6 months on...

I have survived 6 months. And I do mean survived. Because that is what it feels like.

I have D-MER. Every time I breast feed a black hole opens up from inside me. Everything turns dark, and it starts. The wraith appears, dark hood and cloak, long bony dark hand reaches for me, dark black bottomless pits of eyes lock onto mine and it reaches right into my soul. I then feel completely empty. It drains me of who I am. I feel overwhelmed with dispair, dread and depression. All joy, happiness, and light is sucked out of me. then, a minute later the sun comes back out from behind the clouds and everything is normal again. I then feel the tingle of letdown and hear my little Spock drink away.

I guess I just want to mark the milestone. because aside from that, breastfeeding came completely naturally to Spock and I. I still do class myself as one of the lucky ones, because we haven't had any problems as such. I just feel like crap everytime I do it.

oh hun :hug:

Well done on perservering for 6 months, you've done such an awesome job.

Congratulations on reaching 6 months! You are inspiring!

Congrats hun. That sounds horrible, very hard, so huge congrats

It takes my breath away that you repeatedly, willingly face that for your DD. A mother's love is truly an incredible thing. Well done you for surviving six months. xox

Well done you. Definitely something to be celebrated!

You're awesome :)

:hug:

And Massive congratulations for reaching such a big milestone xo

That's huge T!

I just had to quickly google. How amazing are you?! Well done.

That's amazing that you put yourself through that every time you feed your beautiful Spock.

Well done on doing - and continuing to do - such an amazing job!! You're one hell of a mumma <3 :heartbeat:

thankyou everyone for your support. Every time I feed her I think about my signature and want to change it to 'not surviving dmer'. but then it passes and Im ok. Having it being recognised is a big help and a good refueling so I can survive the next 6months.

Well done. It has taken real strength for you to get this far

you are truly inspiring, always remember that :)

Congratulations! You have done brilliantly and I applaud you for persisting through a very challenging experience.

:hug: You are such a strong surviving mumma!!! 6 month is a huge milestone!! You have done such an incredible job to perserver through Dmer so you can provide R with the bestest boobie juice!! A huge mumma sacrifice, hats off to you babe!!! xoxoxoxox I am glad that the sun comes out for you eventually xoxox :hug:

So proud of you for carrying on to do what you feel is best :hug: Even though it's such a horrid experience at the start, every.single.time. My hat is off to you xx

Congratulations and well done!

You are so awesome for persisting, my dear.

I truly hope you know that.

xo

Wow, that sounds horrible. :( :hug:

You are doing an amazing job. Well done on reaching 6 months!

Congrats on 6 mths of bfing, despite your challenges! I bet Spock is completely oblivious to your own struggle. :hug:

Huge congrats hun for getting through to 6 months!!

They say once you put a name to the depression associated by the letdown it may become easier. As we both know this is not the case and you strong mumma has done so well to not take the easy road and just give up but take the hard road of perservering for your little spock.

I hope it subsides for you soon and this dreaded feeling goes away

Had to do a google...
You are amazing. I wish I had some words, but I just wanted to let you know how incredible you are.

Much love to you and Spock