I don't like being a school mum

I know I have a brand new baby, but I am really struggling with the transition to having a school aged child. I have had loads of support and have only done drop off and pick up maybe five times. I know I shouldn't be whinging. But I miss having the freedom to do what I want with the day. Knowing I have countless hours to fill and I am my own boss. It was such a tough transition to get to this point. I really missed the routine and structure when I first became a SAHM. I haven't really worked in five years (not in an office anyway). Instead my days became all about trying to creatively fill in the void while entertaining children. It took a lot to get to that point and feel satisfied.

I miss staying in pjs until 10am every day. I miss the spontaneous walks to the park at 5pm because we have been inside all afternoon.

I feel so much pressure with the school schedule, lunches, clothes etc. Then there's all the school politics and all this stress about the kids learning. geez.

It's only week five or something in term 1! I have three kids and about eighteen years of school ahead of me.

How do you cope? I feel so caught in a rat race. DH says I'm being too negative. I think maybe it's all the negative emotes I feel towards my own school experiences starting to surface. Oh crap perhaps I need school therapy! Seriously help!

Sorry but I only got use to it and have never come to like. I miss my kids, I hate the fact that someone tells me where we all have to be everyday of the week. I don't like having to pack a wholes day food for them. I hate how short the day is in between drop off and pick up. I hate that they get the kids when they are all bright and happy and I get the tired kids. I get the hungry kids. I only get 4hrs of homework, dinner, bath, books bed. I hate that it's almost dark when we get home in winter. My Dd1 is in yr 5 and I still miss out lazy mornings

Rant over. Hugs! You will learn to have mental health days where you just keep them home for a love day. You will look forward to school holidays when every other mum is dreading them.

On the flip side, I love hearing about what they did, seeing their smile at achieving something new. My kids love school (they also love home)..... Wish it was a three day week :)

Thanks for the reminder. I'm not a school Mum YET. will soak up every last moment of my last year without the school run and without missing my big girl like crazy.

:hug: :hug:

I felt the same last year when my DD started school, and this year I had DS1 start school too. I could no longer just float about and do what ever. I had to plan around DS2's nap time and actually have a routine, which I hadn't ever really had to do with my kids.
You will find a new normal. You will work out a new routine and figure out how to plan your day around dropping off or picking up kids.

I have two kid free days this year, where they all go to day care/school, so I use those days to go for a walk/swim/gym after I drop them off, then come home and one day I do what ever I want (read all day/watch movies/hobbies/see friends), the other day I spend doing chores I wouldn't normally do with the kids around, like cleaning the oven, or scrubbing the shower recesses. If DH is home, then we go out for lunch or brunch together and have time alone together. The other days DS2 and I go to playgroup one morning, then the library story time another morning, and usually have a play date with friends another morning. One afternoon is going to the park when we pick up the big kids, one arvo is dancing for DD/acrobatics for DS1 and the other arvo is just quiet home time to be together. Weekends are family time and special outings.

Many hugs. I'm dreading it next year. I already miss DD1 terribly for the three days she's at kinder, next year I'm going to be lost. I hope it gets easier for you :hug:

Hope it gets easier! I'm a new Mum too, the routine etc is fine, but I do miss my little man, I'm finding that part hard. I am always so excited at school pickup time as I cant wait to see him. DD misses him too, but an upside is having some 1on1 time with her (which I had with him as my first)

I tried to organise a playdate with a fellow Mum the other day - between my school drop off, her kindy drop off, toddler naps and then the school/kindy pick up we just couldn't make it work - the days certainly dont have as much flexibility when there are two school runs and a toddler nap to fit in. I'm finding we are trying to squeeze more into our weekends which isn't ideal - some downtime is definitely needed too

Thanks for the replies.

Yes to a total lack of flexibility for play dates! Poor boys also getting dragged around too!

I like the greater one on one I get with my DS1 and DS2 but I miss my girl!

my dd is.only.in kinder, but I already hate other people becoming authority figures to her, especially when they sprout things I don't believe. I am sad when she reports having to do things or give things up so someone will be her 'best friend' and the teacher's don't notice what is happening. I can only imagine it getting worse.

having a new little person makes it hard to do all that I want for dd too (be there for all pick up drop offs, address issues on day they come up).

Oh thank goodness I'm not the only one. I have social anxiety so school pick up drop off is not fun for me, but at the same time i foot know why since no one bothers to even try to talk to me. Maybe I just look like an unfriendly cow?

I miss ds so much that I actually volunteered to hear his class read. What really sucks is that they get this beautiful boy who listens and does what he is told and I get this defiant monster.

I miss my playgroup friends. :(

Yay- I am not the only one!!!!! I was so excited for him to start school- but now i get kind of sad and angry too!! Everything is so regulated and I miss him!! I keep doing things wrong as a school mum- too much food in his lunch box apparently (I didn't expect him to eat it all- I just wanted him to have some variety lol) i call too much for some things and leave him to his own devices for others lol It is all taking some getting used to!! Oh and Black cat- I totally agree- they get this little angel lol and when he gets home all the emotional build up is there and i get a crazed lunatic lol :)

I don't think you ever really get over it. We have mother/daughter and son/daughter days once a term. That's does help But now in high school they will be a zero possibility. Then after school there are activities and study sessions and rehearsals. So I value weekends even more than ever before and really do not want to share them with anyone. So try to count all the blessings each day. Try not to get stuck in missing the past or you'll miss the present and loathe the future. Try and be as much of the P&F as possible. I had a baby the year before DD started prep. And yes it is hard but I promise it gets easier. And the kid politics is fine as long as you use the bad times as an opportunity to teach them the tools you wish you had in school and all will be ok. Big loves to you all. I'm still sooking about high school. So whilst it's different I understand.

School hols are awesome! I am one that lioves school hols and in no rush to get them back to school.

I love school! I love to see my kids trot off in the morning, excited for the day ahead. I love it when they come running out at the end of the day, full of news and knowledge and excitement. I'm not a fan of the early wake ups and morning rush (definitely not a morning person!) but on the days I am not working I hang around at school and listen to reading or hang out with DD2 in ELC (kinder, at the same school my big kids are at). I think the trick is to find a school whose values and philosophies are similar to your own. I feel very comfortable leaving my kids at school because I know that the are safe, loved and valued. DD1 is in grade 6 now and we've certainly had our ups and downs (some social issues last year), but my kids love their school and so do I. It's hard with younger kids, but involve yourself as much as you can and make the effort to befriend the other parents. School and home should work in collaboration so that you don't feel you are sending your kids off to some foreign place where they aren't protected.

This is the first year all three of my kids have been at school and I'm still adjusting, I certainly miss DD2 but I love seeing her engaged and joyful at ELC, making new friends and discovering a whole new world of wonder and learning! I'm also enjoying exploring new opportunities at work and grocery shopping is a thousand times easier! I will admit that I love school holidays and snuggly sleep ins...

:

---

So try to count all the blessings each day. Try not to get stuck in missing the past or you'll miss the present and loathe the future.

---

Completely agree with this. Try to enjoy this stage. They get to do some awesome things.

I hated school growing up and really feared it for my girls, but DD1 really enjoys it, she is a smart cookie and loves learning. DD2 is different, she enjoys it in her own way but is such a mummy's girl. I have gotten to know some great parents and not so great ones (I avoid them where I can ;) ). I am not good at the typical school volunteering and don't have that time, so I don't do that, but have joined the school council as that makes best use of my talents and keeps me connected with the school.

I do think that how you felt about school as a child does impact a lot on how you feel about school for your own children. I adored school so in that respect I am looking forward to it, and through work am quite used to being apart from them and finding the joy in hearing how much fun they have had at daycare etc. The bit I struggle with is also influenced by my own childhood though in that although mum worked she was always home at around the same time as us so about 4:30 - and the idea of having to use after-school care every day next year till 5:30 horrifies me. I am sure it will be fine and that plenty of people do it, but for me it drags up the feelings Arcadia mentions of being caught in the rat race, and I think is different from childcare/kinder etc because you know that school is for many years.

:

---

I do think that how you felt about school as a child does impact a lot on how you feel about school for your own children.

---

Yes, absolutely! I loved school and am very positive about the experience I expect and hope DS will have. DH hated it, was bullied for being overweight etc and worries about DS much more than I.

I didn't hate school. I just miss my kids ;) I know they love it and they have a great time!

:

---

I didn't hate school. I just miss my kids ;) I know they love it and they have a great time!

---

Yes you don't have to have issues with school, to miss your kids, just that Arcadia mentioned issues with school herself and I do think they can be quite a big contributing factor to how you feel about school.

I think missing your kids is something that is not talked about much, before they start school there is all this stuff about 'working mothers guilt' etc, but not much about missing them. I hate the whole 'guilt' thing - for one thing 'guilt' is most commonly used to describe feeling bad about something you 'should' be doing - not something you 'want' to do. It buys in to the whole notion that being with children is not an enjoyable activity in itself. I don't feel guilty when I am not with them because I am at work, but I do feel disappointed that I am not with them sometimes, not because I feel I "should" be, but because I miss them, spending time with them is something I want to do.

School is great. Free daycare. I don't get the option of "missing my baby"; I have to work (I'd still rather not). I love hearing all he has learnt and can't wait to share with me.

When I get to be pt again, I love chatting to other mums at drop off and pick up. I love having 6 hours to clean the house, garden, do the shopping and read, so weekends are all fun family time. We have school hols for Liebling to learn household management. I miss having a clean house.

But then, I love seeing Liebs mature and grow. I love the man he's growing into. I would not hold him back just to tighten the apron strings and feel better for myself.

Whether I was working or not I still miss them ;) I think it's ok that we talk about this without assuming anything. Whether it's guilt, assuming someone is better for missing their children (they aren't), working, not working, happy school memories or not etc. There is no right or wrong and it's totally ok to say how we all feel. Sometimes I think we aren't often allowed to have that voiced for fear of how it comes across. Yet it's ok to say how happy you are to get rid of the kids and send them back to school. It's almost like if you miss your kids you must be some sort of smothering helicopter parent with no social life or ambition. Not so.

Yeah, I don't want him to go back to school, even after the summer hols. Even after a weekend!

But he loves school and I love him loving school and so I know he's enjoying it, so I don't miss him per se. But then I don't miss dh when he's away either.