i suck at this gig

struggling


ds' sleep is declining. he wakes frequently over night. on a good day he will sleep for couple of hours, on other days he doesn't sleep during the day at all. between 9 and 12 months, DD had no day sleeps and it looks like DS is heading the same way.

dd has 17 melt downs a day, likes terrorising her bro and her fave phrase is p*** off. she isn't eating much, could do with a nap but isn't interested and doesn't listen to anything i say.

i'm tired and sore and today sucks.

Firstly hun you DO NOT suck at this gig, your an amazing mum to two gorgeous spirited kids!

With Dd it could be an age thing, DD2 is starting to have melt downs about the smallest of things - the new phrase is "don't CRY just TRY" as she will constantly sook if she can't work something out the first go or if DD1 gets a shot at something before her.

I have no real advice about the sleep, you have had all the suggestions before with DD and i don't think there is much more i can suggest.
It's starting to warm up now and we could start walking again while DD1 is at kinder, maybe DS will enjoy the fresh air and have a nap and DD might enjoy Miss Z's company.

You know you are more than welcome to drop DD off for a day (even if your home with no plans) to come and have a play with the girls, i can grab the carseat and drop her off later in the arvo.
I'd happily do the same with DS if you think he would take some EBM or even in between feeds so you can have some Mummy & A time (cino at the cafe or something).

Here if you need anything hun, you definitely don't suck though.. your AMAZING!

:hug: Hun you don't suck. Sleep deprivation is the worst. DD only started having propper day naps once DS was born before that I had to drive her around in the car. Sorry no advice but I do understand. Hope things improve soon.

Sleep deprivation sucks! I don't know how anyone copes.
I sympathise i really do. I have no advice. Just make sure you accept any help that someone offers.
I wish my 2yo would have a day nap too because he clearly needs it, but he flat out refuses. I bet DD is just an angel for everyone else, too.

This too shall pass xx

I was in your position a couple of years ago with Captain Tantrum and a catnapping grizzly baby :( It isn't fun, especially when they don't sleep at night so you are on call 24-7 for baby duty. No time to just be you without kids hanging off you.

I feel like I am saying it constantly, but low sugar really helped us with the tantrums for DS. Even a bit and he will still have meltdowns about something insignificant. My children have all been affected by my sugar consumption via breastmilk and in hindsight it is probably the reason for DD1 not sleeping very well during the day. I have wised up this time around and am not eating anything sweet and my youngest actually sleeps during the day which is just amazing!

It is really hard when the toddler screams about every.single.thing and you have the baby sucking the life of you.

You are doing the best job you can with the kids you got - don't compare yourself and your situation to others because every kid is different and some of them are just (a lot!!) more work than others :hug:

See, there you have it - you're an amazing mum! They can't all be wrong can they? You just also happen to be sleep-deprived which is the worst thing. It is the most effective form of torture.

If you want my experience ......
DS2 through a really bad stage of biting, hitting and massive melt-downs. He also wasn't sleeping at night properly with constant wakings (after finally getting him down) At its worse I had picked him up from childcare to find out that he'd had 3 biting incidents, plus pulled another child's hair and pushed someone else over. He hadn't had a daytime nap and, by time I got him home he was in full on meltdown. After googling all night I looked at his chart from the previous day. In a space of 12 hours he'd had:

• Weetbix for breakfast
• Scones with jam for morning tea
• Spaghetti bolognaise for lunch
• Fruit with yoghurt for afternoon tea
• Arrowroot biscuits for a snack

Basically, he'd had sugar, sugar with sugar, sugar, sugar with sugar and, sugar!

I read every label on everything I gave him. No more sauce (for dip-dip), no more jam (although I have recently relented and bought the one with the low sugar), no sugar on anything (plain weetbix are a treat), scrambled eggs or baked beans for breakfast and cut down his fruit intake to only one piece a day (or two half pieces). It took about three days before I noticed a (slight) difference and a week or so before I noticed a definite difference.

They have remarked on his improved behaviour at childcare - they worked with me on this. And, he will have a 2 hour sleep during the day and will go to bed at 7.30 and sleep until around 5 (sometimes he wakes up but will either play in his room until he falls asleep again or, come into bed with us).

I know that if he has a hot chocolate or a piece of cake or another sweet treat that he will be in meltdown mode within a couple of hours. I don't deny him his treats but they don't occur on a daily basis.

The other thing that I found worked with him is when he's in the middle of a moment I get to his eye level and hold up my hand and say, "Stop. Take a breath". I'll repeat this in a calm voice until he stops crying and he takes a breath. Then I ask him to use his words and tell me what's wrong.

Of course it doesn't always work but it mostly does.

Right there with ya, HotI. Feel likei spend the whole day yelling at my two! The third one just sleeps in the carrier, thank goodness, but the other two, oh myyyy goodness!

I'm thinking age thing with your DD - DS is just a bit younger but he is Captain Tantrum as Arte put it! We've taken to saying he's made of glass... You touch him and he breaks! DD looks at him, he cries. DD talks to him,he cries. She doesn't talk to him, he cries. You get the idea! It's tough to say the least...

:hug:

*massive hugs* no advice...but you have my mammoth support and I know for a fact you do not suck at it!! you are the best mum those little ones have =)

You most certainly do not suck! Not getting enough sleep is what sucks. I know how it is, I've been there, and was there for a very long time. Be gentle with yourself........ that's an order.

Parenthood is challenging, difficult, tiresome, at times thankless.......... but I promise you do not suck. You're human and you're tired. I hope tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that (and so on) are much better for you. :hug:

I had a catnap baby and she woke 4-5 times a night that first year and then got a *bit* better after 13 months when she went down to 2ish wakeups. it sucks bum, it totally does :( throw into the mix your own exhaustion and the challenges of raising little people and it feels like your head is about to spin around ala 'the exorcist' lol.

i dont really have any sage advice or tips: we demand fed and just lived on the hope that it would improve (which, thankfully for us it did...DD1 has always been an 'easy' child and has been a positive role model i think for DD2 with sleeping...once DD2 weaned and began to take notice of her big sister's bedtime rituals ITMS).

massive hugs :hug: sometimes i reckon we all face moments where we suck as parents, we know when we are not coping and when we have lost the plot: the irony is that that also sucks and adds to the suckiness overall! BUT each day is a new day; this is a mantra i have for myself each night after a really crap day.

thanks for all your replies. i am not really a crier, but got a bit teary (in a good way) reading them.

i know DS will get there, it just sucks doing the no sleep thing again. and he is a heavier baby, so my body is feeling it when he is clingy boy. i probably should look at diet (it keeps coming up as a maybe), but have to get the energy to do some research.

here s to a better day!

:hug: Here's to a better day for you!

Hope you feel better soon! I only have one child and he's only four months and I don't know how to cope anymore due to sleep deprivation. It really is a killer and screws with your perspective.

Is there any chance somebody could do the night shift for you once a week? Or a couple of hours during the day so you get a break? I am sure you've thought of this all already. I just hope things improve for you real soon and you get all the support you need.

:hug: Hun. Here if you need us!

Thanks bibidanni. DS is breastfeeding, and hourly overnight, at the moment so not so easy to hand over for now. I got away for a meeting last week that was a couple of hours, and the poor carer had him scream for most of that time. When we got home, he was asleep in her arms but still sobbing in his sleep. It was nice to take a break, and i know he was safe and loved the whole time i was away, but it's just not really worth it for now.

We have discovered he likes the swing outside so we got some gardening done, and one of us would just push him every now and then and he was happy.

Hey there HotI - I remember that kind of age gap and the tiredness/overwhelmingness of managing my 2. It passed and got better but I really should have tried to take care of myself better in terms of being kinder to myself and trying to get some adult space. xxxx

oh man, you reminded me how when i saw those automatic rocker swings a few months ago i was like: 'omg, why didnt i have one for DD2??' lol. i had never seen one before hahaha. after having a very intense kiddo i was tempted to get one :redface:

glad that he does like the swing though. i know that once DD2 was able to sit a bit more upright for longer periods that it did get a bit less intense and gave me a spare chance to actually have half a cup of hot tea (as opposed to the "chug-down 'cause it's there cold tea before dumping in the sink").

many hugs :hug: hopefully with the longer and sunnier days there will be more gardening opportunities and chances to get outside and get some fresh air in his lungs (always a nice way to try to tucker 'em out!)

:rofl: Cassius... the number of coffees and hot chocolates I had two sips of and then forgot about is definitely in the hundreds!! Thanks for reminding me of that. And to buy an automatic rocker/swingamagig type thing for this next bub. Silly me, scoffing at all the contraptions I thought I didn't need...... Oh my goodness I needed them. You watch, I'll buy them all and this bubby will be an awesome sleeper. Damn you Murphy and your stupid laws!

HotI- I'm so glad you got something from our replies. Parenting is hard work. But you're awesome, remember? Can you express a little at all so that DS can have one or two feeds from Daddy during the night? If not, is co-sleeping an option? I didn't even BF for very long but still co-slept because it minimised his squeaking and squawking during the night. It made things easier, but difficult in a different way ITMS. I remember sobbing to DP one night "I just want to have a couple of hours of sleep by myself without a baby on me, snuffling in my face!" Seems amusing now, but I remember how tiring it got. Whatever gets you more sleep though is the best option. If I didn't co-sleep, it would've been no-sleep. Hehe.... Poetic!

i couldn't have survived the last few years without co-sleeping! i don't do it out of any philosophical reason, just survival. i hear you both on the hot drinks too.

DS was sleeping a longer stretch at the start of the night in the hammock, but now this is only couple hours if i am lucky. He is dribbling, reflux and eczema playing up which i think is all cos he has couple teeth busting through. If so, it might settle down again soon. :crossfingers:

Teeting sucks, not you babe!
If DS hadn't of co-slept (because DD never liked it) i'm not sure what I wouldv'e done. Hang in there, i'm sending the sleep fairies to your place tonight xx

Sorry to hear it has not gotten much better. And breast feeding every hour - bloody hell no wonder you're so exhausted. I hope it gets easier soon. Hugs.