Missed miscarriage 10wks - what a head game :-(

I'm 10wks pregnant and ended up in hospital night before last, they suspected ectopic pregnancy. Yesterday morning I had a scan to find a no heartbeat (missed miscarriage) yes it's better option than ectopic but its still a head game. I'm now home walking around still "pregnant" knowing that my baby is dead and not knowing what's going to happen. Baby measured 8w1d so it's already been 2 wks. I go to clinic tomorrow afternoon where they will decide what will happen. Drugs to stimulate miscarriage then sent home to wait or d&c. Anyone offer advice which option would be better. In myself I keep thinking d&c would be better option.

Hugs x miscarriage is hard unfair and you are right messes with your head. It shakes your confidence and makes you question your body. Nothing anyone says can make you feel better but please know you are not alone and we are here for you. You will get through this xx

Hi hunters mum.

I had a missed m/c in feb 2011 at 8 weeks (Bub measured 6.3wks) and am currently going through another miscarriage at the moment (bleeding started thurs at 6.4 days)

I personally would prefer the d&c.
My cramping wasn't terrible with this miscarriage jus like period pain for me, but the doctor said the bleeding can take atleast a week to finish and I found with my d&c it was only light spotting for 2 days after it. I don't really like the constant reminder every time I go to the bathroom.

Hugs. It's so tough and I remember being so shocked when we found out about the missed m/c. I had no spotting or anything so didn't know any wrong could have happened.

*massive hugs*
I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
no advice re: best way to go, as I have never been in your shoes. but just wanted to send you some love. xoxo

:hug: I'm so sorry.

If you can manage it, do some research on the options to figure out which you prefer. The clinic will have their own preference, but that might not be right for you.

I'm so sorry you've lost your baby. It's an awful feeling to walk around knowing that something you love so much is in there and that you'll never hold them.

My first pregnancy in 2009 ended at around 10 weeks as well. The grief consumed me, for weeks and months. I've never felt 'safe' again in subsequent pregnancies since. You lose that innocent naivity (sp?) after something like this.

It was suggested by my GP and hospital DR's that a D&C would be a better option for me, so that I could move forward physically, and it was safer. I had one the very next day. It was relatively physically pain free, and the emotional support I received from the staff was comforting. Even my Anaesthetist shared her own story and cried a little for me. It was recommended I give my body 3 months to recover, and my mind too. We were TTC 3 weeks later. I fell pregnant after 13 weeks of TTC. Since then, i've lost other babies, but it's my first that really breaks my heart.

Positive vibes for you in the near future.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. We had a similar thing happen last year (10.5wks pg, but bub measured 8wks). I opted for the d&c because I wanted testing done and (to be completely honest) I was scared of the pain involved in passing the tissue naturally (based on my previous experience of a natural m/c at only 5.5wks). I wasn't given the option of drugs to induce the m/c, just the d&c or waiting. The other reason I didn't want to wait was that it had already been 2 weeks and my body had no signs of starting to m/c naturally (no spotting or pain and had the worst m/s of the entire pg we week we found out), so I didn't want to wait another couple of weeks (with bad m/s as a constant reminder) and end up having to do the d&c anyway. I had to wait 4 days for the d&c and that was long enough.

All of that said, there are a lot of women who really don't like the idea of the d&c. There are risks (as there are with any surgery) and some consider those risks unacceptable. It's not always the right option for the patient, so I agree with Kim that the best thing to do is find out what you can about each option and see what feels right to you. :comfort:

Be kind to yourself. I found our loss really hit me a lot harder than I expected. It didn't help that we suffered another loss (FIL) before we had finished grieving our angel and in the end it took a full year to move on. I'm not saying it will take you that long, just that it will take as long as it takes so be kind to yourself.

ps. Unlike AlligatorsMum, I bled for almost 3 weeks after my d&c. The worst of the bleeding started almost exactly a week after the d&c. No pain though, which was a relief.

:hug: similar thing happened with my second m/c I chose to have a D&C as didn't want to have to wait any longer to start trying again.

:( massive :hug: I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had a mm/c at nearly 12w (was 12w when I had my D&C). I named her lily, and I had a D&C as emotionally I couldn't handle waiting (and she had been gone for 3 weeks already) and also to get her tested. She was my third confirmed mc and I wanted answers.
Massive hugs xxxx

:( massive :hug: I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had a mm/c at nearly 12w (was 12w when I had my D&C). I named her lily, and I had a D&C as emotionally I couldn't handle waiting (and she had been gone for 3 weeks already) and also to get her tested. She was my third confirmed mc and I wanted answers.
Massive hugs xxxx

Hi sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this hard and emotional time.
In May last year I went in for my scan at 12+3 weeks to find that bub had stopped growing around 8.5 weeks and a mm/c. So it had been 4 weeks and still my body did not register that something was wrong.
Luckily it was very early in the morning and they could fit me in that day to have a D&C.

I personally could not have gone through with a natural mc.
We did have genetic testing done and found out the cause.
So it's up to you sweetie to decide what would be better for you.
Xx

Thank you all for your kind words x I'm going to ring my private ob tomorrow morbing that I was due to see for the first time next week. I've been reading up and feel a d&c is best for me.

For those of you that had genetic testing was it your first m/c? I'd be interested in finding out why but its my first and I have read they only do this if you've had multiple m/c.

I keep telling myself its not my fault, I mean my body is still trying hard to protect bubs and holding onto it.

For us, it was our second m/c (the circumstances of the first didn't allow for testing). We have a history of infertility and implantation failure (multiple BFN IVF) so I really wanted to know if the issue was genetic or if my body had failed to support the pg in some way. I found it helpful to have answers as to why it happened.

You're right, it's definitely NOT your fault. There is nothing you did or didn't do that caused this.

So very sorry for your loss. Its such a surreal time. I too had a mm/c at 9+6w. 7 wk scan all good but bubs stopped growing just after the scan. My scan was on a Thursday and I had a d&c on the Monday. Even though I knew it was gone I still didnt want them to take it. After my d&c I bled alot. Big clots and ended back in A&E. My gp said when she finished the procedure I was not bleeding so didnt give me an injection, so I got one later. It was a crappy day but it was over in one day. For me it was better than waiting to pass it, especially since the baby had died 3 weeks earlier. We didnt do testing or find out the sex as it would have made it really hard to move on. But I fully appreciate for some women it can help. My gp said in my check up that my uterine tissue was all good and healthy so we put it down to the embryo not being right. Good luck with everything x

Hi Hunter mum, I am really sorry to read of your loss :(
I had a mmc just last Christmas, baby measured 7w6d and it was my 9 week scan. No heartbeat. My ob gave me the option of a D+C but his personal recommendation was a natural mc, and i ended up going with that.

The wait was hard because you just don't know when it's finally going to come out. I eventually mc'd 4 weeks after first finding out. I continued to bleed for another 5 or so days afterwards, like a period. After that, it all stopped and things went back to normal. In fact, AF arrived 4 weeks after the mc.

Whatever you decide, i hope you have a speedy recovery. *hugs*

Hi Hunter mum

I am so sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing anyone can say to ease the pain. I miscarried early Feb this year. I had to have a d&c - wasn't given a choice as I was heading overseas and the doctors wouldn't have let me go if I hadn't had it. I had very little pain or bleeding after the d&c. Physically a d&c was very easy. My af came exactly 29 days after the d&c also & am waiting for af to arrive again now to start trying again. Having the d&c we got answers as to why we miscarried - doesn't make it any easier but at least we now know that I should be able to fall pregnant again.

As the other girls mentioned. Get as much advice/reading up on both ways & decide what is best for you physically & emotionally.

Hugs & kisses to you

Hi Hunter mum

I am so sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing anyone can say to ease the pain. I miscarried early Feb this year. I had to have a d&c - wasn't given a choice as I was heading overseas and the doctors wouldn't have let me go if I hadn't had it. I had very little pain or bleeding after the d&c. Physically a d&c was very easy. My af came exactly 29 days after the d&c also & am waiting for af to arrive again now to start trying again. Having the d&c we got answers as to why we miscarried - doesn't make it any easier but at least we now know that I should be able to fall pregnant again.

As the other girls mentioned. Get as much advice/reading up on both ways & decide what is best for you physically & emotionally.

Hugs & kisses to you

Sorry not sure why it double posted

Hunter mummy so sorry to hear that Hun. no advice just couldnt read and not give you a :hug: xoxo

HM...Im so sorry, sending you hugs....I had a missed miscarriage a couple years ago...at the 9 week scan no HB and it was only 6 weeks....i ended up opting for the surgery..i was going to have to wait a few days for it but the next day after the scan i started bleeding and he ended up doing it that day. i couldnt stand the thought of walking around with the baby in my belly. It was sending me into anxiety..i just wanted it over with...thats just me though...

Thanks everyone, I have managed to get into the private ob I was meant to see for the first time next Thursday, this afternoon. The receptionist says she has surgery time at the private hospital tomorrow (She works both private and public). I want surgery I think, it's really doing my head in knowing baby is still in there.

I really appreciate your kind words and sharing your experiences xo

So sorry HM, will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Big hugs for you and your family xo

Double post

Big hug HM xxx

Good luck HM - it's a pretty crappy day, I hope ur DP will be available to support u through the day. Are u taking the rest of the week off work? (If u work) I physically probably didn't need to but emotionally it was good to just have time to myself and hubby for a few days and went back to work the following week a little bit more "together".

We started heading to the ob yesterday a 4min drive and got a call to say sh had been called to a birth which I completely understand but we got rescheduled to today. I started passing a bit naturally last night. I'm feeling alone, hubby is cranky and I think he is blaming me. For that reason I am really hoping that they can do some testing. He is supposed to work Friday -Sunday night but I guess that will depend on what happens.

Oh HM im sorry to hear you got rescheduled. To be all ready in the mind set to go in and then have to wait another day would be so hard.

Im sure your DH is just struggling in his own way and im sure he doesn't blame you at all. Sometimes I forget that even though it isnt happening "TO" my DH physically he is still having to go through the loss of the pregnancy as well. I hope you get in today and you get some answers in the very near future.

Big :hugs: I'm so sorry for your loss, its a really difficult thing to go through, I had a missed miscarriage in September last year I was devastated because I was right on size for my dates so the baby's heart had stopped within last 24 hrs at 9weeks 5 days. I ended up with a d&c at 11 weeks which was the best choice for me as my ob said it could take 4-6weeks for it to happen naturally I had spotting for a fortnight after but as it was a suction curette it leaves a clean womb. We only had normal pregnancy tissue test done as my ob said they only offer further testing after multiple m/c and its expensive. I found my hubby dealt with it differently to me he hid himself away abit and buried it, but there's no blame for either party took me a long time to not blame myself but sometimes its a random once off so I hope this is the case for you. My friends were a fantastic support so I was happy I didn't keep it quiet.
Take care of yourself xox

Saw the ob today, I'm pleased to say that she is lovely. I feel so much better having met her now and knowing I have a D&C on Friday. I didn't ask her about anesthetic but she did ring her anesthetist and say "can you gas for me on Friday", so now I'm concerned I won't be under. Has anyone had a D&C but twilight? I think I would prefer to not be awake for it at all.

I had gas for mine, and was completely asleep and unaware. I was woken in recovery, being stroked on the face by a very gentle nurse who told me it was all over and I was ok.

'gas' is just a nick name for the anesthesist. so dont worry about that. all the best for fri.