I was mean to my Son today :(

Oh the guilt!

Today I was mean to my Son :( He is 18 months old and is an early riser.....waking at around 4.30- 5am for a bottle and then wanting to get up.

He is a great sleeper but just this waking up early is driving me to distraction!

So, this morning he wakes up at 4.50am and is wanting a bottle. I drag myself out of bed, heat it up and then take it in and go back to bed. He drinks it down and is then awake and wanting to get up.... its 5.00am....it's dark.....it's cold......I'm in a bad mood.

I go in there and try to give him a cuddle and put him back to bed but its not happening. So I loose my temper. I growl "Get back to sleep NOW" and reasonably roughly pick him up and lay him back down on the bed. The the wailing starts "Mummeeeeeeeee" "Dadeeeeeeeeeeeee" repeated sobbing and really making me feel bad.....I catch my breath and then give him his dummy, which he accepts while all the while still sobbing and I walk out, shut the door, go back to my room, turn the monitor off and then lay there for 30 mins listening to my little baby boy whom I love with all my heart sob and sob. Finally it stops, and then he starts up again with the "Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!" by this stage I have calmed down and go in, give him a hug and he offers me a kiss and then by that stage I was ready to get up. He seemed absolutely fine and was offering the usual kisses and hugs upon waking up but I feel hugely guilty about the way I treated him. How could I be so mean! :cry:

Things have been pretty full on lately. My DH does full time Uni and casual afternoon shift work and I work 3 days a week to make ends meet. I am left to do pretty much all the parenting and I think I am exhausted from it all. Getting up early every morning, after being woken up mid sleep by my Husband coming home is kicking my arse.

Sorry for the vent people - I just needed to get this out. I hope people don't think I am a bad Mum :(

*hugs* some mornings are extra tough


Sent from my iPhone... Probably while feeding our poppet.

Not at all. Giving yourself space was what you needed to do.

Just learn from this and move on. We all have these moments.

Thanks Ladies I appreciate the words of support. I remember my Mum telling me that being a mother is the hardest job in the world and I never understood until now.

What do you think is behind the early rising? My son had patches of it for various reasons.

:hug:

My girls have always been early risers, they would sleep so well over night but be up and ready for the day by 5:30 and some days i just got on with it and accepted that is what they did and others OMG i could have thrown them out a window (obviously i didn't).
I have been there hun, and it's normal to sometimes get a little gruff & grumpy so please don't beat yourself up.

Can you organise when your DH gets home you get 30min to an hour in the bath ALONE, a nice glass of wine (or coffee etc) a big block of chocy, some candles... and NO child :)
Or an hour to duck out and grab a coffee alone?

DP works long hours and i run our business from home aswell as the kinder drops offs and all the other mummy things, we've recently started working it so i go out once every couple of weeks to bingo with my MIL :rofl: and some Sunday mornings he has the kids (if he's not working) and i go for a coffee alone, even him watching the kids so i can shower alone is a big deal here :rofl:

I have a few idea's on what might be causing it.

He likes to be put to bed around 6pm and will usually sleep through...maybe I need to try and hold him off a bit. I have done this once before and it made no difference to his waking time, granted it was a few months ago now...perhaps things have changed?

He might be uncomfortable....perhaps a new mattress or different pillow?

He is a pretty restless sleeper, doesn't wake but will move around a lot.

Also takes a dummy and his purple giraffe plush toy to bed with him, maybe he wakes when he can't find it in his sleep.

This might also relate to it or may not - He has a really stubborn and determined personality and when he wants to do something, he will overcome any obstacle to do it.

Zarava - :lol: I know what you mean about the whole showering in peace....doesn't happen a lot in my house either! I might suggest that to DH and see what he says - I'm sure he'll agree at the time but follow through....hummm let's wait and see :lol:

Thanks also to Meow for the Hug :)

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Zarava - :lol: I know what you mean about the whole showering in peace....doesn't happen a lot in my house either! I might suggest that to DH and see what he says - I'm sure he'll agree at the time but follow through....hummm let's wait and see :lol:

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That is when you don't give him a choice, i've done it to DP - just run the bath, hand over your LO and say here you go i'm going for a bath.
OR Sunday morning hand DS to your DH and say i'm off for coffee now, see you in an hour :rofl:

Could you try substituting water for the bottle? Then he can wake up, have the drink already next to his bed, have a drink and go back to sleep. It's a tough one, I'm still struggling with my DS with the early waking. Anything with a 6 in front of it now and I'm ecstatic!

Re the "being mean" thing? I think you did the right thing. It feels horrible to leave, but sometimes it's the only thing that helps. I had a similar feeling a few weeks ago when I completely lost it. The biggest problem? I hadn't taken time out (myself) when I could feel myself getting really angry. I don't get angry often and I didn't recognise this was out of the usual. Wound up yelling at DS to the point he cried :redface: then went into my room and shut the door. He banged on the door and called out repeatedly but I stayed there until I'd calmed down and was then much more able to manage the situation. We're all human. I organised for MIL to come and visit from the country for a couple of days this week so I could get a bit of time (my situation is similar, except DH just works long hours and weekends).

:hug:

There will be many times in your son's life that this will happen. Now and right through to when he's an adult himself. I promise you.

Not only is parenting hard, but very often, you just don't know the best way to react. You're only human. Feel the guilt for sure, because it makes us analyse how to do things better, but don't hope you'll be perfect all the time. It's just not possible.

One thing I realised too is that children don't actually need us to be perfect all the time. They need to see how we react to stress, they need to see how we recover from losing our cool, they need to see that we get upset, but it doesn't stop us loving them.

Think of your reaction to him as a lesson in human behaviour. And show him that despite mummy being upset, it's all good now.

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Could you try substituting water for the bottle? Then he can wake up, have the drink already next to his bed, have a drink and go back to sleep.

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That's actually a really good idea...perhaps he is thirsty for water? Thanks chick.

Sounds like a few of us are in similar boats with having busy households and busy Husbands. Perhaps what I can take from this is that we all need time to ourselves and we should make time!

Sushee - such wisdom! I wish I had insight like you - thank you for your words of support :)

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Sushee - such wisdom! I wish I had insight like you - thank you for your words of support :)

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3 of my 4 kids are adults now. That insight only came with 22 years of parenting experience! Lol!

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3 of my 4 kids are adults now. That insight only came with 22 years of parenting experience! Lol!

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Well keep that insight flowing! LOL

Hugs....we all have our moments. Your sons kisses and cuddles show he wasn't too effected

Thanks Starangelk - I was hoping that was the case, that by offering kisses and cuddles he was in fact letting me know he was ok...

:hug:

I hope the sleep fairies stay a little longer at your house soon. Lack of sleep can really change a persons mood and reactions.

You are not a bad mum for having an off moment.

Hugs Hun,
My little one is up really early too. What if you gave him his bottle in your bed and had a cuddle, would he go back to sleep? Quite often dd comes into our bed and I can get an extra hrs sleep because she will cuddle in and go back to sleep. Maybe you could try it. Hope things improve.

:hug: you are not a bad Mum. I've had many moments like this. (I have depression, pain, and DS still doesn't sleep through the night and he's nearly 3, so I'm VERY tired) Being a parent is the most frustrating, exhausting thing in the world and some days DS is just too hard to handle. I
f he is safer screaming in his bed for 30mins than he is with me, so be it.
IMO, the important thing is to apologise after and remind him I love him. I explain to him I'm very tired and it makes me grumpy but it doesn't make it ok for me to yell at him so I'm sorry. He probably doesn't understand all of it but he will get bits and as he gets older he will understand more and I can elaborate.

Lots of hugs xoxo

I feel your pain...Would he settled more if he laid in your bed with you for half an hour or hour that would mean you would get a little bit of a snooze.

At 18 months old I would just be bringing him back to my own bed.

Big hugs Blondie, Macey is very much the same except she wakes a few times through the night too. Now if it is any time past 4am she comes to bed with me. I did actually just change her cot down to the toddler bed and it seems to have helped. She has not fallen out (she can climb in and out herself though) and she is not contantly hitting the rails now which seemed to wake her.
I would try offering the water like someone suggested, sometimes M guzzles water and then goes straight back to sleep.
Get that time for yourself too.

I agree with what others have said too about apologising and seeing us model that behaviour as well. One of my friends had this wisdom:
"How often do they get angry/chuck a tantrum and apologise? It's over immediately for them. If they could say it, they'd wonder why we beat ourselves up for so long!"

So in that vein, forgive yourself and move on.

Re the bringing kids into your bed - how I wish that worked for us! DD still goes to sleep in our bed, but DS thinks it's party time and has since he gave up the boob. He just doesn't sleep in our bed unless it's after a nightmare. Boo :(

Thanks so much everyone for your words of support. It's hard sometimes as they can't communicate well enough to tell us if they are hungry, thirsty or what ever so they scream and cry - that coupled with no sleep is hard to get past but I think as many of you suggested show him I love him and apologise when things get heated and at least then I am setting some kind of example for him, even if he doesn't quiet understand yet ;)

Unfortunatly brining him back to bed is not a good idea. He decides that he would like to dive on top of Daddy and there has been many a time where DH has woken up clutching his groin :doh: LOL

I tired the water the other morning as well and he just looked at me as if to say "Are you serious?" and then says repeatedly "NO, Millllllllllllllllllllllk" :lol:

I think we've all had a moment or two like that. A suggestion that worked for me - get rid of the dummy. My DS was waking about that time every morning. Sometimes, I could just give him the dummy & he would go straight back to sleep but other times he would be up & ready to play for the day. He had an accident at kindy one day & one of his teeth turned black. Before even noticing the black tooth, the dentist said "he has a dummy doesn't he?" So very embarrassing :redface: We did the dummy fairy thing and the following weekend, the dummy fairy brought him a toy plane & took his dummy away. It took about a month for him to stop asking for it, then about another month for him to stop waking at 4 am. During that time, he often wouldn't nap either. Now he usually sleeps in until 6 and often 7am and he was having 2-3 hour naps for a while. He doesn't really have naps anymore. It was a very hard 2 months as DD was a newbie at that time but it has been worth it in the end. He was a bit older than your DS (27 months) so you might find it doesn't take as long. I had thought he was ready for months prior & I kept putting it off. The dentist made it happen though.

I found my mood improved when I just accepted that the kids were early risers. I expected it rather than prayed for it to be different. Now anything after 6 is a massive sleep in. I also matched my bed time to the new reality rather then trying to be a grown up and stay up after 8.30pm. Like they say, this too shall pass.

Hugs


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