Not drinking alcohol and socialising

I rarely drink these days. I pretty much quit when i started TTC 8+ years ago.

I used to. I used to drink plenty! But i have found it really affects my sleep and my headaches, so i just don't bother. I might have a dozen alcoholic drinks a year, so i'm not a tee-totaler.

When we are socialising with friends and family either at home or out, i tend not to drink at all.

My DH thinks it's rude not to drink when you are not a complete tee-totaler or driving. He thinks it's polite and social to have a few drinks and conversely that it's impolite and antisocial not to. He is (I think unnecessarily) bothered by what other people think about it. People often question it - are you unwell, driving, pg, on medication? I just say no, i'm just not a big drinker.

Do you think it's a bit anti-social? Impolite? Do you even notice who is drinking, or wonder why they aren't?

I think it's rude when people try to pressure you to drink when you don't want to. Happens to me all the time. I still haven't worked out why I have to drink in order for other people to have fun. Maybe I'm just that awesome!

Pfft. I have had some of the best times with sober friends whilst I'm sober or drinking. I think so long as the sober person doesn't make the drinkers seem odd for doing so (which I doubt you would!) then don't worry. I think your hubby worried too much ;)

I agree with Heaven - it's rude to try to pressure someone into having a drink when you *know* that they don't. I'm a non drinker by both choice and necessity - firstly it was out of choice because we live out of town so I always had to drive, but also kid and hangovers don't mix well either ;) then it was by necessity because of medication that I take and I can't drink because it can damage my liver. I think most people know me well enough now that it's not an issue but there have been other times when I've been asked to drink and they get all confused when I say no. I just don't think some people *get* how you can have a good time unless you're drinking. And I even had one guy ask how can I socialise with other drunk people when I'm sober. But I can still have fun - I just have more chance of remembering it the next day LOL.

However, that said, I went on a footy bus trip last weekend and I drank more that night than I have in the past 12 years! Only light beers and entirely my own choice to do it, and it wasn't bad, but I'm certainly not about to take up drinking again any time soon.

ETA - forgot to say that I don't think it's rude or impolite to not drink and I'd never ask anyone why they weren't drinking because I don't think it matters much if they are or they aren't.

Depends on the occasion. I hate going to bars for example and not being able to have a glass. Pretty much the only reason people are there is to mix alcohol with socializing.

House party on the other hand, or BBQ or something, I am much more willing to abstain happily. Although yes people do assume you are pg.

But I don't think it's rude not to drink, no! Personal choice and all that.

No - not rude not to drink. The only thing that would be rude is in the way it handled (which I am sure you do beautifully). Seen a fairly polite "would you like a drink?' turn into a lengthy (and rude) spiel about why they don't drink, when just a "no, thank you" would have been enough.

I do enjoy the odd glass of wine, but I tend to do that at home when I'm cooking dinner. Usually means in my own company! I often get asked about it, weirdly by my parents, who all know that I'm not really a drinker!

I cop it more over the fact that I don't drink coffee. It makes me bolt to the nearest loo and be violently sick, whether it's in a cake or as a drink. But people don't really understand that one either and just think I'm weird. Maybe I am :D

I certainly don't think it's a reflection on the people you're with whether you drink or not. If someone around me wants to drink, then go for it! Just because I'm not doesn't mean you can't.

Thanks guys. I think i'm pretty much the same if i've had a drink than if i'm sober. I still dance, laugh, tell stupid stories, eat all the nibbles. I try not to frown on all the drunkards (lol, just kidding!!).
It's only really become an issue because i have always had an excuse before (TTC, pg, breastfeeding). Now i think DH feels he needs to 'explain' for me.

Trillian - do you think it's easier to have a medical excuse? Rather than just 'no, thanks'.

Heaven - i actually don't ever feel pressured to drink, but just that my DH feels like i'm odd.

im not a huge drinker either and i often get the annoying questions about why i don't drink. like you i have been ttc for 3 1/2 yrs now and i want my body to be as healthy as it can be.
i do not think its rude not to drink. i hate the drinking culture in australia at the moment and think there is so much pressure at all social events to have to drink. why can't we just have water or a softdrink without having to explain ourselves...
im very passionate about this subject coz it just annoys me sooooo much.

Sorry Lenny, I didn't mean your DH was being like that, I was just saying that the opposite usually happens, well it does to me iykwim :)

Lenny, it's never really been an issue. I suppose I was *known* as being a non-drinker long before I started the medication and I haven't ever said in a social setting that I can't drink because of medication. I guess I've been lucky that most people have been happy to accept a 'oh I don't drink' answer and move on - they have too much drinking to do LOL. Although on Saturday when I was drinking I was also on the meds which is why I stuck to light beer. I'm just glad I had my liver function blood test on the Thursday prior ;) especially considering I had a dr's appointment on Monday.

I drink occasionally but am just as happy with a non alcoholic drink, so generally go with that option. It took a long time for people to get that I wasn't being rude or anti social and my DH's family use to ask me 'what's wrong' all the time when I turned down a wine. After 10 years they have got use to the fact that I will still join in on the socialising it just I prefer to do it with a lemonade. Friends seem to accept this too. My family have always seen it that way, but my mum was the same and now drinking affects her diabetes so she just doesn't. Although she went out recently and felt like she was in high school with all the pressure to have a drink and in the end she left.

I don't think it is anti social or impolite at all. Regardless if you are driving or otherwise, who cares if you drink alcohol or not? On many occassions I have not bothered to drink alcohol & I would usually have one wine if driving but sometimes I don't feel like it & I agree it affects my sleep. I don't really notice anyone drinking alcohol or not, unless I know they are ttc & I wonder if they are pg! Also, I have alot of friends on health kicks & alcohol just doesn't fit into the equation. I don't understand why it is anyones business if you drink alcohol or not. It's a bit like coffee & non-coffee drinkers, hey?

I've never thought or heard this! I can count the number of alcoholic drinks I've had in my life on one hand and go out plenty with my friends and family to bars, clubs, bbqs, parties, weddings and such... I don't think I'm rude, why would that be rude? I can't even understand any reason for it to be rude! I'm there to chat and dance, I find water fuels me more haha. People generally know I don't drink these days, I do notice my Mum is quick to tell people I'm breastfeeding when they are offered whereas I'm happy to just say I'm not a drinker without any qualifier so maybe its a generational thing? She is 50, I'm 24. Might also be the circles somebody mixes in, although my friends are regular drinkers it isn't a big deal, I suppose - whether you want lemonade or gin is as similar as whether you are having fish or chicken. I've never really noticed whether people around me are drinking or not, I assume most people do and I'm fine with that - their body, their choice!

I also have never drunk tea or coffee and don't have soft drink or juice (never had coke), I only drink water aside from maybe a few times a year so I must be super rude lol.

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im not a huge drinker either and i often get the annoying questions about why i don't drink. like you i have been ttc for 3 1/2 yrs now and i want my body to be as healthy as it can be.
i do not think its rude not to drink. i hate the drinking culture in australia at the moment and think there is so much pressure at all social events to have to drink. why can't we just have water or a softdrink without having to explain ourselves...
im very passionate about this subject coz it just annoys me sooooo much.

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This...

the Australian drinking culture has alot to answer for, it has gone on since day dot and is now a pretty serious problem....from what happens on schoolies, to serious health issues...gosh, I would never think someone was being rude if they said no to an alcoholic drink, but it seems to be a very Australian thing to assume that all social occasions warrant copious amount of alcohol in order for fun to be had and there is a great deal of pressure for people to drink in order to fit in. - pretty sad actually.

I find it very frustrating myself as well. I get this problem with family, not friends though. Go figure hey?!


My own family enjoys a responsible well-earned celebratory toast, while DP's family enjoy the whole bottle, plus extra, including drink driving.
After 8 years, and yes I do enjoy a nice drink, I still have trouble convincing the in-laws that I just don't want to have a drink or don't need a drink to socialise (albeit because I HATE what they drink ;)) My IL's just cannot fathom being happy or sociable without being 'under the influence'.

I guess some people might think it's rude not to be a social drinker but I haven't met any yet... that I know of.

I live on a uni campus during the semester with 200 other, mainly younger students. You'd think the peer pressure would be significant but it's not. I know more than a dozen who chose not to drink and it's not just because they are under-age (many are 20 and older). It's just because they choose not to for various reasons and they don't even have to explain... people just accept 'no thanks'. One girl doesn't because alcoholism runs in the family, others don't because of religious reasons but that doesn't stop them from being 100% involved in the social occasions... yes, they dance and have fun along with the rest of us. Maybe the education is finally filtering down to younger generations about the damage done by peer pressure... if so then I'm seeing it in action with these kids :)

I don't get why it can be such a big deal to not drink..I think it's more rude to drink too much, make a fool of yourself and potentially drive home drunk..
I don't drink all that often and on the rare occasion we are out I couldn't care less if I have an alcoholic drink or not, it really doesn't phase me and it annoys me if people are persistent about it. Was worse before I had DD, at least now I have the 'excuse' of having to deal with a toddler the next day.

Since having kids im not a huge drinker anymore. I have been to plenty of social gatherings where i have opted for a soft drink instead of an alcoholic drink. I have become such a prude now that i refuse to drink if DD is in my care.

I think its rude of others to pressure or to call it un social behaviour. No one should dictate what you should or should not be drinking.

I couldn't care less. I'm off to a social gathering tonight where everyone will be drinking and clearly I won't. I love being around people drinking, not drinking, doesn't matter to me. If I'm drinking and someone chooses not to, I'd only take issue if they were acting superior because of it :eyeroll: I had a friend like this and she was unbearable, we all just stopped inviting her out. I really enjoy having a few drinks, but haven't since...hmm, it would be Rouge's 30th the last time I drank more than one or two drinks in a night, and that was well before I was preg with DD. I'm good either way :)

I think not drinking makes me a cheap dinner guest because lemonade is a lot cheaper than wine...

I think sometimes people pressure others into drinking to justify that they themselves can't seem to be capable of socialising or having a good time sober. I don't drink very often and when I do it isn't much, only because my body does not respond well to even small amounts of alcohol. I just feel sick and disgusting, sometimes for days afterwards. When people push the matter I find it offensive, why should I have to consume something that will make me ill just to make you more comfortable?:rolleyes: I would never try and insist someone else not drink just because I don't want to so I do not know why other people take it upon themselves to make an issue out of it.

Onyx - i don't eat lobster either, so i'm a cheap date too.

PZ - i don't feel superior, I can't get that logic! I feel indifferent about it really. Sometimes when i'm super shy a bit of Dutch courage would be nice.

I think maybe some people feel weird about it because they know, deep down, that they are a bit of a **** when they've had a few but figure no one else notices if they're also drunk.

I haven't really drunk much since TTC - so we are talking late 2007. I sometimes get people saying - "Oh one wont hurt" - even when PG. Isn't it weird that some people are so insistent that you 'join in'

I do enjoy the occasional wine etc, but only when I actually feel like it, rather than just to be social. The main reason I don't is that its rare we are out somewhere without DS, and I don't particularly have any inclination to drink when he's around, also DH enjoys a beer much more than I enjoy drinking, so happy to be the designated driver (DH loves it hehehehe)

Even if we did have a big 'parents night out' - the thought of having both a hangover and a toddler - Bleugh, that just sends shivers up my spine!!

I dont fidn it rude to say no to alcohol. Its a personal choice. But I find it rude that people feel the need to try and peer pressure someone into having a drink when they dont want to. I rarely drink, for my own reasons but one of them been that whilst Im up through out the night with the girls, I dont like the afects it has on me when Im up and down all night. Also Been hung over and trying to take care of kids on your own really sucks.

But honestly it annoys me that people try and peer pressure you, bully you into having a drink just because they are. Just because there is a bottle there, the offer there does not mean for any reason that you have to say yes. If a polite no, is taken badly then the problem is with that person, not yourself.

(sorry, but having alcoholics in the family means I have a strong view of people thinking you have to drink alcohol when its around)

i think whether or not you drink is up to you. i don't think it's rude not to drink. i used to drink alot but don't really very often since we were ttc ds.

even when i do drink, i don't expect anyone else to - im having a drink because i want to, not because i feel everyone has to (itms).

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After years of being pested to drink by DH's family. I decided to drink a bottle of champagne to myself. I knew it would have NO effect, but make me tired. Started drinking at 11, was in bed by 2am while everyone else chucking after their 3rd drinks etc (cause they don't drink much!) and low and behold no one has asked me again. I don't like the taste, I just feel tired, and want to go to sleep!
DH has a forever DD!!

I very rarely drink these days either and have not drunk a drop at the last 2 or 3 social events (at least) that I've been to. DH doesn't drink either so it's not because I was driving. I don't know that anyone got their nose out of joint over it - if they did, they didn't say. And if they did they can't be a very good friend anyway so it wouldn't bother me. I suspect your DH might be partly right, I do think people put too much emphasis on alcohol being part of socialising, but I don't think that should be the case and you certainly shouldn't drink because other people expect you to. If people can't enjoy your company without you drinking then bad luck to them. Come and socialise with me instead!!

I don't think it's rude at all! I have always been the one that was the DD (designated driver) and I also have a few friends that just don't like to drink - It's never been an issue at all! You can have just as much fun sober as what you can drinking (and you can remember it all in the morning is always a bonus ;P)

Not rude at all - but I am familiar with the peculiarity that people seem to thing you will (or should) explain why you're not drinking alcohol if you turn it down ....

I don't understand that - if someone offers me a cigarette, a hamburger, some chips or a pot bellied pig, no one would expect me to justify my "no thank you" ... but alcohol - people seem to expect it!

Generally speaking, if I'm driving I won't drink at all ... these days, I'll sometimes have one ... but over the years, there have been times when I don't drink at all, either because I'm opting to have a few dry months (I give my liver a break every now and then!) or because I'm TTC or UTD of whatever. When we were TTC and during the first few months of being pg, when it was still a secret, I'd sneak mocktails or alcohol-free wine - to keep the secret and avoid questions, rather than to keep up appearances.

But other times when I've note been drinking, I don't get comments much ... if I'm not drinking, I'm not drinking.

The few people who might ask seem to do so and expect answers (or not understand why I could possibly be choosing not to drink for any good reason) ... well, it's more about them than it is about me!

But definitely not rude.


JMO.

Thanks to everyone who replied. It's been really interesting to read everyone's reponses.
Some of you have put into words the exact way i feel, and it's good to know i'm not alone, and also that DH is not alone in 'feeling' the way he does.

I probably drink maybe once a year so I totally think its normal. I know how to go out and have a good time so what does it matter if I drink or not. Yes people do ask and I just say I'm not a drinker. No one pushes it and all my friends know I don't drink so no one is bothered by it. I don't understand how it could seem rude.

I don't drink when out if I get asked I say no. I also hate being pressured into drinking, which happened at a get together I went to. Funnily enough not been invited to a get together there since. Fine by me.

Like you I used to be a pretty big drinker, until I had kids.

I'm haven't been a huge drinker in nearly 5 years for many reasons, and I know it frustrates the heck out of the people I used to drink with because they still drink a lot at social gatherings.

I don't get bothered by the harassment any more, I stick to my self imposed 2 drink limit. 3 drinks if I'm feeling saucy :p

i used to be a drinker - definitely not much any more. i will drink at home, but very very rarely when i go out. i don't like feeling like i'm not in control of myself when i'm not in "my" space. anxiety probably started it, but now i think it's just part of me being a more responsible person. DH likes to drink and even if he's chosen not to drink, i don't do an about face and get off my head just because others are drinking. i don't much like the feeling of being drunk any more anyway

we have a one friend that, when we lived nearby, asked EVERY single time i declined alcohol if i was knocked up yet. He didn't know about TTC/IVF at the time, so one night i kinda flipped out and laid it on the line. first that i think his behaviour when drinking is appalling (married sleaze!) and secondly, i don't have to drink to have a good time - and thirdly, i'm laying out x money to become pregnant and i'm not going to screw that up by drinking and messing with meds (i swear i had three years where i was on one medication or another while TTC!). I was every so grateful for falling pregnant and having an "acceptable" excuse in his eyes... sigh. we don't live locally to him any more, so i'm always designated driver - i may have one or two drinks if we're out there for the arvo, but it really depends on my own mood.

i dont' even drink much at home any more - i have one every now and again when DH is having a drink - i might take a swig of his beer on a hot day, may even have a stubby or two - but i tend to only do it at home. there is one friends place that feels safe for me to drink there - i know i can get home safely (dad is a taxi driver here in town) and i know if i say to R i've had enough, she'll stop making drinks. she respects my decisions so i don't mind drinking with her kwim? if others are there, i tend to either not drink, or drink bugger all... it's odd - but so is the rest of me!


FWIW - my DH doesn't see it as odd, he doesn't (and wouldn't!) apologise for me not drinking. he'd likely be the first person to ask someone how my lack of drinking was hurting them or anyone else, and to rack off if they pushed it!!

I to used to be a big drinker,i could drink so so so much it wasnt funny. Now.....hmm lets see i stopped drinking when dh and i were trying to make dd and i didnt drink while preg with her and for the first 6months prob longer i didnt drink either. Shes now 17months and i will have a glass of wine or a premix here and there but i add lemonaide to it lol and i normaly dont even finish my glass lol. Dh always asks me if ild like a drink i say yes then have 3sips and end up pouring out the rest lol.

I think its a personal choice and its rude to pressure anyway either way,just because im not drinking doesnt mean theres something wrong with me just like theres nothing wrong with someone who does like a drink.
One thing i have offended some of my friends with though is dh and i will not take the kids to bbqs at some friends as we know they drink alot till there quite gone all in front of there kids....its there choice just dh and i will not have our children around people while there drinking excessivly thats our choice. And it offends some of our friends as thats there weekly thing have a bbq/party and get smash all while the kids run around,so when we say we cant we have the children and they say its ok bring them and we politly decline it offends them.

pls excuse the spelling mistakes on my galaxcy

I don't understand how anyone could think it was impolite not to drink for any reason?? That sounds strange to me??

I rarely drink (being pregnant and / or breastfeeding for the past 7.5yrs has that affect). But if someone thought I was being rude by refusing, I would think that person wasn't worth my time knowing.

Wow. I'm a well-known wine drinker and when I opt for non-alcoholic I may get a "that's not like you!" or "sure?" - but it's my choice.

The only time I get upset with non-alcoholic drinkers is when they act all superior and point out that it's before lunchtime, my child is still awake or other such rubbish. I am aware. I just need the alcohol (upon reflection, maybe because I'm socialising with them).

I really couldn't care less what other people drink if it doesn't affect me, which it rarely does. Why do people get so upset about what others drink anyway? Are they after blood? No? Are they driving you home? No? Who cares then?