Kids parties and colds

We are having DS's party this weekend and we have about 15 kids invited (plus their parents - all kids are young and we are friends with the parents).

One of the parents just rang and said that their DD has a cold and do we mind them coming? From my point of view I don't, as long as it's just a cold, but I don't feel that I can speak for everyone else who is coming to the party.

In the past whenever my kids have had colds and there is a party we don't go, even if the host says it's fine to come.

What's the etiquette here?

I don't think a cold is an issue. Anything worse would be.

I guess it depends on how sick they are. This time of the year there are so many kids with sniffles it's insane.

If my kids were running around like the normal hurricanes they are, with a runny nose then I'd probably take them.

If they were obviously unwell and coughing up a lung then I'd keep them home.

Thanks for the replies Jaycee and Tinks.

In the situation where I as host has been asked if a guest with a cold can come, does that change anything? If someone brings a child with a cold and I didn't know I can live in the bubble of ignorance ;) But if I was asked in advance and I said yes as host is that bad?

I don't think a cold is a problem. Also, depends where the party is. Are the kids going to be in a enclosed space or outside? If it's outside no problem at all. Your party- it's up to you.

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Thanks for the replies Jaycee and Tinks.

In the situation where I as host has been asked if a guest with a cold can come, does that change anything? If someone brings a child with a cold and I didn't know I can live in the bubble of ignorance ;) But if I was asked in advance and I said yes as host is that bad?

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Nah, I don't think it changes the situation. You can't be held accountable for that, what if the party was at a play cafe? As a parent you'd have to be aware that your child may and most likely will come into contact with a germy kid. I don't think this situation is any different.

I would think maybe parent has asked you as host in case you know of someone coming where a cold might be a big deal e.g very new baby or other immune compromised person.

It isn't bad for you as host to say is ok for them to come. Remember most things are infectious before visible signs anyway. You could have no one visibly with a cold at your party and someone still catch a cold.

A cold does not fuss me at all. Only time I think an issues is if fever, vomiting, diarrhoea, rash, conjuctivitis.

If you have a guest who is pregnent, newborn, close to major surgery or undergoing cancer treatment or immuno suppresed for another reason I would speak to them.

It is winter all kids have runny nose!!

Im going to go against the grain and say i would be annoyed and may even leave if i were at a party where there was an ill child even if just a cold. My DD for some reason easily gets ill and she always gets really ill even if just a cold so to me it would be an issue.

That being said thats just due to our situation and everyone is differant.But ild also not take my child if he or she were ill even with a cold. Its just like when one still takes there child to daycare when they have a cold.

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Im going to go against the grain and say i would be annoyed and may even leave if i were at a party where there was an ill child even if just a cold. My DD for some reason easily gets ill and she always gets really ill even if just a cold so to me it would be an issue.

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This is what I'm afraid of. I remember when DS was invited to a birthday party a couple of years ago. I was heavily pregnant, and DS had a cold so I rang up and said that we wouldn't be coming because he had a cold. The mum (who knew I was pregnant) said "Oh that's ok, most of the people coming have got colds anyway". I felt kinda hurt that she hadn't at least let me know, and had DS not been sick and we'd gone I'd have been walking into a party of a whole bunch of lurgies.

I would just call around and let parents know. Not always is "just a cold" actually just a cold. And food sharing is my biggest issue.

I'd also let parents know. Colds happen, but I think people should be given the chance to not attend if they don't want their child exposed.

Thanks everyone for your input. I think I might let everyone know. I just hope I don't get to the situation where a bunch of people stay away for the sake of one child with a cold. Ah the joys of having a winter baby :wall:

Yeah, I'd let other parents know, so they have the option. But I personally wouldn't care much about a cold.

DD2 just had her birthday a week ago & DS was a bit off, sleepy, ear ache & nasty cough. The party was a last minute thing after talking to half the parents & them saying go for it. Then when I texted out the invites, I added that on. Everyone still showed, since half the kids had already had what poor DS had.

It would never have occurred to me that the host parent would call me to let me know that someone might have a cold ... ?

If I was pregnant / immuno-compromised / particularly worried about the risk, then *I* would call *them* to check.

Personally, I think that going to any party (park, home, playcentre, pool, whatever) or any gathering of people - kids or otherwise - has an inherent risk of bugs.

I've caught as many colds in Drs waiting rooms, trains and at work as I have anywhere else. C'est la vie.

JMO.

"Hi just wondering if you could let me know if anyone attending will be sick?" Yeah dunno. That seems strange to me. It's always common courtesy amongst kinder/school mums in our area to let people know if your kids are sick. I don't know anyone that doesn't do that. Even "just a cold".

We do it with playgroup, but that's all of us together, because we have a FB group.

I guess I see parties as quite different. Thinking through the parties I've been to for DS1 though (about 20 - not heaps, but a fair few now) it just would never have occurred to me that the birthday child's parents would do a ring around to say someone with a cold might be attending.

The earlier step hadn't ever occurred either (but clearly happened, given the OP's post!) of someone calling to say that their child had a cold, and were they allowed to still come ...

I guess I see things as a bit more clear cut - if my child is sick and possibly contagious (like they both are at the moment!) then I wouldn't be taking them to a party (and indeed, there's a birthday party I'd very much like to go to on Saturday - but there's kids, there's a pregnant lady, my kids are a bit sick, I'm on the mend from something myself, and so sadly, we won't be attending). If my child has a bit of a snotty nose but they're teething, or they're just affected by the season, and I am sure that they aren't sick, then I'd go.

If I barred them from every activity when they had a runny nose, we'd be housebound all winter.

But if they're sick, they might pass it along to other kids, they might spoil the party for the other children, they might get sicker, and their discomfort might be prolonged. None of which I want! So we'd stay away.

If it was me who was particularly concerned though, and I and my kids were healthy, and I thought that people with colds might have notified the host, I'd call to find out. Sure it might seem a bit silly, but the thought of that doesn't bother me much. ;)

Maybe this is an etiquette that will become more apparent at kinder? I just haven't come across it yet. Not aiming to diss it - I just don't get it.

Ahhhh now I understand.

Yes you are right if my kids were sick I'd keep them home. But like I said above not all parents are like that.

You can't bubble wrap kids but bad experiences with lazy and selfish people who tend to not care if they make others sick you tend to get a bit jaded. Especially when a few "sniffles" and other things have ended up being serious. Don't even get me started on people who don't follow health guidelines for gastro.

A runny nose? No. Can't really stop that. But I'm talking more "Had a fever last night, coughing up a lung and lethargic. But it's just a cold and I'd hate to see them miss out."

Ah - no, totally different. I get where you're coming from :)

My thoughts are like rouges. Some parents do take ill kids to partys with little thought of others. A runny nose due to teething....pfft no biggy. Its when there ill (and for me yes a cold with a runny nose which isnt clear and sneezing would be ill) and could pass it on then if it were my kids i would keep them home.

That being said I DONT think the host should call everyone and i wouldnt expect them to. I think if you go and someones there whos ill then its your choice to stay or go home. Its just polite. Just like if i were expecting a frind to visit and my kids wernt well i would call them and let them know then its up to them to come or not but to me it would be the right thing to do iykwim

I totally agree with Rouge. I'm not fussed so much about colds, but I've had experiences with people who call EVERYTHING a cold, like influenza, gastro, everything. And then you see them and you're like, 'ahhhh, that ain't a cold!'. I personally think it's healthy to have a few colds in the colder seasons, immunity building and all, but I definitely don't trust that every parent will keep their legitimately sick child home, or even sometimes acknowledge that they're properly sick. So if Mrs. Kid-Always-Has-Gastro calls and says their child has a 'cold'...I'd be grateful to avoid them, as opposed to Ms. Kid-Has-The-Sniffles. If that even makes sense. I'm drinking coffee to stay awake while I'm baking DD1's birthday cake, ironically.

I agree that a cold is not really a big deal, and I am not so fussed about my kids getting one (unless we are about to get on a plane, visit a newborn etc etc), but I guess the weird thing here is that someone ASKED me if they can still come. Ie they are acknowledging that their child has a contagious illness (albeit a mild one) and that in all probability it will get passed on to some of the kids attending, and asking my permission for them to still come. If they had just come to the party then what's done is done, but since they are telling me as host and asking me if they can come, it kind of puts me in the same position as if it was my kid that was sick and going to a party. Which I would not do.

If it was my child going to a party and they are sick I make the decision myself whether or not to take them, and just tell the host that we are not coming. It's the transferring of responsibility of deciding what is the right thing to do onto the host that seems unfair.

Maybe Just call them back and ask if you could arrange an alternative play date for when xyz is feeling better?

I think that's probably best Rouge. It seems mean to tell them not to come just for a cold but it's a decision I won't feel guilty about :) Thanks for everyone's input

Yeah, I think the issue is what does she class as a cold? I recently had DS's birthday and a friend texted to let me know she and her family would love to come but her dd had a slight cold, is that OK?. DS has a heart condition so I was grateful for the heads up. However, I also know this mum and know if it was anything worse than sniffles she just wouldn't have come. I said to her that if she would send dd to school (keeping in mind she's a sensible mum) then bringing her was fine. Had it been other women in my circle ringing me to tell me about a "cold" I'd have been more wary.

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I agree that a cold is not really a big deal, and I am not so fussed about my kids getting one (unless we are about to get on a plane, visit a newborn etc etc), but I guess the weird thing here is that someone ASKED me if they can still come. Ie they are acknowledging that their child has a contagious illness (albeit a mild one) and that in all probability it will get passed on to some of the kids attending, and asking my permission for them to still come. If they had just come to the party then what's done is done, but since they are telling me as host and asking me if they can come, it kind of puts me in the same position as if it was my kid that was sick and going to a party. Which I would not do.

If it was my child going to a party and they are sick I make the decision myself whether or not to take them, and just tell the host that we are not coming. It's the transferring of responsibility of deciding what is the right thing to do onto the host that seems unfair.

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I agree it is transferring the responsibility onto the host and it is unfair - but this situation I believe comes about because people are so untrusting of others and so obsessed with snot and coughs. The mums kid prob just has a snotty nose, she is so worried that she will turn up and people will ***** about bringing a kid who is ill (based on visible things only) that like you say she is trying to absolve herself of the responsibility.

If I were you I would say to her is the kid sick e.g not quite themselves, has a temp, feeling ill - or do they just have the visible manifestations of a cold e.g. dodgy nose and dry cough. If child not actually sick then to come otherwise to stay away. I don't think you have to notify other parents or take any responsibility for anyone catching anything (they could equally catch something from someone not visibly showing signs of anything).

I firmly believe the majority of parents do the right thing (there are few exceptions of course).

I personally don't use the term cold unless they are sick e.g. temp, lethargic etc. I wouldn't send a child to a party with a cold, but I would with just snotty nose or a cough etc. So it all depends on definition really.