Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #4

Have you suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss and are looking for others to talk to who are in a similar situation? Are you looking for understanding and support? If so, this is the place for you.

This thread is designed to help you through the tough times....whether you have recently suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, or if it was some time ago. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on how you remember your angels on special occasions and anniversaries.

Whether your loss was recent or not, it can really help to share your thoughts and to know that you are not alone in this journey.

Please note that there is a separate forum for Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss and Pregnancy after Miscarriage and Loss and we have monthly threads available to all members which we encourage you to join.

Following on from HERE

Hi girls,

Well it is another chem for me. The test lines didn't get any darker and I had my blood drawn today (4 weeks) and hcg is only 16.

I guess that is good because I knew the preg wasn't going to be viable, but I thought it might be an early mc rather than a chem (cos the lines were more definite than with my other chems), and at least that means it shouldn't muck me round for too long. I tend to be quite fertile after a chem too. (that is me looking on the so-called bright side...)

I am getting all of the recurrent mc tests done on thursday. This is my 4th mc (or chem) in a row (this year!), and my 5th overall. O.O How did I get to be a person who has had *5* failed pregnancies? Really, how did that happen?

Alison - best not to follow in my footsteps this month afterall chicky! (I hope you get your own REAL bfp this month - how's that going?)

I'm sorry to hear your news smamfa. You sound to be in a good headspace about it all though and I hope the tests give you some answers and you can follow it up with a beautiful pregnancy.
Huge hugs lovely.

so sorry smamfa :hug: what a journey you have had this year... I wish it was easier for you hun, and I really am so so sorry xoxox

thanks Rach and myturn xx

Hi Smamfa - Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Gosh I can't believe it mate I'm really really sorry. I had 2 chems last year, got BFP's on the POAS and then a day later bleeding. What exactly is the difference between an chem and early m/c? I just assumed a chem was where it fertilized but didnt implant is that right? What are you going to do now, you're not having any fertility treatment are you?? When you test get them to check your progesterone - as it is sounding very much what happens to me. I cannot sustain a pregnancy without supplmentation, you may be the same. I hope next month is yours sweetie. xxxx

AFM - I'm struggling, I hate this waiting game, I'm on edge every day, every cramp, every back ache, every twinge I expect bleeding to follow, I am not testing until Tuesday now because Monday is a public holiday here grrr - if I even make it that far anyway. Every other non pregnant cycle I've had on progesterone I've never lasted to testing day. The only positive I can find at the moment is that I am 12dpo today which is the longest luteal phase I've had in a long time so at least I know the progesterone is keeping AF away long enough if egg was to fertilize. I had bloods done Tuesday to check my levels and my progesterone was looking perfect, so that's a good start to know the supplements are doing their job. The nurse did tell me if I was to get pregnant I'd be upped to 3 a day, why they don't just do that anyway because given my past history I have found on pregnant cycles by the time they up me from 2 to 3 it's too bloomin late. This journey and process just sucks for people like us, I don't get how people can just TTC/get pregnant and not have anything to worry about. I wish!!!

Hi Everyone,

Im brand new to the forum and not sure if im in the right place...

My Partner and I have been TTC for a few months are experiencing our first miscarriage. I have seen that they happen so often and seem to be quite common in early pregnancy, I just didnt think it would happen to me. Its shattering and so hard and I just feel so disappointed in my body. I tried so hard to look after myself and be as healthy as I could but couldnt prevent it happening. I only had my first obstetrician appt yesterday and saw out little implanted egg on the screen and was told everything looked great. How quickly that can change...

The OB has said we can try again straight away so hopefully the bleeding doesnt go on for too long. Its awful seeing it happen infront of me and not being able to make it stop.

It feels a bit better being able to write it all out because sometimes its hard to say out loud. Its hard talking to our families about it because i feel somewhat shamed as silly as that sounds.

And smamfa I'm sorry to read of your losses. I hope you can have your happy pregnancy soon.

Hi preggoeggo and welcome

I am so sorry that you (and all the girls) have had to join this thread, sorry to hear of your loss :hug:
Please ask if you have trouble finding anything on the forum.


smafa, big :hug: to you too.

So so sorry preggoeggo. It's so hard and you will probably feel all over the place to start. Try to look after yourself love xox

Thankyou for your kind words ladies.
How long until it will become a bit lighter? Day 1 was light to moderate and then painfully heavy at night and today is day 2 and it's so heavy all day. I just want it to be a little bit lighter so I don't have to be so uncomfortable. Plus I can't leave the house because I can't be away from a bathroom :(
It seems like so much blood - I end up feeling faint, dizzy and nauseous.
My goodness I wouldn't wish this upon my very worst enemy.

Hi Preggoeggo, so sorry you have to join this thread :cry: I've had a few miscarriages but the last 2 I had to have D&C's so the bleeding is not overly heavy, just like a normal light-moderate period but my bleeding did last a good week so you may find the same, it depends how far along you were too I think. Just keep an eye on it, if you're not feeling well with it either I would be checking back in with the GP/OB. I hope you feel ok soon, it's not a nice thing to experience.

Hi Alison,
Sorry to hear of your losses. Going through several would just be awful. I don't think I truly understood the heart ache until I experienced it myself. Im doing much better. It was particularly bad for about 24hrs where it was so heavy I couldn't stand without feeling like I would faint. Anyway it's day 4 now and it's just brown spotting so hopefully it's nearly all over. I've got an ache (sorry tmi) right up in my vagina and cervix so hopefully that passes soon too.
I see the OB in a few weeks again X

Welcome preggoeggo, sorry you have to join us here it is a **** thing to go through. I hope it is not long before you are utd again, it can happen quite quickly after a mc (seems to for me). I'm not sure how far along you were but you might get the spotting for a while. I had a few cycles that were a bit wacky afterwards but that is very normal. Hugs for you.

Alison - you were talking about the difference between a chem and an early mc - with a chem it *does* implant - or start to, or implant partially at least as that is how you get the hcg, but in my mind the difference is with a chem my hcg seems to be already going down again by 14dpo when af should arrive, whereas with a mc it can keep going up for a while. I'm sure that is not the technical definition but that is what it seems like to me. By 14dpo my hpt are usually lighter and definitely not darker with a chem. I also kinda think of a chem as being earlier than 5 weeks but would class as an early mc anything after that. But as I say, that is just what my head thinks. I've gone an d had a big bunch of blood tests so we will see if they have anything interesting to say. My progesterone has always been very good the times they've tested it so ????

:

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Welcome preggoeggo, sorry you have to join us here it is a **** thing to go through. I hope it is not long before you are utd again, it can happen quite quickly after a mc (seems to for me). I'm not sure how far along you were but you might get the spotting for a while. I had a few cycles that were a bit wacky afterwards but that is very normal. Hugs for you.

Alison - you were talking about the difference between a chem and an early mc - with a chem it *does* implant - or start to, or implant partially at least as that is how you get the hcg, but in my mind the difference is with a chem my hcg seems to be already going down again by 14dpo when af should arrive, whereas with a mc it can keep going up for a while. I'm sure that is not the technical definition but that is what it seems like to me. By 14dpo my hpt are usually lighter and definitely not darker with a chem. I also kinda think of a chem as being earlier than 5 weeks but would class as an early mc anything after that. But as I say, that is just what my head thinks. I've gone an d had a big bunch of blood tests so we will see if they have anything interesting to say. My progesterone has always been very good the times they've tested it so ????

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Hi Smamfa,

Thankyou and same to you if you are currently TTC :heartbeat:

My understanding of a Chemical Pregnancy is an egg that is fertilised and implanted, but never grows into an embryo. So if it spontaneosly miscarrys before it grows enough to have a heartbeat, it is classified as Chem. Thats what was explained to me anyhow but as I see when i google it, there are many different ideas of what it is. Not that it matters either way - from the moment I saw those positive tests it was a baby to me.

:pink-babydust: xx

Hello,

sorry to hear your stories. It helps a lot to read what you've been through and similar thoughts about m/c. I hadn't been pregnant before and went through a 10 weeks m/c about 3 weeks ago.

It's too soon to consider getting preggo again but I find the big things I'm progressing through are:
- managing anaemia (eating well and regaining energy - this is the easy bit!)
- releasing tension from the physical and emotional pain of m/c (doing yoga at the moment but sometimes I just feel like crying out loud)
- wanting to share the experience with women who have been through a similar experience (because close friends don't necessarily understand)

Like Preggoeggo it was an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. It was horrible. Contractions, big clots, abortion pill to clean uterus, artifical contractions were the worst. There is not much information out there - I wasn't aware it was like a birth. Blood loss, etc. Sugar helped!!! And the ambos when I almost passed out.

Too much information but I hope others might read this and identify with the experience. Better spoken about than hidden!

Regaining fitness - wanting to travel and see something other than my hometown - this is my reaction to the whole experience funnily enough.

Thanks for listening ;)

Welcome optimist and I'm so sorry for your loss. We wanted to get away after our loss too and we did. We took off up the coast for the weekend and it helped some. I hope you find the strength to heal and hopefully try again xx :hug:

thanks - helps so much to have supportive words. haha yes I did have a weekend on the coast but that wasn't enough! still want to get away completely, must be flight or fight syndrome.

Healing is the best way to look at it. Might go do something creative. Paint a picture or something :-) It'll take time ....

Sorry once again for your loss :hug:. I found talking about my loss was what helped me through the grieving process, it's hard going through all different emotions but please know it's ok, let yourself grieve, it's so important.

Regards,
Dianne

Just sending you some hugs optimist :hug:.

Regards,
Dianne

Dianne

Oh thanks for the hugs and sympathy. It's amazing being in touch with people who have been through it before. Sorry I didn't respond earlier - I don't have a smart phone and enjoy being outdoors. This weekend spoke to a girlfriend who'd been through an abortion. It's only the people who have experienced a similar event who really understand what it's like, like you.

Others mean well but have no idea of the legit grief or depth of feeling women have for babies who aren't born yet. That's what I'm finding anyway.

:) ... Thanks! ahh a monastery on the top of a hill in China would be great right now (to have my own space I mean)....

Your so right optimist. People who haven't experienced a loss want to help, but simply cannot understand the depth of your grief. I'm glad you found someone to talk to in real life. The only person who got me, was my mum. She has 2 angels from her babymaking years, one of which was my twin!
Enjoy being outdoors :) the fresh air and sunshine can only lift your spirits!

That is amazing! Being part of a twin pair of babies. I wonder if knowing you had a twin before your birth makes any difference. Sorry that your mum lost a twin though, that would be bittersweet I imagine.

It's really inspiring what women go through to make babies. I had no idea. My sister-in-law had 8 m/c (IVF) but has become so matter-of-fact about them it didn't help to talk to her much.

yay thanks for lifting my spirits.

Hi everyone. I'm sorry that we are all here but I hope we can all get strength & support from each other.

I apologise if I'm in the wrong thread but I really want to get everything off my chest but don't want to burden anyone who doesn't understand. When I was 21 I had my beautiful girl, there were no major complications & I ended up marrying her dad & trying for more kids. We actually got pregnant on our honeymoon! But at 12wks 4 I started spotting & was sent for u/s which showed a 9 wk bub with no heartbeat. The next day I had a d&c & 4 mths later we conceived again. The GP I saw to confirm the pregnancy was matter of fact & didn't seem to understand my fear. At 9wks I developed sharp pain & spotting & an u/s showed no baby but a lap confirmed an ectopic & I lost my left tube. I was a mess. It took its toll on my already fragile, emotionally nonexistent marriage & we split 3 mths later -19 days after our 1st wedding ann. Fast forward 10 yrs later & I'm in a much better place emotionally, with a loving partner & my DD who's 12 this week & we're TTC & I am excited but also very petrified! I want to share my life with this fantastic man & each month when I O I get excited that this might be it! but this month my heart is pounding, I feel so anxious & want to cry. We're currently in the 2ww so I have another 10 days or so of this emotional roller coaster. What happens if we do fall pregnant & the pregnancy isn't viable. I don't want that loss, that stress. I know I'm being unreasonable & that my story is nothing compared to what so many of you have experienced but I don't know how to snap out of it. Please tell me I'm normal???

Hi Ladies,

Sorry for everyone's loss.

I was so excited and looking forward to joining this forum and sharing my journey, but it all seemed to come to a crushing end on Monday. We went for our first 10wk scan and to our horror and what my gut feelings had been telling me for the last week, bub stopped growing at 5wks :cry:Doc was soooooo kind and caring. He wants me to wait till next Monday and have another scan to make sure we havent got our dates wrong and that bub hasn't grown before he performs the d&c on Tuesday. I know the dates aren't wrong cause my last period was the 10th Jan and 3 days after my period didn't come I tested positive to a home preg test. He doesn't think I will miscarry naturally cause it's already been 6wks since bub stopped growing and my body still has all the pregnancy symptoms. It's just heart breaking knowing my body still has to go through this and knowing there will be nothing at the end of it.

Doc said it was probably due to a chromosome not joining properly, BUT I can't help think was it something I did? Like did I exercise to much and over heat the bub? Was it because I had a massive boozy night and had a kebab the week before I found out I was preggers? Is there something wrong with me or my eggs?? The list could go on!

My question is, after a d&c how soon after can you start trying again? I'm 35 (first child) and don't want to wait too long cause of my age and am hoping for 2 kids before 38.

Sorry that this is so long.

Trinkles xx

Glad you found the thread, optimist. Lovely you have found someone you can relate to IRL :hug:

Welcome TickToc. I am so sorry for your losses :hug: You are so very 'normal' to have those fears and anxieties after having miscarried in the past. IMO thinking the worst is a way of protecting ourselves. Almost like if you expect the worst any 'bad' result cant be any worse ITMS!

Welcome Trinkle- Stein, Im sorry your little one didnt stay but dearly hope your dates are a bit out and there is a little heartbeat next week :comfort: Limbo is such a tough place to be. My body did something very similar when I miscarried.
FWIW nothing you you did cause this to happen. It happens far too often and mostly for undetermined reasons.
Depending on what your Doctor advises as to when you can start TTC again, It varies from person to person, Dr to Dr. For us there was no recommendation, in which case as long as you and your partner are ready than thats what counts.

:hug: to all

Well we had our second scan on Monday and unfortunately the scan showed the same as last Monday, bub hadn't grown which resulted in a missed miscarriage, so went in yesterday for a d&c. Out little angel is now in heaven with its poppy :(

The staff at Murdoch were absolutely wonderful and caring and I couldn't ask for a better Ob! He is so caring!

Is it normal to feel numb and empty? I just don't have any emotions right now! Is this my body or brains way of protecting me or will it hit me tomorrow?

Rest in peace our little angel xxx

I am so sorry Trinkle- Stein :comfort: Take time, there is no right or wrong way to feel but do be kind to yourself :hug:

Hugs TS - I was very numb after my angel babies left, I remember clearly being in the shower the night before my d&c (1st m/c, 2nd pregnancy) & letting out this howl of pain that was so deep & loud but was also utterly silent. I say just sit with yourself, let your thoughts wonder & know that sometimes life just sucks. I hope one day you have a sticky baby that brings you all the joy that your life is missing at this time. Xxx

oh I'm so sorry Tinkle Stein.

No advice but just my experience - if this doesn't fit with you just ignore it - I had a mc at 10 weeks, spontaneous abortion. It stopped growing at 6 weeks.

I'm a lot better now but still emotionally a bit touchy. What I wanted to say is, it felt weird when my body felt pregnant but I wasn't. Swollen boobs, hormones still preggers, beaut skin. That was after I'd lost the baby.

We haven't tried again (for other reasons as well as mc) yet but I felt SO much better after my first period. I'd ovulated, had a period which felt cleansing, my hormones were back to normal again. JFYI.

The loss affects me in strange ways still. Find it hard to congratulate friends when they become pregnant, get choked up when ppl ask if I have kids (can't really say, oh I tried but it didn't work!).

I've just come to the conclusion that having babies is like Russian roulette! I just don't have any control over whether a pregnancy is successful or not, besides taking care of myself.

Hope that you can find support and grieve, we had a ceremony to say goodbye, which was a huge relief, to say goodbye to a baby that we wanted so much.

So ive just come back from my OB office. And was giving a 98% chance that this pregnancy will be a miscarriage by my next scan which he booked me in for in a week. He would not book my D&C untill he was a 100% certain.

He saw "movement" or sound.. not sure.. on the scan that didn't match my own heartbeat. For that reason he wasn't 100% sure that the pregnancy wasn't viable.
Making me wait for the dooms day next week.

Third miscarriage.. and a flippen, drag me on for ages one to boot.

Ive been told to hold onto the 2%.. I am sick of holding onto little to no hope. It just breaks my heart again and again.

Thanks for listening.

(I should be about 5 weeks gestation today)

Hugs tascha - I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have supportive people in your life who can be there for you. Life's cruel & unfair at times :(

I just wanted to pop in and recognize that today was my angels EDD. Reading through my posts, it seems like a lifetime ago that I felt that way. I knew today was coming up ofcorse but I really had no idea how I was going to feel when it arrived. I mentioned to DP what today is and he said "oh well, we've got Henry now" - he's due in 9 weeks and ofcorse I am thrilled but he certainly doesnt replace our lost one. I still miss the first, wonder who he/she was and wish we had a chance to meet. I think DP just meant for me to not dwell on what we cannot change and focus instead on the joy that we do have. Its a weird day.

I received confirmation today (at 9w2d) that my pregnancy was to be no more. I have spent the entire day being really angry.

I dont know how to cope with what i'm feeling and everyone else is trying to get me to look on the bright side. ie, at least i know i can fall pregnant (this being the first time) it doesn't make me feel any better at all....

i'm at a total loss...i want to be alone but not alone, if that makes any sense.

my little angel left me over a week ago but i have had no cramping and no bleeding...i dont even know what to do, who to talk to or where to go.

I'm sorry we all had to meet under these circumstance.

I'm so sorry Wrangalove, we are here if you need we understand your pain. Be kind to yourself, time will heal xoxo

Being angry is normal wrangalove, you are going through a loss & grief has many stages. I got my hair cut very short the day after my d&c, I wanted a physical reminder of my loss.

Please be kind to yourself & know that you are not alone .

Just reading over the posts again. Sorry for everyone's loss.

Peace I know how you feel, Wednesday was my EDD and I just tried to keep myself busy and not try to work myself up to much for the sake of my new bubba growing - 12wks (i struggle to feel relaxed and excited tho) and so far everything's going well. I think of my little ones everyday and have a cherub pendant that i wear everyday in honour of them.

All I can say is take one day at a time and look after yourself x

Big hugs to every single one of you girls who are sadly here xoxoxo
I've just started bleeding :-( I had a sub chorionic hematoma big bleed at 5 1/2 wks and thought I'd lost it but next day ultrasound said it was fine I thought it was our mirical :-( but after more bloods saying fine and another scan saying not fine but my bloods still going up I've been one confused mess who desperately just wanted to believe everything was fine and yes a miracle!
But no , and now I'm bleeding I guess it's true. Cruel I still feel preg. Blighted ovum collapsed sac"
To top it off it's mc no 7 :-/. It's really hit me hard this one. This one was going so well and I hate the fact theres no warning with this... All of a sudden I just started gushing blood! I felt no pain just lots of blood!
Mc do your head in because you don't know your bubs gone or in trouble until it's all over.
It's like having a time bomb hit you how are we supposed to relax in a new pregnancy ever??
I really thought this was the one :-(

I just found out yesterday that we lost our baby :(.no hb at 10 weeks after we saw one at 6.im in a lot of pain right now n I just want to move on :(.is there a support group somewhere for women who have lost a baby that were due in april?

ewater so sorry to read about your loss. Fly free little angel.

I think there is not enough people due in April for a support group specific to that on BB. Maybe another forum or Facebook would have a private group. It looks like this group is pretty empty now. I know when I had recurrent pregnancy losses I joined a ttc after m/c and loss group which was fantastic but that was when we were ttc again. I hope you find the support you need and you have the support at home during this difficult time.

So very sorry for your loss :hug:.

Regards,
Dianne