Does Anyone Else Not 'Really' Do Birthday Parties For Preschoolers

I feel awful. I haven't arranged anything for DD's 5th birthday in about three weeks.

There's a number of reasons, none of which is making me feel any better.

1. I can't tidy/clean the house as I would like for a party here. Physio has basically banned me from bending for more than five minutes (longstanding issues with my pelvis, back and hip that I may need surgery for to pin me back together). The house is nowhere near feral but I know that tidying/cleaning it for a party will be stressful and if I overdo it (which I generally do), I'll need bed rest.

2. The weather is too awful to be able to do a guaranteed birthday party at the park. We'd have to have the contingency of coming back to the house (and issue 1) if it was raining.

3. The local swimming pool has a minimum age of 6. This would have been perfect.

4. The gymnastics place has a minimum number of 15 kids and I really don't think we could meet that minimum from the children DD knows from kinder.

5. There is no local indoor play centre and the nearest one is a bit dowdy and miserable.

6. If I 'book' anywhere, I really don't know how many kids would turn up. DD is very social but at the end of the day, she's turning 5 so is not yet at school and does not have any proper friends as yet, or they change week to week.

7. We don't have any close family and the family we do have are all at least 1 hour away with grown up kids.

Obviously, I've got lots of ideas for making it a really special day for her, I'm just not feeling the right vibe re a party.

Happy to organise something next year when she has her own little band of school buddies and when hopefully I can physically tidy/clean the house and am generally a bit happier having lots of people here.

Oh, what to do.

Make me feel better, tell me I'm not the only one.

Nope not the only one - many of the kinder kids take something to give out/share at kinder to celebrate rather than a function. These range from cakes/freddos/temporary tats. Is that a possibility?

No experience as such, but i plan to have a party for DS's 1st birthday then not another one til he has a good group of friends and actually asks for a party.. There are lots of things to make the day special, as you said you've got lots of ideas :)

We don't always do parties. In fact we have only had one 'traditional' kids party ever.

We've done a trip to the aquarium with friends and their children (they have 4 so that's a party right there lol)
A trip to the zoo with just us.
Lunch at the grandparent's place with just them and DH's siblings and partners.
A visit to a theme park.
One year we were in Thailand for DS2's b'day so he rode an elephant and had ice-cream with sparklers for his 'cake'

The boys don't mind that they don't usually have parties. They get right into planning their birthday adventures.

we did a first birthday party (which in retrospect was more for us than the kids)

DD had a 5th party and we were living with my parents while building so we had it at a playcafe. DD2's birthday is 11 days later so we had a combined party as neither child had enough friends to fulfill the minimum number.

Otherwise we tend to have a nice dinner and a cake with the grandparents on the actual birthday.

We are planning on having alternate birthday parties for dd1 and dd2 for a while and then work out what to do for dd3 as she gets older. For the child not having a 'party' I think I might do a playdate birthday with 1 or 2 close friends with a few small plates of party food and no structured games etc. Less stress, tidying before
and after too.

Socially I think birthday parties have more meaning for children as they get older and start developing long term friendships with school mates, JMO but if I was going to do one while at kindy or one when they start school I would wait until they are at school ;)

I'm feeling a little better.

She hasn't been invited to any parties of her kindy buddies which either means that she's very unpopular (that's not why I'm feeling better) or that her kindy mates don't really have "invite everyone from kindy" sorts of parties either.

I guess in my head I feel like we should be inviting all the kids she knows from kinder to our house.

Last year we took her to the zoo and met friends there plus she took a birthday cake to childcare plus we took her down to Melbourne to go to a joint birthday party of my old Mothers Group's kids. So essentially THREE celebrations but I still felt guilty because we didn't do the traditional birthday party at home gig.

I think I've come up with an idea. I'm going to ask the local playgroup if they hire out their room/playground for parties. There's toys and stuff indoors (if the weather's bad) and the outdoor playground is really good too. Then I'd just have to take food which is fine and DP and parents I know can do the bending stuff to tidy up.

Or I can stick with the non-party idea which is to take her to Melbourne (possibly with a friend), take her up the front of the train to watch dad drive (she's been asking to do this for ages), go and see Annie and stay in a hotel. Plus anything else I can think of.

A special playdate with a few friends is a sensational idea Sararose!!! That may be manageable.

Maybe choose one friend and go as a family somewhere special...like Fairy Land, or whatever they are calling Gumbaya Park these days?
I am sure you will make ger day fabulous without the huge hooha of a party. :hug:

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She hasn't been invited to any parties of her kindy buddies which either means that she's very unpopular (that's not why I'm feeling better) or that her kindy mates don't really have "invite everyone from kindy" sorts of parties either.

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I hope you come up with something, I am having this struggle for my DS who is 5 next Feb but will have *just* started school and wont be seeing his Kindy friends.
I also wanted to point out that as Victorian age cut off is April 30th, therefore only 2.5m into the birthday year for 2013 preps, it means that your DD is potentially one of the oldest children in her Kindy class and not necessarily that others aren't having parties. From 21 we have had only 3 turn 5 so far... just a thought ;)

I see your point dragoncookie but the way I look at it is that DD has been in kindy since January and hasn't been invited to any parties of fellow kindy kids and although some may not be turning 5 until next year, a lot would have had a birthday between January and August (whether it's 4th or 5th). So I just don't think many parents around here do the "let's invite everyone from kindy class" sort of parties, which is what I pressure myself to have for her.

No wisdom about the party thing, just wanted to give you massive hugs re your ongoing pelvis problems :hug:.

Isn't always throw a party- some years it's just a special day with family.

As long as they are the centre of the day they don't normally worry ;-)


Cat xox

I don't think preschool age kids need a birthday party, once they turn 5/6 it becomes more of a 'big deal' for them I would think and as their friendships become more important to them.
We have always done birthday parties for DD1 every year as it's a chance for us to catch up with family and friends once a year as we hardly see them! :D plus DD has always loved her parties.

for ds1's 4th birthday last year, i invited his 2 best friends and their mums over one friday for fish n chips. that was it! he loved it and the kids all had a ball.
for ds2's 3rd birthday i invited a handful of his friends to meet at a small park at 3pm for icy poles and cupcakes. that's it! don't feel guilty, you don't always have to do something massive!

We did a party for ds who just turned 3 and that was his first 'party' as such - usually we just have dinner with close family and often a playdate with mum's group kids to celebrate all their birthdays cos they're all within 2 weeks). Our playgroup allows members to use the centre on a saturday so it was perfect - as you said there is outside & toys inside as a contingency. For us it was basically playgroup on a different day because there were only a few extras on top of pg kids.

I don't think parties are necessary to make a birthday special & I don't think you HAVE to have one. We did this year because 1. He hadn't had one before 2. He had a big change this year with dd being born and I wanted to make his birthday a bit special 3. We could use playgroup (so I didn't have to spend time cleaning and tidying) 4. Our playgroup session is 2 mother's groups combined and so half have known him since he was 10 weeks old and the others since he was 8 months and I know all the mums really well as well as the kids.

In your situation I probably wouldn't be having a party (and I'm guessing that will be us for the next couple of years).

Your local playgroup may not hire out the centre because of insurance - we only let members use ours bevause they have to be playgroup victoria members and the insurance covers them. If you're a member though it might be ok.

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DSD only ever had family parties until school. And she doesn't have one every year either.

Personally I think all parties in those first few years are because parents want to have them rather than kids.... They don't really play 'together' much and sharing is still difficult.... So making it a special day for just you guys is great!

But think also... If you take her to the city, see Annie... And do a whole inch of things at this age..... What will you do at 10 or 15???? Be careful that you don't make it too hard for yourself and set up something you cannot maintain! Kids need tto understand that they can't always have it... Things come up,.. Lifeis difficult at times.... But mum and dad will make it special... even if it's just a dinner at home.

I do hope you feel better soon. But try not to feel guilty. You're teaching other life lessons by 'not' having a party. xx

Fiona, :hug:.

I don't think that you need to do a birthday party, especially at home if you can't get the house clean/tidy without rendering yourself more injured by doing so. What I have done for my kids is just make cake and take it to their daycare (they were both in the same daycare over their birthdays, so it worked well for the kinder room for dd), as I didn't see the point in trying to do a party elsewhere. They each loved it. I think it would be a great idea to either talk to the preschool if you could do the same (and they'll sing happy birthday), or talking to the playgroup for a saturday time would also be good.

It is a bit difficult in Woodend to do things outdoors over the next few months, I know the weather there, so I can't really suggest any other alternatives. I hope you can find something that suits your plans without being too much of a stretch, you don't want to remember this celebration for further hurting yourself. :hug:

Just to say I love the Annie idea and stay in a hotel, any little girl would be thrilled to do that...whatever you do will be perfect for your DD...

Nope, you're not alone. We dont do parties yet. With DD1 turning 5 this year I asked her what she wanted to do for it, expecting her to want to have a party. But instead she just asked for us to go out for dinner as a family to somewhere where we havent been before. Also her birthday falls on a preschool day this year so she will take cakes to share at preschool.

But we havent got caught up in the whole birthday party thing for the girls yet. Its not that we dont want to celebrate the day, but we celebrate in other ways. We always have cake, we go to the park, out for a meal, go on a special birthday shopping outing, anything the girls ask for. If they ask and it can be arranged we invite a couple of friends to spend the day with them, but thats about it.

We've don't 'do' parties either here... definitely not for pre-schoolers and not much for the older kids (I think we've done 2 'traditional' birthday parties in total, ever).

To be totally honest I hate the effort & expense that goes into it so i can't see the point until they are old enough to ask. If we can, we will offer an alternative - one year we took DS1 and a couple of his friends to the movies & Pizza Hut. But that's for older kids.

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Just to say I love the Annie idea and stay in a hotel, any little girl would be thrilled to do that...

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I just think it's too expensive for a 5 year old... and I am not sure they developmentally can appreciate it.... BUT

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whatever you do will be perfect for your DD...

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I totally agree with that! She will be happy with whatever you do!