We may be getting a little girl.....

We've been asked if we would like to permanently foster a 2 year old, who has been in care since she was 6 months. Her grandmother has been looking for a JW couple to raise her, as she can't stay where she is permanently. I have SO many questions though, and I'm hoping someone here can help!

*Has anyone been nominated by family to be the carer? Does the process differ from becoming a general carer?

*Does anyone foster an Aboriginal child when they're not Aboriginal? What cultural training did you do before becoming the carer? How do you incorporate their culture into your everyday life?

*We've got a bedroom that can be made ready for her, but at 2, will she prefer to be in a room with us, but obviously not in the bed? I'm thinking a room by herself will be scary in a new house.

Please unleash upon me your wisdom, I'm both ecstatic and trying not to get my hopes up. I understand that this is going to be a difficult process, but I want to be as prepared as possible.

have you already completed foster parent training/education? if you are not already.in the system, it will be difficult for this to happen. it's not as easy as just the child's family selecting a couple. if the child is aboriginal, and you are not, there are even more hurdles.

best of luck, but dont get your hopes.up too much until you talk to the social workers involved.

This might help :)

https://www.dcp.wa.gov.au/Fosteringa...terCaring.aspx

An Aboriginal Child Placement Principle? | ALRC

http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/ab...219-2eorg.html

My understanding is that the preference is to place indigenous children within their own communities but as indigenous children are overrepresented, it's not always possible.

Yes, I understand that we need to do all of the normal things for a foster carer, I don't expect her to be dropped off next week. I've been told it'll be 6-9 months. I'm just asking if anyone has any experience with this type of fostering, as it wasn't something we discussed when we last went to an info night.

WRT not getting my hopes up - after 5 miscarriages and 7 years of trying for a baby, and then having to give up on my dreams of having a family, I'm used to dealing with things not turning out the way I want them to. Within seconds of getting the phone call though, my hopes were as high as they've ever been, and I already love this little girl like she was my own. It may not be easy, but it'll definitely be worth it.

No advice hun just lots of virtual hugs and heres hoping your wish will finally come true oxox

Ill come back when I'm not feeding bubby. I think I'll be able to answer most of your questions

Here is some more info...

Department for Child Protection - Western Australia - Frequently asked foster care questions

I'm replying on my phone so forgive me If I miss some of the questions...


So I've been a carer for 10 years now and I'm not aboriginal nor is my dh. We have for the last 4 years fostered all aboriginal children. Training doesn't really differ as there is some cultural training when doing the foster care course. There are always ongoing training and learning that happens through out you time as being a carer.

We normally meet with the case manager and find out which tribe/ mob they are from. Depending on the families involvement will depend on how much culture will be implemented into their case plan. We have pictures of biological family around our home wherever possible and pictures of their flag etc. in amongst our toys we have aboriginal dolls and instruments. At night or other times of the day we play music that relates to their tribe/ mob. Depending on age will also depend on the language they use. As she's quite young she will most likely talk mainly English but may learn a few words from access visits with family when this occurs. Th children that I have will meet family regularly for contact visits and his is when some cultural stuff should take place. We also attend Naidoc week and any aboriginal festivals.
If the family wants them to attend age appropriate ceremonies the department of families and children's services will help organise these.

Having her own room will be lovely for her. Children attach their belongings as people often come and go out of little ones lives when they are in care. You will be surprised at how well she may adapt to being in your home. If the room is comfortable and her stuff is there she will most likely be ok. (Based on past experiences) if she doesn't come with anything this may be a bit different. As long as she knows we're to find you and you let her know its ok to come to you. Maybe a monitor in her room so you can her if she wakes. Some children are awake in the night but too afraid to move (from past trauma or being in trouble for doing this)

There's a lot of great courses when your a carer. I can pm you a few if your interested? If you have any other questions feel free to ask me :) good luck it's the most beautiful rewarding job in the world! After a 12 mth break I'm itching to start up again.

Quietly excited for you!! Danita has given a very thorough reply, amazing!! I hope it all goes well!

Fostering is a extremely long process to get involved in and you have to lay your personal life on the table.... inc. any recent marital problems (they will be able to access the centrelink records about your recent separation etc) and mental health issue's.

I don't want to knock you down hun because I would love you to get the family you dream of, but there are many many hurdles you will need to jump through for this which many people dont get passed

Fostering would be an amazing opportunity and a rewarding experience. Foster carers can make such a difference by providing a loving home and nurturing environment.
Foster carers aren't a replacement for a child's family though and permanent care isn't necessarily the next step. It would be very hard emotionally if the placement were to end. I'm sure that's one of the main things on your mind already.

When you say 'we've been asked' is that you and your parents? Or are you planning on starting the approval process journey on your own? It's long - you'll need to get started on the paperwork and interview process ASAP!

I know they're gonna go through all our history. I figure that if I give it all I've got, and they say I'm not a fit foster parent, well, at least that answers the question, and I'll deal with the emotional fallout from that. But being in this fertile Purgatory is horrible. I've spent years trying to move on from wanting to be a parent, and I just can't do it, I am a parent - I just don't have a child.

We = Professor and I. The question has come from the girl's grandmother and great-grandmother. I rang DCP last week and they mentioned the possibility that, because the little girl isn't with the women who are asking, it's possible that the family she's with would actually like to keep her, which I hadn't thought of. I hope it's not the case. Well, obviously it would be better for her to be with family. I guess for me I hope it's not the case.

Even if this little girl isn't the one for us, we're still going to go through the process. I keep reading about foster kids being abused etc, and I figure that even if I'm a bit nutty, I've got SO much love to give. It's not like they're looking for perfect parents!

Danita, thank you so much, that was exactly the type of info I'm looking for :) PM away!

I pmd you :)

Oh, I got a huge lump in my throat seeing this thread. I have so much hope that you'll have a baby/child someday, however that may come about! I know you'd walk through fire to have a child, and you, my friend are an AWESOME mother. I can see that already.

I wish it was easier for you, but then again I know that very rarely are worthwhile things easy. At least in my experience, anyway. Keep us posted :)

Do you actually think this is a wise option to pursue currently?

For some reason I didn't notice that this thread had been added to, I just came in to update and saw the extra responses. Forshelby, that's so sweet, and you're right, I would! Thank you :)

LS, I'm not sure what you're referring to in particular, our recent separation, our housing situation, or my mental state. All worthwhile objections. The short answer is - that's up to DCP to decide, and I won't hide anything from them.

As for the long answer - we've just refinanced our mortgage and are now financially able to live in our own home easily; we're just waiting on the current lease to expire. Mental state - I've spoken to my psychiatrist about this, and she believes, as do I, that having someone to care for, someone completely dependent on me, will actually help me by taking me out of my own mind and at it's very basic level, providing one big honkin' distraction. Of course, there's no way to know until it happens, and DCP remains in constant contact anyway, so if there was a problem, it wouldn't be a problem for long. And our recent separation - I don't know how that's gonna go with DCP, we'll hafta find out the hard way.

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UPDATE

We've got our first home assessment and interview tomorrow evening, and I'm so excited!

The family of the little girl have asked for her to be moved to us, as the family she's with - who are actually NOT biological family, they are just emergency carers - are not able to keep her. DCP have said they can't guarantee anything yet until they've done the assessment, but the family are adamant. Once they found out we were unable to have our own children, they actually wanted us to have her more, because they reckon she will 'fix' us. Apparently that's what happens in Aboriginal culture, a childless couple will be given someone elses child, and then they can have their own ;) We'll see! But they are adamant, and they're all writing letters with the help of their social worker to DCP. Even though we're not blood family, they call us family, and they're excited to be able to see bub a couple times a year, whereas they haven't tried while she's been in care so far. It's an interesting dynamic, one that I don't quite understand, but if they're happy, I'm happy!

We've cleared out the room she'll have here, sanded the walls, and removed the blinds. Tonight I'll be ripping up the carpet which is approximately 400 years old, and we'll be painting and recarpeting. I'm very aware that we may not end up with her, but we're still going through the whole process and will foster a child, if the dept will let us. So we're decorating the room fairly neutrally, and I'm making some curtains with an animal print on them, so it's suitable for either gender.

My parents and another of my sisters (qualified child carer) have also expressed interest in being respite carers, not just for our child but for others as well. Parents can devote 2 weekends a month, and I think my sister is happy to do it 3 weekends a month. So they're all going through the process too!

I hope things are moving along nicely for you.
I am a carer through Docs and am caring for my granddaughter and her half brother not related to me.
My case the placemement assessment although thorough, was rushed through as the children needed to be removed and placed urgently.
Any questions, don't hesitate to contact me,
Crossing everything for you,

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LS, I'm not sure what you're referring to in particular, our recent separation, our housing situation, or my mental state. All worthwhile objections. The short answer is - that's up to DCP to decide, and I won't hide anything from them.

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I had a similar thought to LS, from the perspective of the mental health hurdles you've experienced as well as the issues with your DH (separation, housing etc). I worry for you and the impact a full time little one has. Your life changes dramatically and sometimes it can be a huge shock. My advice is have a good village around you and always have your mental health team at your fingertips to debrief. It sounds like your mum and sister are doing just that.

That said, I am happy for you to have this to look forward to. I'm pleased you're not "hiding" anything from DCP, although they're so thorough you wouldn't have to worry. When they decide to register you as a foster carer it's because they've gone through your application with a fine tooth comb and are happy you have met the requirements to provide a safe and stable environment for children.

I have a close friend with 4 foster kids (she has PCOS and can't have her own, ivf etc attempted for years). She is a beautiful foster mum. the first bubby she got left her care after a year and she took it hard. Since then, she's learnt to let go, but what she provides these children is nothing short of a true blessing. They are sincerely loved and treated as her own.

Good luck with tomorrow - I'll be thinking of you both and waiting for the update!

I hope you are working through all of the what ifs with your psychologist, as it can be a hard gig.
My inlaws fostered for years and the things that the children had seen and dealt with, they in turn had to deal with too as well as the difficulty of saying goodbyeetc.

I don't know you, or your history, besides what I have seen on here, and I'm surprised your psychiatrist thinks that a child in a vulnerable situation is a good "distraction" and a way to help you, but I'm not a psych .

I really do hope you have something beyond an amazing support system around you, and best wishes for the assessment tomorrow, let us know how you go.

I have to say I agree with sahbear. I am absolutely gobsmacked that any psych would suggest a child, especially a foster child who usually comes with their own set of special needs, could be helpful to your mental state. I find that completely irresponsible. Irrespective of you, your situation or your mental health. A child is not a medical aid. And the only reason a foster child should be put in anyone's care is because the carer is able to help the child. Not the other way around. o.O

There are some awesome points being made here, however I see nothing wrong with Keike going through the process.

The checks are so stringent that if she gets through it's because it's obvious she has the ability to provide care for special children (some of these little darlings come with horrific back stories and a lot of need for specialised parenting)

I'm pleased you have something to focus on and work towards. Be prepared for it to go either way and whatever is the end result, please please be sure you have your safety net ready xx

I do know the detail of the background check is incredible. Not only for the primary carer but also for those in the family who will be in immediate contact with the child. I would assume that the psych felt Keike had met all the requirements of her mental health plan and is functioning well to recommend this. (I've had an almost 3 year break from BB and am only just back in the board this year. Sorry I haven't caught up with everyone's updates yet) :)

Keike you are probably feeling unsupported, however this is a huge thing. I've dealt with foster children and foster carers, I have friends who have also fostered. It's not something that I would have thought anyone would have considered healing to someone with mental health issues. I've known couples who have had a baby to mend a marriage, but like Rouge said, a child isn't a medical aid and rarely does a baby repair a marriage because the damaged marriage is still there regardless.
I would also be concerned, aside from your personal issues, that just a few months ago you were ending your marriage for a variety of reasons.

Oh for goodness sake, I think I was pretty specific in what I required from this thread, and one of the things I didn't ask for was everyone's opinions.

My psych did not recommend getting a child like they would recommend taking a pill, I had asked if she felt it was something I could cope with at this time or if I was overreaching. Her comments were saying that it would not be detrimental to my mental health, and might even prove to be beneficial. I'm not trying to foster a child to make myself better, I'm trying to foster a child that needs a loving and stable home. Hopefully it will be permanently but even if it isn't, at least they will have had some stability. I have been responsible and discussed it with outsiders who will provide me with their assessment of whether or not I can cope, and they feel that I can. DCP will soon start digging into every aspect of our lives, and if they decide that we can provide a safe and loving home for a foster child, then that's what will happen. If they feel that my mental health provides too much of a risk, they will reject me. Either way, I will have done it, and I will know.

And now, I would like to respectfully ask that if you are unable to answer the questions in my original post, feel free to leave your opinions to yourself.

ETA - Was typing while others were posting. You're right Ausgirl, except 'unsupported' would be a magnificent understatement, and has been particularly hurtful when coming from people I had considered friends.

I agree Hun. Nothing wrong with making the application and good for you for a) consulting your health care team about it and b) being realistic with what to expect

You have some great resources in the first replies, let me know if I can help by asking my friend anything specific

I agree Keike, this thread went way off topic. As I said in my first post please feel free to pm me :)

I think you're gonna get a few PMs from me in the future Danita!

That you are being vouched for by the Aboriginal community involved is a big plus for your application. Cultural safety is paramount for vulnerable Aboriginal kids. It will be incredibly testing, particularly during schooling years where the effects of family separation and other things endured will come to the fore (my mum has been involved with Aboriginal kids as both a teacher and a psych with CAMHS in East Gippsland, and I hear similar things where I live in schools, which is why the Learning Stones program - google search - is so valuable and hopeful for all involved) - that will test both you and your husband's relationship quite a bit.
My DP's aunt and uncle have adopted a child after many years of fostering the child , and are still looking to adopt another child they have fostered for the same length of time. They lost their son (aged 20) about 13 years ago and have an incredible marriage and still have the intrusion into their personal lives.
By the same token, I know another lady who adopted a boy with her late husband after losing their 21yo twins in a car accident, and a once strong marriage became toxic and abusive after the adoption because of the past they had tried to 'fix'. So, it happens even where there is no existing marital complication.
The thing is, you WILL get other opinions that don't flow as nicely as your aspirations want them to and it's just something you need to accept, because you will not have everyone in this adoption/fostering process making it easy for you - and it's much harder to take from the people who make the decisions than from people in a forum who are here to both support you and see things from the perspective of the impact on the child, given how we know things have played out for you and your DH. You don't see it as support because it's not in your wish-list. I can see that their comments of 'contraindication' are actually supportive OF you (even if not TO your plans) BECAUSE of the community you have been a part of in BB :)
It's a parenting forum that will give you feedback not only on your parenting, but also offer experiences and reflections on welfare issues you might not immediately see.
Having some involvement in Aboriginal issues, I would just reiterate what you probably already know, and that is that it would be your overwhelming responsibility to the long-term wellbeing of this child to constantly reinforce her belonging to her Aboriginal community and Country, no matter how that goes against your own religious beliefs. I hope that has already been considered and adjusted for between the two of you and the wider network that will be facilitating the fostering. You will be making a lot of effort to not only understand but take part in that culture, and not the other way around, as happens with biological children who have no choice but to be absorbed into their parents' values system. I think you'd find it very enriching, at least! Please do look up the Learning Stones - they are currently being rolled out in one area but are not geographically specific; the education department will facilitate them anywhere there is interest and the potential for the project is enormous.
I write this not just to you, but for the benefit of anyone else reading this thread who is considering your path - that's what happens on forums; a question asked by one is being lurked by countless other people with the same question ;) So, please also take the other replies in this vein - it's not just for you, but for a wider audience to whom this question is relevant.
I hope the best outcome for you and the girl is reached, no matter which way it goes.

Edited, didn't see Keike's comment before posting about sticking to the OP.

Keike- thanks for the update! I have everything crossed this works out well for everyone. And if this little girl is not the one then it sounds like she has already provided the gift of hope and focus for you and your partner and that's a really exciting time. I know this is a new beginning for you :)

I just wanted to add, I'm not sure of all of your history being referred to here. I know vaguely of some of it, but not much. I don't follow the forum a lot though so it could be that but for your privacy I wanted to point out that if these are things you have discussed in the members only forum then everyone needs to keep it there and not discuss it on the rest of the forum!

Just wanted to say in regards to the comment about these ladies beings your friends, in my opinion, friends do tell you the blunt truth at times, even if it is painful.

I'm sorry you feel unsupported, as per your request, I won't comment any further.

Good point Meow, I do normally post my own stuff in Plat. Luckily I don't have any secrets, cos the supposed privacy of that section has been blown out the window!

I understand the opposing viewpoints, and none of them are points that I haven't already considered and discussed - the difference is, I discussed them with people who know the ins and outs of my daily life and mental health, not people who only know what I choose to post. I came here for some specific information, and I've gotten some very helpful information. The judgements are unnecessary because they're based on incomplete information.

Now let's move on :)

Does anyone homeschool their foster child/ren? Homeschooling was something we want to do for our hypothetical biological children, and unless DCP doesn't allow it, I think it would be a better way of getting Aboriginal culture into her schooling. I don't remember learning anything about Aboriginal culture or even proper Australian history including Aboriginal history when I went to school ;)

With the National Curriculum which roles out this year, there are strong units which cover Australian History and the Aboriginal culture, so check out ACARA to see if this suits you.

The homeschooling question is probably best asked to whoever is doing your assessment tonight :)

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Good point Meow, I do normally post my own stuff in Plat. Luckily I don't have any secrets, cos the supposed privacy of that section has been blown out the window!

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Just to clarify, I'm not platinum, but over the years I have read about your struggles in the open section, in threads from centrelink queries, real estate queries, boohoo's, ttc, medical conditions forums to name a few.

I also apologise if I offended you somehow from my observations, not what I intended, especially about a subject close to my heart for a variety of reasons which I won't go into.

I sincerely wish you all the best, I won't comment further.

I'd check with all your local schools first, and if there are schools with other Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander enrolments (they'll tell you how many, just not who they are) I would think it more valuable to have her go to school with other Aboriginal kids she can identify and share with. And, as I suggested, if you request Learning Stones the department will need to look into it, as it is already being rolled out very successfully in South Gippsland and beyond. There will be a Koori Liaison Officer who services the school in some capacity. And the curriculum IS changing for the better all the time.
In fairness, you yourself divulged the psych and the 'fix' as well as the distraction from other issues going on for you, in this thread, when other members asked if it were wise to proceed, given vaguely referred to recent events. If that's of concern, you could go back and edit this information to vague it out whilst maintaining the integrity of your forum question so that it can be valid for others in similar positions.
The gist of my replies really rests on the Aboriginality aspect, more than anything else, and concerns I have about keeping that connection strong for the child. That would be my priority, and will also help mitigate issues of belonging as the child gets older and all the knock-on effects that notoriously has.
There are so many resources available to help you with Aboriginal culture and your local traditional owners (if she's from that community). You're vouched for, so information will be easier to come by! And that, Keike, is a massive privilege, of itself :)

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Does anyone homeschool their foster child/ren? Homeschooling was something we want to do for our hypothetical biological children, and unless DCP doesn't allow it, I think it would be a better way of getting Aboriginal culture into her schooling. I don't remember learning anything about Aboriginal culture or even proper Australian history including Aboriginal history when I went to school ;)

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I think you're looking at this too much like it would be your own child, and it's not. I highly doubt you would be allowed to homeschool either. I know a woman who does short and long term foster care and she is catholic and ideally she would send them to the local catholic school, but she was not allowed - they had to go to the public school. THat was 7 years ago though so it may be different. If they won't allow foster parents to choose a particular school, I doubt they would let you homeschool.

What you need to be doing is actually talking about this with the agency people/DOCS, not an internet forum. People can give you all the anecdotal experiences in the world, but they aren't in your particular situation and their experiences aren't going to be the same as yours. I think you've been too harsh on the people who have posted things that you don't particularly agree with. You're the one who has put this out there for discussion and I'm sorry, but not everyone is going to agree with you or only tell you what you want to hear. You can't block out that stuff and only listen to what suits you, because it doesn't work like that. People are just being realistic and if you don't like that, then perhaps don't post and speak to the people who actually can give you the answers you need, not the ones you want.

I've got a friend who fosters children and she home schools them all as well as her adopted and biological children. They are in NSW so I don't know if it would be different. It could be a possibility though. As others have said something to check with the agency.
Going to a school with other aboriginal kids could be good though. I guess if you are successful then you need to work out all the options and go from there.
Best of luck.

That makes sense. I'm looking at her being our child because it is a specific child we're going through this for, not a random child. This little girl will be in our care until she's 18 if we get her.

I'm trying to use this forum for knowledge, so I'm not ringing the case worker every day. I thought it would be better to get SOME information, like Smoke Jaguar's advice on the Learning Stones program, and then I can do my own research and appear somewhat intelligent, rather than waiting for them to spoon feed me.

And no, I don't think I've been too harsh on the people I don't agree with. I don't understand what's so difficult about this - the people qualified to comment on my mental state have done so, DCP are now looking into the rest of my background; all I'm looking for here is ideas on how to incorporate Aboriginal culture into our everyday lives from people in a similar situation. And it's not that I disagree with you, those are issues I have already considered; they just aren't relevant to this thread. As always though, thanks for your input.

SO, the lady just left, and it didn't go as horribly as I'd convinced myself it would! She recommended speaking to the office that's dealing with the little girl, as they can tell me first of all if they're not actually looking for a placement for her, and if they are, they may wanna do the assessment process themselves, as they're more familiar with her. So that'll be my first call tomorrow, and it'll be good to finally speak to the case worker. I haven't actually spoken to the one involved because I didn't wanna step on any toes, but now I can :)

RE the homeschooling, she said it's not normally something they would approve, because one of the ways they check on the kids is through the teachers. However, if there were an actual reason, such as bullying, they would consider it on a case by case basis.

She was also quite knowledgeable about JW's, she asked about how we would deal with the blood issue, which we explained would be absolutely fine with us, we realise that DCP remains the legal guardian, and we would never EVER treat a child differently if they had a transfusion. Funnily enough she asked that question directly, about how we would treat a child that got a blood transfusion. I understand why they would, but I was surprised to get that additional question.

We were upfront about my mental state, our financial state, and our recent separation. She asked when my last suicide attempt was, and said that if this little girl didn't come to us and we ended up applying to be general carers, it would probably be better to wait 12 months, because saying my last attempt was 2 years ago is much better than 1 year ago, totally understandable. However, she said that it wouldn't automatically exclude us.

So that's where we are now, under a mountain of paperwork, but I've gotta speak to the other office first. I can't wait to actually speak directly to the case worker :)

I hope the best thing is worked out for everyone, especially the little one who needs to belong to someone who'll take care of her spirit :)

Why would you be so surprised that they would ask you directly about something like that? I'd be surprised if they DIDN'T ask you about it. It's a pretty important part of your religion.