Toughest decision

I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first little bundle of joy.
The father has been ... Less then excited you may say from the day I told him.
Things have just gotten ridiculous. Making comments when we first found out about how we shouldn't acknowledge it or discuss anything etc.
it's been really upsetting to have this exciting most intense thing that I couldn't be happy or express anything I was scared worried or excited about.
When people would ask him about being a dad his general response was 'yea I guess' 'don't really have a choice' when I confronted him about how it upset me he just laugh it off as a joke.
Anyway I have recently found that he has been sending and receiving highly inappropriate messages and images off another girl. After seeing this I packed up and have left. (I was about 17 weeks).
I have been going back n forth with what I should do, go back or do it alone. Since leaving he has asked me back.
The thing is is that if it wasnt for being pregnant i wouldnt think twice, i wouldnt go back.
I just don't know what to do, or which would be better for my baby.
Any helpful thoughts?

Many hugs to you, sorry you havn't been supported through your pregnancy. You need to do what's best for you, and what's best for you is also best for baby. Don't go back if it's only for bubs, hope you work things out :hug:.

Regards,
Dianne

Don't go back.

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The thing is is that if it wasnt for being pregnant i wouldnt think twice, i wouldnt go back.

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This says it all
Yes, it isn't always easy doing the single parent thing - but it's healthier for your child to not be in a situation where parents are extremely unhappy, disrespect each other etc

If you wouldn't go back single, then you sure as hell shouldn't go back with a baby.

Stay gone, and don't look back.

It is hard, hard work, but you will not regret it. Ever.

Thanks girls alot for taking the time to read this and reply. I highly appreciate it.
I think I already knew what I should do, I just needed some reassurance. If that makes sense

Sorry this has been a rough time for you when it should be enjoyable oxo I haven't been in his situation so no real advice personally I would not hang around
Have you got some good supports in place to help you? Any family or close friends ?
I hope things can go smoothly and you get to enjoy bubs

Here's something I always thought I knew but since having DD I now know 100%.

Babies need love. I say it all the time now.
They need love.
Not a two parent family that is perceived as the norm.
Just love really.
If you have enough love for yourself not to go back to someone who has treated you disrespectfully then you will be doing the right thing.
Love doesn't make it easy it's still tough :)
You know what you should do x

I do have a beautiful family ...who are really great support which does help alot.
I just struggle when he has the moment where he asks me to go back and the occasionally message asking about bub. I think mmm maybe I should give it a go. Then I'm not sure if its just fear of not being good enough on my own for bubs.

I have nothing to add, I think all the other ladies have said it all. I just wanted to say I'm sorry you have to go through all that, being pregnant is hard enough without added stressors.

Hugs :)

If you wouldn't go back if not for being pregnant, then I think you're respecting yourself and your baby enough and I'd be doing exactly the same thing.

If he's asked you back and is only now asking about how baby is doing..... You think 'hmmmm maybe he deserves that chance?' I think that may well be true. He may have realised what he had now it's not there, but will he go back to treating you like he did before??

He doesn't have to be in a relationship with you to have a relationship with his child. Your baby would probably have a much happier life with two parents who love him/her separately, than miserably together.

If you have strong family support, that's all you need. Make it about you, because that is doing what's best for your baby.

Thanks ladies. I truly appreciate it!! Although I do still love him and wished things could be the happy family I also assumed I'd have. I think with his general attitude, drinking and persistence to ask me to go see him simply for sex I think I'm done.
Mmm now to find a place and set it up :-/

Oh gosh I'm a glutten for punishment.
So instead of taking your well meaning and sound advice I chose to 'give it another go'
And as per usual I have wound up feeling worse about myself.
For a short time things were great, he was lovely now he's back to putting me down and saying things like "if I don't answer a certain question or do something there won't be a future ..." Why do I go back? Continually? Boy I'm feeling like a massive screwup. Sorry for venting/ranting just a bit lost.

You're not a screw up, you just really want to believe the best in this man. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Question is, what now?

Hugs not a screw up at all. Be gentle on yourself its a big decision to make. At least now you can say you tried.

:hug: You're not a screw up.

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Oh gosh I'm a glutten for punishment.
So instead of taking your well meaning and sound advice I chose to 'give it another go'
And as per usual I have wound up feeling worse about myself.
For a short time things were great, he was lovely now he's back to putting me down and saying things like "if I don't answer a certain question or do something there won't be a future ..." Why do I go back? Continually? Boy I'm feeling like a massive screwup. Sorry for venting/ranting just a bit lost.

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its normal to keep wanting to try.... Maybe worthwhile contacting the women's domestic violence service for support.

You're not a screw up, you are a lady who has been trampled on but you were still willing to give your relationship another go - that takes courage. At least now you know that you have tried to make it work, it isn't going to work & you can focus on your future with your little one. Being a single parent can be bloody hard but living on your own without having to constantly be on your guard against negativity is worth it.
Good luck & I hope everything falls into place for you soon xoxo

You have given it your best shot - you can't say that you didn't try! You went back, it didn't work so now you can do what you need to do with no unanswered "what if's" :hug:

Thanks!
So I got the courage to say no not doing this anymore I need a healthy environment and I won't settle for any less for my child.
He's done several 360's in the last 24 hours. From telling me that I'll be doing it completely on my own to now coming to an ultrasound tomorrow and birth class next he's loosing his shut telling me it's all my fault n he wants to do it all together.
My heads just spinning. I dunno. Gahhhhh lol

No one can tell you what to do & even if they could then ultimately it's your decision but I guess the time has come where you need to ask yourself, do I want to raise a child with this man, in this environment? The confusion you feel about his hot & cold responses will also be felt by your child growing up (if his behaviour stays the same (leopards & spots & all that) & your child could grow up thinking that it is normal for people to treat each other the way he treats you. It's not normal & it sure isn't healthy. You owe it to your child to protect them from unhealthy relationships, as hard as it is to make the break.

I am going to tell you my story in hopes it helps you...
My DS's father left me (well sort of) when I was 10 weeks pregnant. We had a miscarriage before I fell pregnant with DS and DS was completely planned.
At the time I fell pregnant with DS neither of us were working as we had literally just moved interstate. But he continued to drink 1/2 a case if beer a day. I told him I wasn't willing to bring a child in to that environment and all he'll broke loose, he moved out (because I told him to for there to be any chance if it to work).
He would appear supportive through the day, but at night call me abusing me and telling me I was unfit to be a parent blah blah blah. In the end I told him if he wanted to contact me to do it via email only or I would get a restraining order as it was sending my normally low blood pressure through the roof talking to him. At 4 months pregnant even though I invited him to ultrasounds etc I stopped hearing from him.
When our son was born he didn't even want to know and I heard nothing (other than him denying parentage when I applied for child support) until DS was 18 months old.
We very slowly built up access visits and he ended up being there for both DS's surgeries. When DS was 2 1/2 we "gave it another go", which was a huge mistake. He had broken up with his then gf who I liked very much and I felt terrible about it, but he pushed the idea on to me. We separated for the 2nd time 3 months later and he stopped having regular access. It got to DS's 3rd birthday (he had got back with the gf) and he refused to come to the location of DS's party, I lost it, I told him it was all or nothing. Since that happened he has had regular access every 2nd weekend and we are back to being friends, I get on really well with his (now) fiance and it's working really well.
I realised we would never have worked together. I am now married and he is almost married and everything is going well. I made the choice I needed to do what was actually best for my child and myself, not what society thought was right and I don't regret anything. I gave it my all and it wasn't enough for him, so it never would be.
Being a single parent was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but the easiest at the same time. The thing is, if your partner died (god forbid!) you would have to do it alone anyway.

Alcoholism and violence (even only emotional, non physical) are not healthy for children to witness. I didn't want my son thinking it was ok.

Only you can make the choice, but you need to try not to let your heart rule. It's not easy, but it can be done.
I am proof you can do it alone and you will find someone who will do the right thing by you.

Whatever your decision is I wish you the best of luck xx