shopping centres - with active 21 mnth old

Hi there,

My DS is 21 months and is very, very active and without any social graces. He no longer wants to sit in the pusher when we go to the plaza and insists on walking and now also refuses to hold my hand. I tell him that he needs to stay very close to me or I will have to hold his hand. After a short while he goes too far from me and I grab his hand and then he protests. Eventually (maybe 10 mins later) I try a again and we repeat this process over and over.

The other things he does when he is free walking is grabbing chip bark out of pot plants in the plaza and throwing over the floor. There is usually too much bark thrown and I feel overwhelmed so we don't usually pick it up, although he threw 2 pieces today and I got him to pick it up. Also, he will grab at people's bags when he is walking past them. When he does this I get down to his level and tell him that he mustn't do this.

Finally, the next thing he does is become fascinated with other kids hair, particularly if it is a different texture or color to his own. He starts pointing and then wants to touch it, which leads to grabbing (he actually goes to childcare and they have never raised this as a problem, which surprises me because it's been happening for awhile).

Okay, so given the above scenarios we regularly face:
* has anyone else had similar experiences and how have your managed?
* should I only give him one or two chances to free walk? am I giving him too many chances? My theory had been give him regular chances to try and integrate what I had told him or if he does those things again multiple chances to learn lessons
* at this age and stage should I be insisting on pusher or holding my hand and just dealing with the tantrums of it?

Thank you

At that age I always used a pram or trolley. If he wanted to walk he had a harness backpack on. I would give him a certain number of chances and then into the pram.

I never gave my children the option to walk without holding my hand. They still do most of the time now (and DS is 5 and a half, DD is 3 and a half).
If all else failed, I used a trolley. We stopped using the pram when DD was around 18 months old. They preferred to walk.

Lisa - we had this problem too with DD1 and I had severe SPD which meant I couldn't lift her. She wouldn't stay in the stroller, wouldn't hold hands and would run off. So we had to use a harness. I don't think there's any hard and fast solutions - just do what you think best and know that he will get a lot better when he's older.

DD2 actually likes being in the stroller and I can't believe what a difference that's made. We can actually go out without it being a hugely stressful experience. I do remember those times with DD1 but like I said before, he will get better eventually, I promise.

Trolley or enforce the pram. Mine were the same. Wanted to walk but no clue on boundaries.

I used a wrist strap that went around my wrist and then theirs. Most of the time they held my hand but it meant they had a little bit of freedom without being able to run off or cause havoc. Mine hated the pusher by that age and I only used it with DS2 because I was heavily pregnant with my twins and I couldn't take him pulling at my hand as my pelvis was so unstable. As soon as they were born he walked everywhere with the wrist strap.

Trav, where can you get a wrist strap? I've only ever seen the leashes around stores.

In a similar boat here, DD1 is 18 months and gets sick of the pram very quickly, I'm happy for her to walk holding my hand but she lets go and bolts. She gets 3 chances then into the pram, and if she throws a big tantrum (which is often the result) we go to the parents room or somewhere quiet to calm down. I'm happy with how we're teaching her, but in the mean time I'd rather her not fall down an escalator or something.

Search for toddler wrist strap on eBay and you'll see what I used. They're very gentle but as I said allow for your child to explore whilst still being safe.

Sounds tricky!
I think if they can't control themselves yet, then it can be necessary to enforce physical boundaries - particularly if there are safety issues.
My daughter is a bit like that. She gets a choice - hold hands or go in the wrap (tied up on my back). If we're at the supermarket then she has a choice of going in the trolley instead.
Re chances - at this age DD gets one chance. We talk about it before hand - this is what I expect from you in these circumstances, if you can't do that then this is what is going to happen.
My DS was quite different - very reasonable and able to negotiate terms even at 2 ~ 2.5, whereas DD will just do a bunk and grab things from the shelves and stuff. :rolleyes: So she doesn't get a lot of discussion and chances.
I think having chances is good, because that's how he will learn in time appropriate behaviour for circumstances, but too many too soon and it just becomes a game, I think.
Good luck!

My son is a runner as soon as he's not in his pram.(started around same age) I really truly know how frustrating it can be! What seems to be working is no chances. We say "now u can walk next to the pram and hold onto the strap,if u let go or run away u r straight back in the pram." He likes that he's "helping" push the pram. And it might only be 2 minutes walking before he's back in the pram but hes getting better and better. Hope u find something that works hun

dd knows she has to hold the pram if she isn't going to hold hands. its been a rule for all the kids.
She knows trolley in the supermarket, pram in the street but mall and places like ikea- its hard to keep her under control.
Just keep with your rules. they sink in at some stage and make life easier down the track.
hang in there :)

Just read madb comment above.and I do agree with giving chances but I think mine was too young to take it seriously and yea it would become a game. And when it's at a car park or a park where all he wants to do is jump in the lake with the ducks,I stick with as soon as he steps away he's back in pram, and then let him out again after a few minutes.

We went through a similar stage with DS. For us it did pass. I insisted on him staying in the stroller, plied him with snacks and raced through whatever I had to do. Once he became 3+ and closer to 4+ it was much easier for us. Hugs

When my dd started doing this I moved from the stroller to the trolley. I think being up higher she could see what was going on and people tended to interact with her so she was happier. Funnily enough now that we use the pram so rArely she loves it when she does get to go in it. I use a trolley most times I go to the shop Even I I am just wandering around. GL xo

With DD it's hold our hand or it's into the pram or be carried. She gets one chance if she lets go that's it. She will protest but it's safer than the alternative of letting her run free.

DD was like this a few months ago, didn't want to be in the pram but also didn't want to hold hands. After several times of being put back in the pram for not holding hands (all the while massively protesting), she will now happily hold hands whilst walking along. She will actually be the one holding on more than me!

Thanks guys. It's been good to hear how other people are doing things. I think i might be giving too many chances, so maybe I just have to put up with protests. I think I will have to try and get him to hold my hand or go in the pram. I do have a back pack with a lead but haven't used it yet...my mum bought it for me but I have been in two minds about using it.

mmmm...food for thought

We know that DS will only take 30 or so minutes in the trolley/ergo, so we make sure we stop every so often so he can run. We stick to shopping centres with play areas or markets with parks. He HAS to hold our hands when there are cars around, but if he doesn't want to hold hands in a situation we consider safe he gets asked to stay close. He's usually ok with that.

My DS runs when he's bored, or wants to play. So we try to give him opportunities for play and he has a couple of trolley toys for food shopping trips. Maybe think about why your DS is running, and see if you can prevent it? Some people just really hate shopping, and there are definately times I want to run away and play with bark too :)

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I do have a back pack with a lead but haven't used it yet...my mum bought it for me but I have been in two minds about using it.

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For me, DS was a runner so our backpack leash has been wonderful. DS loved it as it was his "monkey" and only used when he was walking so it was a special treat for him. We've had a few comments about keeping kids on leashes but better to keep him leashed than have him run over or abducted or lost. We haven't needed to use it for a long time now as he has learnt to stick close and will hold our hands or the pram/trolley. He gets one chance even now at free walking. If he tries to run off, he must hold our hands. If we are somewhere near cars, he must hold our hands at all times, no free walking. For DD, we haven't needed a leash, yet. She sticks close without it. She is starting to test the boundaries so it may have to make an appearance soon.

Try the backpack you may not need to use for long - think of it this way you restrain in the pram/stroller where he gets no freedom and can't 'practice' walking - the backpack allows plenty of walking practice and some freedom of movement - is step up from being in pram/stroller in my book.

We set clear expectations with the kids before we go to the shops - stay where I can see them or they go in the pram/trolley. One chance then enforce. I'm too worried about them coming to harm, getting lost or causing harm/damage (even accidently) to let it go any further.

We don't often go to the shops just for fun, it's for a purpose, and I need to achieve that purpose so I can't just go home or whatever if it gets hard, so into the pram or trolley.

I found they loved the trolley when they got a bit older!

on the otherside -I have been thanked by an old lady for keeping a child on a leash. old people find kids (little and big) running around scary. its easy for oldies to trip up or be bumped over etc. I know if you bump my mum, her skin is so thin she bleed and bruise badly.

I think we are beginning to get things under control (see my next thread for my next dilemma). One time I took the pram with me and gave him a warning. Of course he couldn't keep his hands to himself so I put him in the pram. There was a lot of crying.

I've just come back from the shops and I didn't use the pram. I reminded him of the rules for free walking (stay close to mummy and to not touch other people). Of course he ran off within 2 minutes. He then held hands with me without too much protest (a relief) and then later we were grocery shopping so he normally is in the trolley then.

I'll see how the rules and hand holding works and then work out if we'll use the backpack

Thanks for all of your suggestions. It's great to hear how other people do things so that I can look at my options and learn from those who have been there.