What would you do?

Hi everyone,

Would you sacrifice your home i.e sell it, to ease financial stress?

DH is at Uni and working casual. I work 3 days a week. Short of me going back to work full time and then putting DS in Childcare full time I am not sure what else to do to try and make ends meet? We are paying off our house and it's costing us between $600 and $700 per week and I think this is killing us. Is it worth the sacrifice of giving up our home for financial freedom whist Hubby is studying? This year was tough, there will be another 3 of the same thing I am worried we will end up going backwards and all will turn to crap if we continue down this path :(

I would do everything I possibly could, including working two jobs, before I would sell my home but that's me. One of the biggest things I crave is the stability of MY home. I've had financial stress previously when I was on my own paying a mortgage but not for a second did I consider selling it. If you sell you'll lose so much money because despite the best intentions, you will no doubt eat away at any capital you have and then you're way behind when you have to start over again in a few years. Its hard though - money only goes so far and your own home is less important than feeding everyone. Have you looked into what sort of money you would be paying out in rent, location and condition of rentals etc? I would need to be making significant savings to consider it.

Are there other things in your regular spending you can look at cutting back on? Even a coffee bought out every day really adds up

I have done a bit of research and it seems as though we would be paying $400 a week for a suitable home. I agree the thought of loosing this place is devastating as we worked very hard for it, but if DH doesn't pass UNI or gives up on it, all this sacrifice will be worth nothing. I was considering going back full time after an appropriate amount of time once second bub is born but with the cost of childcare for 2 kids, I wouldn't be making that much extra. I would also have to find another job because the option for full time work just isn't there in my current place of employment. Another thing, I don't think DH would want me to work full time, he knows how much I do around here and if he had to take any extra work on, well let's just say he couldn't :( this decision is absolutly tearing me up :crying:

What can you rent your home out for? Enough to cover the mortgage? Then you could rent somewhere cheaper.

I would second renting out your home then renting a small, cheap flat. Or considering working full-time. Or trying to do a work-from-home job on your days off, or having your DH do something in the evening - evening jobs are very doable with studying, many students do them.

Is it "tough but we can do it without luxuries" or "so tough we can't actually cover the mortgage, taxes and baseline bills, let alone affording to eat"? If it were the former, I'd suck it up.

ATM I'm looking for work. DH and I are considering me working abroad, leaving DH and Liebling at home while I work for 6 weeks in another country, then fly home for a week or two, then fly back. Just for a year, but enough to get some funds behind us so we don't lose the house. DH doesn't WANT me to work abroad, nor does Liebling, but we also don't want to lose a home we've worked damn hard for and won't be able to get back if we do lose it. Lesser of two evils.

I agree that if you can afford not to sell then keep your home. You'll not only lose money through selling in real estate fees, but setting up a new loan in a few years time will also cost you many thousands of dollars in fees and stamp duty etc. if you average all these costs out per week over the next few years you might find you're actually 'saving' money by keeping your house. As others have said though, if its a case of having food on the table or not, I'd sell in a heartbeat. I do understand your feelings though. We've tossed up the idea of buying a cheaper house but quickly decided against it.

We contemplated it.. But I have never felt that attached to this house.. Yes, it is our own home, but not my ideal home. It was our step into the market in Australia.

There were weeks where we paid our mortgage and childcare (i only worked part time as well), and had nothing left over.. On a good week, if DH had overtime, we would stock the freezer or cupboards of the basics, so we were only buying fresh fruit/veges on the really really lean weeks on the credit card..

For us, it was only going to be 6-12 months due to a career change for DH and paycut while training.. Any longer and it would have been our most sensible option to sell up.

We probably wouldn't be able to rent this house out for what it owes us, there would be some extra needed.

We don't spend a lot of money on luxuries. We eat basically, don't buy anything we don't absolutely need, there are a few things that have come up randomly that possibly we could have said no too, bucks party, birthday party etc...but we would have hurt those we are close to us by not attending.

DH had a brief chat about it, he is dead against selling this house, he says that we wouldn't be happy elsewhere - which is probably true plus, we would have to spend quite a few thousand getting it up to scratch before selling it plus loosing money by moving etc...what he says he thinks he should do is work full time and do uni part time, doing extra subjects over summer school, instead of finishing by 4 years it would be likely 5 or 6. It looks like this would be the best solution.

I guess we underestimated what it would take to do Uni, whist having a family. I told him I would go back full time, again dead against it. He reckons child care would kill us $160 per day for 2 kids, not to mention I would feel like I had done wrong by my kids :shakehead: I get so stressed about this kind of stuff...being pregnant doesn't help the emotions ;(

P.S I want to avoid money stress if possible, it's what broke up his parents i'm sure of it.

Sounds like a sensible solution. Working full time and studying is hard work but definitely doable. I've done it many times, and I'm currently studying whilst working 4 days....

Study part-time whilst working full-time is doable. DH is currently doing it at the moment and I did it pre children. It can be tough, but honestly I would rather have the study on top of work stress than the money stress and we have been there with the money stress (we are better now, but are still working our way to getting comfortable).

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I guess we underestimated what it would take to do Uni, whist having a family. I told him I would go back full time, again dead against it. He reckons child care would kill us $160 per day for 2 kids, not to mention I would feel like I had done wrong by my kids :shakehead: I get so stressed about this kind of stuff...being pregnant doesn't help the emotions ;(

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So, he's telling you how you will feel? Not letting you have a say. He's just saying no, I am doing this, working full time and studying part time, you are not allowed to go full time as you will regret it.

Woo. No option to do full-time/two jobs until the baby is here then drop down again?

I worked full-time. Do I regret this? Hell no. I fed my son. He was loved and cared for by other people, but it's great that other people love him and care for him. I kept a roof over his head and food on the table. That is far more important than staying in a cold house because we can't afford to run the heating, not eating lunch in the week and worrying that we can't even afford clothes for when he grows.

Yes, you can regret things. But doing your best by your children, even if it isn't what you initially wanted to be for the best? No. And don't let anyone else ever tell you what you will feel. Not even me. I just wanted to offer another perspective.

I appreciate that. And I can understand your view on things. I think my husband is a bit old school with the way he views things...I love him to death but he doesn't lift a finger around the house I do all the housework, cooking and looking after our Son. He brings in the money. I work 3 days for a bit of extra money, to give DS some socialisation at Kindy and because I love my job. I think I would be really devastated if I had to give it up. I honestly think that he sees it like if I work full time, stuff will get left and I'll be depressed having to leave DS. I admit it would be hard to leave my Son but if it came down to putting food on the table I would do anything. I would never judge other people's choices in how they do things....honestly, people like a good friend of mine are better parents because they work full time. She loves her children but she is devoted to her job in medicine and it's her life, and just because we have children, doesn't mean we should give up on our own lives.

So, if you work full-time he still won't lift a finger around the house? Yeah, I can see how it may end up too much for you. My DH grew up with a dad like that and it has been tough sometimes getting him to pull his weight sometimes; me working a 60-hour week, including some 14-hour days (two jobs), soon made things change. He even does stuff now I'm unemployed, which is good for DS to see, although I do feel a bit guilty that I'm not always the perfect housewife.

Do you want to work a bit more for a short time? Could you find an evening job/work from home job? What do you want, not what does your DH want?

Haha Blondie - you need to train your DH lol!

Yeah he pretty much does nothing inside the house, he just doesn't notice things. Like I could leave the bin in plain sight and he would walk past it, laziness who knows but god it can be irritating. He'll mow and wash the car but if he drags dirt through the house, that's my problem :rolleyes: I also remember being heavily pregnant with DS and having to do grocery shopping on my own because he was "tired" :rofl:

I might still ask work if they can find something for me for Monday and Tuesday - just for a bit of extra cash but I guess it would depend on how often they needed it, ie. maybe an extra 2 days a fortnight might work the trick. Working or a project means you bill the customer and they can be strict at times on what is/isn't allowed.

Haha! Tell me about it Chody! I tried denying things ;) eherm but that didn't seem to work :lol: and then I tried the opposite, and that didn't seem to work either, he got suspicious! :doh:

I would do whatever you can to help ease the stress of covering the mortgage, but I wouldn't sell.

Sounds to me like you've come up with a fair solution, but if you want to work a little extra, then every little bit helps.

Good luck. Hope things get better for you soon :)

Can you work weekends - As a swim teacher? Can you work late evenings - night fill? Can DH do these things?

It might sounds really rubbish, but if you are resolute about not selling your home, then you have to increase your income. Especially with a baby on the way.

Speak to your bank, there may be a way to restructure your loan, eg longer repayment period, to take the pressure off.

At the moment DH is working casual arvo/night shift so I couldn't do any night work, weekends are out because he works Friday, Saturday and some Sunday's. Really my only option is Monday and Tuesday's.

Re-financing might be an option if he was still on a big income. Being on a casual income the banks wouldn't accept us.

We didn't speak about it any more last night. I am not sure how to bring it up again with him, I just want to know what steps are being taken to get this under control. I might let him think on it a few days (my DH does a lot of internal contemplation) and then bring it up once exams are over and Uni is finished for the year in November. He might be in a more relaxed state of mind and might be actually able to make a decision.

Thnaks everyone for your advice. Sometimes it's hard to come up with idea's when you have too many emotional issues in play.

That amount for childcare seems excessive. I'm assuming that is the full price. Do you get CCB & CCR?

Does your DH look after your DS when he is not at work? Is it possible that you could work extra days for a while, and your DH look after your DS those days?

We do get CCB and CCR now, but that has only taken effect recently. It does help, hopefully once bub #2 comes along it will be more helpful :)

DH goes to Uni full time during the day and works during the nights so looking after DS during the day wouldn't work for us.

Does anyone know if you can make an appointment with a persona from Centrelink to discuss entitlements? Talking on the phone with them is so annoying, I don't know what others experiences are like but I keep getting told different things everytime I call :wall: now I have started asking for a reference number for the call.

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Sounds like a sensible solution. Working full time and studying is hard work but definitely doable. I've done it many times, and I'm currently studying whilst working 4 days....

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Soundly advice. By selling your house you're stepping out of the housing market.

As someone who is not in the housing market (and paying $560 per week in rent) it is demoralising to realise that a mortgage would be more affordable but we are stuck in a catch-22 (have to rent, can't save the deposit because we rent, but could afford to pay a mortgage off).

With regards to (some of) the other things.... (please don't bite my head off) .... I think he's right.

Clearly you both worked hard to get a home to raise your children in. I wouldn't want to lose it either.

Kudos to him for taking on university (I don't know what he's studying but his start salary on completing a degree will be a lot higher than without a degree - you can get to the same salary but it takes a lot longer) and working part-time. It would be hard work studying during the day and working at night.

I understand that he doesn't want you to work full-time. You will have two children to look after and the childcare costs could outweight the income you might receive from a full-time position. Not to mention that you will have two extra days to get up early and get everyone off to work/uni/daycare. Then there's the coming home thing....cooking dinner, day to day jobs. Is it worth the extra stress?

I used to take Mondays off. I loved Monday's everyone was at school/work and I could catch up on cleaning, baking, shopping and me time.

Men like to provide. Well, at least my DH does. And, FWIW I like (I mean really truly like) ironing his shirts, preparing a fabulous dinner, tidying the house and "looking after" him and the kids. He does the "blokey" jobs - garbage, cars, lawns, spider removal, gardening... he also cooks me breakfast every single morning and masages my tired feet at the end of the day.

It sounds like you are feeling a little overwhelmed with the money.

When money gets me down I sit down and work out what I need to pay out that payday. Quite often the outgoing is more than the incoming. I prioritise things: roof (rent), heating (electricity), food (groceries), transport (petrol/car). Things always work out - sometimes I think I should have been an accountant!

By all means make contact with your local centrelink office and request an interview. You might be surprised by what you are entitled to.

Your DH sounds a lot like mine. While I'm stewing and fretting over things he is calmly sorting it out in his head. I'm the emotional one and he's the logical one.

Take care hun and just don't make any rash decisions (such as selling up) before seeking further advice.

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Soundly advice. By selling your house you're stepping out of the housing market.

As someone who is not in the housing market (and paying $560 per week in rent) it is demoralising to realise that a mortgage would be more affordable but we are stuck in a catch-22 (have to rent, can't save the deposit because we rent, but could afford to pay a mortgage off).

With regards to (some of) the other things.... (please don't bite my head off) .... I think he's right.

Clearly you both worked hard to get a home to raise your children in. I wouldn't want to lose it either.

Kudos to him for taking on university (I don't know what he's studying but his start salary on completing a degree will be a lot higher than without a degree - you can get to the same salary but it takes a lot longer) and working part-time. It would be hard work studying during the day and working at night.

I understand that he doesn't want you to work full-time. You will have two children to look after and the childcare costs could outweight the income you might receive from a full-time position. Not to mention that you will have two extra days to get up early and get everyone off to work/uni/daycare. Then there's the coming home thing....cooking dinner, day to day jobs. Is it worth the extra stress?

I used to take Mondays off. I loved Monday's everyone was at school/work and I could catch up on cleaning, baking, shopping and me time.

Men like to provide. Well, at least my DH does. And, FWIW I like (I mean really truly like) ironing his shirts, preparing a fabulous dinner, tidying the house and "looking after" him and the kids. He does the "blokey" jobs - garbage, cars, lawns, spider removal, gardening... he also cooks me breakfast every single morning and masages my tired feet at the end of the day.

It sounds like you are feeling a little overwhelmed with the money.

When money gets me down I sit down and work out what I need to pay out that payday. Quite often the outgoing is more than the incoming. I prioritise things: roof (rent), heating (electricity), food (groceries), transport (petrol/car). Things always work out - sometimes I think I should have been an accountant!

By all means make contact with your local centrelink office and request an interview. You might be surprised by what you are entitled to.

Your DH sounds a lot like mine. While I'm stewing and fretting over things he is calmly sorting it out in his head. I'm the emotional one and he's the logical one.

Take care hun and just don't make any rash decisions (such as selling up) before seeking further advice.

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Thanks for the advice :) I would never bite your head off ;) DH is studying to be an Engineer. He was a business analyst for a major pharmaceutical warehouse but quit because he hated it, going from this to driving a forklift on arvo/night shift means we take home 50% less than we used to.....yikes! The first few months were a real shock to the system.

I agree my husband does sound a lot like yours...he is very motivated and he really wants to suceed and be the best husband, provider and Daddy he can be.

I think I get worried because I feel he might get burt out, uni and work can be overwhelming. Ideally we would win the lotto and he could focus soley on his studies but the reality is, he needs to keep working, I just want to try and ease the burden but I can totally see his point, I also do a lot, having to do all the cooking, cleaning and the majority of caring for DS I don't know if mentally I could handle any more put on me, plus with a new baby, it might just push me over the edge. I guess the thought of selling the house seemed like a good idea, bring the weekly expenses down but eventually we would want to buy or build another and without a deposit or the ability to save one we would be stuck renting, which to be perfectly honest isn't that appealing to me :(

I just wanted to say to everyone, thanks so much for listening and providing positive advice. It sounds ridiculous but I feel I can't go to family because DH's family all stink with money and I mean stink! Big earners and not much to show for it. My family are different, money isn't really an issue but DH and I made a decision which they support in theory but are still trying to grasp the idea, no money = no money. They don't understand why we can't afford dinner out or a weekend away or spending $30 on a pair of shoes for DS they just struggle with the idea that we have to watch every penny so I feel like I can't talk to them about it so thanks everyone so much :heartbeat:

Engineer - well-done Blondie's DH! We are in a bit of an engineer shortage atm too. This is my DS1s chosen career path.

You both sound like what my father refers to as "good people". Hang in there - you'll both make it.

And night's out - pfft! Some of our most romantic nights started off with spag bol in front of the telly....

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Engineer - well-done Blondie's DH! We are in a bit of an engineer shortage atm too. This is my DS1s chosen career path.

You both sound like what my father refers to as "good people". Hang in there - you'll both make it.

And night's out - pfft! Some of our most romantic nights started off with spag bol in front of the telly....

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I want to "like this" :)

Hi Blondie, In short yes. We built our house 4 years ago and 12 months ago we put it on the market, We LOVE our house, it has everything we need, it's new, big and just awesome! But selling it was the best thing to do. The market turned to the crapper though and we couldn't sell it so after 4 months we took it off the market as ds was walking by then and getting it ready for inspections was a NIGHTMARE!