reassurance please

How stupid...I need reassurence I am doing the right thing by using gently parent techniques!! I hate that term too btw...because for me it implies everything else isn't gentle...I dislike labelling anyway, but even though i fall into this category I hate using the term.
but the point to this, despite being random babbling...is whilst I was laying down with Spock so she would go to sleep in bed instead of the carrier, I was stroking her leg and she was peacefully going to sleep. and I probably didn't need to be there, because its not like I was soothing her when she was upset, but hey what harm does it do watching her drift off? but the stupid thing is as I was laying there thinking, everyone around me makes me feel guilty for doing it. I am made to feel guilty for not leaving my baby to cry =(. how warped and F'd up is that!!
This last couple of weeks has been hard. I think it is a combination of WW and teeth and maybe a cold...but she its the first time I really did feel I needed to put her down and walk away.... and the responce I got when trying to vent onto a sympathetic ear is, "so what? I do that all the time, give her an hour and she will wear herself out and get over it" =( just thinking about my helpless baby doing that breaks my heart. even when I was at wits end and setting her down and going to the next room just to take a deep breath make my heart shatter as I heard her helpless cries all she wanted was love and cuddles and her mummy..

I dont even know where I am going with this... just needed to get it out.

Pfft......your baby, your rules and everyone else can disappear.

Remember, every child is different. I had been known to crawl out of a bedroom, and not just once, so I wasn't seen leaving. I often stood at the cot patting over the top then through the bars then on the floor before leaving.

I also hated hearing them crying. I often didn't pick them up and usually just being in the room settled them down.

To this day I don't like hearing a baby sobbing. I feel so helpless and also feel for the parent.

Never feel guilty for loving your child

Parenting in the early months really comes down to gut instinct. There is no manual and every day is another learning day.

DS2 is 19 months old and I still don't leave him to cry himself to sleep, I wouldn't do it when he was a newborn and I won't do it now. They learn in their own time. I wish people would understand that and not belittle our parenting choices.

You are doing the right thing hun, keep at it :hug:

:hug: It won't be too long till your baby is all grown up and you will be glad that you spent that time with her, enjoying her company and being the mother you feel that you should be.

I agree. Totally up[ to you. I get told the same thing, that at almost six months I shouldn't be rocking Charlie to sleep. Bulldust! I had to endure weeks of him crying post surgery and I couldn't touch him let alone pick him up. There is no way I am going to listen to him crying when I don't have to. And I can pick him up whenever I feel like it!!!

Spock is pretty darn special. Why wouldn't you want to spend that time with her. You are her Mum - go with your instincts and what feels right for both of you. I hate hearing

Aargh. 6 month old helper. I hate hearing Miss L crying too

You need to do what you feel is right for your baby. It is hard when you get conflicting information and especially hard when you're tired and stressed out.
I very, very much doubt that any mother will look back in her old age and think: Oh I wish I hadn't held them as much as I did.
The truth is, we don't know how much time we have together - why waste it feeling bad about doing something that feels wrong?

"If it's not a problem for you it's not a problem."

I occasionally vent over always needing to wear or feed my DD to sleep and still not being able to sneak out of bed. But 99% of the time we have a great day and I think we have far fewer 'bad' nights than the mums whose babies 'self-settle.'

And in a few years no one will care how you used to get DD to sleep as a baby.

You know what? I still cuddle my 3.5yo DS to sleep much to some people's chagrin

I get told by the same judgemental people what a gentle caring soul he is - go figure!!

I was laying with DD today as she was a bit unwell and thinking I don't get to do it enough

Like Rivlas I can't stand to hear babies (or toddlers) cry. I'll be a bit devo the day DS no longer wants me to cuddle him to sleep

thankyou girls.
I know its stupid. and 99.9% of the time I feel great about it and love it. I dont know why all of a sudden all the comments are getting to me... But thankyou for your reassuring words. they are all so true.

If you want facts, then tell people you are helping her to regulate her emotional systems. Touch increases oxytocin and all those excellent chemicals, and the more she gets the more likely she is to be able to regulate herself as she gets older. You're not spoiling her (I always got told that one!) you are teaching her. Pfft to gentle parenting, this is science baby!

:hug: you should absolutely follow your gut instinct (and if that tells you to occasionally walk away, that's ok too). there is no harm in spending that time with your baby. and as everyone says, they really do grow up so quickly.

I did it with all three, I loved those snuggles and sounds they made drifting off and I never let them cry for long at night. These days they all self settle and know I will come into them if they need me at night.

Do what's right for both of you.

I still lay with DD3 & am in the room for DS til they're both asleep. Why let a child be upset & scared when its actually easier to just sit with them for 20 minutes or so. (Sometimes 2 hours, but hey, still easier than listening to them cry!)

DS has actually been coming into my bed later on more often than DD3 the last few weeks...

Ignore those doubts and all the haters, you are doing what you feel is best for Spock! :D
It still happens to me sometimes though, that little alter-ego in my head that actually (stupidly) cares what others think about what I do, and tries to suggest that I conform to what other people think is the right way of doing things so I can feel more socially acceptable. And then I wake up. And I remember WHY I chose to do things the way I do e.g. cuddling DS to sleep until *he* was ready to stop at about 20 months, no problems whatsoever and he was completely ready himself and we were all happy. And doing BLS instead of preparing mashed meals. And using cloth nappies, because that's what I wanted to do.
And I am always complimented on what a great 'eater' DS is, how well he sleeps wherever he may be, how happy and content and polite a boy we have raised. And I have converted a few Mums to cloth as well!

So it took a little while to completely shut out the (IMO) nonsense advice and stick to my guns, and now that some of the fruits of my parenting choices are being recognised I think more people are *really* listening to what I have to say :D And maybe, just a little bit, I have changed some attitudes and ideas...
And I've definitely managed to lock down that pesky self-doubting alter-ego to the very rare occurance ;)

I think that's a beautiful way to go to sleep!

I have lovely memories of my Mum cuddling or Dad singing me to sleep, and I now sing my eight-month-old DD to sleep for every nap/each night. She can self-settle sometimes, but must like the sound of my voice.

You're doing a great job TT40. Ignore the naysayers!

I still feed ds to sleep at 21 months and dd sleeps next to me at 4. It's the most precious special thing for me. Even if we have a bad day, I get to gaze at their little faces while they drift off to sleep and know my heart is theirs.

Why would you choose crying over cuddles? It's logic fail to me!

I think some parents 'need' to use CIO methods because they can't cope, and I think that's fine, as is leaving a child safely in a cot when you are at breaking point. I have fine that, but I only needed to because I felt unsupported. It takes a lot to parent a child, and we should support each other!!

i think i keep forgetting how little she really is. she is already such a little person that i forget she is only 5 1/2 months old and thst actually is still so tiny.

I reckon they are getting to you now, because, for the first time you have felt the need for some distance at some times. I too have found that to be the most challenging part of the gentle parenting. Sometimes I think that we get lost in remembering that taking a momentary step away is important for our sense of preservation (even if just to do a wee on your own lol!). But it comes with huge sadness...it sucks to sometimes realise we need that space in that moment...we all want to be strong 100% of the time for our babies and, for me, those moments where i cannot lie there a minute longer are so hard deal with...and it IS compounded by heartless comments of 'leave the baby to cry' or 'harden up and leave her'. sucks, because it's not what we are seeking to hear, we just want love and cuddles too.

I hate the 'just leave her', 'let her whinge' and (the worst) 'stop it, you're spoiling her' comments.

Get a clue morons.

Never leave mine to cry either. I'm not even good at letting someone else hold Miss A when she's upset - not DH, my mum etc. If my baby is unhappy then I want to be there for her.

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If you want facts, then tell people you are helping her to regulate her emotional systems. Touch increases oxytocin and all those excellent chemicals, and the more she gets the more likely she is to be able to regulate herself as she gets older. You're not spoiling her (I always got told that one!) you are teaching her. Pfft to gentle parenting, this is science baby!

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We teach our babies about the world. You are teaching your sweetie to trust, and to care about others emotions.
No body should be left to cry alone.