Should she start prep next year??

Dd will be 4.5 next year in jan, as her b'day is jun 15. She will be one of the youngest. I am still a bit torn as to whether we should send her. She is a bright happy little bubble of a kid. Fearless and charming, she is also naively sweet. She doesn't know about being mean really, and she isn't used to defending against it, although she is getting some experience from her cousins ;0 she has been to daycare a couple of days a week since she was 2. Although the last 6+ months it has been only once a week, as we moved further away from her amazing daycare and we couldn't get her into the local Kindy.

I think academically she will be fine, but not sure what she needs to have to be ok socially and emotionally at school. Her daycare teachers tell me emphatically that she is ready. She is confident and they think she will be super bored if I don't send her. I hope they are right. But how do I know if they are? My sister thinks she is to sensitive. But I am not sure if that isn't just cos her little girls are just a bit tougher. They kinda gang up on her a bit and that is what my so that is what she sees I think.

Anyway, hit me with your knowledge and experience please ladies.

DS 1 is starting school at 5 1/2 next year. I was confused for a long time about whether to even keep him back a year.

DS2 will be 4 in Jan and I have decided not to send him to 4 yr old kinder due to age. Mainly due to social and emotional issues.

In Victoria cut off is 30th April so a bit diff from you but from asking around teachers and peope who have held kids back they have all said its best thing to do and none have regretted it at all.

Bella - you might remember we had the exact same conundrum with DS - he will be 4yrs9m when he starts prep. This time last year I would not have been prepared to send him, now - definitely. He is so so ready, had matured remarkably this year, and is just such a nice genuine and likeable kid I feel very comfortable that he will make friends with ease and enjoy school (he cant wait to go)

With regard to your DDs cousins - I know I've only met them once, but they are vivacious girls and VERY outgoing, so your DD would seem sensitive compared to them, but I think this is to her benefit. DS is also similar, he is a lover, not a fighter, he always removes himself from the situation when kids are getting rough, naughty or to OTT. I actually think this shows maturity beyond his years - and sets him up well to 'do the right thing' when other kids are mean or nasty. As a result he doesn't need to defend himself, he just knows to remove himself and seek the company of others - is DD like that at all? As that might identify that she is ready socially to deal with situations like that. He also knows its ok to talk to the grown ups (teachers, carers) if other kids are being mean or hurting him. He's also really good at verbalising "Stop, I dont like that" if necessary. I've witnessed him saying it to a kid who was niggling him at a birthday party and I was really pleased that he could handle the situation well (for a 4yo)

The principal of the school DS is going to gave us a 'School Readiness Checklist", it was pretty comprehensive and when we completed it for DS it really helped put into perspective what to look for in regards to his readiness. Wan't me to dig it up and email it through?

I have a may baby. She is exceptionally bright (18 months to 2years ahead of her peers). We knew that when she was at preschool. She was also very sensitive and no great at dealing with situations where she felt 'attacked'. We ended up holding her back. There were a whole host of social reasons for her, and her preschool teachers felt it best for her. the two private schools I had her booked into wanted her straight away due to her academics.
I did find a school readiness checklist and I felt she was ready but they could see things that I just didn't.
It was THE best thing I have ever done for her. she has gone from the likeable easily led kid who had lots of friends, to the confident kid who makes good friends easily with all kids and is a great leader who the other kids look up to. The one who couldn't bear to have anyone look at her to the kid who proudly went up to collect her academic award at the end of her first year. She deals much better with all the situations school throws at her than I could have hoped.

My concern was that she would struggle and she would have to repeat. I've heard it happening so often and I didn't want that for her.

A friend of mine is currently going through this for Her April baby. She sees that he an 'keep up' with all the other kids that are going to school and are his friends. She can't see that even though he can create elaborate games he still plays alongside other kids rather than collaborative play, that he cannot sit and listen to the simplest instructions, that he cannot deal with playground spats and needs an adult to deal with them but he cannot ask for help and just cries and walks away. She's defensive that they've even suggested he shouldn't go to school. But there's just some stuff she just can't be objective about as her dh wants her to go back to work 5days a week.

Now I'm not suggesting in the slightest that you're like that (hell you wouldn't ask here if you were :)). You just asked for both experiences.

It is the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

Here is something to read on the subject: School starting age 'should be raised to six to prevent long-term damage to brighter children' | Mail Online

It is based on the Terman study that followed 1000 children over their lifespan. I read the original paper but can't find it again - anyways, what it came to was that kids that are more psychosocially ready for school had better longterm outcomes, less likely to drink/smoke/use drugs and less likely to have anxiety issues etc. I guess that comes down to peer pressure and kids that are that year older at high school may be less easily swayed by what other kids are doing. If you are interested I can track down the original paper.

Obviously that is just a generalisation an not an absolute. You know your own child.

From my own experience, my DS would have been in no way ready at 4.5. We attempted to start him at 5 but it was a massive disaster, but at 5.5 he was totally ready and went happily. He matured heaps in those extra few months at kindy. Like Kim's child he became a real leader - took centre stage in a production in front of hundreds of kids etc, something he just wasn't capable of 6 months earlier.

From both personal and professional experience, I'd tend to wait. There are plenty of things that you can do with your 5 yr old to stimulate her and keep her entertained and challenged for another year. The challenges of supporting, say, an emotionally immature 11yr old when she's struggling to keep up with her 12-yr-old pubescent friends are far greater IMO and the fallout from a child feeling socially out of their depth for an extended period can a have more lasting impact.

it is a very individual decision and depends on so many little things (many of which you can't predict) and I think like everything else it should primarily come down to your own experience of J and the values you and D have around education, socialisation etc. She is quite a unique little soul!

More than happy to chat about it. Give me a call... you'll find me here, still pregnant!!!

We're in the exact same boat. DD1 turns 5 at the end of March. She's intelligent, grasps things really well and is loving to learn (she's learning to read, learning to play piano, trying to write words without us spelling them out). All of this tells me she's 100% ready for school.

But socially, she's not. While she has bounded ahead in confidence this year, she naturally gravitates towards younger kids. Kids her age are more confident and she tends to be bossed around and isn't one to naturally speak up. She has never been to childcare and has almost finished 3yo kinder - where most of the kids in her group are the same age as she is, and all the same too - academically ready, socially not. We've spoken to her teachers, the MCHN and family members who are teachers and the general consensus is that it doesn't hurt younger kids to stay back a year. Personally, I prefer that she's one of the older in the class than one of the younger.

The other thing that helped me make the decision was my brother. He was an April baby who started when he was 4. He went through 3 and 4 yo kinder, no childcare. Academically, he struggled right through to year 12 and the teachers told mum it would have made a huge difference if he had been held back the year. Socially, he was fine.

Saying all of that, each child is different. Their life experiences are different. A kid who has stayed home for the first four years if their life with minimal social connections and no educational activities - I'd really question their readiness for school. While we are holding DD1 back, she does numerous out of the house activities to keep her mentally challenged (at the moment it's kinder, mini maestros and piano lessons with swimming about to start) with activities at home to help too (we have a map if Australia on the wall and we've started to track my parents round the country trip and we talk about what you can see/do in each place they visit, find it on the map and check it off). I really believe that having them home the extra year needs to have something in it to challenge them - in DD1's case, she'd spend her time challenging me instead lol!

I posted an article in a similar thread that Blackrose started that made some interesting points. On phone but will link it later if you don't find it first.

One was there is a massive variety in ages children hit puberty so it doesn't necessarily hold that waiting will actually benefit in that regard.

Second was waiting a year but doing exactly same things won't necessarily lead to being more ready, growth is through experiences so depends on what they will be doing that year at home, which depends alot on personal family circumstances.
I would be inclined to listen to her daycare teachers for two reasons, 1. They have experience of many many children to reflect on. 2. I think children save their more immature behaviors for us as possible parents (as they should) so I think childcare do have a good perspective of how will go at school.

Your DD although may not have had alot of daycare has lots of exposure to other kids of differing ages through her cousins and is well travelled too. What does your DH think? What were your experiences of school - is your DD like either of you? What is the school like? They are all questions I would factor in.

I am one for keeping children back until they turn 5. Particularly if they aren't 5 until mid year. She will be up against children a whole year or more ahead of her in age/stage/maturity. I particularly took into consideration that fact when she will be younger than her peers in high school. She might be 16 1/2 and have 18 year old peers in her grade. I believe the social aspect is more important at this age (4 1/2-5) than the academics. Plus, they are babies for such a short time. Part of the reason I kept my DD back was to enjoy her for that one more year.
Ultimately for us, we wanted to give our child the best leg up we could. The way our schooling is structured in Aus, we did that by giving her the most opportunity to be able to learn and compete better. By keeping her back a year, she was more mature, had learnt more and had grown so much more socially and emotionally in the extra year she was home. She started school this year at 5 1/2 years old. She is now the top of her class, is a leader and actually helps the teacher with explaining things to her peers who don't fully grasp some concepts.

Ok so many points to respond to! Not sure if I will remember them all. I will try tho. Nai yes I would love that school readiness info. Thanks for that. I noticed some one else posted one here too, thank you. I'm on my phone so I can't see who it is. 2. Nai is isn't even so much that my sisters kids are more confident than dd. they are just meaner.... The other day in the car for example. They were all in my sisters car, she pulled up at her house. There was a problem opening the door, so they had to wait to get out. My cousin who is 18 stayed with them, so she stayed and later told me. Anyway, dd asked if she could undo her seatbelt. They all told her yes she could, so she did. When she did, they all acted horrified and told her she had done the wrong thing and thoroughly confused her. When she got upset because she thought she had done the wrong thing and was crying they where like "whatever, it doesn't matter". My cousin had to intervene. Anyway, she doesn't cope with that kind of behavior well. Maybe cos she loves them so much?? Anyway away from the cousin situation and back to school.

I asked the daycare teachers if she was able to sit on the mat and concentrate ok and they say she does really well. She seems to deal with the interactions at kinder/daycare pretty well. She will sometimes tell me someone hit her or that she was playing a rough game there, but doesn't seem overly distressed by it.

I was a June baby. Academically I was always close to the top of the class. Did 12 schools tho, so I struggled socially always being the new kid. She is a lot like me. I think she is gonna be bright and caring for others, and a leader/very independent person. Her mantra is "I can do it myself!" Lol! She is very excited about going to school. She thinks it will be amazing!! Constantly talks about it.

I just worry because she doesn't understand when people tease. She just gets confused. We are trying to teach her about that. Blah I don't know.

As for puberty, I started menstration at just shy of 12, so I don't think she will be a very late bloomer. Physically she is very tall for her age. She is as tall as her 6 yo cousin who is very petite. She tends to play with that cousin out of all the girls. She has a cousin who is 4 months younger than her, but tends to not play well with her. Her 6 yo cousin is a bit of a loner, but they get along well. Maybe because dd will go along with her older cousins games and do what she is told.

She has both a wild enthusiasm for life and incredible confidence. I never saw her do the shy thing until she was about 2.5-3. By then it was a learnt behavior. She is possibly the most confident little person I know. She would go to anyone as a baby, and as a four year old will wrap her arms around strangers and sit on their laps and hug them.

My DD is an April baby, and the current plan is for her to do 4 year old kinder next year and start school following year (at 4.75 years). She is very socially competent, but not as academic (doesn't recite 'stuff'), but is very interested in learning. Both her parents were pretty good at school, and i think she will be too when she gets there. My first consideration for school readiness is social awareness and ability. If she was struggling there, i would think more about keeping her back. I do worry about keeping her back, and her being bored academically, and then potentially getting in to trouble to amuse herself.

However, we also did a tour of the school and many of the other kids doing the tour were starting school next year. They certainly looked a lot older and bigger than her, and so i will probably do another tour (or just judge it on her kinder mates) to see how she compares to the other kids.

It's a tricky one to work out. All 3 of mine will be born in the first few months of the year (April/Jan/Feb) and so could potentially be kept back until the year they turn 6. and so i will be facing this issue a few times.

I had no idea just how hard the choice is about sending a child to school. It was doing my head in trying to work it out and getting advice from everyone and anyone willing to give it. Then I thought that it should not be that hard. That doubt that I keep having should be enough for me to know the answer of do I send her or not.
DD1 is great at learning, but I know the social aspect of school will be to much for her just yet.
I feel so relaxed now that we have decided to wait until 2015. If I sent her next year, I will have had her to myself for only 4.5 years before I lose a big part of her to the many years of school she has ahead of her and I want that extra year. Of all the people I talked to, not one person who said they waited the extra year said they regretted it but I often heard people say they wish they had waited.

I am keeping my DD back. She is a Feb 09 baby. I just didn't enrol her in kindy this year, so I wouldn't feel pressured by the kinder to send her. I have many reasons for not sending her. Academically and socially she is ready- no doubt... But I have done the research into long-term studies, and based it also on the age of the other kids in DS's class. Out of the whole 25 there were only 2 that started at age4. All the rest were 5 turning 6. I don't want her to be the youngest.

Ultimately it is your decision. You need to do what is best for her, and how you think she will go.

Good luck.

I had to consider this with DD2 as she is an April baby.

I really think that "holding back" is not the right term and really puts a negative spin in the choice. I look at it this way, you have a choice of when to send your child to school and am more inclined to see sending them the first possible year as sending early, as opposed to the "holding back" that is used for waiting for the second year.

I hate it when people refer to me "holding back" DD2, I am not holding her back, I am sending her at the time that is right for her. I think to change the terminology to take negative terms out of it can put a different spin on things ;)

Sorry, I haven't read all the replies but thought I'd throw my 2cents in.

I started DD at school when she was 4yrs 10mths & she was ok at first but by grade 2 she was behind academically & socially she was getting more stressed. She struggled all through school & I requested at the end of grade 4 that she be kept back to give her a chance to catch up but the school denied my request. They felt it would harm her confidence. Mind you she was already experiencing anxiety due to bullying & struggling with her work.
This time last year we moved towns & DD was in grade 6 but no way ready for high school so I asked her new school if they could put her in grade 5 for the last term & let her do grade 6 again this year. They agreed & the difference has been amazing. She'll never be a rocket scientist but she's happy, confident & getting her work completed on time & with enjoyment. I can now say she's ready for high school.

:

---

I hate it when people refer to me "holding back" DD2, I am not holding her back, I am sending her at the time that is right for her. I think to change the terminology to take negative terms out of it can put a different spin on things ;)

---

I agree, and wondered about that when i was writing my post but was pushed for time to write in more accurate and appropriate terms.

It tends to affect children later in their schooling, particularly high school.

I would not send her to school next year. I was a June baby (later in June than your dd) and I was 4.5 when I started prep (in Victoria, so not a kindergarten program). I was always the youngest and it made a difference in late primary/early secondary - socially, not academically.

I've chosen to not send my DD (feb 09 baby) to school early ;)

Just doing a bit of reading. It basically says that if I don't send her at 4.5 to prep, I still have to send her in the year she turns 6 to year 1. We are in Qld. Does that sound right??

This is the article I mentioned earlier - it talks about VIC and is quite old but I think makes some good points - http://www.theage.com.au/articles/20...569786596.html

Oh it says that it is an old article and can't provide the link.

:

---

This is the article I mentioned earlier - it talks about VIC and is quite old but I think makes some good points - http://www.theage.com.au/articles/20...569786596.html

---

great article, thank you for linking :) it has confirmed my decision to not to start DD1 (Jan 09 Bub)next year (in conjunction with the assessment she had and her kinder teachers observations )

Bella - have you asked her daycare providers if the think she's ready? Might provide some insight

That incident in the car with her cousins is just mean :( Poor J xx

I'll send the school readiness stuff tomorrow when I'm on my Mac, too hard on the phone. However if you google "school readiness checklist NSW" you'll stumble across the same one we were given

It's just so hard isn't it!

I have a friend (our boys in prep together) who's boy only turned 5 in May, started school February. She had him assessed, saw school psychologists etc and they basically said to send him. He is very confident socially, and is OK academically but will pass fine. My DS an October baby is 7 months older and isn't as good socially but better academically. Their
Personalities have more to do with how they're getting by in school.

Another friend with a boy in the same class is actually supposed to be in year 1 but it was recommended he repeat kindy. He had a hearing problem which wasn't picked up so didn't do well during kindy. The 3 of them are friends and are all at different stages.... None of them struggle though.

I do think that their personalities have a lot to do with it. My DS is the most academic of the 3, yet not the eldest, but isn't confident in ways they are. Each if them are so different.

Go with your instinct as you know her best. I think as long as you're doing what you think is best for her, then starting earlier or later won't make that much difference iykwim.

I was an October baby and started school when I was 5 + 3months. I know I got bored in late primary and early secondary and began doing things to amuse myself. maybe that is just a rough developmental time for kids. lots of hormone changes etc

Thanks nai. Yeah the daycare teachers are also Kindy teachers and they say "send, send, send!!" They say she is really ready.

I am not worried about academics. She is quite bright and has a phenomenal memory. She can already recite almost the whole book of "scar face claw" from the scary mclary books, just cos she loves to listen to us read. She loves to get down her tracing books, and write the letters. Although she doesn't believe me about little letters and big letters! Lol! I think she is ready. But then I doubt myself. And I hated mean girls at school. They really broke me at times and I am scared to think of her there, being picked on...

:

---

Thanks nai. Yeah the daycare teachers are also Kindy teachers and they say "send, send, send!!" They say she is really ready.

I am not worried about academics. She is quite bright and has a phenomenal memory. She can already recite almost the whole book of "scar face claw" from the scary mclary books, just cos she loves to listen to us read. She loves to get down her tracing books, and write the letters. Although she doesn't believe me about little letters and big letters! Lol! I think she is ready. But then I doubt myself. And I hated mean girls at school. They really broke me at times and I am scared to think of her there, being picked on...

---

sadly, it's not going to matter what age she is when she starts school - as you've seen by her cousins, mean kids will be mean kids. all you can do is be there, support her, teach her ways to deal with it so that it doesn't get her down. I have used pretty much all the "nasty names" i was called when i was in primary school with E already. i was a red head that copped all the flack cos of my hair (and my glasses) - so i use them, and use them with affection so that E doesn't hear it and get upset. so she'll have a "whatever" sort of reaction to it cos she's heard it all before...

Trust her carers. They will be great judges of her abilities and social readiness compared to others her age. Unfortunately E can't go to school next year due to cut offs - she was ready for kinder this year, but too young, and is ready for school (socially anyway) already.

I'll go against the grain and say send her! I'm a teacher (from Qld) and that gives me a slightly different perspective though...

IMO, Social and emotional readiness is the biggest factor in deciding if a child is ready for school. Teachers are great (mostly) at differentiating the curriculum for differing ability levels, but socially and emotionally it's not so easy.

My thoughts: If she starts prep next year and struggles, what are your options? Can she repeat prep? Can she change to kindy part way through the year (though I know getting in may be a problem)? At the moment she might not have the coping skills to deal with 'mean' kids, but experiencing these different types of personalities first hand (and in a somewhat controlled environment) is a great way of helping her acquire the skills she needs. Kids starting school usually don't have every skill they need to be able to 'do' school, but they do learn quickly. If you don't send her, what will she do next year instead? What is your gut feeling? Her paid careers seem to think she's ready, and you trust them with your DD in so many other ways, why not in this one too?

As for the rule about turning six and starting year one in Qld, that's for parents who haven't sent their child to kindy or prep - they need to start 'school', be it prep or year one, in the year they turn six. I believe ;)

And personally...DS is a May Bub and very academic. Socially and emotionally he struggles. So, I started looking into ways I could help him acquire the skills he will need to get along with others. He's currently doing three year old kindy and will go on to 'proper' kindy next year. We thought long and hard about this too as we weren't sure he could cope, but his teacher is adamant he NEEDS to go! The improvement in his confidence since starting kindy has been remarkable - he can stand up for himself, has made a friend this past week, has started playing on playground equipment that previously scared him, will wait his turn and can sit on the carpet and listen for a bit. At home he's more independent with his play. It could be a developmental thing that would've happened anyway, but I'd not have seen it if he wasn't given the opportunity to show that he's ready, iykwim? If he's not ready for prep at the end of next year, he can repeat...same for year one. I feel that the more opportunities i can give him to acquire what he needs, the better. In a controlled environment. Rather than avoiding situations he might not be able to cope with for as long as possible, if that makes sense. If he was unhappy, anxious and not coping, we'd rethink our decision. And yes, I worry about him having 18 yo friends when he's barely 17, but that's not for 14 years - who's to say what he'll be like that far in the future? I'm not giving him or us as parents much credit if I'm already writing off his ability to deal with peer pressure in the future!

Once again, I haven't expressed myself as eloquently as I'd have wished, but I hope you get the drift! Ultimately, the choice is yours, but don't feel like anything you decide is set in stone. GL

Thanks for all the input. It is such a big decision. I will have a talk to the school when the holidays are over and I will enrol her in kindy just in case cos places are tight. And try to make a decision soon. She probably is ready. I am just being a big sook!

It's not easy Bella! My dd is 5 in March she is going to school next year but we only decided for sure two weeks ago, she wants to go and loves doing her words like her big sister and counting so academically she is ready but socially we were unsure but she is making big improvements to plays so much better with groups of kids and can deal with conflict without tears now so even her kinder teacher agreed she is ready. I think because she was so exposed to the school with her sister in prep she would have been mentally set back if she had to redo kinder. She has actually participated in a few classes when I have helped and she loved it. Good luck with what you decide.