She's not a princess...

So I'm not so sure this is gentle parenting but I guess 'alternative' parenting?

If this baby is a girl I think I'll lose it if everyone starts calling her a princess. If she's older and wearing a princess costume then sure, call her a princess! But it drives me nuts to hear newborn girls called princesses all the time.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you respond if people say it? Do you ask them not to?

Yes. I detest it.

I plan to point out Storm, if Storm's a girl, is not a member of the Royal family. (I know I have a title, but still not enough.)

I also plan to tell people I will not dress my daughter in princess tops. Any given will be handed back. I did this with Liebs. I know, I am ungrateful. But tasteful.

Yep- there is no way I'm putting any clothing that says "princess" on my daughter.

I'm tossing up adding "please, no princess comments" to a birth announcement. It will just **** me if people say it!

Oh and if this is a girl after two boys its going to happen a lot. Also you'll get the "oh you finally got a girl, you can stop now" like that was the only reason you have had three children! Or if its a boy "oh what a pity you didnt get a girl" People can be so thoughtless. I almost detest telling people the sex of our bubs when they are born! I want everyone else just to be happy that its healthy!!!!! Rant finished

Going against the crowd and I'm 'one of those' mothers that calls their girls, a princess. I don't however but clothes that say that. I have no issue with the word or reference to my girls. In my eyes, they are my princesses :)

Can I ask why you dont like term? Is it just because they arent royalty or is there some other reason?

Personally, I don't call my DD a princess, nor would I let her wear clothes that say princess. Occaisonally others will say "hello princess", but I just ignore it.

My reasoning is that I feel that calling a little girl a princess is teaching her that she is "royalty", deserves special treatment, has others serve her and gets her own way. In my parenting style, I am big on teaching that we need to learn to help and be kind to others and that it is a good thing to "serve" others. I love my DD obviously, but I don't want her to think that the world revolves around her and her needs.

I don't like the term princess because I see it as emphasising stereotypes of beauty and fluffiness without being a substantial character. I never (very rarely) hear boys being called a prince so I feel the term is really used to emphasise femininity.

I also think it can be a derogatory term such as "stop being such a princess!" and to label girls as princesses implies in some part that they are those "annoying female" types who act like divas.

I don't see it as an empowering term and I see no need to harp on about a child's gender in such a stereotypical fashion from the day their gender is known.

For me we never put negative connotations around the term princess ie "youre acting like a princess"

So im fine with dd1 wanting to be like a princess as i just see it like imaginative play really.

She will dance and sing and dress up like a princess with a crown. Thats about it.

I dont think she knows much about it being royalty and stuff i just see her wanting to be like cinderella and princesses in frozen, tangled, etc

Hmm... like I said, I have no problems with acting like a princess and playing dress ups. I also wont put negative connotations around it. But I don't want my newborn (or even unborn!) daughter labeled as a princess. Why is that so hard? Call her a warrior if you want a label!

I don't like my girls being *called* princesses, however, like Mum2SweetCs I don't mind them playing princesses. Furthermore, the "modern day" princesses (Merida from Brave, Ana and Elsa from Frozen, Mulan etc) are much stronger role models than previously portrayed so I'm happy for my girls to want to "act" like them :)

totally agree regarding the sentiment about it being used as a derogatory term though!

My mum had a no nickname rule with us when we were kids. If anyone called us something other than our name (including shortened versions) she'd kindly ask them to use our proper names because that is what she chose for us to be called.

I think when they're tiny bubs, being called a princess is merely a term of endearment :? they have no concept of what it is etc... However, yeah, when they're older and aware of what a princess is, if they've been called that from young it kind of "sets" a tone I'd imagine :dunno:

I had to think about this one, no one has ever called my daughter Princess or referred to her as being a Princess. Human Dynamo, Terror Tot and Determined come to mind :lol:

If someone said to me "your princess is beautiful" I would just correct them and say "yes, (daughters name) is beautiful, thankyou. It's a bit like talking to your toddler in some sense, when they say a word incorrectly, rather than say "no, it's said this way", I say yes (the correct way to say the word) is blue.

I call my girls princesses, because they are my princesses. I used to dislike the term, but Ive had a change of heart over it. I also cannot stand the idea of making girls wear pink and boys wear blue, I dislike that boys are defined as being rough and tumble, dirty, 'feral' children. Gender definitions suck.
We don't define princesses in our home as the hollywood 'princesses'. It is also not a term defined by beauty or fluffiness, and someone lacking character. The term princess in our home means strong, intelligent, independent, kind hearted, community minded, honest, caring, loving, confident. The princesses that my girls know of are this and more, so are my girls for that matter. According to my girls, I am the queen and dh is the king of our family. If we had a boy then yes he would be our little prince.

In so many cases, the definition and meaning of a word or term can be either positive or negative and what determines that is at the way it is seen.

I will admit that out of 3 girls, we have one shirt (size 1 or 2, fitted the 2yr old tantrums at the time ;) ) that refers to them being a princess in training, otherwise nothing else refers to them as being princesses.

DD1 calls herself a princess. Not because she thinks she's it and a bit but because she adores Cinderella and Rapunzel, loves their clothes and wants to have long hair like Rapunzel and wear beautiful dresses like Cinderella.

For me, it's no different calling her a princess or munchkin or sweetheart or any other endearment that falls off my tongue. The most common thing we call each other is boof head!

As a baby, neither of my girls were called princess or anything else for that matter. The nicknames have appeared as they have gotten older and their personalities have come through.

The term princess comes with a lot of baggage, and most of it not all that good. To me it conjures up an entitled, pretty girl concerned with her looks and snagging the right man. Yes, it's a stereotype, but that's kind of the point.
My girl always gets mistaken for a boy anyway :p

I detest it too, when I was looking for a 'baby's first Christmas' decoration the only one I could get was one with 'princess' written on it, it really gets to me even now, I wish I hadn't bought it.

My DDs is a tomboy and always gets called a boy by strangers so don't think it's going to be that much of an issue for awhile lol

My daughter is a self rescuing princess.

If you don't like the stereotype then change it.

I'm 33 and I have no freaking idea what people called me as a child. So I'm guessing it had no effect on me. So I think there are probably other things I can put my energy towards rather than getting upset and angry. Why not empower and educate :) at the same time teach some tolerance that not everyone has the same thoughts and beliefs you do and probably isn't out to upset you or pigeon hole your child into a shallow life of female oppression through materialism and self entitlement.

Can't say I had too many people princessing my two. Maybe that's because people who know me know there are a whole lot of feminine qualities that I value that don't mesh with the "princess" ideal. And I'm pretty sure I countered comments about prettiness/cuteness/small-female-childness with my own commentary about their true personal qualities.

eg Person: she's so cute with her hair like that.
Me: cute? I think she looks funny and smart.

My DD2's name means princess. And yet we hardly ever hear it. Her family nickname is Sasquatch, mostly to do with the fear and destruction she wreaks upon the house.

But back to the point....

Nobody's going to call your kid a princess. Surely. If nobody calls mine a princess, nobody will call yours a princess. And if they do, school them. Like I would.

I reckon you might be safe Meow...we have never had a princess term from friends or randoms (except in role play...man, those princess stories and dress up are insidious and creep in lol).

then again, it could also be cultural/social reliant. in italy for example, the term princess is used more liberally, we have had it there but because we were never living there it didnt cause any annoyance. BUT, i was also really quick to remind them that my girls were also really fiesty and rough and awesome.

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Why not empower and educate

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And I reckon this is what Meow intends to do by reminding people that 'princess' is not necessarily the most empowering or appropriate term of endearment or compliment :D There are far more awesome ways to ascribe awesomeness to our girls.

Pretty sure there have been some feisty, kick arse, independent and empowered princesses over the years.

Maybe it is time to broaden horizons, and rethink your own judgements you are placing on the word. Not all princesses are waiting in a tower to be rescued so they can breed and brush their hair.

Well said LimeSlice :)

I don't call my DD 'princess', but without influencing too much (I hope), I have ended up with one of the girliest little girls you could imagine :lol:. So, she often is dressed up as a princess! She thinks headbands are crowns, so whenever she wears one she likes to tell me she is a princess. Definitely no t-shirts or anything with the word 'princess' though!
My DD was showing a clear preference in her clothing before she even turned one (complete with tantrums), so from an early age she was dressed very very girly, and has always loved princess and fairy dolls, etc. Mind you, having said that, having a big brother means she also spends quite a bit of time playing with superheroes and cars too!

I don't have a problem with the term, though I do understand where you're coming from :).

Growing up all my nicknames were names about my ears (they were pointed like an elf's) so no princess here, and I was definitely a tomboy.. DD however.. Yup, she is constantly called Princess by my family, I personally prefer to fondly refer to her as my ratbag.. She defintely fits to the sterotype though :/ Not sure if it actually has something to do with the name or just the situation, but she often "needs" someone to do everything else for her, and thinks there is one rule for her and another for everyone else.. In fact there has been a few occasions where she has turned around to me and said "I wont do it, I'm a Princess!".. Kiddo, you get points for standing up for yourself but you've lost your toys for the next couple of days because I said I wasn't asking you again to clean up..*sigh*

I haven't found many people calling my daughters princess. Whilst it does seem to me an odd thing to call them it doesn't bother me. They sometimes are princesses. Sometimes they are superheroes. Last month they were constantly chickens/dragons hatching from their blanket eggs. Last week they were dogs I had to walk around on a lead. This week DD2 is a grumpy old troll who needs a troll bridge house made a dozen times a day. They are fairies, they are giants, snails and dancers. If someone does call them princess then it is well and truly balanced out by everything else that they are.

There is a shift in the portrayal of princesses in pop culture lately - Brave, Frozen etc where the princess isn't sitting around waiting for a prince, she is out on her own mission.

The only people who call DD Princess regularly are my parents. She's their first grandchild, only granddaughter, and I guess a Princess is how they may see her.

It's also what my Dad called me when I was younger - he still sometimes does. It's his term of endearment, I'm his Princess. Doesn't mean he doesn't also regularly call me mule (because I'm stubborn), goldfish (because I'm forgetful), among many other things - a good mother, a protective sister, strong-willed, etc etc.

I guess what I'm saying is even though I was called it regularly, I never believed the people calling me that thought less of me. I didn't think it had anything to do with my looks or a sense of entitlement or uselessness. DD has no idea what an actual princess is and has a good sense of self, regardless of the nickname. A name is what you make of it I think, if a relative does take on the name, your DD will surely tell them if she doesn't like it (mine does!) and you can use all the time you have with her to instil your own beliefs about the term.

For little girls (and boys for that matter) the term will mean whatever YOU define it to mean. Judgements and prejudices towards the word are not born in your children - they come from how you parent and use the words. So as long as it doesn't mean spoilt and pampered to you - it won't to them. I told DSD a few months ago that when I was watching her at swimming I thought "wow she's so besutiful" DSD said "aww" and I clarifed by adding "and when I say that I mean strong and confident and lovely and nice and just a gorgeous person" she said "I know". It was a really lovely moment - unintentionally showing her that beauty is more than just the way she looks.

Princess will be the same - as long as it means something negative to you - it will to them - so.... Just make it mean what you want it to mean - a lovely person who cares about other people and looks out for people in everyday life - or something.

The word doesn't bother me - as it doesn't bother me when people call my DSs monkeys, tigers, ticklemuffins, mini men, handsome lads, bears, darlings, dots, lambs or most other things - because they're all said with love and affection.

If someone called them a "cheeky monkey" in a derogatory way, or ... well, anything in a derogatory way, I would have a problem. If they said, "now be a man" I would probably have a problem (because I can't think of any situation right now where that would be constructive, healthy or appropriate).

So I suspect someone calling my daughter (if I had one) a princess might strike me as odd, or not the words I might choose (or precisely the word I would use!) but if they said it in a way which was suggestive of how they should behave, or that they were being overly precious/snobby/whatever, then yeah, I'd have a problem. If it was said with affection - even if it's not my preferred term of endearment - I'd probably let it go. Maybe vent on BB if it all became too much!!

Words are important. Intent and effect are important too. I want people to freely love and speak positive words into my kids' lives, in the way that they do it best.

My father insisted no nicknames, no nothing. Call us by the name that they chose. No exceptions.

I hated it. It was cold.

I loved that my grandad used to make up funny little names for me (derivatives of my name). I don't remember them all, I just remember the true meaning behind his actions - the endearment, the affection. I remember those.

Calling me silly funny names didn't make me silly or funny. Calling me muffin didn't make me a muffin. Calling me little lady, didn't make me think I was little or a lady. I just heard endearment from someone who loved me.

Okay, this thread has been good in defining my gripe. As I first mentioned (but has been frequently overlooked) I have no issue with role playing/dress-ups and calling a person a princess if they're dressed as one.

I also have no issue with nicknames and terms of endearment and if someone was to call my daughter a princess, in amongst other nicknames, as a term of endearment I doubt I'd have any issue with it.

I guess the problem I have had has stemmed mostly from this forum and FB where I see gender announcements of girls flooded with princess comments. Gender announcements of boys are not equally flooded with prince comments so I find the comment to be fairly sexist. BUT it is great to hear that beyond the gender announcement of girls most parents don't find that people continue to refer to their daughters as princess.

Thanks for all the comments :)

Ok. I'm really confused. How can prince and princess be sexist when the names are specific to gender. I'm not trying to pick a fight. I genuinely don't understand that comment. And you are totally within your rights as a human being to have your own POV. And it's totally cool for everyone else to as well.

My girls are 'princesses'. And my boys are princes. And they are all superheroes, and ratbags, and boofhead, and angels and a thousand other different names in any one day.
They are very specific gender titles. I wouldn't contradict one of my kids if they decided they wanted to be the opposite. But it's not a sexist stance to call them along the lines their genders are, any more then it is for me to call them miss or master, or boy and girl.

I feel that too many parents make mountains out of molehills. If you don't like the term, then don't use it. But don't cast your own perceptions and dispersions on others who do.

There is a girl where I work who has Princess ***** on her bag. I called her by her name the other week and she said "No I am Princess *****" I said "When you are here we must call you by your name it is the rules" she went off okay with that.

I don't think I've ever called a girl a princess before. May have once or twice but I can't remember saying it. Definitely not something that would come to mind straight away if I was referring to a girl.

Lol I thought you were swearing and the censor starred it out!

I do call DS my little prince. They both get a big variety of nicknames :)

lol me too. I was like what could that possibly be! My DS gets dude or bug more than anything. And DD gets Bub.

I get more upset when I hear people calling their girls witches or something that rhymes with it.

My take on Meow's point was that people use the term princess far more often than they use the term prince (e.g. there are far more T-Shirts etc with princess on them than prince), is the difference in the amount it is used in itself indicative of sexism? I have heard parents say prince about their little boys, but other people are far more likely to refer to a little girl as a princess than a little boy a prince.

I am not sure it really matters, maybe there are just fewer cool princes around these days to associate little boys with?