What to do with a picky eater?

Our DS1 is almost 4 and though we have seen some improvements since he was a toddler, he is still quite a picky eater.

He is very suspicious of new foods, or even foods he has seen before but didn't eat. He does not like food touching, if he has pasta with a meat sauce he will usually shake it all off or at worst will cry and get anxious. Sometimes we can jolly him along to eat whatever it is but there are times we help him out so he will eat something.

On the subject of meat, he is not a fan, never has been. He used to spit out meat right from babyhood. He does eat ham/bacon now but most other meats are hit and miss.

He will eat things raw but not cooked. He loves capsicum and will sneak bits while I'm cooking but usually refuses to eat it once he's presented with his meal.

Will not eat potato in any form besides chips! Does not like rice.

He has a very limited list of fruit he will eat that consists of banana, strawberry, grapes and sometimes pear or apple.

We have gotten him involved in cooking but once it's done and we're all sitting down he loses interest. I have let him explore food within reason but he would just play with his dinner, and we didn't know if this was helping or hindering in the long run. So at the moment we encourage using utensils and will let him use his hands but no playing with it. No bulldozing or excavating it either :lol:

He doesn't like things in food, for example he doesn't like yogurt with fruit in it. He will eat plain yogurt and have fruit on the side but will flip out if I serve strawberry yogurt.

We try to get him to taste the food. The whole it's our job to offer it and his job to eat it motto...but is it ok if he just refuses and refuses night after night? He really doesn't like tasting things he's not sure of or keen on and will make disgusted facial expressions, chew it for a very long time or even spits it out (which really bothers me). He claims to not like things he has never actually tasted.

We do not make a big deal out of food, we chat and try to enjoy being together at the table, his little brother loves his food so we do talk about that, and we always do the same when DS1 eats something (is this ok? Is it better to not mention it?)

I'm not worried about his diet as he does eat a variety...I think I'm just concerned he will be this picky indefinitely. I'm feeling very worn down by this and do not look forward to meal times. It's so frustrating thinking of things he might like and serving it up only to have him say 'I can't eat that.'

Any advice? Should be keep doing what we're doing or is there something we could change?

Oh wow. I could have written that exact post with just exchanging
almost 4 for four and a bit
deleting all the fruits except apples and bananas
and 'I can't eat that' with 'I don't like that'.

I'm worn down too. I wish I knew an answer for us.

I could write almost your exact same post about my 4 year old. Foods aren't allowed to touch. Everything has to be plain. Will eat carrot and capsicum raw but not cooked. Will only pick at them while I am cooking but never wants it on her plate. Only plain yoghurt. Loves fruit.

She will eat rice and pasta if it is plain. Hates potato unless it is in chip form and even then she is not a big eater.

I try not to make a big deal about it as she does have a balanced diet. I get the whole I don't like it from her as well even though she has never had it. She will sometimes ask to try new foods that we eat but will just lick it or have a tiny taste and then say she doesn't like it. I encourage her trying the foods by telling her it is nice to keep trying foods. I have also told her quite a few times that there are some foods that I didn't like when I was a little girl but then I tried it again and I liked it. Be specific as well.

I cant offer any other advice as I am kind of in the same boat, but I am all for picking your battles. I wont cook DD a separate meal from us, but I will separate things for her while cooking. Ie. cook plain mince, take some out for DD, then add other ingredients in that are needed for DH's and my meal. IF it is a meal with pasta or with rice, she can have that plain.

Hope that helps, even if it is to know that you are not alone. :hug:

Oh girls, I could seriously cry right now knowing we're not alone! Thank you both.

Parents of picky eaters unite :lol:

My DS is a picky eater too - drives me insane. He won't eat any fruit other than banana's (and even then, only sometimes). Only vegetables he eats are potatoes and corn (again, only occasionally). He'd just eat bread and pasta if he was allowed. Oh and coco pops :wall:

I have 3 picky eaters.

Ds was shocking and now he's 6.5 and eats really well.

I don't care if they don't eat what I serve, its my job to serve, their job to eat.

Frustrating but I've not found any way to get them to eat that doesn't involve pure force (and then there is the danger of getting bitten) so I'm much more relaxed about it now. If they don't eat fair enough, but they don't get anything else to eat as a substitute. Meal times are strict here!

I know from my experience with ds that they do grow out of it eventually.

DD used to eat almost anything, and was happy to try new things. now, she is following many of the 'rules' of your kids. No foods touching, pasta is ok but if it has sauce on it it will kill me...

I try not to give it too much attention, but it is draining trying to think of meals she will eat, or presenting it in the appropriate form each time. if it's not right, she just doesn't eat. and then gets cranky, and doesn't sleep as well and gets cranky again.

I just wanted to add that DS got a lot better at eating his dinner when we split up the menu - he gets to choose 3 meals a week that he wants for dinner, and I choose 3 - then Saturday night is homemade pizza night (which I make the dough and the kids create their own pizza anyway)

I think giving him a bit of control over what he eats has helped, plus there is also the bribery of sorbet or something after dinner if he eats it all LOL

I saw this thread and thought I would jump in to say that sometimes picky eating can be a sign of sensory processing issues. So, do a bit of reading & if any of the other signs resonate then getting your kids assessed might be a good idea.

All that aside, a common strategy to overcome pickiness is to put something you know they will eat on the plate along with a small portion or two of something they may not. Once they've seen it on their plate a hundred times, eventually they might put it in their mouths. The trick here is never to make dinner time about finishing what's on your plate. Just put it on there, and the second the kid eats it, praise like crazy.

we often do separate plates for many things here, so bowl of pasta, bowl of sauce, bowl of cheese. DD can then mix and match herself. even when we know she won't have the sauce, it will go on her table.

sensory issues can be a sign of my neuro condition, (that my kids have potential to inherit) so it is something i watch out for. some signs can be just normal kid behaviour so i try not to over analyse unless we start to get more signs together. but good point to remember.

I'm turning into a mean mother. I used to cook seperate meals and do things Liebs would eat. Not so much now. If I know he dislikes a particular pasta sauce, I'll serve him plain pasta with some carrots and cucumber and cheese while DH and I enjoy the nice sauce. I know that it's just as easy to give Liebling some fishfingers instead of a fish I've spent a long time preparing because he will eat that. Things like corn wraps go down well as Liebs picks what he wants in those and we make them at the table.

But I'm doing it less and less. OK, so he hates a meal I've just made, we can do beans on toast later. He does the same the next night then tough, that's your dinner. It's really nice. You like all the ingredients (haddock, bacon, mushrooms, rice, butterbeans, parsley, white wine). Do not whinge you are hungry later. However, we do always allow fruit and veg to be eaten no matter what else he has and hasn't eaten. If he were taller he could also help himself to toast.

Liebling has eaten a lot more different things since starting to cook meals himself. I help opening things and supervise, but he does all the cooking. Including making the sauces and putting things into pans/dishes. He also picks the meals based on cookbook pictures when we want to try something different. Reminding him the meal was his choice does help! He also does the shopping with me and we look at what we think will taste nice and buy that in. If it isn't nice, oh well, we tried. There is no punishment for trying and not liking, and if we do cook up something really foul (to anyone's taste) then I will do something quick and tasty (like pizza, scrambled snake, rice salad...).

The other thing we do is grow our own food - so Liebling is looking forward to eating Garden Tomatoes even though he doesn't like normal tomatoes. He may not like them, but he's willing to try them.

I used to be a picky eater growing up and still am, to some extent. There are things I just won't eat. So I respect that in Liebling so long as he tries them occasionally (as I will, then I will make myself something else). However, cooking for myself, shopping for myself and reading cookbooks helped me extend my tastes.

Firstly there's no such thing as a picky/fussy eater. All children take time to develop their palettes even the amazing babies that eat everything have changes in their palettes as they grown.

My DS 7 has only *just* started turn a corner with some foods he has always hated. And I was patient, they always have to try things. Even if they didn't like it a month ago. I keep their food interesting and varied. Never make 2 meals. If they are hungry they will eat it. Or they can help themselves to the fruit bowl. But also don't feed them every meal with things they hate.

Practice that's all. It takes time for them to get used to certain tastes and textures. But please don't tell them they are fussy. Or they will be. And try not to let dinner time be a battle. If you don't make a big deal about food it won't be a big deal.

I have two picky eaters, pretty much identical to what you all have written.
These days I make one meal for us all, we sit at the table together and it up to each individual to eat their own meal, if its not eatery then it's nothing til breakfast.
To be honest I have pretty much given up the battle, instead I offer the meals, and I don't make anything too out there for them. I offer food, I ask that they try some of it all. If they try everything then I give them a reward, if they don't then it's bathtime and on with the rest o the routine
It's getting easier after 6months of doing this, the kids know I'm not going to bend the rules and that they get one treat meal a week of their choice. Also I have moved their snack time further away from dinner time.

Picky/fussy eaters are tough! I've got an absolute doozy of a fuss pot when it comes to food, and this is all down to sensory issues and not just being picky.

At 6 (next week), my son is probably the fussiest eater I have ever come across and I'm not exaggerating I promise! Haha.

18 months ago he had a list of about 10 foods he would eat. No fruits. No veg. No meat. No sauces. No pastas. No rice. Specific dairy. Specific branded chicken nuggets which had to be crumbed and not battered. He ate home brand cheese slices, but refused coon/ bega slices. He would eat block cheese slices but freaked when it came to shredded cheese. Plain yoghurt only. Any lumps meant a total melt down. Basically he only ate white foods, but an extremely small variety of them. Handling things like watermelon would cause meltdowns.

The food component of his issues was only one part of my special little mans sensory difficulties which I won't go into depth about here, but were big warning signs that he wasn't just a fussy eater. My Concern with his eating was the fact that he's one of the oldest in his class, but the shortest and skinniest by far, and we are no small people on either side of the family. I have had 5+ years of guilt over his terrible diet. 5+ years of searching for help and not getting back as much as I've liked, so we've been on our own.
Over time, we've extended DS' diet a little. I won't lie, it's been extremely tough. Lots of tears, fights, stress but also lots of positive steps.
For example, we discovered that DS liked muffins. So I decided to start making my own banana muffins. I've never hidden the fact that they have banana in them. He sees me making them, he knows that real bananas are in them, yet he loves them. He wont touch a banana on its own, but he'll down 100 of these muffins in one sitting. It was incredible to see and to know that even a teeny tiny bit of fruit was getting into his system.
When he was 2&1/2, his younger sister started solids. Mainly baby led weaning, but the occasional purée. DS decided that one purée looked appetising and asked to try it. Voila - puréed fruit was a winner! So for a while, I'd try and encourage him to have puréed fruit as often as possible. He's now decided he doesn't want it anymore, but its always offered as I know he will eat it if no other choices are available.

I cook different meals every night. I've tried force feeding (at my lowest point and several times :( ) and it's not worth the stress. I've tried only serving him up what we eat. Contrary to popular belief he DID go hungry and lost weight. The best way for us as a family is to allow DS to eat 3 meals a day of things we know he eats and encourage him (VERY gently) to try new things. 99% of the time he refused, but that 1% of the time, he might lick a new food. Or he'd hold it. Even more rarely, he'd bite it. And maybe a handful of times he'd swallow a bite. We praise him a little but try not to go overboard. I've found that excessive praise is actually detrimental as he thinks he can lick a food and life is grand. No need to actually eat it. It also put too much emotional emphasis into foods instead of just teaching him that we eat because we need energy to live.

Encourage play with food. Any contact with a new food is positive. Whether it be driving a car through it, holding it, putting it in his mouth and spitting it out, or creating pictures on his plate with it. My aim is to make him comfortable enough that he knows the new food won't harm him. That it doesn't hurt to touch and that maybe on day he will be confident enough to try it.

Something brand new for DS is banana pancakes. He has always hated homemade pancakes and would only ever eat bottled mix crud. Last week, I tried banana pancakes made from 1 banana and 2 eggs (eggs he normally won't touch). No flour, nothing else. Whizz in a blender and cook. Didn't tell him what was in them Until he'd taken a few bites and said he liked them. He loved them and wasn't upset at all when I told him what they were made of. I said I was glad he liked them, and that I could make them again if he wished, which he emphatically replied yes to. No other conversation about them, I acted normal and then went to my room and pretty much threw myself a victory party!

I've gone into a fair bit of depth (sorry if it all seems pointless) but having been on this path for so many years and having tried everything there is to try I thought I'd comment. This really only is the very tip of the iceberg when It comes to all things DS, but there are ideas and strategies out there to help try and cope. This has been such a massive part of our lives and we're just starting to see some positives after so any years of stress and trying things. It's a long road but I'm confident that as he gets older, his eating habits will get better. I also refuse to lie down and let him get his way, but I have to be very very gentle in my approach.

I've finally found an OT to see DS about his toe walking and other sensory issues after the paed waved us away. I'm hoping that we can find some more strategies to help with his diet.


Sometimes it is as simple as fussiness. Sometimes only serving them what you cook works. When you've got other issues that also stand out, such as my little guys sensory issues then food becomes a whole new ball game and playing by the standard rules wont work.

Good luck with it! Pick your battles and try not to make meal times too emotional. I was your run of the mill fussy eater when I was younger and I have quite a varied diet these days. It will get better.
If you'd ever like to ask me any questions please feel free. Apologies if my post is insanely off on a tangent - I'm pretty passionate about the whole fussy eating thing ;)

It's very dependent on the child. There are very stubborn ones out there that can get by with a small amount of food. My DD could lose weight by refusing food and has in the past. She would lose weight if I persevered and fruit isn't an adequate replacement for protein. I've had to adapt to get her to eat. Never had this prob with DS. We keep offering variety but one meal in the day has to be one I know she will eat.

I must be a very mean mother. I have a child born picky, she is fussy about texture trying new foods etc and always has been. I just give her whatever we are having, eat as a family and if she doesn't eat it she goes hungry. I never force her to eat more than she wants too, just we don't run a resturant so either you have it as everyone has it or not at all. I offer lots of variety constantly, and by repetitively offering the vegetables she refused to eat, she started eating them again.. not huge volumes but she stopped resisting I guess? Shes only tested that once and was most upset when we put her to bed. I make it a logical consequence for her. She can choose not to eat, but that choice means feeling hungry all night. (we did later give her a bottle after she woke up upset at being hungry and had a bit talk about not eating) She still fusses, but if we all eat together she is more keen to try things, especially if hubby talks them up. DD has lost weight too but never an extreme amount. few hundred grams nothing dramatic. I guess when your hungry enough you will eat?

I must sound awful but I guess I try and make it her decision rather than us forcing her or changing things.

Only thing she flat out refuses is cake and can't really complain about that LOL! Though it makes birthdays a pain.

So far we're lucky and we have a little girl who loves to eat just about anything but I know I was a very picky eater when I was a kid. I wouldn't eat any veggies aside from potato, very picky with meat and how it was cooked, only ate apples, bananas and oranges, milk and cheese were fine but no other dairy and salad was never going to happen. This went on for years, well into me being a teenager. I never really had a problem at home cause we were a meat and 3 veg for dinner every night kind of family so I'd force down the other veggies with mash potato. Now as an adult I've become far more adventurous and there's not much that I won't at least try. I love all kinds of foods, even the stuff that I genuinely hated (as opposed to just deciding I didn't like it) as a kid.

I think it's probably a good idea to check out any possible sensory issues, but otherwise so long as he's getting in stuff from each food group and is eating enough, I'd just go with the flow. Certainly encourage trying things, but pushing it could make it worse.

DS is a picky eater too. We suspect some sensory issues that we are working on. I am persistent/consistent, but don"t apply pressure. I offer a variety of food, if he wants it, so be it. I 'modify' a lot of food, without offering anything different from us, if that makes sense. You can lead a horse to water.... We also had a big crack down on saying, 'I don't like...' to foods he used to like or has never tried. Now, if he doesn't want something, he can usually leave it on his plate, as opposed to making us take it off or telling us repeatedly that he doesn't like it. This took away a lot of meal time stress.

It's great to know we're not alone. Tomorrow when I'm serving his dinner into separate piles, pureeing cauli into cheese sauce or giving him frozen bread for breakfast, I'll know I'm not the only one... ;)

How's your little man going Hestia?

We assumed sensory issues here. He is shocking with sound, touch and movement.
However this was a timely bump.

I am shocked and pleased to update that over the last few weeks DS has actually been asking to try stuff. Tonight he even had gravy on his peas!! He's been eating strawberries, and trying other stuff the girls have. He's asked about grapes the last few days which I'm excited at, even though he won't even touch them, he's asked. And that's a start. He has also been asking me 'what does xxx taste like mum?"
Finally.
My girls eat such a variety and so so much food (at 7 and 1 they eat about as much as a teenager lol), I just want him to enjoy all the exciting stuff out there too.