Need advice. 10.5 weeks pregnant but baby has died :(

So as the title suggests I am meant to be 10.5 weeks pregnant but I went for a routine checkup with my ob. today and found out baby has no heartbeat anymore and is measuring 10 weeks. As you can imagine I am absolutely devastated :( I am going for another ultrasound tomorrow to confirm and then will be seeing ob. again to discuss d&c. My question is: Should I have a d&c or push to miscarry naturally? My ob. recommends I have a d&c because there will be a lot of matter and it will be quite painful for me. I have had a m/c at 9 weeks where baby was measuring 6 weeks, it was awful and I felt as though I was in labour all night but it was closure for me. I do want this whole thing to be over with asap so we can begin trying again but I just want to make sure I make the right decision.
I have been taking progesterone pessaries for the last 3 weeks so it might take a while for my body to m/c naturally, could tablets to force m/c be an option?

This might sound a bit weird but I really want to meet our little baby and I feel as though the only way I will be able to do this is if I miscarry naturally, but then what happens if it doesn't look anything like a baby when it comes out anyway? Has anyone delivered their baby at 11ish weeks and can tell me what it was like?
I have read that after 10 weeks the chance of matter being retained is quite high which would end in a d&c anyway, I would hate to go through it all naturally to have to have a d&c anyway.

My last question is will I be put to sleep for a d&c? I haven't been put to sleep for over 10 years and the thought really scares me, but the thought of staying awake during the procedure really scares me too.

Im sorry if this is a weird post, im really upset and not thinking straight.. oh and its after midnight and its been a big day! I really don't want to be going through this :( Thankyou so much to anyone that can give me some input on miscarrying naturally or having a d&c at around this stage. xx

Hun im so so sorry for your loss.

And in regards to a d&c, yes they will put you to sleep for it... They can do more to give you a bit of closure also having a d&c, they can test to tell if it was a boy or girl, test chromosomes and why the baby died.

However they can give you pills to make your body go into labour too. These pills may not expel everything and like you said, the risk of a d&c is very high...

The only person who can make this decision is you.

If it were me, I would go for the d&c as id want it over with very quickly, so I could start TTC after recovery. Another risk factor is infection if bub is left for too long.

Massive hugs babe. I really feel for you. Such a heartbreaking time. Here if you need to talk.

No advice, my latest miscarriage was 8 weeks and I ended up in hospital with a lot of pain and an iv with morphine. I passed my baby naturally and had no complications.
Huge hugs for you, it's a very personal decision xx

I am so sorry run.
My last MC was at 9was. I MC naturally at hospital but still had to have the d&c for retained product. For me the D&c was closure. I did not get any testing done but it was an option for me.

so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

I am so sorry for your loss. :hug:

I suffered a missed miscarriage between my two DSs. I thought I was 11 weeks but my baby had died at around 8 weeks. I elected for a D&C the next day. I was asleep for the procedure but suffered no physical ill effects. For me, not knowing when my body would mc naturally was an awful feeling and I just wanted it to be over so I could grieve by baby. After such a long time deceased in utereo I don't thing my baby would have looked much like a baby.

As others have said it is a very personal decision. I had a very similar thing happen and chose to take the drugs to
Induce miscarriage at home. There was no way I could face going to hospital in the emotional state I was in so I didn't choose the d&c. And we had a special occasion coming up so I didn't want to wait for it to happen naturally.
I really don't think you will see you baby but you probably will know when your baby is no longer with you. (hugs) it is an awful decision.
As I was having ivf, my doctor did a scan to ensure everything was clear to go again and I ended up having a very quick d&c that targeted one area but I would not have had to have one if it was not my last go at ivf.

Sorry you are going through this :hug:

It is a personal decision & there is no right or wrong choice.
I had a mm/c at 12.5wks & baby measured 9.5wks. I chose to have the d&c the next day because I just wanted it out & over with. I didn't want the stress of not knowing when it was going to happen naturally. I hope you have a lovely support network to help you through this difficult time xxx

I'm so sorry Reet :hug:

I had a miscarriage at home at week 11. i had no choice as i just started miscarrying. I did like that i got to pass it all on my own, but it was very intense and there was alot of bleeding involved.
Being that i have done it before I might think about passing on my own again, but i do think that a D&C has advantages (especially in terms of lowering risk of retained product and testing if that is what you wish).

I've had miscarriages that have passed naturally and had one D&C. TBH I found I recovered better emotionally after the D&C, which was a missed m/c at 15 weeks. I agree with what the other ladies have said though in that it is very much a personal decision, and there is no right or wrong answer. I do think you may not see your baby if you pass your m/c naturally - perhaps one to speak with your OB about because he/she will have a much better idea of what physical existence you will see.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Take care.

Oh reet, I have no advice honey but just wanted to say I'm so very sorry :hug:

Thankyou so much for all ur replies, I've taken it all onboard. I saw my ob. just before and decided to go ahead with the d&c, it is booked in for this afternoon, it feels so soon but no point prolonging it I guess! My ob. will be doing it and said he will send it away for testing and Ill find out if it was a boy or girl, I guess that's the closure I need.. or maybe it will make it harder knowing the sex, but its all pretty hard anyway so what's the difference! I am trying so hard to focus on what we have already... An absolutely perfect little girl.. but its so hard having your future plans and dreams torn from u... As all of u know :( thankyou all so much again xxx

Thinking of you for this afternoon, sending you lots of healing vibes.

Thinking of you and hope the procedure goes as well as it can. :(

Reet words can't express how sorry I am for you and your family :cry:

Hugs and kind thoughts heading your way this afternoon. :hug::hug::hug:

Thinking of you Reet :hug:

Oh, hun, I'm so sorry to read your news. We went through the same thing in January last year and it was like being hit by a bus (in terms of the shock). I opted for the d&c because I wanted the genetic testing and also because I was scared of the pain involved in a natural m/c (although I was told to go to the hospital for pain management if we chose that avenue). The other reason I opted for the d&c was for it to be over. Like you, I was meant to be 10.5wks but bub only measured 8wks and my body was showing no sign of m/c naturally. I didn't want to wait weeks and end up with a d&c anyway. I had to wait 4 days for the d&c and that was long enough...

I found the physical recovery pretty easy, but the emotion recovery took a good 12 months. I had bleeding for a couple of weeks after the d&c but that seems to be a lot longer than most women get.

I hope your d&c goes smoothly and you have no complications. I also hope you get some answers from the testing you're getting done. :comfort:

much love for today reet :hug:

I hope all goes well reet. I had my third d&c yesterday for missed mc and am home recovering. I find initially you feel very empty as you go to sleep still carrying the baby and wake up with it all gone. However physical recovery is fairly quick and that allows you to focus on emotional recovery. And at least you don't have the memories of pain and blood from natural mc. Your Dr will prob test the baby which may give you some answers too which can help with closure. All the best.

So so sorry reet :hug:

my mc was only at seven weeks, measuring six, with d&c at 8 weeks.... I was so glad to have the d&c as I was scared about the pain, didnt want to go through that, and didnt want to wait, as I just wanted it over so I could grieve. Greiving took a whole though, and I think it didn't really feel "right" until after the due date passed... Sigh... Sometimes I still think about it.

Its really tough, I hope you have some close friends and family who can help you through it.

I'm so sorry. I hope everything goes smoothly and you find some space to grieve your precious baby.

Thankyou so much to everyone that has replied again xx

Yesterday was very very emotionally draining, but the procedure went well. Amazingly I have no pain whatsoever... I feel more uncomfortable after a papsmear! I was kind of looking forward to my body going through some cramping so it felt more real but I guess, why torture myself...

I have been crying on and off for the last 2 days and feel so lost, I was feeling so content only a week ago, everything was absolutely perfect. I could lay on the couch all day feeling so happy that I was growing a little baby, but now today laying on the couch I just cried and felt like I was just wasting time away. I really need to start focusing on my gorgeous little girl again and be satisfied with the joy she brings to my life. My whole future right now looks so bleak though.. and it really shouldn't because I am so lucky to have such a great life and family. I need so stop worrying about the future and thinking Im going to go through this again...

One day at a time.......



ps. When did everyone get af back after a d&c?? I know its still early days but just curious... thanku x

double

Sounds exactly like how I felt after my d&c :hug:

AF took about 6 weeks for me... I think everyone is a bit different though xxx

be so so so kind to yourself, and be okay with grieving for a while. It's okay to go through the motions for now :comfort:

I felt exactly the same way after mine. It will improve as you heal. :hug:

AF showed up 5 weeks later for me.

I'm so sorry for your loss Reet :hug: It's such an awful feeling when one day you are growing a little life and then it's gone. It happened to me too unfortunately, life can be so cruel sometimes. Take time to heal and focus on your gorgeous little girl. I was lucky too to have my DS to focus on. My AF came around 5 or 6 weeks after my D & C. Many hugs xxx