First person, third person and children.

I've been wondering lately about how some adults refer to themselves in the third person by using their name or relationship to the child to identify them selves in interactions with the child.
Eg: a Nanna says to her grandchild " Nanna wants to read you a book"
Eg: The child's father says " daddy will miss you today".
I'm wondering if anyone can help me out with the history of using the third person in interactions with children.

I'm also curious if its a conscious decision to follow this practice or if you've decided to refer to yourself in the first person (I, me etc) and why.
Mmm... Pondering....
I hope that makes sense!

Hmm, interesting! DH and I don't do it so much with our kids, it's "I love you", "do you want me to fix your cape", "I'm going to change your nappy" etc.

Other family members do it though, particularly grandparents - maybe so the kids know who they are?

We use both here depending on the circumstances.

But little funny, when dh was little he thought his name was 'you' :lol: because his family always said 'what would you like?' 'Can you help here?' Very rarely was he called by his name, and rarely were the rest of his immediate and extended family.
Then one day, someone asked dh what his name was, and he responded with you :rofl:

Lol, I have noticed I refer to myself in the third person to Spock, but then struggle when finishing a sentence and sometimes I do both 1st and 3rd in one! So I'm trying to just use 1st...but it's hard!! I'll say something like "mummy is busy, I will get one for you in a minute" so I need to stop saying mummy....it was good when she was younger to learn who I was, but now she knows I'm mum...and I'm just confusing myself and therefore her

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Lol, I have noticed I refer to myself in the third person to Spock, but then struggle when finishing a sentence and sometimes I do both 1st and 3rd in one! So I'm trying to just use 1st...but it's hard!! I'll say something like "mummy is busy, I will get one for you in a minute" so I need to stop saying mummy....it was good when she was younger to learn who I was, but now she knows I'm mum...and I'm just confusing myself and therefore her

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I do the same, mixing things up.

It's not something I've ever really thought about, I just do it. I suppose just saying "I" makes the statement seem... Harsher? More authoritative? Calling myself "mummy" or DH "daddy" softens it a bit until I can get to the rest of the sentence :lol:

It's actually an innate system for teaching language. We use language so children learn names of people etc. The use of Mummy and Daddy etc when talking about ourselves is more because other people in the household refer to us by our name not the title we expect our children to use. Most people stop doing this once the child has established the learning.
We also naturally auto-correct when speaking with toddlers too. For example child says "I wan out" Mum says "Oh, you would like to go outside would you?" Or "OK, lets go outside"
Interestingly this is one of the reasons children learn a second language quicker than adults. We happily and conversationally correct children but for adults we tend to personally edit their efforts in a new language and "dumb down" the response to them depending on their apparent level of language skill. We are much less likely to conversationally correct an adult.
Different cultures address it differently (sorry I can't refer to anything off the top of my head because it was more than 25 years ago that I read the research.....god I'm old!!!)
Interestingly we EXPECT our children will learn to speak our language but not everyone expects the same of their offspring learning to read and write. If reading and writing were taught in a similar way there is argument that these skills would be more quickly acquired.

Sorry if I got too far off topic.

Thanks kateo, that was interesting to read :) I wish we could correct adults in everyday life :lol: I already do it to my family, but it annoys them :p

This is interesting. I was just thinking about this recently cuz we refer to each other as "do you want daddy to put your shoes on" or "mummy will get it for you" type things, I'm trying to change it cuz now DS always say things in third person. Ie. where do you want to go DS - he replies "DS room" or instead of saying I will get it (whatever it is lol) he says DS will get..
He never uses I, me, mine etc
If that makes sense lol.

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DS always say things in third person. Ie. where do you want to go DS - he replies "DS room" or instead of saying I will get it (whatever it is lol) he says DS will get.. He never uses I, me, mine etc

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that's also an age thing - kids need to be a bit older to make the transition from "name" to "I" (I can't remember exactly, somewhere between 2 and three I think, but could be wrong??)

Spock has understood, 'me' 'you' etc for months. She even knows my real name, but knows to call me mummy, and understands I'm her mummy, and another woman is that other babies mummy for example.

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that's also an age thing - kids need to be a bit older to make the transition from "name" to "I" (I can't remember exactly, somewhere between 2 and three I think, but could be wrong??)

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My DD1 seems to have this backwards - can't tell me her name when asked, but calls herself "me" for everything. If I ask her name she says "me!", though she might just be saying the middle syllable of her name...

I try to use first person as much as possible. I used to refer to myself in third person but once I started reading about RIE (Respectful Infant Educaring), I made an effort to change. Now, I try to talk to my son as I would like to be talked to, just adjusted for his age. By this, I mean I pause more for him to process information and I dont discuss politics with him yet ;)

If anyone is interested, Janet Lansbury's blog is a very good resource.

Yes, I agree L and B Janet's blog is very good.
I guess I've always used 1st person and wondered about people using 3rd person. I just thought I was missing out on the 'why' I should be using 3rd person. DD calls me Mamma and her dad Daddy and refers to herself as 'me'. She's 20.5 months old.

I mix 1st and 3rd person too!

I never used 3rd person when talking to my kids but dh always did and still does. When DS was about 3 he went through a stage of talking about himself in 3rd person but my other 2 kids didn't.

I use third person, I guess for teaching language. I'll say things like "What's mummy doing? Mummy is cooking dinner" but other times I also say things like "I'm cooking dinner" so I guess I just switch to third person when I'm feeling it's a moment I want to teach the words my child could say to me.

I do both, sometimes I say "I love you" sometimes it's "mummy loves you"
Thinking about it now though, that's probably the only statement I make using 3rd person.
The rest of the time it would be "could you please?"or "I would like".
I think I do it because it's one of the first things I said to him.

I used third person with DD today and it just felt odd. I guess I'm just not used to using it!

This is interesting! I have been paying attention to myself since reading this thread and whilst I don't use third person generally, one time that I do is when my children stir in the night I say "mummy is here". It's not really a conscious thing but I guess it is because they are usually still half asleep and it makes it a clearer message? Will be thinking about this some more.

Ditto Jellyfish, I do that with both kids. When they cry, when they wake at night etc, it's "Mummy's here".

For a while DD referred to herself in 3rd person, but not get actual name, the nickname we have for her. Daycare didn't have a clue what she was saying lol.

I do a mixture but it is less frequent the older DS gets, last night he woke mega early and I went in and he had climbed up onto his sisters top bunk, I said "it's ok I'm here" and he said "I don't want you I want DD" :-) if it happens tonight I will say "mummy is here" and see if get better reaction.

Very interesting. I wonder what response you'll get tonight Wysiwyg?

I think using it also stems from how you refer to your other half - for me I always say to the kids "Go see Daddy" for example - never "Go see *****" where ***** is his name, and he does the same for me, so then I think that links to you calling yourself in 3rd person sometimes. When my parents are here - the kids often start calling us by our names, because they hear them alot more from my parents when talking to me or DH, when is DH and I talking to each other, we don't tend to use our names so much as there is us or the kids don't need to distinguish who you are talking to so much.

It was around 2 that DD started not referring to herself by her name - I remember because we were doing "Who is that clip clopping over my bridge" and she kept saying "DD" and then suddenly she said "It's me - DD" and after that was a gradual progression to her saying "I". DS I can't remember, he still says "DS" occasionally I think.

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Very interesting. I wonder what response you'll get tonight Wysiwyg?

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5:10 - I went in and I said "It's ok mummy's here" (he had climbed up with DD again) he said "mummy get me down" - so a better response but probably not scientifically valid (will try again using 'I' but I am hoping he gets over this climbing around in the dark soon). I said to him "I would prefer you didn't climb up there in the night" and he said "I just made a wish and I was up there"!!! What chance do I have against magic :-)

His your experiment going wysiwyg?

No more night time climbing thankfully :-)

That's great!