So who didn't do the whole self settling deal?

We had a terrible sleeper in my daughter (now 26 months). We tried everything to get her to self settle, and generally to sleep at all. As a result, bed time was so traumatic and she will hates bed now.

I'm determined not to make the same mistake with my 3 month old DS. Everyone is pressuring me to start self settling techniques with him, despite the fact he sleeps 11 or 12 hour nights.

At the moment, I just want to let things go. In my experience, even of I taught him to self settle now, there will be times it will fly out the window and we'd have to do it all again anyway! So am I setting myself up for years of no sleep or is it sensible just to see how he goes?

Entirely sensible!
I have never trained. My DS now sleeps beautifully. My daughter is still not ready.
Sounds like he's a brilliant sleeper anyway! Why mes with that?

None of my kids have ever gone to bed by themselves as babies. Not for a single nap ever. They are generally fed to sleep, or doze off in a sling or pram. Doesn't bother me. They learned it later on and now we have no trouble at bedtime - story, kiss and they go to sleep.

Nope we never have. Dd loves going to bed. We have cuddles, stories and hot milk in bed and then sleep. Dd says goodnight to her daddy and happily goes off to bed every night :)

I rocked my son to sleep until he was over one, now he loves going to bed (well, right now he is playing cars in there :lol:)

I haven't worried about getting any of my 3 to self settle.
DS1 still wanted to be cuddled to sleep until he was about 3, but since then he has been no problem. Gets into bed after his stories and goes to sleep around 7 every night. DS2 still comes out and sits with us after stories while he has his cup of milk. If he is really tired he falls asleep cuddling either DH or me after just a few minutes, other nights we can tuck him into his bed after his milk and he goes to sleep by himself. He was 3 in April. DD just turned 1 and still feeds to sleep most nights. I quite like the time I get with her so it doesn't bother me that I can't just put her into bed. I figure she will go to bed by herself soon enough, the other 2 don't need constant rocking anymore.

Just do what makes you happy. They are all different, but they do all sleep eventually. :)

i didn't. DD was a reluctant sleeper with my help, i didn't see the point of pushing self settling when she wasn't sleeping much already and i figured she would get there in her own time. She still needs help to get to sleep but sleeps through the night in her own bed most nights. DD has shown me that when she is ready for change, it happens really smoothly and feels quite exciting cos she did it on her own.

Kelsbels - your story sounds like mine, went through hell with DD1 doing all the stuff the CHN was telling me, i was close to a breakdown from sleep deprivation when she was 18m.. it was all horrid. With DD2 i promised my self to do every day what was least stressfull for us both.
So we fed to sleep, she was rarely in the cot and slept on the king single in her room or our bed, while i always fed her to sleep in her room she joined us/me during the night. She is now coming up to 3, when we night weaned it took 4 nights and no more than some whinging and being put out on her part. If feeding to sleep went out the window i put her in a carrier and went for a walk, but that was only half a dozen nights during teething.
She now either sleep the night in her bed 7pm till 6ish, or wakes and come crawls in with me and resettles next to me hapily. She is talking about wanting to sleep in the bunks in her big sisters room, which is our aim..

With DD2 I went more with the flow. We co slept straight away and thankfully meant I we got about 5-6 hrs over night in those early weeks.

I did find though, after awhile (6 months I think) she became very difficult to settle, as I was doing what worked for DD1, which was feed to sleep in the hustle and bustle of the lounge room. I worked out that I needed to try with her what did not work with DD1, which was a quiet, dark room. I found she started to settle quicker, we still fed to sleep, but even then I was finding that she would sometimes push me away. Overall she has been much better at putting herself to sleep than DD1, she just still wakes a bit.

So I just suggest, do what makes life easier to start with, but don't be afraid to try a bit of self settling/less hands on approach if you think both you and bubs are ready ;) I would certainly not force anything though.

Nope never let them self settle. Mine have all slept well when ready. Some later than others.

It's my job to settle/love/nurture my children.

I attend to all their basic needs :)

When DD1 was little I realised what a crock it was so we didn't with her. DS I just did what he needed. Both children sleep well and easily now.
DD2 though is a totally different kettle of fish. I started feeding/rocking to sleep but suddenly when she was 9 weeks old she started fighting me off. She lets me know with no uncertainty when she's had enough and prefers to be put in her cradle where she proceeds to put herself to sleep. She doesn't like to co sleep either. If I hadn't had her I would never have believed children did that at all lol.

I wondered if my DS2 would ever self settle. But he does now - most of the time. I found his babyhood much easier than DS1's where i listened to other people and not myself enough. I knew DS2 was not going to settle without me - so i never got so upset when things didn't go 'to plan'.
I don't think leaving him to cry or 'sleep training' would have made me more happy or him more happy. I think it's really important that you do what really makes you feel the most comfortable - because you have to live it. If you want to just let things go now - then do that. I don't believe that you are setting yourself up for years of unsettled nights.

Thanks a lot :) he's pretty good anyway, happy to go down awake and be patted on the bum to sleep but he does have wind problems so often wakes only 10 or so minutes after falling asleep.

To be honest, I cannot deal with having another child who hates bed. We did sleep school, cc, and eventually crying it out with my daughter and it was a terribly traumatic time. I truly wish I could have just relaxed and let her go to
sleep as she chose to, not because someone had told me she had to. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I'm
Determined not to make the same mistake again!

We choose our battles, sleep isn't one of them. It was years though but I'm glad I didn't push it. DD1 started sleeping through just before DD2 arrived to take over, so around 2yrs 9months but could self-settle a year or so before that. She is still fed to sleep often though.

On the plus side, she LOVES bed and often asks to go to sleep before the sun has even set. It has never been a negative for her.

I felt the same way after DD1, she was hell. In fact she was so bad, it was easier having her as a toddler and dealing with DD2 as a baby, than it was dealing with DD1 in her first year.

We did it when DS was about 2 - but not as a tiny tacker.

I sort of did with DD when she was around 8 months old, but soon gave it up as a bad joke. She always was a good sleeper though, would often just lay down after a bed-time story, snuggle up to her teddy and off to sleep.

So far with DS, I'm just following his lead. He feeds to sleep most of the time, but every so often he'll push me away and look at his cot. So I put him down, and he'll chatter/grumble to himself for a bit then nod off. I'm not messing with it, we're onto a good thing.

I don't want bed-time to be a stressful, negative experience. Cuddles, bed-time stories and wind down talking about our day all make going to bed a restful, relaxing time.

if it isnt broken dont try to 'fix it' is all i can say lol.

we never self settled with DD2 and she now does it all by herself (like a big girl lol). they get there in the end, and if his sleep is so solid, i wouldnt mess with it!

I was the same after DD1. It's such a relief when you realise you really don't have to follow what other people say.
:hug: chick.

As an aside I feel like such a legend when all three are in bed at 6.30 these days lol, cos I know what a struggle it has been in the past.

I think different bubs (and mummas) want and need different things. DD was never a self-settler but she is a gorgeous, happy 7 year old now! I will probably comfort other babies to sleep if that is what makes us happy too, but I wouldn't mind the convenience of a bub who was happy to fall asleep without assistance I guess! :lol:

Honestly in my opinion i think it depends on the child. DS1 self settled from about the 6 month mark and sleep was a beautiful calm place for him. DS2 did too, he was a bit more difficult at times but being in our arms to go to sleep was way too stimulating for him and he hated it. THEN DD came along... I have learnt that there is no way you can make her do something if she doesn't want to (took me 18 months) and i'm already runing scared for what i have ahead of me, neither of us like to give in :lol: I fed her to sleep, rocked her to sleep and as much as i loved to do it i also got very frustrated in doing it and it got to the point where it was getting harder and harder to get her to sleep. Would i change any of it?? Probably not, it worked at the time. I made changes when i felt it was needed and she has adapted really well.

My honest opinion is you need to see what it is your DS wants to do. Sounds like things are going really well at the moment so as most have said why make any changes when you are happy with the way things are. If later on you feel you want a change the option is there, he just may take to more than your DD did.

Good luck and most of all enjoy your little man :)

I held and cuddled all my kids to sleep as long as I could, quite often in a carrier. I loved the quiet time and snuggles.

I didn't co sleep with them but would transfer them into the bassinette and them cot once they were asleep. I never let them cry for long if they woke up overnight, I believe they are crying for a reason and found it was easier to settle them if I responded quicker.

All of mine eventually self settled on their own, probably about 10 months and I think it's because they knew that we would be their for them if they needed something.

I am a believer in doing whatever works for you whether it's cuddling and comforting to sleep or letting them self settle.

I did with DD1 but with no crying. And I do mean no crying. She self settled from about six weeks and has been doing that ever since and sleeping through the night. I would just rock her until she was drowsy and then let her do the rest herself when she was really little. Gradually I cut out the rocking.

DD2 is a completely different kettle of fish. She is nearly two and still doesn't self settle and I have no intention of 'teaching' her with controlled crying.

Some children self-settle easily, some children don't.

Thanks girls, just going to wait and see how he goes.

If we can just get his wind sorted out life would be much easier!

I had a go a few times. It worked twice, and both times I had to stand there and watch her, because it felt weird... so not much point! I have an awesome sleeper now, who asks for bed when she wants it, and goes down super easily.

Drinking peppermint tea seemed to help with wind here. And babywearing.

Kelsbels, go with your instincts on this.

I did everything wrong (according to the books & CHN advice) and fed to sleep from day 1 with all of mine.

And even though I put DS1 on the bottle at 4 months I still fed & cuddled him to sleep as this is what he was used to. At around 6 months is when I started a 'proper' bedtime routine (dinner, bath, feed, bed). And even then my little ones didn't self settle until around 12 months.
If your little tacker is sleeping fine don't change a thing. In fact I have heard many an older mum say how they wish they had cuddled their kids more.....
They grow up way too fast, I for one have as many baby cuddles as I can because there comes a day when they think they are 'too big' for cuddles!

Edit: Kelsbels, just wondering if it is actually wind (air bubble trapped in the digestive system) or possibly silent reflux(milk coming back up the throat, like heart burn)?
(I'm just having a guess based on what you said about him waking 10-15 min later) a GP who specializes with kids or a Pediatrician might be able to help you figure out exactly what it is. Although if it doesn't bother him too much don't worry.

Thanks chrispe.

He was diagnosed silent reflux and medicated, but we had a course of treatment with a paed chiro and the reflux was 'cured'.
When he wakes I pick him up, he always does 3 or 4 burps and then I put him back down and he generally settles for a good sleep. Sometimes it'll take a couple of burps to get it right.

I assume it's just still an immature gut so fingers crossed it gets better soon!

he's only little - everything is still developing.

Yeah
Mine have all had various types of reflux- at 3-4 months old it's still very common, & still maturing. Glad to hear it sounds like it's well under control.

(I've had friends who didn't know why their baby was screaming all the time & the doctors didn't diagnose the reflux for months, so now when I hear the symptoms I automatically ask)

Well done!

I never did self-settle. My son now asks to go to bed when he's tired, tucks himself in if I'm not around and goes to sleep. And he was a shocking sleeper. I nearly had a couple of sleep-deprivation breakdowns.

With Stormy, I'm going to be even more relaxed than I was with Liebs. I think that's possible...

So after resolving not to worry about his sleep habits and lack of self settling, turns out he prefers to be in his bassinet with his sister's musical seahorse and put himself to sleep. Can't believe it. Gee my kids are like chalk and cheese!

DD2 already self settles :redface:. She was never cuddled or fed to sleep in the SCN, and at home I can feed her then burp, change bum, feed, burp, then wrap and put down to sleep fully awake and she takes herself off to sleep without fail. I saw no reason to break the habit now we are home.

My DD did for the first month or two, then grew out of it :) lol Now she's starting toward it again.

The closest we come to self settling is when DD finds the boob on her own without me directing her to it and feeds herself back to sleep :rofl:


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I would start questioning whoever is pressing you as to why they feel you need to change anything when babe is getting good night sleeps. In my experience you only change things when your not getting the results you want.
We went through hell with our 1st as well when all he wanted was to feel safe and cuddle up with us to sleep. We didn't stop listening until he was about 14mths. Never listened to anybody again about how children should sleep.
They will move out of your bed when they are ready. And then its great to make their room up together.



Sorry if it doesn't make sense, the barefoot princess is covering me with kisses