Those comments...

We are just a few weeks short of bfing for 9 months and I'm finding myself defending my choice to keep feeding my DD.
I'm not righteous about it, I'm actually almost feeling like I am apologetically justifying it. (not sure that's the exact right way to say it)
I aimed for 6 months and am stoked to be almost at 9 months and I'm setting my next goal for 12 months but.... I'm getting those comments
"oh can I only mind her for 4 hours seems like a short visit" - from family
"have you tried just dropping her feeds"
" formula is just as good..."
I'm all for doing whatever works, I'm not against formula at all I used it to comp feed the first week if DDs life but I just needed to write down that I'm feeling pressured to stop feeding. I know I shouldn't care, I know it's natural, I know I'm doing the right thing for us I just wonder why people think it's of major concern to them that I'm still feeding a 9 month old baby!
Ok I feel better just blurting that out :)

Oh my gosh, 9 months already. Well done. You still have a lovely BF road ahead of you so big fat raspberries to anyone who would wish that away from you. Your bubba your choice.

*Hugs* I can't believe your family is being so unsupportive! Whether you're feeding or not, four hours is a lot for many parents to be away from their little ones....and a lot for them to be away from you. Can you politely tell them that their comments make you feel defensive and you'd like them to stop?
As for the other comments, pffft! Do what feels right for you and don't feel like you have to justify it to anyone. You know the benefits, you know why you've chosen to do it for this long and you know your options in regards to cutting back or swapping to formula. Your body, your child, your choice!

Ive never understood why ppl start wanting babies weaned before they are even 1! I mean if you need to wean them onto a breast milk substitute, designed for those who (for whatever reason) don't have access to breast milk, then isnt it logical to keep using breast milk if you do have it and its going well for you?
last night my sil saw me tandem feed the twins (8 months) for the first time ever and said it was the weirdest thing she'd ever seen in her life!
Some ppl are just unable to fully think before talking I think.

you have done a great job..

I get asked if im going to put her on normal milk at one.. umm normal milk? so you want me to stop giving her milk made by me for her to give her milk made by cows which is technically made for calf's?

I've learned to just smile and say that what I'm doing works well for me, thanks. Kill 'em with kindness and all that.

It was when my DD was around that age that i started to feel the odd one out at mother's group. I didn't get that many comments, but still felt i had to justify or explain why we were doing what we were doing. I then got in contact with my local ABA group, and it was like a breath of fresh air to just see breastfeeding as normal, and part of life. Do you have any real life contacts you can meet up with when you need a boost to remind you of the reasons you do what you do?

Also, Yay for you to reaching your goals, and setting more!

It is unfortunate that when you have your first, everybody is ready to pounce on that vulnerability and push their own ideas and agenda. Now that I'm 22mo (22mo??? how did that happen??) into feeding my second and armed with confidence and knowledge, I have no-one to use it on, no-one is saying anything!

I second surrounding yourself with others, the more you do it and see it, the more ridiculous anyone suggesting you should stop will seem. When people questioned me before 12mo, I'd just kind of gawk and be like oh, no I'm way too lazy to start worrying about cleaning and mixing and heating and carrying bottles now. After 12mo I transitioned my lazy reasoning onto how quick and simple settling, fixing booboos and tantrums was and ensuring a balanced diet with zero fussing. If you turn it on yourself like that, no-one can argue plus you get some publicity for those benefits of breastfeeding lol.

It sucks though, I still remember one cousin saying that at some point it starts to border on pedophilia. I was so shocked, I mean how do you even start to dissect that? The only opinions of any real weight is yours and your daughters and I'm sure she is showing you loud and clear what she thinks should be happening :hug:

I like that the WHO recommendations are for two years. That's what my sister, currently bfing her first DD who's 17 mths, uses. Everybody gave up making any opinion known to me ages ago. I'm the token hippie who bf for four years. ;)

On a positive front, you probably aren't aware of the great influence you and your DD are having on those around you, including your own family. I personally found I had several friends and both sisters come to me for bfing support/advice because they trusted me. Of these, at least four bf (or are still bfing) toddlers beyond when they thought they would, or did for previous children. I don't for a moment think that's because I bf, but it helped them reconsider their own expectations and bfing goals, just seeing an alternative. One of these friends is a GP too and I know it will make a difference to many mothers she sees that she is positive about bfing beyond infancy.

Well done to you on 9 mths!

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It sucks though, I still remember one cousin saying that at some point it starts to border on pedophilia. I was so shocked, I mean how do you even start to dissect that? The only opinions of any real weight is yours and your daughters and I'm sure she is showing you loud and clear what she thinks should be happening :hug:

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Hmmm. I'm not sure too many mothers would be sexually excited by pinching, scratching, biting, toddler gymnastics, and such like that goes on while feeding a toddler! :shakehead: I hope you told her where to go Jellyfish!

Congrats on 9 months! My response was just to smile and nod and let it wash over me. I have an excellent selective memory. I know people made comments but I can't say I remember too many of them because I stopped listening once I realised what they were about to say.

Nice work!
Do you know many people who breastfeed? Being in the company of people for whom it's normal is really, really helpful when you're faced with this sort of attitude.
Stick with it, you're doing great :)

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I'm sad that there are still people who find breastfeeding weird. I'm pleased that there are places where you can 'blurt it out' and feel a bit better.

I got comments at the walking stage. Yuck, you wouldn't feed them when they can walk up to you. And talking. Yuck, fancy breastfeeding a child who can ask for what they need. And when they can eat solid food. 'Cos that's just gross - breastfeeding a child who can eat meat and veggies.

Just stay strong. You are educated on the real facts. Hopefully our children will know better.

Those comments....suck :hug: but well done on your mobile goals!!

I don't get them any more, but I have had plenty in my time. I'm good at smiling and waving, and 'this works for us'.

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It sucks though, I still remember one cousin saying that at some point it starts to border on pedophilia. I was so shocked, I mean how do you even start to dissect that? The only opinions of any real weight is yours and your daughters and I'm sure she is showing you loud and clear what she thinks should be happening :hug:

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Oh my gosh!!! What a horrible comment. How do people think it is okay to say that sort of thing.

I am the only person I know IRL (besides some ladies from here that I have got to know but never met) that has BF their baby for longer then 6 months. A little sad to think that.

Thanks everyone xx
I know in my logical head all the great things you have all said thank you again for reinforcing it :)

Its just so strange that people make some wacky comments.

Beatrix I laughed at the "normal" milk comment umm makes you wonder who the first "normal" person was that bent down and drank from a cow udder to access "normal" milk lol

I think I need to just let me wash over me you are right.

Good for you for hitting another goal! I've just hit my 3 month goal :)
My SIL on dp's side likes to point out how enormous my nipples will be forever and how saggy my boobs will be also. She used the word "gross" to describe a part of my body. Thanks SIL. People are idiots. And uninformed. Take pity on them for being such.
I'm not surrounded by people who bf either so I know how you feel.

It was mostly older women who had their own children during the formula 'revolution' that would say that to me. I just said logically, why would I bother spending money on and preparing formula when I have plenty of milk?'

All I can say is wow 9 months, good job. It is funny how there is a big push to BF but once they are at solids age there also becomes a push for formula. Just play dumb, when people make comments like " you should try formula" just say obliviously "no we're good" LOL.

I found, that once you tell one of these people, quite without apology, to take their opinion and shove it up their ... , then the comments generally stop pretty quickly.

I have zero patience for this kind of crap, and TBH, I never understood why people pull out the "Oh, I am still BF because I don't want to wash bottles" or "It's cheaper" lines, when what they really want to say, "You know what? **** off, because you are clearly an ignorant fool"... So I pretty much say what I think - I don't do the passive, apologetic, meek stuff. DD2 is now almost 3, still breastfeeding, and the only people who ever comment now are those who don't know me well enough not to.

Congratulations on making it as far as you have, it is a great achievement! Hope you can continue as long as you wish to. :)

Firstly wow,congrats on 9 months, great job you two xx ( I just love your dd's rosy red cheeks)

Secondly, sorry you have that sort of pressure, my best friend ended up weaning cos of the negative comments ( her son was 3 tho) but it's still unfair. So many ignorant people.

People who know me don't bother saying anything cos they know my ahem, strong views on the subject, but if I did get any comments, I would be pulling out the WHO recommendations. Other than that, I would just smile and say something stupid like " yeah, I'm forcing her to do it, she actually hates it"

Hopefully Like a pp said you are a groundbreaker, normalising bf for people who aren't used to seeing it.

Keep going, if you need reinforcement that you are doing the right thing, come on BB or join pinky mckays Facebook page and get some inspiration xx

You and any number of other mummas who breastfeed and continue to feed past a perceived ok age are changing the world one breastfeed at a time - hopefully the fact that you have continued to feed past your initial goal and have set another will mean that if/when they next see a child feeding past these ages they will be more accepting and if/when they have their own children they will breastfeed and feed past their goals.

With DD I initially set out for 6 months, then it was 12 months then it was that we would breastfeed until it no longer worked for us - we ended up feeding until she was 3 years old and we often talk about when she had mumma milk. My sister had her first child when my DD was 14 months old - she breastfed her DD and said on occasion it was my feeding DD that inspired her to continue. She fed her DD past 12 months and fed her into a second pregnancy, her DD was about 18 or so months when she weaned because of the change of milk due to the pregnancy hormones. Her second DD is almost 12 months old and my sister is aiming for 3 years.

Our other sister FF her first after trying to BF but with her second (born at same time of other sisters first DD) she was inspired to express and fed him EBM for 6 months when she then switched to FF. It was great to see her have a change all because breastfeeding and breastmilk had become a bit more familiar to her.

So you can change the world - one breastfeed at a time.

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I found, that once you tell one of these people, quite without apology, to take their opinion and shove it up their ... , then the comments generally stop pretty quickly.

I have zero patience for this kind of crap, and TBH, I never understood why people pull out the "Oh, I am still BF because I don't want to wash bottles" or "It's cheaper" lines, when what they really want to say, "You know what? **** off, because you are clearly an ignorant fool"... So I pretty much say what I think - I don't do the passive, apologetic, meek stuff. DD2 is now almost 3, still breastfeeding, and the only people who ever comment now are those who don't know me well enough not to.

Congratulations on making it as far as you have, it is a great achievement! Hope you can continue as long as you wish to. :)

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Now I say exactly what I think. I went viral for my thoughts on breastfeeding so people are well aware my opinion. But when I had my first, I was freshly 21, I didn't know I'd still be feeding at 12months let alone 3yrs or through a pregnancy or tandem feeding, all my friends and cousins were similar ages, uni students with as little clue as me and I wasn't confident or sure of myself so it was just easier to frame it in ways they would instantly get and move on. And it was all true, I loved breastfeeding for the convenience, being able to lay down mid afternoon with a baby is brilliant, settling any place, always with me at the perfect temp, those are things that I appreciated about breastfeeding before I learnt more and still do.

It might seem a disservice short term but it helped me through a difficult time when I was figuring things out to have ways that shut down an argument I wasn't prepared for. And it allowed me to grow into my opinions and now be able to stand up loud and proud.

A lot of people are fighting an uphill battle with themself too, I knew intellectually I was doing the right thing for us but I never saw breastfeeding, nobody in my family did it, my friends were all prechildren aged, pop culture isn't much help so I felt self conscious and weird and standing alone. And as a new, young, unplanned parent (trifecta of targetability for helpful advice) there was no way I was ready to fight that tide alone. Some people would have been, that's great but not me, I was definitely a meek passive person in many ways.

So I get it if people aren't ready to just tell people to **** off. All start somewhere.

Thank you lovely ladies xx

One of my friends just bought a bib for DD that says "I'm a boob baby"
I think I'm going to take a pic and stick it up on fb :)
Subtle and maybe effective? Then I'll go a bit more assertive if need be!

I tend to go WHO recommends at least 2 years ;) I also bought a shirt size 0/1/2 (can't remember exact size) from cotton on which says mmmm boobies which DH didn't like me putting on DS1 ;rolleyes: which I thought got the message across

just popping in to say you're not alone, joeve... yesterday i got - 'if you're still breasfeeding by 10-12 mths it will be more about you rather than him (my son)'. that was from my mum. :o

my goal was 3 mths, and now my little guy is 4 mths i am aiming for 6 mths. then 9 mths... :)

I can promise you that bfing a toddler, esp while pg, is def not about me! I keep going because the immunity benefits are tried and true in our family but oh the days I wish it wasn't so!

There are lots of very good reasons to keep bfing and so far only one to stop before you want to - it might make other ppl uncomfortable (who try to put that back on you). And I don't think that's a very good reason to stop at all.

Short term goals are the way to go, Andie. And you should reward yourself when you reach each one. :clap:

andie78, anybody that says that has probably not breastfed a toddler.

For me, breastfeeding a toddler is kind of about me - it's the single most unique thing that I have with my child and enhances our bond of love & trust in a way that I can't really begin to define, it just is. So I treasure it fiercely. BUT - I'm only continuing to feed because it's something that he is still wanting, so in that regard, it's all about him, it's just that I get some benefits as well. ITMS. I'm certainly not out there insisting that he has a breastfeed.

With my first baby, my goal was to reach the 12month mark, because that's what I thought was the gold standard. But when he turned 12 months old, he didn't magically become this super mature being that no longer needed feeding, it was way more gradual than that for us. And I did it to his schedule, not to anyone else's. My second "baby" is still going at 3.5yrs. But following their individual leads around feeding is one of the best decisions I have made in this whole parenting game. And even when my babies did learn to walk, we don't actually feed whilst walking - we cuddle, either sitting or lying down in bed, so really they still look like a baby being held ;-).

I'm lucky in a sense no one was brave enough to say any of these things to me my sister might have made a snarky comment but I ignore her most days lol I failed my son by giving up after a week but I was determined to bf jazzy so I did she ha some formula from about 6 months but that was while I was at work one day a week and occasionally a sat night when my mum watched them coz I was hopeless at expressing but we made it to 19 months before we stopped only happened coz I got a job that was every day then I went to night shift so I just wasn't there to give her booby but I'm proud of myself and u should be too 9 months is excellent and if I happen to go and have another baby I will be aiming for longer again because it's for their benefit and I believe it stopped her from contracting whooping cough and chicken pox
Be proud and continue on we will be here to support u if other ppl don't

had to hunt this thread down again. had parents over for dinner last night.

ooops... anyway, had parents over last night. got the 'how often you breastfeeding' questions again. apparently bc I'm still feeding him up to 6 times a day it's 'more for you now though, isn't it?'. huh?! I'm sure I have already had this conversation... had to explain that he still needed milk for nutrition & that if I stopped I'd have to out & but formula bc he can't just have nothing! 'oh, but he seems to really enjoy his food?' they said. seriously. I give up trying to explain it to them anymore.

my little guy is 8.5 months now... not long until my 9 mth goal. next stop - 12 months. : )

Oh i hate those comments! I get it very often from my parents and my hubby.

Dd2 is 19months and when im around she is latched onto me most the time. She is fine when i am not around.

She also doesnt sit still while feeding and usually chooses to do handstands and gymnastics while attached.

So yeh i get alot of eye rolls and always have to either ignore their comments or remind them why im doing it!!

Wish people would think about what they said before speaking sometimes. :)

Glad someone else's baby does handstands, so does mine. Dh reckons it's my fault for letting her, so what am I meant to do, put a straight jacket on?

Andie, that's shocking saying it's more for you, he's only a baby!!

yeah, my little one has started to try & get his big toe in there while feeding... it's quite funny really. and he likes to high-five me continuously while he's feeding, like clapping hands. and he likes to slap his hand against his knee. funny little guy. ; )

saffy - I know, it's silly the comments they make about it. they are so proud of the job I'm doing with him & tell me all the time what a lovely mother they think I am. doesn't make sense. :-/

Well... Timely that you have revived my thread. Yesterday I had two people shriek in disbelief about the fact I was still feeding DD.
It got to me.
It shouldn't have.
I came home and decided I was weaning. She only had one feed a day.
So last night she went to bed without booby and again tonight.
I was so torn. I felt sad. There are other reasons to wean (work travel coming up...)
But yesterday was the day.
So we made it to 13 and half months :)

I'm sorry silly comments got to you. If you're happy with where you're at and what's happening, then more power to you.

Thanks MadB.
Last week my MIL made a comment as well.
I still never really got over the feeling I was justifying feeding her past 9 months. That's more to do with me than the people making comments I guess.
I'm sad, I said to DH tonight I missed my cuddles tonight and he pulled a sad face. But I know for us it was going to happen soon anyway but the comments were the deciding factor as I literally made no plan for it and didn't know Friday night was my last time.

Ah, sometimes it's a bit easier if you plan for it. So you know and can hold that last feed in your memory. You can still have lots of cuddles, of course you know that, but it's not quite the same. It's part of letting go of the baby - and she's still a baby yet, really.
But it is easier when we decide these things on our own terms; you're her mum, it's your call. I hope you are gaining confidence in yourself as a mum every day. You're doing well. :)