Pressure to have an epidural

This is more of a vent but thought it would be more appropriate here.

As my due date comes nearer, I have had numerous comments from friends, family even random people saying to make sure I have an epidural. Comments like "there is no prize for going through labour without one" etc. I feel cornered by these comments and find them hurtful but don't know how to deal with them when they come up.

I had a natural birth with DD and did not go round big noting myself about it. It only came up if people asked me lf I had an epidural the first time round to which I replied no.

TBH, a huge needle in my back freaks me out more than labour and i am more fearful of that then labour so an epidural is not on my to do list if I can help it. Not only that, I do want to aim for a natural labour if all goes well And i can achieve it. If I can't, then I will cross that bridge when i come to it but far out, in the mean time, oh my goodness, I wish people would just leave the topic alone. It really is none of their business how I labour and birth my baby.

Has anyone else encountered this?

Yup. And I considered one (I had petah done with my first labour).
Until I watched a few labour vids where they had an epi.
Being told by doctor or midwives when to push & not knowing/feeling what my body was doing decided it for me. Also my mum has scaring in her back from a epi placed incorrectly. So when people wanted to push their views I would tell them just how much back damage is possible.

I had a bit of this. I just smiled and nodded and moved onto a different subject. I think sometimes people are just trying to validate their own experiences and so I don't really go into it if I don't need to.

The only people you really need on your side are the ones there on the day - your partner or birth support person/s, the health professionals. Neither time was an epidural even mentioned for me and that was where it counted.

I'm the same; the idea of a needle freaked me out way more than labour so it was an easy decision for me to not think of it as an option.

Yes :) it goes like this ... "just have an epidural trust me..." etc etc. If I decide to have one then I will because I decide to not because some random person tells me too!
Just smile and nod.

Smile and nod lol

Bizzare though its not like your a first timer you think they wouldn't push it as much if you've already done it without one

I didn't want one because the idea of needle in my back gives me the willies

Totally weird that people would say that especially when you've done it before!!

Just say 'actually there is a pretty big prize for doing it naturally, you wouldn't believe the feeling!'

Yes! "You don't have to be a hero about it"

I'm the same, needles scare the bejeeberz out of me! I think I would have made my birth worse with one because I am petrified of needles and I wouldn't be able to move, and that's all I wanted to do in labour!

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Yep. I don't tell my birth story a lot because people get a bit narky? At the fact I have had drug free births. I was like you, the idea of a large needle in my back was a lot more scary than birth.
Don't listen. Do want you feel is right for you :)

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Yep. I don't tell my birth story a lot because people get a bit narky? At the fact I have had drug free births. I was like you, the idea of a large needle in my back was a lot more scary than birth.
Don't listen. Do want you feel is right for you :)

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Why is this?? I get it too. It's like if you've had a positive birth you're lying and only all the horror stories are true.

Another drug-free natural birther here too. Like others have said, just smile sweetly and nod. And in your head think to yourself "blah blah blah, I'll do it MY way thank you". I mainly got the "epidurals are there for a reason" line before DS1. When anyone found out I was planning a drug-free birth most laughed as an initial reaction. I didn't let it bother me. I knew what I was planning and I had it all straight in my head. That was all that counted :) Try not to let the comments of others affect you. If YOU decide to go down the path of an epi, then it will be your decision based on what you know and what's happening at the time. Good luck.

I definitely had this with my first pregnancy! it was so demoralising and I felt that it left very little space for me to talk about my wishes for the birth as I didnt want those that had 'gone before me' to roll their eyes or give me the Big Phat "i told you so" scenario if it did end up being that way ITMS.

Thankfully, I was able to cut everyone off at the pass the second time around when i told people that I was having a homebirth. they were all too shocked and horrified to speak actually :rofl:

My reply to those comments was always either to just change the topic, or exclaim, "Hell no! The idea of a needle anywhere near my spine terrifies me. I'll find other options, thanks".

I found TENS to be an awesome alternative.

I had my 2nd natural drug free birth 3 weeks ago! I wouldn't trade the amazing feeling u get giving birth naturally for anything. It is kind of a prize :)
So I agree, just smile and nod lol

Lions and bears I loved my tens it was the bomb I recommend it to everyone ill def be using it again

I got this a lot before my first. When I told ppl I didn't want drugs they would laugh and say talk to me after the birth. I always try to make educated decisions and for me the pros of not having one far outweighed having one. I was more terrified if a needle in my spine than labour and I was also worried that one intervention usually leads to another and another. I have loved birthing both of my babies naturally and wouldn't swap it for anything.

Bloody hell no way would I be letting a needle that size near me, let alone near my spine!!! My midwife laughed at me cos I was way freaked out and upset by the oxytocin injection and needed g&a for the local for stitching but the actual labour I was fine!

We have a profit-based system that is anti-woman and anti-normal physiological birth, breeding widespread fear of childbirth because so many people are conditioned to accept that obstetric intervention and management is instrinsic and have no concept of birth outside of obstetric norms. So many people think epidural/caesarean is the only way they can dodge birth trauma. They don't want you to suffer and they know of no other way to avoid suffering than the epidural.

But the epi itself is traumatic (needle in the back, serious risks) and it often leads to further intervention (baby's heartrate dips, mother loses gravity and mobility and can't push as well, ends up in stirrups, episiotomy, stitches, forceps and possibly c/s)

There's a few midwives trying very hard to help women have some semblence of the normal physiological birth that most women's bodies are capable of. But the system is against them too. I have often seem obstetricians authoritively over-riding what the midwife/s is trying to do, and seen the midwives look down at the floor in frustration and shame. It is extremely disempowering for midwives too.

You've had a normal birth before so you know you can do it! This time, you have set yourself up well for a straightforward birth after all the work you did last time. No WAY will you need an epi this time!

You could consider hiring a doula to be in your corner. Also consider staying home as long as possible (the doula could help you with that) and do most of the work of labour at home.

Another way you can create "space" to labour your way in the system, is go to the Waterbirth International website and download their form letter for applying to a hospital to be allowed to bring your own inflatable birth pool into the hospital. By the time they've run round in circles trying to process that request, and finding ways to fob you off, they're more likely to let you do your thing.

As for well meaning advisers, you could answer them the one of my very first clients answered them: "But I *want* the pain. I want the experience! I want the work! I want to do it myself. I want to feel it. I want all the hormones. Wouldn't miss it for worlds."

Imagine if we obstructed marathon runners and tried to offer them pain-numbers and told them, "You don't have to be a hero, you know!"

Yes I got that with DS, and now again with #2 DP has already started. The thing is, I did end up with an epi with DS, and I get it the other way. "Oh I bet you're glad to have had one!" etc etc. NO, I was NOT glad. NO, it was not because I couldnt handle labour and the pain with it. It was because I was told I was ready to push when I wasnt, and after 3 hours I was exhausted and couldnt stop my body from then pushing so I could relax and finish dilating properly. People bang on about how "good" it must have been when I got it, its like they turn deaf when I explain why I got it and that it didnt even work properly anyway and I still felt everything as normal except the contractions (stupid ob didnt believe me either when I said I could feel the pain of him stitching me and it was agony). And now DP with #2 thinks I should just go straight to it, he thinks I am crazy for wanting to deliver drug-free. Its caused us some big arguments actually, he thinks I should consider drugs to make HIM feel better about me being in labour .......... Lol yep. Its our baby so he should get a say apparently. anyway i am off topic now lol.

Idk why people care so much on how others birth their babies, why do some seem to feel so threatened by a natural drug free birth??

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread! In march 2001 i had DD who was 8 days over & weighed 9lb 12 and the only pain relief I had was gas. Fast forward to now & I am in a different, healthier & happier relationship & we are TTC. Due to the fact DD was quite big & was stuck for awhile combined with the fact my DP is a big man & was born big (his mum told me the worst part was getting his shoulders out, she thought they were going to break) & everyone's telling me to book for cs or have an epi but I don't want one! I love the idea of having a baby with the man I love & the pain of giving birth is out weighed by the joy of giving life. Reading this thread as strengthened my resolve to go natural so thank you :) Now all I have to worry about it getting UTD :)

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Just say 'actually there is a pretty big prize for doing it naturally, you wouldn't believe the feeling!'

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Love it!
I agree, the empowerment is amazing.

I got that a lot before we had DD. at that time I didn't know how to respond because I've never had a baby before. So I smiled and nodded and proceeded to ignore their future comments. If we have a 2nd one, I will most likely say 'I've done without it so why start now?'

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I got that a lot before we had DD. at that time I didn't know how to respond because I've never had a baby before. So I smiled and nodded and proceeded to ignore their future comments. If we have a 2nd one, I will most likely say 'I've done without it so why start now?'

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I had friends of my mum laugh and say the whole "talk to me after the baby" thing when I mentioned I wanted a natural drug free birth with DD1. Admittedly, this was someone who had an epidural as soon as she was 4cm. I didn't smile and nod. I told people I know I can do it, many other women do and the human race would be wiped out if women couldn't give birth without drugs seeing as that's a relatively new thing to do. Two natural, drug free births later (one being a Homebirth) people don't say that much anymore lol.

And it is not helped by shows like Kardashians that comment about there being no way they would do it without an Epi!

I wish I didn't have an epi! I just couldn't hack the pain!!!

I agree, just smile and nod. I think it's a great thing to have a drug free birth as your goal!

The only pressure I get to have an epi is from every doctor/ob/registrar at my hospital. :(
Every single appointment I have to go over and over how I wont be having one. Im told its policy for twins... but how can it be policy? They can't force a needle into your spine its still a choice. Their policy doesnt trump my wishes or consent (or lack thereof)

Wow, I'm surprised so many people IRL are supporting the epidural. I actually don't know of anyone that has had an epidural. I am considering it, but only as a last resort (and if theres still time) and this is only because i don't want my first birth to become traumatic and leave horrible memories. When I mention this people say "No way, don't do it" and things like that.

I really hope I don't wuss out and have one, but I wanted to die from 6 weeks of morning sickness. Was the most horrible thing I have ever, ever experienced! So maybe I am a wuss? :lol:

My OB is keen for me to have an epidural as I'm going for a VBAC, so I guess in his mind its potentially safer/easier/faster if something goes wrong if I've already got an epidural in. I've told him I want to try a tens machine and possibly gas & air first, and if I want an epidural I will ask for one.... So far he is accepting of this.

Oh dear. I'm sure they mean well, but they are clearly uninformed. Epidurals have their place don't get me wrong, but there are lots of good reasons not to have one. People don't realize that like all interventions they have risks. Just smile and say, thanks, but I think I'll be fine :)