OMG im so PETRFIED of Birth- need advice

Hi Everyone

Im about 6 weeks along with my first baby, me and DH live in Melbourne, im 34
Very excited to be pregnant was trying for about 6 months, heres my problem
I have had an extreme Phobia of chilbirth since I was in my teens, literally petrified of the thought, everyone around me knows about this cos ive been talking about it for years and due to this I have delayed and delayed it
It seems so silly I realise that, I have always said if the time came I could never go through a Vag delivery and that a C-section would be the only way
Well now that im finally pregnant im bloody terrified, 5 mins after I got my BFP its all I cant think about, awful
This is something I discussed with my GP a few years back and she advised me to take out PH insurance which I now do have
I have an appt next month with 2 male OB's at Freemasons as well as a letter from my GP re my extreme fear and that im too scared for a Vag delivery
Well the csection is freaking me out too! Being cut etc, I just want to be brave and go through it but im so scared its not funny, this is casuing me extreme anxiety at the moment
I already suffer from anxiety and see a Psych, im also on Zoloft, im waiting to see what the OBS say, honestly if I knew that the min I got to the hospital I could get the epidural
And feel no pain I would do it, but then I hear stories of it not working for some, only patrially working, I just don’t know what to do! I don’t want to spend the next 7 months worrying about this

I have no idea what to do!! My mum used to tell me how horrible the pain was im not sure if this is why I have this problem, now that I talk to her she says ill be fine lol

What do you think a dr would recommend with me? I was considering a Doula also to help me through this. The thought of being cut is not great but honestly I would rather that than feeling contractions and
Feeling pushing as this is what I am most scared of,

Help I want to enjoy this special time!!!

Only got a spare minute, but get a doula and do some hypnobirthing researching.

I've had a plaaned c section and a vaginal birth and I prefer the vaginal birth.

Oh sweetheart :hug: Definitely look into hiring a doula and/or an independent midwife to help support you through everything.

It does sound like hearing your mum talk about the "horrors" of birth has had a massive impact on you. Feel free to read some birth stories on here, you'll see that everyone has a different experience. A lot of it comes down to your attitude, and the attitudes of those around you.

If you're anything like me, you'll be reassured by researching *everything*. But you know yourself much better than I do :) I hope by the time your time comes to birth, you'll be at peace with the process. You were MADE to do this!

Firstly I wanna say I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, big :hug:
I don't really have time right now to do a big long post and I'm sure there will be other lovely BB ladies that have more of a personal experience to share. Just some thoughts that immediately popped into my head tho were to get hold of some good informative DVDs and books on birth (business of being born, face of birth, ins may gaskin guide to childbirth, juju sundin??) A doula is a wonderful idea! The other thing is that EVERY BIRTH is different, I'm sure you've heard that before but it really is true and you just cant know how you will handle it all until the time comes. Our bodies are absolutely amazing and especially when we are well informed and supported are capable of dealing with extremes (like birthing a babies!) That would just be incomprehensible before we've been through it. I hope you are able to find some good solid info and support so you can feel more calm and relaxed whatever path you end up taking :)

Im sorry to hear your feeling this way.
I would suggest looking into calmbirthing or hypnobirthing and doing one of their courses. it really helps a lot of women.
Hiring a doula is something else you can look at. they are awesome.

pregnancy is magic time and birthing the baby is special. I hope soon you can feel calmer and enjoy the next few months :hugs:
don't forget your body is designed for this :)

I have huge medical anxiety. I was really terrified of birth but I think my fear of a needle in my back for a c-section was higher so I never really considered that an option.

It is scary but it is also something you kind of have to do, the baby has to get out. So when you know you have to face it and are in that moment, there isn't much else to do but embrace it. I found it best for me to just completely detach during my pregnancy and not think about it, focus on other things. I did no research, no classes, I was better with no information. It would have been detrimental for me to have all possible scenarios (worst case especially) running through my head because I would have totally lost the plot. I just kept thinking it is just another normal part of life, something I could do with all the knowledge I already had.

During labour there were moments I wanted to run but you can't and sometimes that is enough to get through it. I have now been through two drug free spontaneous vaginal births and honestly, the thought of another still does scare me a little. During my pregnancy I would look around and think, millions of people are giving birth right now... so many people have given birth. It is normal. Women over a certain age I would look at and think, hey, they give birth and look at them just living like it is no big deal. I had to take the whole process down a few pegs, it is just another part of life, a single day in your life. A moment. A natural moment you were born with the ability to do. Trust yourself, let go. That is what helped me.

With anxiety in general a little trick helps me frequently that can be applied here - when you have a negative unhelpful thought, visualize it as an internet pop up; annoying, spam, not factual, getting in the way of the bigger picture behind it... so click that x and get back to something positive! Sometimes those internet pop ups are persistent, you might have to keep clicking that x a few times but remember they are just junk and not worth your energy engaging :)

I just think you've been fed to many horror stories about birth. Surround yourself in good birth stories etc. check out homebirth videos on YouTube to see how good birth can be. I myself loved giving birth.

Generally once birth is over the pain goes away, not that I reckon it's painful more uncomfortable would be the word I'd use. But if you have a C/S you have the recovery phase to look at, and not that I've had one but from what I've been told its incredibly painful and takes awhile to get back on your feet. I really thing they should be reserved for emergencies and necessity only.

I'd think very strongly about hiring a private midwife that could support you through this. Is it just the pain you are scared of? Or is it more than that. Fear has a funny way of taking over and making things out to be worse then they are. So you need to get on top of this, without avoiding the situation as such.

Oh Sweetie, it sounds like you are having a hard time. I understand your fear and know that hearing other people's horror stories made me feel worried about birth.

I want you to know that there is help out there! A Doula sounds like a wonderful idea hun!

HSM- suggested watching those documentaries which is a wonderful idea also.

There are plenty of different birthing options and ways to help prepare your body for childbirth.
Maybe even have a look at HypnoBirthing.

I think that you need lots of support and understanding :hug:
I hope that your OB's are full of support and advice!

Hi newmum2013 I'm not going to get into the vaginal versus c-section discussion because personally I have only ever had c- sections, 3 in total - the most recent of which was 6 days ago - where I delivered beautiful twin girls :)

What I can tell you about a c-section is that you will not feel anything - after your spinal block or epidural has been administered they are extremely thorough in testing and checking you have no feeling from your upper body down, BEFORE proceeding to the cutting you open stage.

I don't think you have anything to be afraid of! And I can almost promise you that when the big day arrives your excitement to meet you baby and readiness to het the baby out and do away with your big heavy tummy - will hopefully outweigh your fears of the c- section!

The pain relief administered afterwards is also excellent so you should have no worries about pain in the days after the cs - they will do everything they can to ensure your pain is minimized and you are up out of bed 24 hours after the surgery.

Congratulations on being pg - don't let the fear of how your baby arrives ruin the excitement of having a child!!

X

So sorry your scared I am 7 weeks and just weaned off my anxiety meds so I understand how bad your feelings are mayby talk to a psychiatrist and psychologist and make sure you get a nice on who will talk you through all your options I also think the doula is a great idea

I have my labour war story but u know what yes it did hurt but it was great I loved that it brought my baby boy into the world your body is made for it the pushing for me didn't actually hurt it felt like relief my labour only went for 3 hours and only 3 pushes(5mins) so first labours aren't all bad it really was quite manageable and I don't have a high pain threshold also dh was great support even if the worst case happens there are trained professionals that know just what to do in those situations and in the end all you want to do is meet your gorgeous bubba try to not think about it too much and enjoy each stage of pregnancy especially when you feel that first kick

I would highly recommend doing some research into birth, both vaginal & C/S. Also side effects of drugs involved. This was provided to me at my antenatal classes with DS but would also easily be found online or in books. Birth for me was nowhere near as scary as what all the horror stories and tv shows make it out to be. Because of the research I had done prior to giving birth, I felt calm and relaxed, I believed in my body. I believe that this mindset helped in regards to the actual birth. I have a link in my sig to my birth story with DS. I can honestly say that it was one of the best experiences of my life and I would have more babies if all I had to do was push them out and name them! To keep the horror stories in perspective, try to remember that for every horror story you hear, there are dozens more that are perfectly normal, totally uneventful births (by uneventful I mean no negative events, only the wonderful positive event of a new life entering the world). Yes there is pain but it is a good pain and totally worth it.

Also, welcome to BB! You have definately found the right place for advice and support for all stages of your pregnancy, birth and baby raising :)

Congrats on your pregnancy!
I suggest you meet some doulas for a chat about your feelings. You may also find it helpful to meet with a midwife to talk through how you feel about this and help you to reframe your perspective on birth.

congratulations!!! my little one is five months old now. Prior to conceiving her I was firmly in the childfree and loving it camp, however the universe didn't quite see it that way ;) Having to go through labour was one of the many reasons that led me to not want to have a child so you can imagine how terrified I was when I found out that I was pregnant!

I really thought the only solution was Cesarean section under General anaesthetic. My anxiety went off the scale, and of course this was the time when "one born every minute" (uk) was on the telly so I was just a puddle of crazy on the floor most days whenever I thought about labouring and birthing.

It was recommended I do a calm birthing course, which I did, and it really changed everything. I had the most wonderful labour and birthing experience that I won't bore you with now, and I'm so pleased I have fond memories of the best day of my life.

I can't recommend Calmbirth high enough!

You've been given some great advice so far, but I wanted to reassure you that your phobia (tokophobia) is not that unusual so you may not have a fight to be understood by your care provider. It may help if you google the condition and talk with other women who have experienced it. Often in extreme cases the birth is conducted by a CS under a general anaesthetic but there are no hard and fast rules and what you want is foremost a decider. Having a doula or a student midwife to support you through your pregnancy is also a great idea for extra reassurance and discussion of your options.

I hope you find an OB who is sympathetic and you can relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

I reckon a meeting with an independent midwife could do wonders with beginning the process of healing during this pregnancy and allowing you to embrace whatever birth journey you and your baby will make. You have the potential for a positive, empowered birth in whatever scenario and an independent midwife will ensure that you get as close to that reality as possible.

Massive hugs :hug: i too have had to deal with mega anxiety relating to birth. for me, it was a matter of taking charge, gathering information, seeing a birth counsellor, hiring an IM and going from there. had the most amazing birth with my second child and now am simply looking forward to being able to birth again. there is hope, i promise.

I also highly recommend watching some good, inspiring docos that show us how awesome our bodies and our babies are in labour and birth. starting with teh Business of Being Born.

WOW! Thank you all Sooo much
Honestly you guys are great! Its hard for people to understand so im surprised by the responses here

I have decided im going to stop worrying until I have my OB appointments next month, no more reading crap online which just makes it worse
Ill chat to my dr and see he thinks and go from there, I discussed with hubby last night and we had a really good chat, he wants me to have a c-section
Only because he dosent want it to distressed for the whole pregnancy,

Can anyone recommend a Doula from experiennce or one they have heard of in Melb? Im finding it hard to find reviews on them
I will def be looking into Hypnobirthing if I go down the Vag route

One last question, im havng bubs in the Freemasons (private) and have booked 2 male OBS for the pregnancy, once I have had the initial appt I will decide which of the 2 I will use
I made the appointments 1 hour apart without thinking the first could go over making me late to the next appt, I called their offices and they are now both full that day
From your experience should I change the other OB appt to a diff day? I have 1 at 2 pmand the other at 3pm

Thanks girls you are great :)

Hi,
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Sorry that you're feeling so anxious about the birth. As others have suggested, Calmbirth classes are fantastic. I remember being in an induced labour with DS1 and thinking 'thank God, I did those classes', it was so helpful. As much as people say 'it's just a day in your life' (and it is) I think maybe you could ask your psychologist for specific help to work on this anxiety. Maybe even try some hypnosis? Maybe your mum's comments when you were young have influenced your thinking and hopefully your counsellor can help you to challenge these thoughts and alter them before your baby is due.
An analogy that helps me is it can be like preparing to move overseas and being anxious and worried about how things are going to pan out and as soon as you're on the plane, it's not so scary. My first labour was like that - wondering how I was going to cope and what it was going to feel like and then when you're in the moment, you don't have time to feel anxious as you're too busy/in the thick of it all. So maybe this is the hardest time for you, right now, waiting and anticipating and fearing the unknown?
Anyway, enough of my rambling, I hope you get some great support over the next few months and have a much better birth experience than you're thinking at this moment. All the best!

I can thoroughly recommend Hypnobirthing from a preparation perspective. I haven't hadn't a Hypno-birth yet, still some weeks off for that, but it has been my saving grace in keeping me calm and positive about this birth. Also, have a look at the 'Birth Without Fear' blog and FB page, as thre are often very positive and inspirational sotires and articles that help dispel some of the myths about childbirth that people believe - these myths can cause so much fear. xxx

I'd keep both of the appointments! if they are really running over (ie if they are attending a birth) they usually re-book you on the spot.

As for hypnobirthing or calmbirthing (very similar techniques/philosophy) I recommend it EVEN IF you do have a c-section. the beauty of such techniques is that they help in releasing all the gorgeous happy hormones that are released in birth anyway (oxytocin is the love hormone...something we produce when we are in love AND having a baby! Mother Nature is marvelous in giving us that gift!). So this way, you and your DH will be able to hold eachothers hand even in the operating room and be able to draw upon your own bodies to release all that gorgeous love hormones that your baby will also be producing (because if you do, they do!) and then when they are born, you are all loved up and it really helps with the bonding etc.

Congratulations on your pg :-)
I'm due to birth in the next few weeks and I'm finding that the Calmbirth course we did is helping to further build my confidence. I've also found that Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth has helped me be positively informed and more empowered and less fearful.
Sometimes people will want to tell you their less than positive birthing experience because they are still trying to process it, but what they don't realize is that it's not very helpful or supportive. A strategy that is working for me is if someone starts to tell you about their birthing experience that may not be a positive one for them, put your hands on your tummy and say "shhhh! Baby's listening!"
For me, being informed, educated and gathering the right people around me to support me/ us enables me to feel empowered, calmer and to trust that my body is built for birth.
My Doula is Erika- google her website birthworks. She is a very experienced Doula, life coach and NLP practitioner and very warm and present.
Best wishes for your journey to birth and motherhood. You will make the right decisions for you, trust that! and think about the first time you look into your baby's eyes and the joy that you will feel in that moment.

Hi, just checking in and wondering how you ate going?

WOW thanks so much for your message
i decide with my hubby rather than going through all this anxiety a c section is best
ob agreed , since that i have hardly worried to be honest- i am happy and content with my decision to have a cesar :)