vent: what do I do now?

We found out today that we had a missed miscarriage. I knew something was up, but you dont know until that ultrasound comes back without a heartbeat. I am a bit numb, I suppose because I had prepared for the worst.

I am booked in on Monday for a D&C and will have testing done to see if there was a chromosomal issue and find out if we were having a boy or a girl.

I suppose, its hard to get past this point and decide to do this again as a LTTC'er. I am exhausted and was so happy not to have to go through IVF again. But now we have to think about it again.. Do we use what 2 frozen embryos we have left then call it a day? how many more times, how much more.. how old will I be ... should I just be happy with one child?

any advice, would be great....

Huge hugs seeing no HB on scan is heart wrenching so very sorry for you.

No advice just hugs and you are not alone xoxo

*massive hugs*

no real advice, as only you can answer that. but take your time, give yourself time to grieve and heal before you try again. once again only you will know how long you need.

sorry I'm not more helpful.

Very sorry to hear this krikkit :(
:hug:

firstly :hug: i know what you are going through and its just horrible, i have been in your situation 3 times, 2 times with natural pregnancies and 1 IVF, we didn't have any frosties so we decided to do another cycle with pgd to test embryos as we were told the chances were they were all because of chromosome problems.

Of 4 we had tested they were abnormal which makes sense that the losses were from that

There is no need to rush your decision now, give yourself some time to deal with this :hug:

Krikkit, I'm so so sorry honey :(

My only advice is to take some time to heal first rather than rushing into a decision. Give yourself plenty of time. It took me a month to just get my head above water, but it took months more to really start healing.

Honestly? In 9 days, it will be the anniversary of when we found ourselves in the same position. Like you, we had thought we were free of IVF and suddenly... it all went wrong. I'd like to say that, a year later, I can answer the questions you are asking, but the truth is I'm still asking them myself. The only question we have answered is that we used our one frozen embryo. I still don't know if we'll do another IVF and I don't know if I can come to terms with DD being an only child. All I can really say is that I understand what you're feeling and you are not alone.

I'm so sorry, hun. I wish none of us ever had to go through this. I hope the d&c brings you the answers you seek.

I dont know either krikkir. Bit I do know that I was quite traumatized for about a month. It's an awful feeling. After another bfn this month I know I need more time. Only you will know what is right for you. Give yourself time to heal and don't think about the answers to those questions yet. You won't be able to settle on a thought to make a healthy decision anyway.

Biggest hug ever :hug:

I'm so so sorry Krikkit - life can be so hard. Sending you lots of hugs.
As for your questions when to stop - like the other girls tell you - only you will know what is right for you. It is a hard decision, but before you make any decisions take your time to heal gently, it takes time like Juniper said. Unfortunately we know what you're going through, and if you want to talk you know at least we understand... More hugs for you.

Massive hugs.

Krit - for me I found it best to soldier on. I still wanted a baby, more than ever after being pg. I couldnt sit and dwell on it, otherwise it would have consumed me. The bfn the next cycle was difficult and I didnt ever want to do another stim, but again my desire for a baby gave me the strength I needed. I too was sooo over ivf and when we got pg the first time that was one of the things I was most grateful for.

I still think about the baby we lost and how it would have been due in 6 weeks, but I am so very very happy I ploughed on even when I didnt want to.

the day of the d&c is very hard. Even though you know its gone, its still inside you and I didnt want them to take it. Prepare yourself for a very crappy day. For me it was worse than the day of the scan.

Hopefully the results will give you some answers. Much love to you and you dh and little girl. Make sure you cuddle your dh as he needs it to. Mine was all strong at the time but weeks later fell apart and really struggled. It seemed once I was a bit better he could have his moment.

Much love.

Thanks for everyones kind words. I am a bit painful now, I feel bruised on the outside of my tummy from the ultrasound guide. A few shooting sharp pains, nothing a few panadine won't fix.

I hope my milk dries up soon, the dr offered me tablets but I refused. They make me feel sick.

Hubby and I decided to name our angel baby as soon as we find out what he or she was. Looks like we won't have results for about 4 weeks to confirm why we miscarried. But I will attend every week for bloods to make sure my hormones return to normal.

Is there anything else I should expect?

You may not get conclusive results. With my mmc, bub had passed 2 weeks earlier so there werent any live cells they could cultivate to karotype. I hope you get some answers but I've found most of the time it's "one of those things".

Different women bleed differently after a d&c. Mine was quite light. The first period after can be heavy though. I didnt get milk with my early losses but did with DS2 (with DS1 I took the pill). I found homeopathic drops helped for the pain and engorgement.

I found between the grief and the hormonal changes, that I was a mess for weeks. Just when I thought I was getting better I'd have another meltdown. I wrote bub a letter, gave bub a name and had a goodbye ritual at the ocean, which helped me.

As for what to do next: grieve. Be gentle with yourself. Now is not the time to make decisions. Take some time and when you're feeling stronger, you can look at your options then.

I also couldn't get any results apart from it being "immature products of conception", my miscarriage took weeks though after baby was gone :hug:

I'm really sorry Krikkit :hug:

I am hoping they are able to get some info, as they made me stay on my supports so I didn't pass anything. As far as I can tell it possibly died about Christmas day or eve as my milk made an appearance around then. Also my hcg went up a little also.

Feeling a little better today. Moments when I want to cry, but mostly worrying about how I can do this again, if I can, will we have the money, will the results change any decision we make anyway?

I had my d&c at 11wks with bub measuring 8wks and they were able to do the karyotyping. Based on the measurements, and assuming the growth slowed before stopping, I suspect we had lost her somewhere between Christmas and New Year; the d&c was Jan 9.

I had the opposite problem with milk. I was still BF DD and my supply dropped dramatically around the time we lost the pg. My supply never recovered and DD ended up self-weaning 2 months later because of it.

I found it really hard to answer any of those questions about what to do next until we had the results. I didn't even know what results I was "hoping" for. Honestly, between hormones and grief, I wouldn't try to make any decisions right now. Just give yourselves time to heal.

Juniper did you get a bill from your FS in regards to your karyotyping? So far our clinic has not mentioned much in the way of costings for the D&C or bloods etc..... our two ultrasounds have been "free" I say that as they haven't charged us at the visit but no doubt they will send us a big fat bill in the mail.

We had everything done through the OB and we were charged normal rates for everything.

Anyone know how long it takes for your milk to dry up? I have started actively leaking now :(

The dr offered me tablets but they make me sick.

I was leaking for a couple of weeks pretty full on and probably reduced a bit after that. But really only stopped fully until my next AF. I found it helped to wear a crop top to bed and ways wear a bra. As it was when they were hanging out it was worse. I couldn't bring myself to get proper breast pads (cause they were for mums) but I used those cotton pads like cotton balls in my bra which helped on those days it was worse. It does feel like insult to injury at first and then I kind of liked it as it made the baby seem real, even though it was such an early loss. I found it helped to know that at least my beasts worked properly, eve thought my body was letting me down in other ways

:hug: sorry beautiful krikkir xox

I found out today that our angel was a boy, he had trisomy 18 ( Edwards syndrome) - we decided on Zachary Leon for his name. I am happy that we have an answer and can let some of the stress go.

Hugs krikkit and I love your little angel boys name xx

So sorry krikkit :hug:

:hug: Sounds like knowing has helped a bit

:hug: Krit. Its a lovely name xxx

Does this information help you with any decision making?

always loved the name Zachary. its beautiful. glad you got an answer. i hope it helps you.
Fly free little prince.

It does help, we will go ahead with a FET once funds permit. I think hubby is more upset than myself right now as it was a little boy. I have sorta come to terms with everything, given I went through all the physical trauma so I had no choice but to deal with it, then and there iykwim.

I'm glad you got an answer. We were told the T18 was a random occurrence and there was no reason to expect it to happen again. That's a beautiful name for your angel. :hug:

I am so sorry to hear of your loss Krikkit :comfort:

I am glad to hear you were able to get an answer hun. Zachary Leon is a beautiful name for your little angel.

:hug:
xoxo