At wit's end...

I am at my wit's end with this bloody feeding-to-sleep thing DD does. It's been going 3.5 months now and NOTHING that I try will break her of it, but she's breaking me. She feeds 3-hourly at night. Tonight she's done 6pm and 9:30pm, then She had a feed at 1:50, we were back in bed by 2:10. 3am she's awake crying again, from what looks like wind. I go in and do all the winding tricks, get her settled, wait a bit until she's breathing heavily, stand up... BAM she's awake and screaming again and WON'T resettle this time. After about 30 min I lose my temper and kind of do a little foot-stomping dance, stomp out into the lounge so DH will go in, then feel awful for getting angry with her and chuck pillows at the couch. And come back for "I'm sorry" cuddles when DH can't settle her. Then I bloody give in AGAIN and feed her cause I'm so exhausted and don't care anymore, but I do cause I know it's just going to perpetuate the cycle. Someone kill me now!

Firstly, great big hugs. This mothering thing is a had gig at times :( The whole feeding overnight thing is different for everyone but in my experience with my son - I found that once I decided that I was committed to feeding him, I didn't rush his overnight feeds and he took a full feed relaxed and comfortably and then woke less often. If I rushed and rocked him while feeding etc etc then he was more likely to wake. From your post though, it sounds like you are thinking she needs your boobs to help her fall asleep. If you don't want to feed her overnight then it's going to be rough. There's a method....I think it's called the Pantley (Elizabeth?) method where you count and then remove the boob. She might be a bit young for this but it's worth looking into as it's quite gentle.

Is there a reason you dont want to feed her to sleep?

My DS was the same. He cluster fed in the evenings 6-9pm until he was almost a year old. Then woke overnight. At first I was frustrated and stressed out thinking I had to break him of this habit, because he wouldnt settle himself and was feeding for "too long". When I finally gave in and accepted thats what he needed it was much less stressful. So from then on, I just went with it. It felt much easier and relaxed when I just went with his cues. He grew out of it in his own time. He still breast feeds to sleep at night time now but it takes 5 mins and is the easiest way to get him to sleep so I just go with it. I figure he'll grow out of it in his own time, just like he did with the 3 hour long feeds.

What Im trying to say is you dont have to do what the books say. It is OK to feed to sleep so if that works for you, just go with the flow. :hug:

No, it's simply because it's exhausting me! She might feed quickly but she has reflux, so I have to keep her upright or on a slope for 15 min before either of us can go back to bed. Every 3 hours means I'm getting sleep in 2 - 2.5 hr chunks and I'm someone who (without kids) needs about 9-10 hrs straight in a certain timeslot. I'm worried about going back to work in February as I drive a bit for my job. I'm also worried DD isn't getting enough sleep as she is always tired.

My DS has reflux, and overnight if he feeds lying down but i don't move him after he is ok. If i try to move him, then the whole cycle starts again.

Can you put her mattress on a slope?

The cot has been on bricks at one end since about 4 wks old and it never seemed to do anything.

Yeah, DS preferred sitting position to any angle laying too.

Most of my suggestions involve bedsharing/cosleeping, which i know you don't want to do. DO you have a spare mattress you could feed her on and then leave her and go back to your own bed?

i feed to sleep just cos it's easier and i can't do the rock, pat thing in the middle of the night. sorry, i don't really have any ideas for you. just empathy cos i am right there with you waking multiple times every night. Having my dd though, i know that it will end eventually.

How mobile is your little one? DS' reflux has definitely settled as he has become more upright.

Oops, re reading my post it sounds a bit off - sorry, I didn't mean to sound like you need to justify your choices :redface:

I hope you find something that works for you soon. I need my sleep too, I am a real monster without it, so I feel for you.

Check out the method I suggested hun. Exhaustion is torture and you need to do whatever you can to be the best mummy you can be. Xx

I second the Pantley pull-off method. About to start using it to wean off the dummy too.

Sorry you're still having a rough time phebee.

Are you settling her in her bed or in your arms and then putting her down? If its the latter then I'd suggest trying to get her to fall asleep whilst in her bed through patting and rocking as of she falls asleep there then she is apparently less likely to wake after just one sleep cycle.

I never fed DD to sleep either. I too struggle without sleep and was determined that DD would be a 'sleeper'. I'm lucky that she ended up being a good one, but I do wonder how much was to do with what we did and how much was to do with her personality.

Just popping in to say you aren't alone :(

My kids have all been chronic night wakers. I have only survived by co-sleeping so if that isn't your cup of tea then I imagine it must be even worse. I know the pain of just wanting to go to sleep but having to stay up to deal with them and the overwhelming frustration when you think they are going to settle and they snap awake! Arrrrgghhhhh!

I have no idea how to stop them feeding overnight. I am up to kid #3 and still haven't figured it out :( My 13 month old is down to one day feed, but still feeds 5-6 times overnight.

There is the old saying 'Night follows day' - how is she settling to sleep during the day? Do you feed her to sleep for naps and the start of the night? If so, you could try keeping her awake after the feed and then settling her by rocking etc to try to separate the association. No luck with that at my house, but every kid is different right?

Something I have learned though - don't worry too much about February until it rolls around. Three months can make a world of difference in the habits of a young baby.

She doesn't feed to sleep for day naps or the first night sleep. She can do it fine then, just not during the night! Makes no sense :( but her naps are too short. She's always been a catnapper. I can't seem to resettle her after them during the day. Never tried feeding for those cause it was never urgent that she go back to sleep, like it is during the night.

Dd is 16 mths and still wakes for atleast one fed, some times 3 or 4.
she has been the worst of my 3 for reflux so I use to try dream sleep her. Work out what her times and ques were and beat her to it- lie next to her ready to feed her and more often then not she would smell the milk and feed and sleep right through.
If your bf'ing and using a cot, the only way that would work would be a bottle if expressed milk.
If it works- you could get your hubby to take the night feeds some times and u sleep.

I know you must be exhausted. I'm sure you have heard it a lot, as they get older things often get better. Many babys "grow out" of reflux around 6 mths old.

Hope you can get a decent patch of sleep soon :hug:

She's 8 months old and no sign of 'growing out of' it at all :( tonight is 2-hourly now. *thunk*

I've recently discovered my kids are moderately sensitive to salycilates. the main symptoms being sleeplessness and irritability. I wonder if that may have contributed to the years of sleep deprivation.... If you're looking for something else to try, you could look into it

What are salicylates in?

After 3:40am, that was pretty much it and DH is useless :(

Hugs. My DD is 16 months old and wakes 3 times a night still. At about your DD's age, she was waking about 12 times a night. It was hell. At 9 months old I fell pregnant again and my milk dropped instantly. We spent a few more months feeding 12 times a night, but the milk just dropped and dropped. It was then that I made the decision to night wean (about 11 months old). By this stage I wasn't really lactating anymore, I could squeeze a drop if I tried but it was mainly colostrum. DD did cosleep with us though, I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I'm not sure if night weaning is a good solution for you yet, considering your DD's age, but maybe cutting 1 or 2 night feeds slowly over time might help? Basically DH would settle DD when she woke up, bouncing, rocking, singing, anything other than boob. Eventually she found comfort from daddy's methods and I was able to feed every second wakeup, every 3rd, every 4th etc.

Lots of stuff, unfortunately (all fruit bar peeled pears and bananas, for eg). It'd be a bit of work getting your head around, so it might not be doable just now.
What happens if you hand over the DH, put some earplugs in and sleep somewhere else?

PZ & MadB DH is useless and won't help during the night unless it's the weekend. Can't sleep anywhere else as our house is a tiny box and won't fit another bed, plus she won't take a bottle.

He needs to help you, that's just not fair :( You're only one person, you simply cannot be expected to cope with everything by yourself :hug:

Hugs
I hope you have a better night tonight.

My hubby was the same except he never got weekends off, so night help has never been there and day time their working :dunno:
if your at the end of your teather you gotta tell dh, and if he's gonna be immature about helping than talk to your Dr or even the nurses at Dr centre will help put in you intouch with people who can and will help.
I'm sure au has 24hr lines you can call with health care profs, you can ring 1 at 3am when babys not happy.
We all have hard patches. Hang in there mumma you ARE doing a good job

Would she take a dummy? maybe put some milk on the end and give her when she is dozing. Start with a small one.
I found them really helpful with reflux. Helps to keeps the juices down.

She's always refused them before but I haven't tried one since she was really little. I'm just worried I'll be up all night putting the dummy back in. Plus I don't want the hassle later on of trying to wean her off it. But if you think it'd work without these things happening I'll give it a go!

Damn. But you get some time out on the weekends, then? and your mum comes and helps out sometimes, yeah? Sometimes just getting a 3 hour stretch makes a world of difference.
Hope you catch a break soon :hug:

We had a good night! And by that I mean she still fed every 3 hours but at least we weren't interrupted by wind tonight. Took FOREVER to settle her initially last night though. DH took her out and gave me a sleep-in this morning :) now I'm trying to get her to have her morning sleep and she just keeps babbling away happily, not making any tired signs but screaming if I go away. It's been 3 hrs awake now!

Sounds like you're feeling a bit better for it! :)

I was, but she refused all sleep today! Just in settling her now. Fingers crossed.

How did last night go?

Every 3 hours but after 4am it was every 15-40 min! Tonight she took 1.5 hrs to settle and now I am not getting to spend time with DH... again!

She loves you very much. And maybe she is 1 if those kids that are very clingy. All mine have been clingy but ds1 was the worst. He had to be with me ALL the time.
We did what we were told for well over a year. A year of hell for everybody. Then 1 day hubby just said, he wants to be with us and from then on ds1 was just with us and we stopped listening to what we "should" be doing and dealt with what we wanted. Everybody relaxed and after trust was built back (trust that we wouldn't leave him everytime he was asleep) he slept deeper and we were able to have adult time again.
Dd has been similar. Had to wear her for the 1st year too but able to leave her to sleep most nights- she's 17 mths.
Its hard. My hubby didn't do night times either. She will get better at some point :)

I hope tonight is a better night for you both

I had one of those. I was lucky to get 2 hours in a row of sleep.

It does end but (sorry) it was just something he eventually grew out of. There was no quick fix solution. I read dozens of articles/books on how to change their sleep pattern and, by time I decided that I was going to tackle the sleep training thing he'd gotten there on his own.

FWIW by accepting that he was a feed to sleeper and stopped placing expectations on him and me and just getting on with it I found myself in a better frame of mind and able to cope.

Good luck.