Loss at 12 weeks

Hi there,

We had been trying to conceive number 2 with PCOS and had done 8 cycles of FSH ovulation induction over 18 months. We had success and HCG numbers were great, good heartbeat at 7 weeks, and all looking perfect at 9 weeks when I had an extra scan. I had a doppler and was listening in every couple of days and heard a strong heartbeat about 160-165 usually.

So we went for our scan at 12+2 to be told that the baby had died a couple of days before. I have still had no bleeding or cramping, and still have morning sickness.

After having the weekend to get our heads round this I am seeing the doctor today to discuss the d&c. I have a few questions and wondered if someone could help me as I'm scared that I won;t get all the answers in the doctors today.

What will happen to the remains of my baby, do we have any say?

Will they be able to tell me if it was a girl or a boy?

Will the baby come out whole or will it be harmed in the process?

Are there any other options other than the d&c? If the baby was 12 weeks would a natural miscarriage be too distressing? My understanding is that it could take weeks and I think I need to get past this quickly for the sake of myself and my son.

If I have PCOS and normally don;t ovulate on my own, will I still get a period in a few weeks and when can we go back and start treatment again?

I'm sorry if some of these questions are distressing, I just need to know what will happen to my baby and was hoping someone could me.

We are heartbroken:cry:

Thank you.

Lyra, I am sorry I don't know the answer to your questions but I wanted to say how very sorry I am that your precious little one couldn't stay.

Big gentle hugs x

im so sorry you are going through this, lyra. it is so unfair. :hug:

i cant answer most of your questions, but they should be able to tell you the sex, if you want to know. im sure another member will pop in and give you some more support and advice. take care. xx

Lyra, I am so sorry for your loss.

I'd ask your doctor to have the baby tested. Karoptyping involves taking a sample of tissue, growing cells and counting the chromosomes. You may have to pay for it, in which case the test is about $400. That test may give you answers, if there was a chromosome problem. Most chromosome problems are one offs, so are unlikely to reoccur. However, a lot of time they cannot find reasons. With my mmc, but had died 2 weeks earlier, so they couldn't grow enough cells to test.

If they can karotype, then they will be able to tell you if bub is a boy or girl. You don't have to test. However, they won't likely be able to tell sex at such an early gestation without testing.

With a D&C or D&E, the baby will not be whole. I don't know how long a natural miscarriage would take. I had a D&C.

You can ask for the remains. It's your baby. Just ask if it's possible to have bub returned after testing. Different hospitals will have different policies. Some places do mass cremations. Others dispose of them as medical waste.

If you're not comfortable asking your doctor, there may be a pregnancy loss coordinator at your hospital that you can ask. They are normally present at large maternity hospitals. I don't know about private hospitals.

i don't know about how PCOS will affect your cycle return or when you can start treatment again. My cycle was moved out from 4 to 5 weeks, but I don't have PCOS.

i hope some of this has helped. Nothing can help the heartbreak. I am truly sorry you are going through this. Go gently.

Could not read and not offer a :hug:.

Lyra I am soo sorry you are going through this.
Xxxx

I'm so sorry Lyra... Sending big hugs your way. Lionsandbears summed it up pretty well. I was 11 weeks when I had D&C, had testing done and found out the sex. I was very happy that I found out what it was and made it somehow more real for me and that I could actually mourn with the knowledge it was a little boy. They did also test for certain chromosomal problems, but this came back negative. I did not ask for the remains, this wasn't on my mind at all at the time. I didn't want to wait for it naturally as you said this could take weeks. After the D&C my period came back after 41 days, my normal cycle is 31 days.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a loss at 15 weeks, the baby stopped growing at 12 weeks 4 days (four days after the Nt ultrasound). I was induced as my obs said it was the safer option for the cervix at that stage. We also had an autopsy done and chromosome abnormalities tested and all came back clear and we found out it wad a baby girl. The hospital will probably give you information on your options for cremationetc. We choose to have the cremation and keep the ashes, I couldn't bear the thought of my baby being classed as medical waste. My period returned about six weeks later, I tend to have long cycles so this was normal for me. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, take care of yourself and if you need an understanding ear pm me.

oh wow i couldn't read this and not give you a big :hug: i'm so sorry you're going through this :(

Couldn't read and not give you a hug, I'm sorry you have to go through the agony of losing your little one xxx

Lyra, I'm so sorry for your loss :hug: Be very gentle to yourself. A miscarriage is tough. Do whatever you feel you need too do. Sadly, many of us on here have experienced loss at some stage. It is devastating, painful and just plain awful. We are all here for you, whenever you need us.

ETA: my miscarriage wasn't a missed one, but I did have a D&C, mine was an anembryonic pregnancy, so I didn't have any embryonic tissue to test, but as L&B has indicated, they will be able to do testing to try and get some answers for you.

My cycle returned at almost 28 days on the knocker after the D&C, but I don't have PCOS so I'm not sure how that will affect things for you - every woman is different I guess.

:comfort:

I am so sorry Lyra. :hug:

Thank you so much for all your kind words and support. It means a lot. And I'm so sorry that so many have been through similar things.

I was actually quite proud of myself today, I held it together in the appointment and managed to get all the answers I needed. I am going in tomorrow for a d&c, we discussed other options but this seems the best thing to do. The remains will be tested and then cremated and put into a memorial garden at the hospital, or we can choose to have them back. I will talk to the midwives tomorrow about this, but I am happy that they are not discarded as medical waste.

I will be glad to get tomorrow behind me but will never forget this little baby that I will not get to hold.

I may see some of you in the LTTTC thread soon- I have been stalking you since I took a break (as I was getting a bit obsessive and crazy). Again thank you for your information and kind words.

xxx

Can anyone help me again with a couple of questions...

I was 12+6 at D&c, and bub died at 12 weeks, so how long do you think until hcg reaches zero? I think I;m in for a long wait. It's just so depressing. I want to get back to the clinic and back on those injections, but I've been told my consultant wants to wait one cycle AFTER the first AF, Think it will be 2013 then. I have this overwhelming need to get pregnant before my due date or I think I will implode.

How long do the cytogenetics take? My doctor was very vague so would be very interested in anyone's experience.

Thank you!

Hi Lyra,
How are you holding up?
I was 11 weeks 1 day when I had D&C on 8 June and HCG was down to 0 by the end of June, AF didn't come back till day 41. But have heard it taking longer for other ladies.
Had appointment 25 June with FS and got a phone call that day with results of tests ordered by obstetrician. I did call them a couple of times before then as I didn't know exactly how long it would take and wanted to know results before meeting with FS. The clinic let me wait as well to have 1 full cycle after AF first comes back, they won't do assisted conception till then, but went on holidays then, so now waiting for AF to start, so I can have 1st FET. The obstetrician said we could start TTC straight away as it is said that you're more fertile after a miscarriage. Haven't had a BFP so far and this will be my 4th AF since m/c.
Sending you hugs and thinking of you!

Lyra, I'm so sorry :hug:

my second baby passed away around the same gestation. We saw a heart beat one day and two days later it had stopped. I had a D&C and my cycle went back to normal pretty much straight away. One AF and then fell the next cycle with DS.
Everyone is different though. Have they offered you tests to find out that it's dropping?

Thank you me4ever, that's good to know. That's a bit quicker than I was expecting you to say.

I'm not sure how I;m doing. I've been holding up ok but now have been crying all day. I have a blood test tomorrow. I have to find a job now. My 2013 is looking very different. I can't stop thinking about the ham I ate by mistake and that I went to the gym once at 10 weeks and that might have done something. I hate the thought of going back to the Fert clinic but at the same time am dreading the long wait before we can do anything again.

Sorry that was a big jumbled mess. How are you doing now??

Sorry Kim, didn't see your post. Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss. I normally don't ovulate so am guessing that I'll have a long cycle- I'm trying to prepare myself for that although of course I'm hoping that we will get lucky and conceive quickly again. Yes I think I'm having weekly bloods- first tomorrow, then an appointment with FS. I'm wondering what the hcg will be tomorrow, last one I had was at 6 weeks and was over 100,000

Oh sweety, sending you extra big hugs... I'm sorry you've been crying, wish I was there to give you some more hugs... It took me about a month to not cry so often and long anymore, even though we were more prepared for a possible m/c than you. They told us it was probably not going to work after HCG wasn't rising properly just after 4 weeks. My HCG had only just reached 6000 at about 9 weeks. We still kept hoping.
My acupuncturist told me that when you have a D&C done, with that they remove most of the HCG with it, so it goes down pretty quick.
I still keep being sad if I see women with bellies that probably would be due about the same time as our little one would have been, and when close family tell me they're pregnant. But the rest of the pain and sadness definitely have eased, even though I thought that was impossible in the beginning.
Just wait and see what the results bring back. I know this is hard to think about and still doesn't make it easier.
I know going back to fertility clinic is no fun, but if this will bring us what we want so much, it'll just have to be that way!
Be gentle to yourself and I'm hoping your DH is giving you lots of support!

I'm so sorry that I didn;t reply to your lovely post me4ever. I suddenly had a really heavy bleed and lots of pain so it turns out I still have retained products of conception and have to have a repeat d&c tomorrow. I hope this means that my hcg will drop further as it was still 5000 yesterday. I feel a lot less emotional about thsi procedure because of course the baby is gone, but still wish I didn't have to have it! I'm glad that your pain is easing and that you back on the ttc rollercoaster, I wish you all the luck in the world :)

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss I know how hard it is, I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and had my d&c 2 weeks ago yesterday and I go back for my check up tomorrow and get my test results for bub which I feel anxious about. I'm sorry you have to go in for a repeat d&c I hope you recover quickly and can move on to ttc soon :-)

Thank you x Good luck for your results tomorrow, I hope that it brings you some closure.

Oh Lyra - of all things... You don't deserve this... Hope the repeat D&C will go smoothly and that you will recover swiftly. Some more hugs for you!

Bluewrenee - Sorry to hear of your loss.