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My baby was stillborn this week. I was 39 weeks. She is my second daughter and I miss her. I don't have anything else to say just that I am sad, then fine, then sad, then fine and then sad again. Any advice on anything especially how you talk to a toddler about it all will be appreciated. Xo
no advice. just loads of hugs. very sorry for your loss. xxx
Oh sweetie I am so sorry hugs xx
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Regards,
Dianne
=( *massive hugs* sorry to hear about your loss.
Congratulations on your daughter, and I'm so sorry for your loss of her:hug: Although I haven't experienced such a loss with a toddler, I would say that it would be good for you to accept any offers of help you can. For you to rest and recuperate physically and to go gently. Be patient, grieve, be angry feel what ever you feel don't try to 'cope', itms.
You will learn to live life the way that it is now, but it will take time to learn how.
MumtoA - My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry you didn't get to bring your precious daughter home. The waves of grief you are feeling are very normal. I lost 2 boys neary 4 years ago and I still have the waves of grief. As for talking to a toddler about death, I'm not really sure what to advise. My partner had a 4 year old we had to explain the twins death too. We just explained that they had died and now they are living in the stars. We pointed out the stars and said that they were watching over us. He was older than a toddler and could understand a bit more.. There is a book called "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead". I have never read it, but maybe it's worth looking at.
I hope you have lots of support around you as you go through this difficult time. Don't have high expectations of yourself, just do what feels right as you grieve your daughter :hug:
I'm so sorry to hear your precious daughter has passed. My condolences to you and all your family at this devastating time.
I am so sorry xx
I have no practical advice for your toddler, I am sorry xx Are there any resources available through SIDS and Kids for example?
Much gentle love and thoughts of you xx
I'm so so sorry.
:hug::hug::hug:
xox
Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl. I'm so sorry she couldn't come home with you.
Sending you lots of love and hugs.
I'm so sorry for your loss :( I do know the book "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead", it might make it a bit easier to explain with a story...
Your public library might have a copy or can get one in for you.
I'm so sorry your precious daughter didn't get to come home. I have no advice, but could not read and not reply.
I hope you have the support you need.
Many hugs and prayers, my thoughts are with you and your family.
I'm so sorry to hear this. No-one should ever have to walk this path so many of us have been forced along.
Congratulations on your daughter's birth, I'm sure she's absolutely beautiful :heartbeat: Fly free and play among soft clouds and paint with rainbows, darling girl...
I'll second/third "We were going to have a baby but we had an angel instead". I read it in my quest to find a book to explain baby death to future children, and it's perfect for this who already had children before the loss of their baby. If you go on to have more children, there's a book called "Someone came before you" that suits that situation :comfort:
Go gently, we're all here for you.
I am so sorry to hear you lost your baby girl. I hope you had a chance to hold her and gaze at her beauty.
We lost Ellen at 41 weeks and in some way I understand how devestated you must be at the moment.
I found breathing and actually surviving took all my energy at this early stage.
Only do what you can and try not to expect too much of yourself or those closest to you.
Expect things to change.
It's just awful welcoming people to this horrible club of parents who have lost their precious babies.
If you can get in touch with a Sids group near you
go gently
Kate
Thank you for all your kind words. Had a massive howl last night which always makes me feel better for a good few hours :)
Thank you for the recommendation of the book, a friend actually gave it to me so I will read it to her...she is a very switched on 2 year old and asking lots of questions. It is very hard for her as mummy doesn't have a baby in her tummy, yet the baby isn't home either :(
We had 5 days to be with her which was good, lots of pictures, mementos made and family were able to meet her. Doesn't make it better but helps a little
Xoxo
Glad to hear you spent some time with your baby and family got to meet her. If you feel like sharing your experience I'd love to hear about her. Only if you want to though. Some people are talkers (me) others aren't.. Just do what you feel comfortable with. Thinking of you and your family :hug:
I'm so very sorry for your loss :( GBH to u and your family x
Blessedatlast - i to am a talker, makes me feel so much better. she was so gorgeous - looked just like her sister, so much alike actually that it would be hard to tell them apart if you didnt know the difference. i was due to have her on the 16.10 and early hours of the 15.10 i decided i wasnt comfotable with how little movement i had been feeling so went to the hospital about 2am. The midwives couldn't find a heartbeat and decided to call my ob - i think they already knew that she was gone. My ob was fantastic and confirmed with a scan straight away that she was gone. He and the miwives were crying and strangely that was comforting rather than it being so clinical and stale. I decided to come home to be with family and talk to my daughter (as best you can with a 2 year old) about what was going on. I had her that evening. I feel like we did everything possible to preserve her memory and while i am so destroyed by all of this i know there is no way that we will ever forget her and hope that her big sister and any of her other siblings will now have a peice of her forever.:
It's so sad.. I'm really sorry., do they know why she died in utero? Have you been in touch with a bereavement support group such as Sids and Kids or Bears of Hope? I started going to support meetings a couple of months after my boys died. I have met some of the most amazing women that have walked very tough roads, and they will be life long friends.. Same with the women here on BB. I found this poem I love it, I hope you may find comfort in the words..
A Birth Healing Blessing
Blessed sister, beautiful one
with broken wings.
Your journey is a difficult one
that no mother should have to endure.
Your path is steep, rocky and slippery
and your tender heart is in need of gentle healing.
Breathe deeply and know that you are loved.
You are not alone,
though at times, you will feel like a
desolate island of grief
untouchable
distant.
Close your eyes.
Seek the wisdom of women who have walked this well-worn path before you,
before,
and before,
and before you yourself were born.
These beautiful ones
with eyes like yours
have shared your pain, and
weathered the storms of loss.
You are not alone (breathe in)
You will go on (breathe out)
Your wings will mend (breathe in)
You are loved (breathe out)
I am deeply saddened to hear of your precious daughter becoming an angel. :hug:
Oh precious girls, for your broken hearts... I would like to write more, but strangely I can't. I'll drop back again later. Your wee little daughter gone too soon will always be your daugther, and you will love her for time immemorial. I am so sad that you're hurting so much now, but it's an important connection to her as you learn to live and parent your angel baby.
At 2 toddlers don't grasp the finality of death. So whilst you might explain it and your daugther appears to understand, she might ask a question that takes your breath away. Just be as honest with her as you can. Reassure her that you love her. Now is the time or lots of cuddles for you both.
What was your second daugther's name?
Will be BBL to check on you....
Much love.
Blessedatlast - they don't know what happened at yet - it wasn't anything obvious like cord damage or infection in me. She has had an autopsy so hopefully something will show in that. It's funny how some days are good and others horrible. We had our first big function to go to yest with all our closest friends in one place. It wa so hard as everyone kept trying to corner us to talk about it but I just couldn't yesterday. Everyone just wanted to give me 'that face' but no one knew what to talk to me about so they kinda avoided me :(
I do have a friend who is a clin psych who has got together a whole bunch of names of counsellors I can see as well as I have contacted sids for kids who said to all back as soon as I am ready for counselling.
Dory - thank you for your lovel message. It truly is horrible :( her name is Anastasia. We had her funeral on Friday. It was absolutely beautiful which is sad and happy all at once. Dd1 is doing well which is a relief. She is happy most of the time And does talk about dd2 so we have made progress. Xox
I'm so sorry to hear that princess Anastasia was to precious for this world huni. Huge hugs and support from us all. Xxx
Hi MumtoA,
Sorry to have to meet you under these circumstances. The other ladies have all given great advice.
It is a long hard road, seeing a Psyc will help, I still see mine now.
Talk about her whenever you need too, to everyone who will listen.
Keep her memory alive for your little girl, she will adapt, and gain understanding as she gets older.
I lost my daughter at 41 weeks and 2 days old, my other children were young, the youngest been only 2.
She knows about her sister but doesn't really understand the concept of death even now (she is 6 now).
We are all here if you need to talk,
Thinking of you and Anastasia (beautiful name for a precious girl).
Take care,
I am glad to know both Anastasia's name and that for you her funeral was beautiful. Hugs.....sending you lots of love and strength.
I am so very sorry for your loss, it is just so awful. I lost my first baby at 26 weeks, he would be 21 this year. Never feel like you have to be strong, or you have to keep it all inside. Cry and yell as much as you like. I'm now pregnant with my 5th baby and every pregnancy gives me the crazies. Remember that you are not alone and it has happened to other people, without any reason or explanation. I wish you all the best in love and healing xx