When you make a meal and your kids say they don't like it or they won't try it , what do you do ?
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When you make a meal and your kids say they don't like it or they won't try it , what do you do ?
Ive done the 'well thats all you get, so eat or go to bed hungry', Ive done the 'you will eat this whether it be for breakfast, lunch or dinner, you will eat what is on this plate', Ive bribed them, used reward charts, given in and let them have fruit and yoghurt instead, Ive helped them, by getting them to close their eyes and let me spoon feed them.. I can keep going, but lets just say, Ive done everything the books say, the internet says, what other mums/friends/family have offered for advice. None of it worked. These days I just try to make sure I put something on everyones plate that they like, some that looks like something they will try, and etc. If they don't eat, then thats up to them. One day my kids love spag bol, the next they won't have a bar of it.
I have no answers, except i no longer take it to heart. If they eat then they eat, if they don't eat dinner then they know thats it til breakfast time.
I always took the approach of putting something on the plate that I knew they would eat, so new or unfamiliar or not-very-liked food would be one portion on a plate that also contained familiar or liked or frequently eaten food. That way everybody wins. My only rule is you have to chew and swallow one mouthful of whatever it is before you say you don't like it. But we also ask the child to eat X mouthfuls before they abandon the plate (X being the child's age). My DDs quite like being able to count the mouthfuls, and it goes quicker if you load up the fork/spoon for them (especially if the issue is tiredness).
Othertimes, if there's total food refusal, it might come down to tiredness, or having eaten too much earlier. We have always provided "dessert" by way of small portion fruit+yoghurt/custard/rice pudding as that provides everyone with a graceful exit. That way the kids don't go to bed hungry and there's not a massive fight either.
And sneaky mummies "win" by providing hot and savoury or nutritious finger foods as lunch or late afternoon snacks, so that it doesn't matter how much of dinner they eat. Keeping aside a portion of each night's dinner for the following day works well for this.
I try to accommodate them to a certain extent, so there's always something they will eat. But otherwise they just go hungry. If it's a regular thing, it's generally that it's too late (and they're too tired to eat) and/or they've eaten enough earlier in the day.
Same as the other mums. I always try to provide something each one likes, and if it's a one pot type meal make the bits they really don't like cut large enough that they're easily removable. I know, it's a bit tedious and monotonous at times.
I've had that kid that only at 5 particular foods and it was him that taught me to worry less and serve more for lunch and arvo tea and serve dinner earlier.
In this house they eat what they are served or go hungry. Its not a restaurant and I'm not a chef so its eat it or starve till breakfast in this house. I make simple meals though so there is always something on the plate they like. Whether they feel like eating it is another thing......
Nothing. I've seen too many bad food habits that form from over compensating at dinner time. Especially with extra options when they don't like something. Like others I make sure there is something on the plate they will eat but that's as far as I go. And it's worked. My kids will eat anything. Just don't scold them because they don't like it. Their palates will take a while to develop which is why it's always important to keep trying things even if they hated it yesterday. Try and limit the drama at the table. Otherwise it will just keep happening.
I don't do anything. My eldest is and always has been very picky, admittedly it has tested my patience at times! But it is not worth the stress. There is always fruit or yogurt for afters no matter what so he has at least eaten something. I look at his diet over the whole day, the whole week etc.
Some time ago I found a story book for DSD which she loved and we referred to in terms of trying new foods. I think it helped
Here's a link to a gov PDF that lists it and others that are about healthy lifestyles.
http://www.ausport.gov.au/__data/ass...ealthyKids.pdf
We say "you don't have to like it, but you do have to try it." And they usually do. Everything gets served with peas, rice or natural yoghurt, so something always gets eaten. But if they don't, they go hungry. I'm okay with it.
If I'm serving something for dinner that I know they won't like, I serve a big afternoon tea of healthy stuff that they do like, so I don't worry about it.
Our rule is "you dont have to eat it all, you dont have to like it, but you do have to try it." 90% of the time once he has tried it ge finds he likes it.
And he has to have 1 bite of everything.
Just tonight, my children proved to me how futile any of my efforts are. I made them a simple meal- sausages, oven baked chips and salad sticks. A meal most kids would eat, right?? I told them if they ate all of their dinner, I would make them a special surprise ( homemade custard, or ice cream, they could have chosen). I gave them a time limit of 45 min ("If you eat all your dinner by 6.30, I will give you a special dessert")DD (who is my best eater and will try anything) ate it all.
DD (7) is my best eater and will try and eat most meals I cook. Both DS's (6, and 3 1/2) are terrible at eating dinner meals, and even trying new foods. I never give them much, tonight it was about 3/4 of a sausage each, 5 rounds of carrot, about 1/3 of a leaf of lettuce, 2 rounds of cucumber and two long slices of capsicum, and 5 oven chips (DD gets more, because she will eat more, so got the extra sausage, more salad and chips.
So, DD got her choice of ice cream with chocolate topping and sprinkles. I am still dealing with the fallout of both DS's saying they want dessert, even though they didn't eat their dinner. DS2 didn't even eat half of his food. DS1, *might* have eaten half, DD 'helped' him eat his chips. The bosy both had tantrums at different times tonight, even though I spelled it out VERY clearly what was required of them, and by what time they had to eat it, with regular count downs and positive encouragement.
I have tried everything too. And now I give up. Every now and then I have the crazy idea they might eat a meal, and try with the bribery card again (like tonight) but I'm usually proved stupid, and don't try again for a long time. They get what I cook and if they don't eat it (and the boys most usually do not eat anything for dinner), they go to bed hungry. I stop snacks after school at 4 pm, and dinner is between 5.30 and 6 pm. If they eat they eat, if not, then boohoo for them.
I struggle a bit with this. DD eats everything I make her - she likes most of it, except when it's 'boring' (meat and veg). Even if she really likes the meal she's so darn slow! We are just constantly asking her to stop mucking around, please hurry up, if you eat dinner properly you'll get some yoghurt after dinner.
My problem is, I don't want to bribe her to eat. I don't want to force her to eat quickly. I don't want to use other food as a reward for eating dinner. But I want her to not take 40 minutes to finish! I wish I could relax about it and let her eat properly in her own time, but my nights are full and I just don't have the time to sit around watching her slowly eat for that long.
I went to a parenting class a while ago and one of the few things that stuck was the idea that there is a clear division of responsibility at dinner time. It is the parent's responsibility to provide a healthy, appropriate meal at the appropriate time and it is the child's responsibility to eat it.
I liked that idea. Most kids will come round. Most kids won't let themselves starve. I've been lucky - my kids are pretty good with food. But I do get the "yuk, I don't like that" before they've even tried it. That gets me. So we've started the "don't say you don't like it unless you've tried it" and like some of the other posters, I now find they will try it and generally say they like it.
I struggle with this too, they don't eat slowly but they do seem to eat nothing and faff for 20 mins before commencing eating which may then take 20 mins. We get home at 6:00 - DD especially really needs to be in bed by about 7:15 - and I don't like the idea of them going to bed directly after eating - so the time pressure always seems to be there. On the two days I am not at work and the weekends we tend to eat earlier and I feel less rushed and it always seems to go better. No idea on the answer - I can't create time between 18:00 and 19:15.:
Lol exactly wysiwyg. DS is tired and cranky by 6, DD needs bed by 7. If I'm late and get home at 6, DS is already going a little troppo, we've gotta do dinner, shower everyone (DS showers with me then DD with DH), then I feed DS to sleep while DD has down time. But it doesn't all fit in!
We eat dinner at 4:30~5. DS takes forever to eat, but he just comes and goes till it's done. sitting there and doing it all in one go would drive us all mad. I'm not sure how we'd manage it if I was working as well and we had no choice but to start later....
If kids are hungry they will eat. If they don't eat dinner, it's most likely because they've actually eaten enough earlier in the day.
We used to do the cajoling, the encouraging, the bribing and offering alternatives to DS when he was younger and it became a nightmare.
They get supper if they've finished their dinner (ie, if they're actually still hungry). We no longer make any kind of deal about meals at all. This is it, you eat it. Don't want it? OK.
Can you forgo the showers on work nights Teeki?
Yes we don't do baths or showers on work nights ever.:
I guess we probably could. It's become part of the routine though, part of the wind down, and some rare relaxing time I spend with the kids during the week. In the shower DS plays with the water for a bit then puts his head on my shoulder and just snuggles in. DD tells stories while she waits and I finally get to hear about her day, and she likes to play in the shower.
The other upside is I get to have a shower lol. The way the kids have been waking up lately, I probably just wouldn't get one if I had to wait til later.
Teeki, could you try slow cooker meals for some of the days you work? Prep the food after the kids are in bed for the following night, put on in the morning (on a timer) ready to eat soon after you walk in the door? I have done this a few times when I know DH is working & I have a feeling that it's going to be a late pick up after school (I'm a teacher) usually meeting night.
Most meals during the week are done in the slow cooker, it's great :) I still want to eat with the kids though. If I'm getting home at 6 they wait, if I'm going to be longer than that they'd be able to eat without me.
It's most noticeable on the nights I'm home on time, when it's all done we just look at each other and go "already? It was so easy!" Lol.
I just offer fruit and yoghurt. After all I recon that second course is simply another opportunity for good nutrients. We don't see second course as a reward for eating first course and we trust DD to know when she's had enough and what she feels she needs to eat. At the mo, it's raw carrots, fresh or frozen peas and corn, fruit, yoghurt, muesli, nuts and loads of protein.
I'm hoping this approach will help to reduce the risk of issues with food later on.
Here I was thinking my boys were the only ones who ate frozen peas, frozen corn, frozen beans & frozen capsicum - although they usually have this for entree if I get them home early enough from childcare so that tea (meat & veg option usually is when they do this) is being made.:
DS2 is currently going through the eating cereal for breakfast & tea (would probably do lunch too if we let him) stage. Looking forward to this being over - going through cereal like it's going out of fashion currently.
Often frozen veg, cherry tomatoes and raw carrots are part of breakfast and or lunch so I'm not too worried if she only eats carbs and protein for dinner like last night- pasta with pesto, bacon and green veg.
Raw veg is a hit here too. Apparently DD doesn't like sweet potato (because Daddy doesn't), but both kids will happily eat it raw. Along with celery, carrots, frozen peas, beans, almost anything as well as fruit. If we're having a particularly fussy night because of a boring meal, I'm happy to let her skip the cooked veggies and munch on raw ones instead.
Just bumping this thread, I came to BB today searching for ideas as my DS1 (3.5 yo) refuses all meals in favour of a biscuit.
Dinner time goes like this: I cook a meal and plate up parts of the meal I know he will eat like raw carrot, rice/pasta/mash potato, a few pieces of meat and some grated cheese. He is under no pressure to finish it but we ask he eats at least one piece of meat and some of the other parts. He gets ice cream after if he eats what we ask. It worked great until a few weeks ago.
Now he refuses any/all of what he is given. If he gets rice, he asks for pasta. If he gets pasta, he asks for mash. He refuses all of the food and asks for a biscuit. We say he gets nothing until breakfast. Then he wakes in the middle of the night saying he is hungry and asks for a biscuit (which DP provides, as he is night parenting DS1 while I am feeding DS2 who is 9 weeks old).
This morning DS1 refused any breakfast requesting a biscuit (biscuits are milk arrowroot). Every meal time is a compromise/bribe - "if you eat your toast you can have a biscuit". He will hold out until he gets what he wants! ARGH! I don't give in, he has to eat x to get y.
I am so over it all. After reading through this thread I am thinking of continuing to offer food, continuing to ask him to eat a certain amount but knowing to look at his food intake over a week, not a day. I worry that he doesn't eat enough, he is tiny! His baby brother weighs half as much as he does already! I know its about control, about a huge change in the home, a new sibling, about being 3.5. I have no more patience! I struggle managing the fall out from sticking to my guns about food. HIs melt downs and tantrums are epic!
He will eat when he is hungry. It's just a matter of how long you can hold on.
Also include them in the prep. Ask him before dinner what he would like. Ask him to measure out the pasta or rice into a bowl so he feels a part of the meal. Throw the biscuits in the bin. If he's not old enough to show restraint and he has more stamina than you then don't buy the biscuits. Buy foods that are always foods. Have a container of snacks in the fridge or pantry that he can eat at anytime. It doesn't sound like this is about food at all. It sounds like he feels he doesn't have much power in his choices. It might be time to start offering him more choices in all aspects of his life. We only fight against authority when we feel we have no control. So maybe offer him some more control in other areas of his life and you might find meal times are less stressful. Try and watch your interactions during the day. See how often you tell him what you are doing, wearing, going etc. and see if you can change it around so that he can feel a part of the process. Rather than a passenger in your life. It's a hard balance but getting that balance helps for a happier child and household ;)
I go with "if you aren't hungry for dinner, then it's bedtime." I will allow fruit/veg instead, so long as he eats some of his dinner. He usually likes it, but getting the first mouthful in is a problem sometimes. Less so now DH decided to get really strict.
If he really can't eat the food, but tries to, then I will offer something else, like toast. But again, it's the trying and not whinging. I also let him pick the meal at least twice a week and he cooks at least once a week - has done since age 6. Before he cooked a meal himself (as in picked it and was involved in the making process), he would help out with the food, like making the salad or the sauce. He would not eat most of the salad, but he started to try it. And it did get him eating a greater variety of sauces. From about 9m old he would "help" me cook by handing me things and eating the veggies while I cooked. As he got older, he has done more and was chopping stuff up for me (supervised!) from age 2, so it isn't impossible.
When I say he picks the meal, it usually means we look through cookbooks and agree on one, or like last night he teams up with one of his parents to force a meal choice. Usually works in my favour! I don't allow beans on toast every meal, or burgers all the time for example. It may be "Pasta or rice? What shall we cook with that?" or "Sausages or chicken? What veggies do we want? Jacket potatoes or mash?" So there's a choice, but it's still what I want to do ITMS.
Yeah, I am with Rouge. I would stop buying the arrowroots.
Then just offer him his normal meals.
Sounds to me like you may have to get your DH a little more proactive an out the whole process too. Nothing is going to change if he just gives in and feeds your DS in the middle of the night.
I don't do anything except when I think they are starving and really can't eat what I cooked. I would never force them to eat it but I also don't want them to go to bed starving. So they get a slice of bread instead if they want to.
I am just wondering...is 18 months too young to understand :eat what you get or starve"? I definitely don't want her to develop bad eating habits. But I am having this problem most nights and it's driving me nuts. But I feel she doesn't quite understand yet.
No. Children know when they're hungry. They know your habits and consistency. They add the two together pretty quickly to understand what to eat and when.
The only time I will make an alternative if DS doesn't like it is when we realise it the main dinner is spicier than we expected and then I don't think it is fair to make them eat it. But generally dinner is dinner and you can choose to eat it or not. If he doesn't I would let him have a glass of milk. Its not something he particularly likes so he wouldnt choose that over food normally, but it does top him up a bit before bed if he didn't eat dinner. We dont have too much of a problem though, and sometimes its about your marketing strategy. For example if DH says stir fry, DS says yuck. So I say fried rice and DS says yay! The same thing except I mix it together in the fry pan before serving and call it by a different name.
I guess sometimes I just feel she doesn't understand yet. Like she's thinking "mum, I'm hungry why are you letting me be hungry?" There are a couple of dishes I know she will eat. She will always eat things like toast, but I feel she needs something a bit more nutritious than just toast. I use some salt reduced stock when cooking veggies to add flavor, this seems to work. But family meals she usually wont have a bar of. Tried sausages the other night, no go. She's not a fan of chicken much either which is weird. Spag bog is a winner, but i only make it once a fortnight or so. And if I don't give her something else she will usually just cry and cry at me. Ugh, I really hate dealing with fussy eating!
Have you tried raw veg? Liebling wouldn't eat cooked veg as a toddler but would chomp uncooked like crazy. I would seve up his meal with raw veg and sliced meat to suck on, then ours cooked.
He still prefers raw veg and won't touch cooked root veg.
Yes, she would eat it raw when she was younger as a finger food. But now she won't touch it. She won't eat ham or a piece of roast chicken or lamb chop. So fussy! I'm lucky she will do the puree vege with a bit of grated cheese. Daycare tell me she eats there so I think it's just an at home fussy!:
Tasha I don't think she is too young, actually it's probably the best time to start.
My lot now know the rule. If they don't eat dinner then they wait til breakfast. They have gone to bed hungry and what not. But we stood out ground and slowly over time they are all expanding their tastes.
When dinner is served I quite often get the it's yucky comment before they have tasted it. Usually they will cave (and the time to when they cave has lessened over time too), if not then they know the consequences.
But we still have them loving one thing today and then refusing to eat the same thing tomorrow or if I make the same meal again there's a chance they won't touch it.
We mix it up between cooked and raw veg as well.
At preschool they would try different things yet not at home, now at primary school they learn about health and that seems to have a slight impact too.
Overall their range of food has expanded and they are trying new things. Some nights they still go to bed hungry, but those nights are less and less.
Thanks Beansbeans :)
We had a small triumph tonight. I made couscous with chicken, pumpkin, mushroom and capsicum and although i knew she wouldn't touch it, I gave her a tiny bowl. But I had mashed vege on standby. Well she absolutely cracked it! Throwing her arms around and screaming. We ignored her and I just put the bowl of mashed vege on her table and sat in the lounge to eat my dinner. After about 30 minutes of her tantrum she sat at her table and started to eat her vegies! Even though the screaming is so hard to ignore, it was well worth it. Hopefully she will get the hint that tantrums don't work! :lol: