how do you handle friends who lie?

Im just wondering if you have had a exaggerater/compulsive liar in your life how have you handled the relationship?

In this situation the person is a friend. I have known this friend for a couple of years now, and over time her use of exaggeration and lies has started to pile up and become uncomfortable to be around. All the exaggerations and lies are fairly harmless, but its got to the stage where I cant trust a word that comes out of her mouth, and unfortunately Im not the only one who feels this way.
Honestly I have no idea if this friend knows or realises what comes out of her mouth.

I dunno, maybe its got something to do with me and not her, but the lies are sending me crazy. And besides the lies she is a really good friend.

So have you, would you handle liars in your life?

Err I don't think I've had any! Or maybe I have and I'm just too daft to notice its a lie!! LOL

We did have a friend of a friend who was like that - you know the type, had done everything and was always fabulous at it - and we just avoided him LOL

Yep. I find they always end up screwing themselves over with the lies. It's the small ones that trip them up. Honestly, these days I just call them out. Like, "Oh, you went to X on Friday? But I thought you said on FB that you were at Y at that time?". They'll often then joke and lie some more to get out of it. Eh, I don't have time for that sort of stuff anymore, I don't want to continue to enable these types.

My MIL.....but at nearly 70 maybe it is "old age"!! :lol:

For me, as the daughter inlaw.........used to blow me away but now I just treat it as water off a ducks back. I have too or I will go NUTS!

Are the lies hurting anyone or negative against anyone? (not asking harshly, just trying to understand the situation)

But if they are harmless, I would probably wouldn't end the friendship if she means that much to you.. maybe pull her up occasionaly by asking more direct questions of the 'story'..

a lot of people exagerate the truth, so it depends on what the lies are and how they really affect you..

Guessing that didn't really answer your question?

I had a friend like that. Ended up in a big fight and our group of friends telling her to bugger off. She was shocking tho - crying on our shoulder about her husband sleeping with her best friend and the best friend being pregnant it was all false...

I don't get it... What se lying about?


Cat xox

Hmmm I only ever had one compulsive liar friend (stupid stuff.. I mean REALLY lame). I couldn't handle it. Just slowly drifted apart.

Everyone tells porkies and exagurates stories but compulsive liars drive me bonkers!

If you can't trust this person who is a good friend... are you sure she's that good of a friend to have IYKWIM.

If you really want to maintain a close relationship the only thing you can do is be gently honest. Tell her the lies make you not trust her etc.

I've known people who exaggerate, but not really anyone who lies. I dunno. I wouldn't ba able to handle it. I have enough trouble trying to understand why people need to exaggerate, let alone lie. Maybe thats why peoples stories seem more interesting than mine... coz mine are real :lol:

I have a friend that does this. Everything seems to be an exaggeration or an outright lie. And each time she tells a story it gets bigger and better. It's only ever about trivial things, or things that effect her only. For me (and everyone else) it's easier to just smile and nod, then try and work out for ourselves where the truth in the story is. We know to take everything she says with a grain of salt.

My mother!! It is to the point now where we are estranged because the only way I am able to maintain any relationship with her is if I pretend not to notice her lying her bum off. Given how much hurt & trouble her lies have caused I'm no longer prepared to play that game with her anymore.

I have a friend who does this and tbh most of the time I just leave wherever we've been together and go home and have a laugh with DH about her latest - like the tiger snake that drinks from the dog's bowl at their back door that she just steps over each day!!

I guess it depends on whether or not the lies are damaging, or just that she is perhaps trying to compensate for what she considers to be a boring life, or not having anything interesting to safe ITMS. It doesn't excuse it, but I've met people in the past who start with exaggerations and it just progresses to outright lies but they're usually harmless and its purely to boost their own self esteem. If its lies that make you concerned for her welfare, like telling you she has cancer, or that a child is sick etc, then I wouldn't really be able to continue a friendship. Having to stifle my natural response to be concerned for a friend's health because of her ease to lie would be too hard for me.

I think it must be an exhausting way to live your life.

My cousin. I just stopped calling her. Since I was the one that did the calling, I haven't heard from her since. It's been about 7 years since I decided to stop calling her. I have seen her maybe 3 times by chance (and stopped to talk) and many times she has driven past as her kids go to school near my house. We wave and keep going. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. She didn't even get an invite to mine :(. It's sad especially since we had been really good friends since we were babies but her lies were big & hurtful to others. It just wasn't worth the effort.

I've recently noticed a friend of mine doing this.
She was having a Tupperware party, but cancelled the morning it was supposed to be on, saying that her hubby had a migrane and wanted everyone out the house. All good, but a week later she asked if I was going to the rescheduled one and I said I didn't know it had been rescheduled and she said that she had to because her DD was violently sick the day of the original one. I was going to call her out on it but couldn't really be bothered. I just can't figure out why she would lie about something like that.
There are a few other things, too. I'm just distancing myself.

Actually... I do know someone. My dad. Its either rediculous exaggeration, or straight out lies. Always to make him look like a victim. Its very hurtful & I try not to have much to do with him :( Probably why I didn't think of it, its something I don't want to think about.
He claims he paid 5 grand for my wedding... They put $400 towards the food & organised the FREE cars. Thats it. But just last month he was bragging about the 5k he spent. It often comes back to me, or ex when we were together. We still have debts to him that have been paid back for years. Just because. Thankfully they're all ex's debts now that we are split though.
Doesn't stop my dad telling me I'm embarrassing my family & my brothers business because my kids have had head lice more than once.

Anyway! I'm a little hurt by it all. I like to see him, but not spend more than a day with him. It gets alot worse than what I've mentioned above. The sad thing is, that he actually believes what he says... I wouldn't care if it was just exaggerating a story, but this is hurtful. Especially knowing he says this stuff to people I hardly know, in a town I'm still getting to know.

:

---

I've recently noticed a friend of mine doing this.
She was having a Tupperware party, but cancelled the morning it was supposed to be on, saying that her hubby had a migrane and wanted everyone out the house. All good, but a week later she asked if I was going to the rescheduled one and I said I didn't know it had been rescheduled and she said that she had to because her DD was violently sick the day of the original one. I was going to call her out on it but couldn't really be bothered. I just can't figure out why she would lie about something like that.
There are a few other things, too. I'm just distancing myself.

---

Maybe because saying "I cancelled it because none of my friends wanted to come" can be a bit humiliating. ;)

I think agree generally with most of the posts...if the lies aren't big and don't really 'hurt' anyone, then I would probably just accept that she is who she is. Maybe have a think about why she feels the need to lie, at least you may understand it then. Trying to impress you? Please you? Impress herself? Or make herself feel better about her life? Who knows. So many reasons people lie.

my x and he stupidly put a lot of it down in a legal document

I have the opposite, I tell the truth and get told that there is no way I could have done things like that, so I now keep my mouth shut to except to those who are the closest to me.

:

---

Maybe because saying "I cancelled it because none of my friends wanted to come" can be a bit humiliating. ;)

---

Definitely not the case. She had about 10 people going.

You know the saying - never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Well that's my brother. Used to give me the flaming irrits, but he's my brother, what can you do? We don't call him out on it - there's no use. I think he kind of knows that everyone is used to a certain margin of exaggeration when it comes to him.

I don't think it's 'you'. I think you are totally reasonable to expect the truth. But if she's a great friend then you might just have to get used to it. As long as it's not doing you any harm, or disservice. I guess she has reasons why she does this. Insecurity springs to mind. Immaturity too. In my brother's case he always has to be bigger and better and BTDT with everything. I don't. So i don't let it bother me too much.

Maybe she actually has a psychological problem and hates what she does? Maybe she'd actually love to get some help. No idea how on earth you'd bring it up though?

Guess you could say next time "oh but that's not what you said last week...is everything ok?"

Hard one.

I had a friend like that who I don't want anything to do with now. Was too much to deal with, couldn't believe a word out her mouth, she's still going convincing evveryione she is royalty at the moment.
Also a guy I was dating earlier this year I've realised has lying/ exagerating probs. He sorta made up part of his life. With him we are still friends, I sorta just go along with it because I feel he may actually believe what hes saying and its not really affecting anyone.

:

---

You know the saying - never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Well that's my brother.

---

Lenny, Im usre this friend lives by the same mantra!

Thank you everyone!

She is a great friend who when shes around you can have a great laugh with. But the constant lies are having a draining affect on me. I waiver at having her in my home because it changes the feel of my house. A lot of the time her stories are social climbing, and I dont really mind those because well I couldnt care less about social climbing, Im not one to really care as to who knows who, who has contacts where etc. Then there are the lies about her relationship problems which dont exist and the list goes on. She pretends to have issues with her family, to the point of her not having a relationship with anyone in her family, then the next day they are off on a vacation together with her saying how much she loves her family and spending time with them. The list really does go on.

Her lies are harmless, but they are draining. She is a good laugh, and we do take her stories lightly and what not.

Thank you

I dont have the time or energy for liars. A white lie here and there isnt much, but I have enough dealing with my reality without trying to understand someone's made up life. I see it as a form of trolling, which is behaviour I despise. I know of people who have made up relationship problems or babyloss to gain sympathy. I have no tolerance for that kind of leech.

I'm pretty black & white when it comes to trusting my friends though.

I deal with liars and manipulators at work. I do not put up with any hint of this kind of behaviour in my personal life. Whether I see it as harmless entertainment or something more hurtful/harmful I just don't have the energy. I see it as a form of emotional manipulation tbh and even if the person wasn't fully aware they were embellishing etc, I would find it impossible to trust them to any real degree so there would be no basis for friendship itms.

Each to their own. It's an interesting question in terms of where each individuals boundaries are.

ETA - in terms of how I have handled it, I have just not let the relationship progress from acquaintence to friend and/or slowly backed away and gradually ceased contact without making any kind of fuss.
Sent from my phone.

Years ago i was actually in a relationship with a guy who just lied about everything!!! unfortunately i didn't realise till we had been together for three years! basically he was so incredibly insecure about himself and tried to create a life that people would find interesting that he spun this huge web of lies and stories and it all fell apart cause he was sending him self mental (and i don't mean figuratively speaking) . i felt really sorry for him, but that was the end of the relationship. i think it says alot about your friend, she obviously feels the need to lie for some reason.
i dont know how you could deal with it, once she knows you know she lies alot she could be really embarrassed and that would affect your friendship, or it could be a huge relief for her!?
good luck

We did an intervention.

It did not end well.

I was incredibly hurt to end the friendship, but it had to happen - I couldn't continue to put myself in that situation. They were not harmless lies.


Other friendships where they're harmless, I sometimes pull people up on it, I sometimes ignore it and move on, but as I get older I do find myself pulling back from friendships with people more prone to being dishonest. Truth is crucial to me. Exaggeration or getting carried away is one thing, lying is another.