If you had a problem with a friend/family member of your OH would you ban them from your house? So, tell your OH that a certain person is no longer welcome?
Has anyone done it? How did it go? Does your OH respect your decision??
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If you had a problem with a friend/family member of your OH would you ban them from your house? So, tell your OH that a certain person is no longer welcome?
Has anyone done it? How did it go? Does your OH respect your decision??
Guess it depends on the problem really, and what a ban would achieve. I've never banned anyone from our house, and I think it'd take something fairly serious to warrant a ban.
Yup. None of his family are welcome in my home (well, one uncle is but he doesn't come here. We go to him). The rest, if they show up, get as far as the door and no further. If he feels the urge to speak to them, which he usy doesn't, thu might be lucky and not get the door closed in teor face. But ten he will go out the front and talk to them there. R doesn't much like his family either so it's not too hard. If I answer the door and its one of them he is happy for me to fob them off
Most of his friends are ok, but one really rubs me up the wrong way for a multitude of reasons. After one incident I told dh I was happy for him to meet this friend elsewhere but I really didn't want him in our "space". He agreed and the friend has never been invited back to the house (5+years now)
I think the key for us was me not just saying they are banned but explaining why as well. I didn't go about it in a way that hot his back up, like I was trying to stop him having contact with the person altogether. I explained what it was doing to me to have them here or even to contemplate t. And he respected that.
On the flip side, I have one friend that dh doesn't want at the house. So if we spend time together it's away from here. If I want him to respect my choices about his smoky/friend I have to respect his...
My ex's family got banned from my house, they also got banned from seeing the children (it's actually in my court orders just in case he changes his mind)...
But it took something pretty serious for that to happen - a few years ago - and it's been bliss since!
I've said DP's best mate is no longer welcome in my house as we had a falling out recently.
I thought DP understood and respected my decision as i've always respected his about not allowing certain friends/family members of mine in our house.
Last night he invited his best mate inside while he got him something. I told him i didn't like it and he brushed me off.
Yep. DH brother and his wife. DH agrees
Family seem to be a common theme! Lol! My sisters husband is banned from my house also, hes banned from my mothers too! haha
No one is banned from our house. I personally think it would have to be something pretty major for someone to be banned....
My XSIL was not allowed at our house. She would come in and try to offer XH drugs in front of the kids. Not in my house not in front of my kids!!!
DH has said "I dont want to see x anymore, I cant stand her. So give me some warning and I will go out" and that was enough to make me want to end the friendship. DHs concerns were vaild, Im just too forgiving
Theft, trying to sabotage our wedding on the day, abusive phone calls every few days for months, going to my friends and family and telling them I lied about miscarrying to get attention, telling me if DH died before we had a child, no matter how long we were together before that, they would fight for the family home, and make my life hell. Yeah, valid reasons to ban his family. And that's only some of it. A lot more happened direct to dh before we got together...:
The friend is a sleazy freak who hit on me while dh went to the bar, and gropes me while dh was standing there. Told dh it wasn't fair for him to be the only one getting a young bit of ass so he should share. I closed the door to that convo, moved away, told dh we needed to leave and that the man was not someone I'd ever associate with again. Funnily, dh wasn't real impressed and has only spoken to the friend once in the last four years since that happened...
Most others, even if I'm not keen on them, I can tolerate for short periods. Bit these ones, hell no
Like BG mine is pretty serious as well...:
there is a few other people that I really would like to ban - but I can tolerate them in small doses...
My reason for banning his friend aren't THAT serious just more i am very offended by his comments towards me and i don't want to be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home.
MIL's partner is banned from our home.
it doesn't matter how "serious" your reasons, it's your "space" - your place to feel safe. irrespective of your reasons for it, if you are made to feel uncomfortable in your own space, your DP should have enough respect for you to adhere to your wishes. he doesn't have to agree, he doesn't have to understand. he just has to accept and respect it. it would be different if you were visiting someone else and this person was there - it's not your space, so you really just have to suck it up - but when it's your home, if you are made to feel uncomfortable by someone, it's time for your other half to man up and show you some respect:
I just realised this may have come across badly :o XH did not do drugs. XSIL had issues. But her behaviour was unacceptable in my house and in front of my children.:
I agree that banning someone from your house if a serious decision but also completely understable.
DH & I have both banned his disgusting excuse for a human being sister from our home, life and all contact cut off from every member of our family.
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I'm so sorry you have had to deal with that and totally understand why this person is banned from your house. I just want to clarify when i said it would have to be something major to be banned i actually ment from my own house...sorry i wasn't very clear with that and i am sorry if you thought i otherwise that was not my intention!
For petty, small things, no I wouldn't. Your house is just as much as your DHs house. If you don't like to be around this person, don't be, but your DH has just as much right to have friends over as you do. How would you feel if he said to you 'I don't like your friend xyz, she isn't allowed here anymore'? It's pretty controlling IMO.
There are people who have been banned from our house. But both DF and I agree on the reasons, them being the fact that these people are toxic, manipulators, liars, psychopaths, violent and not people that we want our children growing up around, let alone people we want in our lives.
i honestly don't think it's controlling at all - it's about respect for each other. if your DH/DP really feels uncomfortable with someone, why can't they state they don't want them in the house anymore?? i think respect for your partner and their comfort in their own house has to trump your desire to have a friend or family member visit. there are so many places you can meet people away from the house if you need to see them - why make the person you want to spend your life with so uncomfortable??:
Westy, I was commenting just to clarify that it wasn't an easy decision for me to ban people from our house either - we have a VERY open house policy - we never turn people away, it's just not who we are - so for us to ban someone entirely, it was for very good reason. It sucked going through it, but it's helped us both to realise how strong our relationship is, to see who our real friends are (the ones that stayed the hell out of family issues instead of getting themselves involved when the other side was rallying people against us), and to dig deep and find our strength as individuals. we survived, and can actually laugh at their pettiness now so meh, all good!
No worries BG..... like i said i was referring to my own personal home and meaning someone would have to do something major for them to be banned from our house. You dont need to clarify anything to me hun, you have your reasons and that's totally fine its non of my business it's your home you can ban whoever you like....im glad though you can now sit back and laugh :)
I'm sorry but i will NOT have somebody in MY house that tells me, yes TOLD me that he doesn't respect me. That he loves my DP and my children but can't respect me and if DP is happy with me then he will have to SOMEHOW find a way to respect that :o The same person who has made me cry, offended me and just been down right rude to me no matter how hard i try to be nice, so many times that i have lost count. The same person who gets annoyed at DP if he cannot hang out because he has family priorities, who told him that us having another child was stupid and we aren't taking into account our childrens futures. If DP can look past these comments and want to remain friends he can, but he can do it outside of my house.:
I'd be more concerned with why your dp would want someone like that in your house, quite frankly.:
If someone was that rude and disrespectful to me, dp would have them out on their ear without a word from me.
You would think so wouldn't you? If a friend of mine spoke to him that way we wouldn't be friends! I wouldn't hesitate to tell them to get stuffed and never speak to them. Instead of pretty much saying "I understand his comments upset you but i just don't care" (he hasnt said that but he may as well say it):
Have done it, DH's family in the past said weren't welcome and that if he wanted DS to see them he could take him to visit.
Im glad someone else thought this!:
Well that's entirely different and quite frankly I'd be p!ssed that your husband doesn't see this for why it is and show respect for you and show this 'friend' the door, you shouldn't have to ban this guy, your husband should be the person that doesn't want anything to do with this guy!:
All people are welcome to our house but sometimes i want to ban some people because they are visiting us with any notification.