Am i weird? Overprotective?

I just read a status from my BIL saying he and my sister went out to the movies for their anniversary and their 6 month old is having a sleep over at his parents. I commented that my DD is 2 and still hasn't had a night away from us as i'm not ready yet.

It got me thinking, i just don't know if i ever will be. Don't get me wrong we have had dates, been to functions where we have been away from her but i've never had anyone take her over night i'm always happy to come home to her and wake up with her here in the morning.

I don't know if deep down i don't trust anyone with her, i'm really weird even when someone looks after her i will pack everything tell them a thousand times what to do, and because its usually my mum or BFF they know what theyre doing but i still have to tell them.

Is there anyone else who is like this? Should i be having nights away from her, will i be seen as over bearing? More importantly what if i never get used to the idea and it comes to school age and she wants a sleep over! :o

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be away from your baby. DD is 13 months and only in the last month or two have I been away from her for more than an hour. One of those times was the first time both DH and I had left her with my mum, that was for about 3 hours all up while we went to counselling and I found it extremely hard. I couldn't personally leave my 6 month old baby, but I totally don't think it's a bad thing that some people can/do. I've babysat young babies and now I'm a parent, I get the need for adult time. I'm not even close to anyone except mum watching DD and not for too long. Baby steps :)

I dont think you should leave her overnight if you dont need/want to just for the sake of it if you don't feel comfertable. If its working for you then why push it? I did leave my girls overnight form about 5 months but only with my mum to start with, oh and DH when I was working nights but that doesnt really count as he is their paretn too :)

Are you planning on leaving your DD with someone when you are in labour? Is your Dh staying in with you after bubs is born? My DH didnt stay after the girls were born apart from when DD3 was born as it was midnight and we were going home in the morning there was no point going home when the girls were already asleep at my Mums.

My kids haven't spent a night away yet, and there are only a few people who have looked after DD without DH or i there. It was one of the reasons i had a homebirth.

What are you doing when you have number 2?

My girls have never had a sleepover and only ever had a babysitter put them to bed on two occasions.

If my parents lived closer (they're in the UK), I can imagine my almost five-year-old having sleepovers there but NO WAY for my two-year-old (must change my sig). That's not because I don't trust my parents, I just wouldn't feel right about it.

I think I started feeling a lot less protective when I was confident that DD1 could verbally express her needs. Obviously a two-year-old is nowhere near at that stage.

Maybe it will be the same for you too.

(PS - I would be cautious about commenting on Facebook about this stuff. Can become very heated very quickly and there's nothing to be gained).

I think it's absolutely up to the individual.

DD had her first sleepover with my mum at 5 months, DH and i went to a wedding.

Everyone is different :)

my kids are hardly ever away from me- first time my twins stayed away was at grade 2 sleep over. I refused to let them even do camp until grade 4!
boof my 3 1/2 year old only is away from me to go to kinder. my twins were the same- no childcare, no stay overs with family etc
but thats our choice as parents and i really dont care what others think- its the right thing for my kids and my family and dont worry about others.

DD1 was almost exactly 6 months old when we left her for the first time - for my birthday, to go to dinner and a movie, 4 hours. It was terrible! I was so stressed, we left her with her surrogate nanna, and we got a phone call after the movie that she was inconsolable and we went home. I think it scarred me, as it was months before I left her again, and that was out of necessity, not choice.

DD2 has never been left with anyone overnight, but has been left a couple of times for a few hours while we went out. I have let go the reins a lot with her, much earlier, with leaving her with just her dad (she was exclusively BF, so I have always been funny about leaving them both before they can manage a few hours without a feed).

Like all these things, you can only do what you are comfortable with. I remember my first sleep over, at 5, was with the girl down the road, and I remember mum coming to get me at about 2am as I woke and wouldn't go back to sleep without her! lol I am sure though that I will have no problems with either of them going to sleep overs, DD1 had one last week with my sister, the first night she has been away from us over night with her, and she loved it. Made it much easier I think that she chose to go, enjoyed it, and asked to go again.

I don't think you are weird at all. :)

I don't think you're odd but there can be so many benefits to allowing your children to develop comfortable attachments with other appropriate adults in their life. My daughter frequently has sleepovers and it reassure me to know she feels safe and close with others in her life. I am lucky to have people I trust and who are keen to be so involved. I couldn't do it at 6mo because of breastfeeding but by around 18mo I was comfortable despite still feeding to sleep and several times over night as I knew my mum would comfort her in other ways and the milk wasn't a nutritional requirement.

What is your plan for when you have your 2nd? I know that is the one time so far I was thankful to have other adults to rely on. Even though I was home after one night my daughter asked to stay another with Grandma, it was such a bitterest moment.

I've never really been away from dd until recently for more than a few hours, and even then I was constantly checking in on her.
DD is just under 18mos, and had her first sleepover with my mum about 2-3 weeks ago, but that was because both DH and I had influenza A, savage fevers (I was about 39.5, and DH was between 38-39), DD was sick with it too (38.5-39 degree fevers) and neither of us could physically take care of ourselves let alone DD because she was up and down all night needing panadol and nurofen to control her fevers and needing water too.
I did worry a lot about her then, I was constantly checking my phone to make sure I didn't have any missed calls asking for her to come back home.

I don't know whether I would do it again anytime soon unless I had to, but I have to admit it was nice not having to worry about waking up to her.

I have also only just this weekend gone out for the night with a girlfriend and left DD with DH! I've never left her for more than say 3-4hrs, and that's during the day! Never at night.

But yeah, I wouldn't say you're weird, everyone has their own ways of doing things and most mums/parents would probably feel exactly the same :)


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 2 and 1/2 and have never had a sleep over anywhere. DS1 has slept away from me while I was in hospital having DS2 but DH was home and my mum was also here.

Each to their own hun there is no right time for them to be having time away from you. All night is a long time!
That being said I can't even remember how old DS was! Between 6 and 12mths somewhere? But he spends time with my mum and MIL without us often.

sent from my watzamajig so may not make sense....

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I think it's absolutely up to the individual.

DD had her first sleepover with my mum at 5 months, DH and i went to a wedding.

Everyone is different :)

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Yep this! I can't recall what age DD was when she slept over but it was before she was 12 mo and it was with my mum who lived around the corner.

You know your own child and you as a parent what you are comfortable with. I was very unsettled the first time DD slept over then after that it was a breeze. DD was content which helped.

DD is almsot 8 and I'm still not completely comfortable with it. We are a team and it feels weird when someone is missing!

My DD at 14 months hasn't had any more than 3 hours away from either myself or DH. But saying that if i had close friends or family that lived nearby i would offload her in a second..lol
I think it is an individual choice, you can only decide when you feel comfortable about it, maybe work yourself up by leaving her with family that you trust while you do shopping to start with etc.
Mind you once you have two kids i would think that it would be good for each child to have the chance to have one-on-one time with each parent once in a while..

I guess I'm always the different one in this thread. I raise my boys with the help of my village. I'm very lucky that i have my parents and parents in law not too far away. Most importantly, I trust them.

DS1 had his first sleepover at about 3 months, DS2 at about 8 months. They would stay over at either grandparent about once a month.

Whatever works for you and your family is best.


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I guess I'm always the different one in this thread. I raise my boys with the help of my village. I'm very lucky that i have my parents and parents in law not too far away. Most importantly, I trust them.

DS1 had his first sleepover at about 3 months, DS2 at about 8 months. They would stay over at either grandparent about once a month.

Whatever works for you and your family is best.


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Oh I so wish we had family like that! The girls only have my dad, who is in a nursing home, and their dad's mum, who is overseas, and until June, were on the other side of the country to my brother and sister.
I do think, had my mum, or DHs mum, been around, then they both would have been left much more often and much earlier without concern.

Me too. I think it also depends on how well they sleep at night. DD1 has barely woken overnight since she was six weeks old. DD2 is still waking up at least once and she's 2. Sometmes, despite DP's best efforts, she only wants mum.

DDs 1 and 2 have heaps of sleepovers with my parents and we all love it - girls love gran and grandad's house, my parents love having them and DH and I love time to ourselves (now with DD3).

I'm not ready to leave DD3 at all and can't imagine that changing any time soon but when it does it will only be to leave her for an hour or so and only with my parents. I'm not comfortable leaving my children with anyone but my parents and maybe my big girls with one of my SIL but that would only be for a few hours, not overnight. My MIL last looked after DDs 1 and 2 almost four years ago. We got home to be told that DD2 had screamed and "been inconsolable" for the entire time that we had been gone (about 3.5 hours) but that "it doesn't matter because you (DH and I) are entitled to a night off". The girls haven't been left in her care for even 5 minutes since that time. I can't describe my anger at her lack of care for my baby's distress.

It is a very personal thing, which is affected by the character of the child, their relationship with the carer and your relationship with the carer.

I don't think you're weird, I think you are doing what works for you.

Only my two oldest have stayed anywhere else - and that wasn't until only recently on a regular basis (so at 5.5 and nearly 4) - my DS stays with my brother or my mum. Not often either. My DD1 stays at my sister's place - only had one time successful so far, the other time she was crying and wanted to come home so we went and collected her lol

However, my mum did take DS for one night to my aunt's place when I first had DD2 to give us a bit of time alone because I was struggling with her breastfeeding and reflux issues, and he wouldn't have turned 3 yet.

each to their own really. DD is 3y2m and has had sleep overs twice with her Granma - both times because we had something to do at night a couple of hours from home and she couldn't come with us. I don't have a reason to leave her any other time, so we just don't. She does go out with Granma at least one day a week (at the moment, it's three or four days a week while i'm at work cos her Daddy can't look after her due to recent surgery) - she hasn't really been with anyone but my mum though - i left her with SIL one day, and she went totally against what i'd asked her to do re settling her for sleep, so i just can't do it (i'm sure it would be different now that DD doesn't have day sleeps but i'm obviously still scarred by that day lol).

do what works for you and your family - don't let other people and their actions/opinions dictate what feels right for you.

I agree with others - I don't think you're weird & that you should do what feels right for you. We're lucky as we have a good village too. It was awhile before ds had his first sleepover but we did leave him with dp's mum for short amount of times from when he was young. Both sets of grandparents live within a 5 minute drive for us. Imo it's about finding a happy balance for your family & that's different for everyone :)

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Thanks everyone :)

Our plan for when the baby arrives is my mum will take DD while DP is with me then when im settling in with the baby he will collect DD and take over from there. My mum is babysitting here so if its an all night thing its not really a sleep over and that was my mums choice. I have wonderful family and friends but no one who has asked or seemed too keen to have her. Maybe if i was asked i would maybe feel more inclined to.

She has slept through the night since about 6 weeks, there were a few rough nights with teething and illness but shes generally good. But i just worry if she woke up and i wasnt there what would she be like so thats stopped me also.

Good sleeping has never been a thing around here, but it's never bothered my parents or my parents in law. I was always very conscious of this particularly with my parents in law as my niece and nephew (who also stay often) are excellent sleepers, but that was my issue not theirs. When they were little they loved to walk the floors with them at night time, as they felt they were really helping and it meant I could rest after feeds.