Is the first birth inherently traumatic?

I have been thinking about this thread since I first had dd 3.5 years ago but I have always been tentative since I don't want to diminish those who experience trauma at the hands of care providers, or who experience complications and often with terrible outcomes. So please don't feel like I am minimising your experience, I'm just trying to unpack my own feelings about my first birth.

I had an amazing homebirth, which was unhindered, amazing, ecstatic and wonderful, and yet I found myself feeling like I had been in a car crash. I experienced flashbacks, difficulty recalling things, and it all seemed so raw and incomprehsible.

Fast forward to last year when I had ds, and I felt so calm, in control and really enjoyed the experience. I remember the whole thing, and didn't have the same sense of rawness.

So with the first birth, is it just the unknown, or the sheer amount of work the body has to do to stretch and then push? Does the brain just struggle to come to terms with the whole thing? I know I was high on endorphins etc, but after the labour I just wanted to 'know' everything and kept asking and asking what happened here and then?

This is probably a silly thread, but my friend just had her first baby and despite a great labour is feeling pretty traumatised by it, and I started thinking, maybe all first births are kind of traumatic. I suppose defining traumatic is important too, but if we take a dictionary definition, such as serious shock to the body, or an event causing emotional distress, it makes me think maybe I was slightly traumatised...?

I gave birth for the first time with DD2 and it was hard work, but not at all traumatic. But do you count DD1's arrival by planned c/s, with no labour? Looking back on that I'm not satisfied with how it went, but at the time I was.

So is my experience skewed because of that? :dunno: I put so much into DD2's birth and to have it all happen so wonderfully, well, I was just ecstatic. My body did have all the physical after-effects, but it couldn't dampen how I felt.

Thanks for the reply Jen. Yes I felt wonderful and elated, but I suppose as the days passed I felt really raw. Maybe with the first birth, its also the hugeness of becoming a mummy and new born care, and for me I had some grief about the end of the pregnancy (dd was early).

For me, my birth was not traumatic at all. However, that said, I can not compare it to a 2nd birth. I was a bit deflated about the tearing I experienced despite all my efforts, but overall I was fortunate to have experienced a beautiful birth. For me it was an experience I never thought I would get and I got lucky in the fact it was hard and fast-ish.

I think A LOT of women feel it is traumatic for their own reasons. Arcadia don't feel like you cant talk about trauma simply because you had a birth many consider the ideal, we all react differently to different situations which means something said/done to one might be traumatic to another.
I find Most women feel trauma in regards to their 1st births because they don't know..strength, how hard it might be, the pain or not, the speed, the overall feelings associated. this also comes from no longer being a part of family birthing we don't see the normal we don't have other women with us supporting us.
No one else can tell us what is or is not traumatic!

Perhaps i am different to most. My first birth was great. I was happy. I looked forward to doing that again (but perhaps with a few changes that hindsight always brings)

My second experience was awful and i'm not sure i'll ever be ok about it. Perhaps my first birth set my expectations of my support and care providers too high.

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My second experience was awful and i'm not sure i'll ever be ok about it. Perhaps my first birth set my expectations of my support and care providers too high.

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Thats interesting, Lenny. My thoughts are similar. I am concerned if there is a second birth here, that this time I will have fear. I dont know why. I was so lucky to have an awesome midwife last time after coming up against some pretty vile women early on, perhaps Im fearful that I wont get that and it will all go pear shape.

My fourth birth was very traumatic for me. I felt no trauma after my first three births.....

My first birth was an induced VB but I knew mydaughter would be born still. It was fairly traumatic. My second birth for DS was also induced but didn't go as well and I had to have an emergency CS........
It would be lovely to have another baby and know a "normal"birth.

I'm really interested to read these.

I am currently planning my first birth which will be a home birth and wonder if I will get through it ok, even if I put everything in place to ensure I am supported and informed. Is it simply the unknown that makes it all so scary?

Really interesting thread and I am curious to hear of everyone's experiences!

My first birth was very tramatic in our opinion. Still I think I need to debrief from it. I know others have gone through a lot worse than I did, but I do not think that lessens what I went through, it was tramatic for me, for Dh, for DD1.
I think majority of first births are tramatic to a certain degree or so because of the not having taken that path before. No matter how much you read, watch, hear, learn during your pregnancy, nothing really prepares you for labour and birth. And really that should extend to the first year of life. Then on top of all that, I dont think there is an a real way to describe the pain you will feel, how the drugs will affect each individual, etc.

Aimz I was actually worried about scaring first time birthers.

I think I need to clarify. My birth was awesome and I was happy with care providers, my own abilities, the progress, the bonding and yes I wanted to do it again...it was just I couldn't process it properly in the days and weeks after. I kept revisiting the 'otherness' of it, and that feeling of it being a huge shift in body and mind.

I tend to over analyze things and I got pretty lonely as a new mum, so maybe that comes into play too.

I always, always encourage women to talk about their experiences because I think we rarely hear the many shades of variation in emotion that comes with being a new mum.

Interesting question. I don't know, but I think there are probably specific reasons why individual women experience trauma that may have nothing to do with birth order :dunno:

ETA - The otherness you describe, perhaps that makes sense, though. It's such an enormous thing, birthing and caring for a baby. Very surreal.

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I'm really interested to read these.

I am currently planning my first birth which will be a home birth and wonder if I will get through it ok, even if I put everything in place to ensure I am supported and informed. Is it simply the unknown that makes it all so scary?

Really interesting thread and I am curious to hear of everyone's experiences!

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FWIW Aimz I was scared that I wasnt scared the first time :lol:. I actually said to a midwife- Im not scared, is that a bad thing?

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I think majority of first births are tramatic to a certain degree or so because of the not having taken that path before. No matter how much you read, watch, hear, learn during your pregnancy, nothing really prepares you for labour and birth. And really that should extend to the first year of life. Then on top of all that, I dont think there is an a real way to describe the pain you will feel, how the drugs will affect each individual, etc.

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Yes, this is so right. It is totally life altering for a lot of us. Perhaps it is such a huge experience the first time around, that all of our emotions relating to the first birth are very amplified. We aren't often exposed to birth prior to our own.

(ETA - I don't mean our own birth, i mean the first time we birth a child ourselves)

I think it's in Pinkys Parenting By Heart (or maybe Sue Cox's Baby Magic?)where it says that it's normal to want to debrief your birth.

I had a wonderful first birth and can't wait to do it again. But I had an intense need to talk about it afterwards; it is such a huge thing to do, emotionally (and physically I guess) that it's just natural. That's my take.

For me, birth has never been traumatic. Painful yes, but enjoyable, exhilarating and empowering are some other words I use!

My 2nd labour would probably be the hardest as it was 5hrs longer than DD1's. I expected it would be shorter so that led to some disappointment there.
But in terms of pain etc no it wasn't as painful as I had already experienced a drug free (no gas either) birth first time around.

Baby no.3 I am excited at the prospect of a home birth & calm birthing course to have an even better experience :)

I have enjoyed both my births.

I haven't had a normal, natural birth yet. Both have been induced. That said, Amelia's birth was far more traumatic than Ianto's, and that's even taking into account he was stillborn. Sometimes I think it was even partly *because* he had died, so everyone left me alone to do what I wanted, where at Amelia's birth I was very much a product of the system.


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So, it has come to this.

For me, I'd say no. I had two fantastic birth experiences, however they were both rather quick so there was never any time for any 'trauma' to really occur.
I was probably more worried the second time, knowing how the pain felt the first time, but constantly reassured myself that if I could get through it once, I could again

Birthing is like becoming a parent though (funnily enough :rofl: ) but in the fact that until you've experienced it, I don't think you can truly ever understand what it's like/how it feels/etc until you've been there and done it, no matter how much you read/research/prepare. I think this is perhaps where some of the 'trauma' comes in because despite best intentions, it's never likely to be how you might have imagined it to be ITMS

I wonder if the trauma for the first birth is also related to everything changing afterward? I mean, your body goes through this huge shock, and has done for the past 9 months or so, and you never really recover from that. I'm sure you feel like you'd like to sleep for a week but really, you don't even get a full NIGHTS sleep for a few years. So, while I have no doubt that birth is traumatic, especially the first time, I think it's the whole package.

no not at all!
Mine was, but I have many friends who have had great first births

I don't think so, at least it wasn't for me personally although I can kind of see why it might be as it is such an unknown and obviously quite a huge (and emotional) event but I never felt any trauma with either of my births. All I felt after was pride and elation, no unresolved feelings or anything overwhelmingly negative... I've never felt the need to debrief about them although I do enjoy talking about them in the same way I would any other big experience in my life. Both were very similar labours; spontaneous, gas the first time and nothing the second, no tears or stitches, waters breaking around transition, both in a Private hospital with the same Ob.

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I wonder if the trauma for the first birth is also related to everything changing afterward? I mean, your body goes through this huge shock, and has done for the past 9 months or so, and you never really recover from that. I'm sure you feel like you'd like to sleep for a week but really, you don't even get a full NIGHTS sleep for a few years. So, while I have no doubt that birth is traumatic, especially the first time, I think it's the whole package.

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Yes I think this is it exactly. For me I can't separate the birth from the weeks aftwards. The birth itself was perfect, but perhaps because it was the catalyst for change it left me so raw.

My birth with DD was very quick. When she was laying on my chest I must admit, I felt a bit shocked, but I think it was mainly due to the speed. That being said, I have no bad feelings towards the birth, happy with how it went. I think I was just more shocked at what my body went through/what it could do. I really had no time to process anything for the last hour or so of my birth.

My DD's birth should have been traumatic but I dont think it's had any lasting emotional effects.
I didnt have a great pregnancy - lots of bleeding, hospitalisation a couple of times due to early labour, placenta praevia, cholestasis of pregnancy, polyhydramnios... Then I was induced at 36 weeks because of high BP and liver issues which ended in her heart stopping seven hours into labour resulting in an emergency caesarean where I lost over a litre of blood.
She had jaundice. She was allowed home five days post birth but was then readmitted to the SCN for a couple of days two days later...

Not sure, maybe I was too naive to let it get the best of me. I was just so grateful to have this beautiful bundle of pure love that everything else just kind of faded away :dunno:

So, the short answer is, in my opinion, I dont think the first birth is inherently traumatic. Everyone has different levels of coping and resilience, just as every birth is different. Some, like me, just get lucky.

Interesting thread.

I think that no matter how much preparation, education, advice, feedback etc etc you do prior to you first experience of labour, nothing can prepare you for the experience itself. And I'm pretty certain that in that process there is a part of you that is forever changed - mentally, physically, psychologically... right down to our cells.

I can remember before I went into labour with DD1 wanting that natural, drug-free birth. Then I remember the moment where I am in labour and I am completely overwhelmed by the intensity of the contractions and I ask for an epidural.

Its like any experience I guess, it has to be learned experience. And as the others have said, I do believe debrief is an important part of the postnatal period regardless of the type of birth you have.

I think its important to remember that its never too late to debrief. The others have listed some great idea's for debriefing. I also suggest getting your hands on a copy of Pam Englands "Birthing From Within". The book itself is very much about dealing with emotion prior to and after birth.

I have wondered this myself. From my point of view I wouldn't describe my first birth as traumatic, but it certainly was a huge experience that left me rattled! I think that is the key thing there for me, traumatic says it is specifically negative, but being a bit rattled isn't necessarily negative, it just means it was momentous, a significant event unlike anything you have ever experienced before - and brings with it challenges you have never faced before. I think that if you have similar scenarios and outcomes for subsequent births, you will feel less 'rattled' after them because it is no longer something you haven't experienced before and the challenges are no longer something you haven't faced before. So I wouldn't say it is inherently traumatic, but I think it is inherently more challenging, and you are inherently less able to meet that challenge head on first time you do it. So I think maybe that makes the odds of it being traumatic a bit higher for your first time??
But ultimately it is a challenge and different people will handle different challenges differently at different times in their lives and with different experiences under their belts. So what one person finds as traumatic for their first time is what another feels is a geat birth.

My mum says something about first children - you can only have one first child. Even though you of course love all your children, you can only go through parenting the first time once, you can't unlearn all you learnt from the first one in preparation of the second! I think birth is the same, you go in having never experienced it and although you may know how it goes in theory you don't know how it will go for you and how you work within that experience. Once you've done it once you can't go back and unexperience it so any subsequent experiences are going to become easier (assuming the births play out in a similar fashion), if only for the fact that is now something you have done before and you have some experience in. You learn from your first time and you do things you know work the second time, but you can never go back and do it through those same fresh eyes again!

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For me, birth has never been traumatic. Painful yes, but enjoyable, exhilarating and empowering are some other words I use!

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This is exactly what I wanted to write. Whilst labour and birth are certainly hard, painful work, I really loved them. I'm actually sad that I'll never get to experience another birth.

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Birthing is like becoming a parent though (funnily enough :rofl: ) but in the fact that until you've experienced it, I don't think you can truly ever understand what it's like/how it feels/etc until you've been there and done it, no matter how much you read/research/prepare. I think this is perhaps where some of the 'trauma' comes in because despite best intentions, it's never likely to be how you might have imagined it to be ITMS

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I definitely agree with this. I knew that labour would b painful and told myself over and over that no matter how painful I thought it was going to be, it was going to be even more painful than that. I didn't do that to try to scare myself, I just thought of it as my way of preparing for what was to come. And in all honesty, once I was in transition with my son I was still surprised with the sheer excruciating intensity of the pain.

I definitely don't feel like my first birth was traumatic for me in any way, and I had a rather great first labour and delivery. It made me excited to do it again with DD. I learnt from the first experience and I believe it helped with the second which was an even better experience. Then my third birth was pretty close to perfect. I look back on all three births with very fond memories :)

I dont consider my first birth traumatic, it didn't leave me scared leading up to future births.

I think I understand your feeling of 'otherness' I felt disconnected for a while, so much happenedin such a shoert period of time. I was a different person to who I was before my DDs birth. Neither more or less but changed, I think part of the change was due to experiencing the physical and emotional layers of birth as well as the reality of becoming a parent. Lack of sleep after birth and the experience of being a new parent meant it was sometime before I was able to properly reflect on my DD's birth in any meaningful way.I had trouble clearly remembering parts of my labour, although since I have read that hormonal changes post birth can responsible for this, although I didnt experience this to anywhere near the same extent with subsequent births

I enjoyed all three of my births and went into each one much more excited than apprehensive. Im a touch sad I will never feel that excitement and anticipation again.

My first birth did not traumatize me but it forever changed me.

There was nothing traumatising about my first birth, or any subsequent one either. The pain was a huge shock to the system, but I survived it.

I think thats the biggest problem. Is that first time around, you know its going to be painful, but nothing can actually prepare you for the reality. As contractions go on, it can get very scary. I remember asking if it was supposed to hurt this much when in labour with DD1. And it got much worse after that!

When I have someone close to me about to have a baby, I am real with them. I had an old lady (who's never had a child) tell a friend of mine (in front of me) that it doesn't hurt at all. She said that as long as my friend did exactly what the midwives said, it wouldn't hurt. I waited til she was gone & told my friend the truth. That it WILL hurt, you might get to a point - like I did - & think you're going to die, BUT its normal & it is all ok. You just have to remember that you can do it & it will end. After she had her DD, she thanked me for it. Because she did want to believe that this lady may just be right.

For me that was the only thing that had any after affect on me at all. The intensity of the pain. But I was prepared second time around :)