i miss it :(.. so much

DF and i decided to stop TTC 2 months ago. we were worried about jobs, money, house - you know all that stuff.. i also felt scared that having a baby would change our relationship (i made a thread about it a few months ago)

i was happy with our decision to put TTC on hold for a few years. within the last month or so.... ALL i can think about is having a baby.... i stalk every single TTC / LTTTC thread, i stalk all the belly buddies groups, secretly wishing it was me... i don't know what the hell is going on with me lately :(

i'm still scared and worried about all those things (money, job, house etc) but how do i know when we're ready? should you just automatically know you're ready, without having all these fears? do these fears/concerns mean that we're not ready, or are ready? how can you really tell...

none of this is probably making sense, i'm just rattling off whatever is going on in my head, and i need to get this all out.

i still haven't shed a single tear from our m/c... i think it hurts too much to think about it so i keep blocking out. i would have been about 6 months now... wow :cry:

i was watching 1 of my favourite TV series the other week, and one of the girls had a m/c, DF just turned to me, touched my hand and said "we went through that... don't worry baby we'll get pregnant again.." probably the first time we have spoke about it since it happened.

i have finished my study, and get my certificate sent out soon. my job contract runs out Jan 30th, and it's very touch and go whether i will be re-contracted next year because we have new leadership and are re-evaluating everything, and it also comes down to if they can afford me.

i just don't know....

any words of advice are welcome

No words just ((hugs)).

:hug: life is a roller coaster isn't it!

As far as knowing when you are ready, your body tells you that you are.
I don't believe there is EVER the perfect time to have a baby. Things always happen, circumstances change etc.
I know for us, having dd means not having the same freedom as before, you live a lot tighter, you live more simply, but at the end of the day that little bundle in your arms makes very thing else seem insignificant. What I'm trying to say that because try are the priority, you just make it work. That's not to say there isn't stress about money or jobs or bills etc, but you do get by.

I don't know your story though, just trying to let you into mine :)

Have you been trying for a long time? Is DH clucky too?

:hug: xx

thanks for the hugs ladies xxxx. we were trying for about 5 months (so not long compared to many others) DF was set on wanting a baby, never argued about BD'ing every 2 days and it feeling like a science experiment (:lol:), but after we had the m/c, he's scared of pregnancy. we were very narrow minded, and thought hey - once you fall pregnant, 9 months later you have a baby. we never knew how common m/c were, and how worrying the whole process can be, until i joined BB, and started googling everything.

i do agree with you little_O, there never is a perfect time for having a baby, there's always SOMETHING that could always make you delay it. DF and i aren't drinkers/smokers/clubbers, we're home bodies, unless we fancy a nice dinner out down the beach, or movies.

it's just hard to know

If there ever was a perfect time, no one would have babies :)

Big squishy hugs love.

Sorry to hear what you're going through.

I think if you surveyed everybody on BB, most people would say that they didn't feel really 'Ready' to have kids, even when actively TTC. There's always room for more money in the budget, needing more time to finish off renovations, job promotion etc. If we waited til everything was sorted, we'd all be too old to have kids.

Maybe see somebody who is experienced in counselling couples re: fertility/m/c etc to get some support for both of you. It sounds like your partner is frightened about another m.c happening. Understandably. If you don't clear the air re: your desire to try again and him wanting to wait for longer, it's only going to build and make a wedge between you.

I'm still not sure if we are ready. Do we earn enough? - that is my biggest concern!
But what I am sure of is that we want to be together and we want to have a family together. We run into problems sometimes and always find a way to get what we need and come out the other side. It sounds like you and your man are a strong happy couple capable of overcoming challenges together. I think that's what matters. But only you two can decide when to start trying again.
We were much the same in thinking that we would quickly fall pregnant and then have a baby. Definitely were not expecting the mc. And it made us much more hesitant and question whether or not we were ready for the challenges ahead.
:hug: I really feel for you. The urge to become a mother is so strong.

I just wanted to add that what your DH said to you was nice, even perhaps a sign he's ready to talk about it.

Haha you guys sound like us being home bodies! I thought the same that its just quick and instant. It ended up taking me 5 months to fall pregnant once I started acupuncture. For others it's much longer. We actually got pregnant on a cycle that was odd and we didn't really try in!

Keep supporting eachother and things will work out!

lady_neon: :lol: that's a very good point. thank you

Three Graces: thanks for that advice hun. never have been a fan of counselors though, they seem to make things worse IMO lol

preggoeggo: i hope you saw my reputation comment. thank you so much :hug:

little_O: home bodies all the way!!!! exactly the same as us.. the first month i went of BCP we fell pregnant, i wasn't tracking my cycles or anything, it was all care-free. the next 5 months i was temping/OPKs etc. i think the care-free way, is definitely the way to go. thanks hun

:hug: if anyone is "not ready" it is us. We still live with his mother for goodness sake! But we are doing it anyway because we want it that badly. In reality we figured, even with perfect circumstances things can change in an instant, you never know when the company might decide to mame someone redundant. Landlord decided they want to sell. Etc. So what is the point in waiting and torturing ourselves in the meantime?

That is just us though. Im not trying to tell you what to do, of course, its just our reasoning.

You have that overwhelming and unexplainable urge, right?

That's what I had. I'm now 14 weeks with baby #2. I'm still not sure I'm ready! :rofl: But the love I feel when I look into my little boys eyes is amazing, and I can't wait to meet this little one either, despite my fears!~ (Not sure they ever go away, all the worries and concerns about how you'll get by etc) I don't think there's any such thing as truly ready or the perfect time. Talk to your DF.

:hug:

I was going to say the same as Lady Neon. There is no perfect time. There is always something presenting a hurdle. I dealt with it by having contingency plans in place. But sometimes **** just happens.

Maybe it's time to have an open discussion with DH? His comment makes it sound like he is ready to talk. Even of it is just to put a firm plan in place about TTC.

Many hugs for you during this difficult time.

1st of all I'm sorry for your loss.
2nd of all I don't think any one is ever fully prepared or ready for a baby! Lol!
We are TTC number 3 and some days I think why the heck am I going through this again and most days I'm desperate for my bfp!
We are a one income family, hubby is self employed and had supported us solely for the last 4 years. ( we get a tiny bit of centrelink )
So if you feel in your heart that your ready again then go for it :-)

m&d2b :hug: TTC is such a rollercoaster for so many of us, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it is far far from it. I dont think you just automatically know you're ready; for me, the only way I knew I was ready waaaaay back in the beginning was the gut wrenching devastation that we hadnt fallen pregnant that very first month. I knew when AF arrived that I wanted a baby and I wanted it NOW! Sounds like the thought of a baby is consuming your every thought, could be your ready, could be you're grieving your loss :dunno:.

Having a baby wll change your relationship, sure! Especially when it has just been the 2 of you for so long, DH and I were just us 2 for 9 years before DD was born and it rocked the entire basis of our lives and relationship. But having has those years of just us, it wasnt anything we couldnt get through.

As for the money, home etc, you can set yourself up all you like, during the next 18 years and beyond things will change, you will go through times of cash everywhere and times of oh crap, how can we pay that bill.

:hug: I hope you can find an answer soon

*hugs* I also think there is never a perfect time, there will always be something to stress about be it bills, work, family problems etc. Hopefully you and DH can talk it through and maybe you will decide to start TTC again x good luck

I did see it M&D2B :) Thankyou thats lovely xx :hug:

Lot's of hugs lovely :hug: I'm sure people think we're crazy having a second after DH decided to go back to Uni but we're doing it and it feels right. Trust your instincts....you can have all the money in the world but that won't make the decision any easier :) I say go for it! You can never be prepared for what life throws at you.

blondie good on you and your dh x i truly believe if it happens we can make it work

oh wow. thank you all so much for your kind words and stories. you're all right. there is NO perfect time for a baby, and if you continued to wait... we'd all be too old.

i asked DF last night if he would spare 5 minutes to read this thread, he did :) he loved all your replies and thanks you all too :hug:

his reasons for being a bit iffy on having a baby now, is because life for us right now is really great. perfect jobs, new house, no debts etc. which to me, is a great time to TTC, but he doesn't want me to miss out on working, to be a SAHM, which i'm totally fine with that, i don't want to miss our child growing up. i guess it's a bit scary thinking we'll be living off 1 wage, but many families do. so i'm sure we will cope.

he wants to wait and find out what's happening with my job next year, before we set anything in stone. he really does want a baby, his anxiety does mess with him a little bit though. as he worries about every possible outcome etc.

anyway, thank you all so much for your replies, you really have no idea how much it helped me/us

:grouphug: