Varying age gaps between siblings- your experiences?

We have just under 3 years between our two boys and we're still contemplating another baby but we're not at all ready at the moment. Even if we had a baby soon there would be about 4 years between my second and third. So now we're looking at perhaps more like 5 years between second and third. Do you think that that makes them a bit of a straggler and they'll be too young to play with their brothers most of the time? Will the fact that the eldest two would be closer in age mean that they band together?

I have and older and younger sister- the older one is about 3 years older and the younger one is 13 years younger. That was too much of a gap and I am closer to my older sister. I'm guessing 5 years is surely a much less significant gap and it's still only 8 years from oldest to youngest so maybe it would still work out?

I'd love to hear from people who had varying gaps between their siblings and how did it work out in your family?

My first child, DD1 was 2 years 4 months when her brother was born. They generally get along well, although there are times when they bicker. When DS was 5 and DD1 was 7, I had DD2. She gets along with everyone! She is very much 'the baby' and is very spoiled by the other two. The older two do sometimes compete for DD2's attention, but mostly the three of them get along and if there is any arguing, it is between DD1 and DS. There have been occasions when the older two are doing something and DD2 makes a mess of it so they ask me to take her away. It has been fantastic having older kids to watch DD2 so that I can do the simple things like have a shower or go to the loo.

I think there are positive and negatives for every age gap. Families come in all shapes and sizes and you just make it work. We are currently considering number 4 and if we do decide to have another child, I know we will make that work, too!

I think whether they get along or not will depend more on their personalities than age.
My 2 older brothers have 18 months between them, and then I came along 6 years later. My eldest brother and I have been best of friends our whole lives because we are so alike. He took care of me when I was young and now we're still very close because we are very alike.
The middle brother has always been left out a little, and now even more so because our personalities are so different.

There's 5years difference between my sibling and I. I am the eldest. We got along wonderfully. We did most things together, hilarity always ensued. Of course we did fight but it was definitely the exception not the norm. The only time we really had problems was when I got a boyfriend in my late teenage years, there was jealousy of the boyfriend. We're still good friends now.

I believe our personalities played a large part, along with my mothers parenting.

My elder brothers are really close in age, 14 months apart. I am 7 years younger than the eldest.

I loved the age gap. I never felt left out. To me it was great because they cared for me, but as we got older we were still all great friends.

From what they say they enjoyed mum having a baby when they were that age because they understood more and appreciated a baby.

I second what Connie said only im the one that's left out. there is 4 years between myself and my older brother and 3 years between me and my younger sister and despite being 7 years apart my brother and sister get along better than I do with either of them, its not that I don't love them or anything its simply a personality thing, my brother and sister are very outgoing and loud and in your face whereas im shy and I sit back ITMS? also my kids are 14 months apart so youd think theyd get along great right? wrong!! they definitely fight more than they play nicely

There are 3yrs between me & little brother #1. Growing up we were never close & didn't have a lot in common. occasionally we'd have "adventures" & get into fun mischief. When we were in our mid 20's he had a traumatic relationship breakdown & reached out to me. We've been close ever since.

There is 9yrs between myself & little brother #2 - he followed me everywhere & I was a mother figure for him. We are still close but the dynamics are completely different than with brother #1. #1 & I have a serious, D&M relationship whereas #2 & I are likely to drink too much, talk rubbish &discuss issues in a round about way.

Over all though the 3 of us are close & are very united & protective of each other. I think it is more personality & environmental influences that shape a sibling relationship than age.

So many great posts- thanks everyone for sharing your experiences!

Another pervasive theme that I'm a little concerned about it the 'odd one out' in families with three siblings! I'm almost keen to just have two to help them be close and not have someone feel like the odd one out. We shall see what happens in the future I guess but I think I'll stew less over the age gap :)

I have 12 months between my first two girls, and then 4 years between my second and third. Its still early days, with DD3 only just turning 1, but they get on incredibly well. DDs 1 and 2 have an incredibly strong bond at the moment and have done their whole lives, but they adore their baby sister and the three (or any combination of two of them) play together very well.

I too had/have concerns that my baby girl will be a bit left out of her sisters' fun - I have no doubt that in years to come the 4 year age gap will result in a very pesky little sister, but equally I'm sure that as my older girls age there will be issues due to them being so close - mutual friends, boys (heaven forbid!!), space to themselves for one when the other still wants the closeness ITMS.

I also agree with PPs that it will come down far more to the personalities of the kids, rather than their ages. I have one brother, but we have never got on. I guess if we had another sibling one of us would have been left out, but as it was we were basically both on our own anyway.

there's an odd one out thing?? oh boy! thankfully we haven't hit that...yet lol.

in my very brief experiencing of parenting my three little ladies, they do tend to eke out a relationship and path with eachother. we encourage alot of interaction as well. we are not the kind of parents to tell the big kids off for getting 'too close the baby' or anything like that too. we like to highlight DD3s funny side and show that to the big girls and that at the moment seems to help create the bonds that bind them as siblings ITMS.

Im currently in this situation - 3 older boys close together then a 4y2w age gap to the baby.

Bub is 10wks old so we're still in the early stages of this dynamic and Ive had the same concerns as you re: closeness with the age gap. Our three older boys are quite close and I worry that bub will miss out on the relationship of having a sibling close in age to hang with. They adore him and cant wait for him to be mobile so they can entertain him but Im sure there will be times where the novelty of a younger sibling wears thin. We are raising them to remember how important your siblings are and encourage the close bond we want them to have. My biggest worry is next year when bub is a year old and all the other boys are at school - will he be lonely? When he is older and wants to hang out with them but they're off doing teenage stuff - will he resent it?

In the end, it is what it is and people who've been there have assured me it works out just fine.

double post :shakehead:

DS1 and DS2 are 15 years apart. There's no "perfect" gap between kids. Siblings will either get on or they won't.

My eldest plays with his little brother and loves him to bits (and the feeling is reciprocated). I think they will always have a special relationship no matter their large age gap.

I am 5 years older than my brother. We never got along (understatement lol). I suspect that a lot of it may have been that we were left to our own devices most of the time - no family bonding at all itms. Once we were grown up we started getting along better and we have a good relationship now (I just saw him today actually :) )

My kids are 2 years apart and I agree with the personality thing. DS and DD1 don't get along particularly well and never play together unless there is a parent involved. However he is very loving toward DD2. DD1 and 2 play together quite a bit, but DD2 is still at that snatching stage wanting everything that DD1 has so it goes pear shaped quite quickly. I think that as DD2 learns some social manners that those two will be quite good friends.

I have a friend with two early teen boys and a 1 year old girl and they all get along well - she has film of the 14 year old boy playing tea party with his baby sister lol.

Personally I don't think that a 5 year gap instead of a 3 year gap will make much of a difference. They will be who they are and that will be their family. I think there is a lot more to sibling bonding than the age difference.

It's not that I don't get along well with my younger sister. She is my sister 100% and love and adore her and I played with her a LOT (and parented her for 4 years while she was in high school)... but it's not the same as the relationship I have with my older sister. It feels like we really did grow up as siblings in the true sense and we have a much stronger shared history and also connection due to being in the same life stage now. In many ways my younger sister was like an only child with extra mothers or something.

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I have a friend with two early teen boys and a 1 year old girl and they all get along well - she has film of the 14 year old boy playing tea party with his baby sister

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That is so cute! We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and in the restaurant a family was celebrating their 2 kids birthdays one was 18 and the other was 1 haha it was funny watching because the 18yo is having his first beer in a restaurant and the 1yo was scoffing down fairy bread haha

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That is so cute! We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and in the restaurant a family was celebrating their 2 kids birthdays one was 18 and the other was 1 haha it was funny watching because the 18yo is having his first beer in a restaurant and the 1yo was scoffing down fairy bread haha

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LOL

I think every "grown-up" family needs a toddler....if not one to keep, then they should get to borrow one now and then!

The gap between my two is 9 and a half years. They adore each other.

I've been thinking about this too. After a nearly six year gap between DD1 and DD2, there'll be exactly two years to the bonus sibling. But DD1 loves playing with DD2 already, even though she's only 18 mths and is excited about another sister or brother. I think because DD1 is so easy going and busy with bigger kid stuff it won't bother her as much if the younger two are close.

But, that will depend on personality.

Dreading the younger two fighting already... I'm buying ear plugs!

Hi meow,

There is a 4.5 year gap between my two kids. At first my eldest found it hard to adjust but now they adore each other. She is now 19 months old and he's 6. I was worried about the age gap as well. However it has turned out better than I ever imagined. They get to revel in their siblings milestones just like we do. He laughs when she says a new word. She brings out a softer side in him. I definitely recommend it :)

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The gap between my two is 9 and a half years. They adore each other.

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See, this is not my concern. If I only had my younger sister I would adore her as much as I do now. I'm more concerned about when there are three children and two of them are closer in age.

Ive always said the three kid dynamic is a bit tricky.

My boys can get along fine as a group of three most of the time. They do have times where two will pair off but because mine are so close in age the pairings change alot. It used to be a pairing of Ds2 and Ds3 because they were at home together while Ds1 started school but now it seems to be Ds1 and Ds2 now they're at school together. Ds1 and Ds3 seem to clash the most but Ds3 is at a difficult stage and annoying all of us lol

Its an amazing magic trick that they can all be fighting tooth and nail in the 3-kid grouping but as soon as you take ONE kid out, doesnt matter which one - it settles down! Its like that third kid changes the dynamic enough to make it chaos, but its not particular to a particular kid its just any third kid - even when I have two of mine and a friend's kid :lol:

double post again.

To be honest, thats another reason why we weren't having another after DD3 - we had such small gaps (4 kids in 4 years, 2 months) so I didn't want to have a huge gap - and by the time she was 1, I didn't want to go back to the newborn stage, I was enjoying my last baby growing up and moving past that.

I worry that this next one will be left out - DS is sometimes left out, not because of age, but because of gender. He doesn't want to play dolls and thats all the 3 girls are interested in. It took a while for DD3 to play well with the other older girls, but now she is 2, she plays pretty well with them (when they aren't shutting her out of the room because she can't open the doors on her own just yet).

I'm hoping that when DD1 goes to school next year, she will start bonding with DS a little more, because he is always feeling left out - and we feel bad for him.