium, train, bus at weribee zoo safari, weddings, wedding receptions, the list goes on and on.

This is your DH's issue, not yours and certainly not your baby's. It is not always practical to 'be discrete' while bfing (baby hates being covered, you need to get attachment right, can't have anything pressing on your bb, etc). Parents rooms often stink worse than toilets, so you'll rarely catch me in there to bf.

He will see how important it is that you and bub are comfortable first, but you might need to talk to him more about this. Your DH's support is crucial for you to bf successfully. It might be worthwhile joining the ABA to hook up with your local group for a pg session on bfing and to hear their suggestions too.

If discretion is an issue for you or him, i wore some wonderful breastfeeding tops from the Mothers Direct shop (the ABA shop) in Malvern. They also have a website. There are a few other online shops you can get some really stylish feeding tops from plus basic feeing tops from Kmart & Target. You can get some great breastfeeding dresses now too. Just google it - there's heaps of choice! These clothes have all sorts of secret access to enable you to feed.

I could breastfeed in confidence knowing my (saggy) belly and back were covered up (great for when it's chilly out) and if someone was looking at me feed my baby, it looked like i was giving her a cuddle as there was no 'breast' on display.

My DF was a but funny at first, but I did it anyway and he got used to it.
DS hated having his head covered. He would pull off and scream. So covering up wasnt an option.

The way I see it, I don't sit and eat dinner with a blanket over my head - why should my baby?

I'm still breastfeeding my 19 month old and now ds helps himself and gets pretty vocal if he doesn't get boobie when he wants it so there's no hiding these babies! (.)(.) AND he will often want both of them out at the same time! lol I don't have a problem with it at all. Funny enough before I met dh I was a big topless sun baker all summer long down at the beach and when we met dh didn't approve of it, yet when it came to breastfeeding dh was all for me breastfeeding whenever and wherever ds wanted/needed milk. The most important thing to us is our child and whatever anyone else has a problem with is just that... Their problem! I hope your dh feels more comfortable with it once bub is here. As others have suggested a wrap or something may do the trick and allow your dh to relax.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

I asked him again about it last night, i think his main issue is my breast being exposed, which i think is fair enough because i am not generally the bare all type of girl.

Might look into the tops. Sure i will get the hang of it. Like you all said it will just take some getting used to it for him, and me no doubt :)

He is quite supportive with breast feeding, and wants me to do it for as long as possible. Just found it a surprise hearing a guys perspective! Boobs dont really bother me lol!

Little O - I tried to be discreet when we went out eg. Using a muslin wrap over my shoulder/babies head. As I got more confident I would just whip it out of my breast feeding top. To be honest, the muslin wrap was more for me as I fumbled around with the clasp on my bf bra etc. My friends sister in law used to whip it out of her non breast feeding top and have it out in full view for quite a while. I don't think anyone knew where to look, especially her brother. I also felt more comfortable finding a quiet and comfortable space to do it. DS was quite heavy, so it was important to have a comfy spot.

Good to hear you're feeling better about it. Breastfeeding singlets are the bomb - I lived in them for DD's first month, which was December, so all very easy access! But for colder months, a button down blouse and a BFing singlet underneath is a great combo.

In an interesting side note, I couldn't care less about getting my boobs out. But I hate getting my flabby tummy out. So when DD goes for milk, she always tries to pull my top down, rather than up, because 90% of the time, that's how she's been fed. It's also how she tries to feed her toys :lol:

And you do get the hang of it. I was at a birthday party on Saturday, feeding because it was all a bit too much for our little poppet, and we'd been sitting a while. Someone came over, looking a bit concerned that I was sitting all by myself, and it wasn't untilt hey were righ next to me that they said "Oh you're FEEDING...."

I am a little bit conscious of other people when I feed; I just don't want to give them anything to whinge or moan about. So I try to make it quick, quiet, discreet and fuss free as much as possible.

Like Audax, i can feed me daughter and people don't always know that we are feeding. it just looks like i am giving her a cuddle. However, my son is a noisy feeder and so even if people can't see what is happening, the slurp, slurp, squeak gives it away. So even if you want to be 'discreet' sometimes baby won't be.

I wear breastfeeding singlets most of the time with a jacket or t shirt over the top. It's just how i feel most comfy.

You will find that breastfeeding your baby wherever will actually be a whole lot less noticeable than trying a placate a hungry screaming baby by other means. And it will allow you to get out and about with baby, which is also really important for the mental health of both of you.

My DH was more concerned about me feeding around his dad and brother than strangers which I thought was odd. My family is quite open with bodies and nudity but his family is a bit more conservative. He ended up getting over it very fast, I think actually seeing a baby breast feed he realised that there wasnt a lot on display. I work on the belief that breastfeeding is natural and my baby and I have a right to feed where ever its needed so if people are uncomfertable then they can go else where while I feed, I dont think we should be physically or socially isolated while feeding in my opinion. In saying that I understand some mums prefer privacy when feeding, especially in the early days and that is their right too.

Personally I dont make any efforts to be discreet but at the same time I dont make a display of feeding either but I think feeding in public helps normalise breast feeding, Im lucky in my family bf was the norm and I saw all my aunts bf younger cousins but I dont believe the general population see bf mums and bubs often although maybe its becoming more common?

I dont worry about my boobs being on display as Im not exposing myself for any other purpose except feeding my baby

like Audux Im more concerned about exposing my tummy as Im self concious about it, plus its cold i winter! So I often still wear my pregnancy belly band then any top can be lifted up without exposing my belly and back

Good luck and I wouldnt worry about it until bubs is here, your DH may well change his mind when he sees his beautiful baby at your breast. Best of luck with your breast feeding journey

DH always tells me how proud he is of DS and I when we breastfeed out and about. I don't try to be especially discreet but I doubt anyone has seen more than a 1 second glimpse of boob skin as I latch DS on. DH believes it helps to normalise breastfeeding, and is proud of me for going against the grain and not giving a rats about what people think. He also doesn't own my body, or my breasts. If people want to perve (sure, there are probably a handful pervy people out there but I'm not in control of that and they're hardly hurting me by looking) then whatever...there really ain't much to see.

We offered DS a sippy cup the other day which he's learning to use. We went on a long drive so I put a little EBM in the cup for him so we wouldn't have to stop to feed. When we got to our destination, DH asked if we could leave the cup in the car because he reckons there's enough bottle fed babies and people benefit from seeing babies being breastfed.

I think he might get more used to the idea when you are out in public with a crying baby. Really feeding in public can take some time to get used to if it's not something that you've been around much. At first I felt that I should be using a feeding room all the time. My DH was unsure about it all at first too. But then reality hit and getting to a feeding room wasn't always easy. By the time I was feeding baby number 2 I rarely bothered with the feeding room. DS2 would always want a feed when I was right in the middle of a shop so I'd sit down on the floor wherever I was and feed him. So quick and easy and much easier than trying to work out what to do with items that I hadn't paid for yet, and get a screaming baby and a toddler to a feeding room. I think DH realised very early on too that feeding is just natural and what's not natural is expecting a mum not to feed a hungry baby.

And you know, each one of us that exercises our right, and our baby's right, to feed in public, is helping the next mum that comes along and her partner to realise that this is really normal and ok.

Your breasts, your body, you decide what happens to them and who sees them.