Witching hour

Don't know if this is a question or a vent.

But I hate evenings. She cries herself into a sweat and it makes me feel so sad. I don't know what to do. She's so beautiful, and I just feel so helpless and then guilty for feeling bad.

Sigh. It gets better right? When ish? What about the screaming when she's farting... When ish does that stop?

I feel exhausted from the past hour I've been crying, she's okay now, but I'm still overwhelmed. Doesn't help that hubby's away for work. Just feeling overwhelmed tonight.

Aww.. hugs, myturn. That sounds rough. Xx

I can't remember when the crying when farting stopped, but it does. Doesn't help you right now, I know. I tried a bit of gripe water at times, sometimes it worked, sometimes not. I'm going to assume you cycle legs, rub tummy etc.

Thanks Andie. I've got gripe water, haven't Id it recently though... Personally think it's a bit overrated... Didn't do anything the times I have tried.... Rubbing, cycling legs, patting, rocking, dummy, no dummy, bath, rocker, changing position, changing nappy... Etc etc etc... Sometimes she just needs to cry... It just hurts so much to watch it.

I hate seeing her so upset.

We went through that too, it's hearbreaking to see them so upset. Our time was between 5 and 10. What worked for us best was infacol, DS had bad wind and that really helped. It does get better, but you just have to weather the storm so to speak for a little while. Poor little poppet and poor mum. Big hugs to you both xx

Yes, I have tried Infacol early on. Didnt notice it making any difference, so I stopped. Plus, I always forgot to give it to her BEFORE feeding. I don't think the crying is always about wind, but it is sometimes. Sometimes I think she just feels upset, she pushes her body around and won't just relax into me. I think she fights sleep.

I just don't understand from an evolutionary, anthropological, medical or whatever other scientific point of view, why it happens.... Doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.....

I think when I can understand the why, it's easier to cope. But when it seems to come from nowhere, I just don't understand. She really is happy most of the time, although now that she's more alert she's sleeping less during the day and just wants to be held and interacted with... Which... (And I feel guilty for thinking this, cause she is SO wanted...)... Is quite tiresome... There are so many other things I need to get done as well as look after her. It's just not practical to be at her beck and call....

Thanks B Xox

Wear her? So that you can still get things done and she is still getting cuddle time with you?

I do wear her, but somethings are still difficult that way. It's cooking dinner I seem to struggle with the most. Maybe I need to make more effort with that. I tend to wear her when we are out more than at home.

Had a good sleep and feeling better. Just anxious about the evening. FX it's better tonight. Hubby will be home tomorrow.

My first DD was like this and she did grow out of it. I think from memory by 5/6 months things had settled a lot more. Dinner time was hard for me so I used to cook earlier in the day during a nap time and reheat for dinner, I just could not put her down during those witching hours. I wish I could tell you there was a magic thing I did that worked but time was what truly helped. Interestingly my second DD was not like this at all.

Hope things get easier soon x

6 months sounds so far away. Although it's not really. She's already 3 months.

I just wish they had neon signs on their forehead "hungry" " tired" etc.

Yeah. I know it's not practical.

Feeling a bit too easy to break today.

It is really hard, yeah, but it does get easier.

Keeping them close and with you as much as possible helps. Lots of snuggle time and opportunities to put their heads down on you so they can shut out what's going on around them. Evolutionarily speaking, it's a symptom of the incompatibility of our lifestyles and human biology. Babies are just kinda meant to be with mum all the time (or someone else) in constant contact, at the breast whenever they want. And lots of babies have gut issues because of modern pregnancy, birth and post-natal practices, which doesn't help either. Plus, we're not really meant to do this all alone, so there's that, too!

Can you wear her on your back while you cook? Can you cook earlier in the day, stick stuff in a slow cooker? Take some time for yourself whenever you can, even 20 minutes here and there makes a difference. Hang in there.

I second the back wearing. I often had a baby on my back while I was cooking

I got really good at cooking early in the day. I still do it because the kids might be older but they can be just as needy sometimes. I think maybe 5 out of 7 nights I pre cook dinner and have leftovers. My DH is away often, and certainly never makes it in time to help with meals.

And carrying too. Give you got one you can keep her upright and with a nice bit of warmth and pressure if she seems to have tummy troubles?

Yeah I have 4 carriers. A sling, manduca, woven and a borrowed caboo. They are all good for different purposes. I'm a bit anxious about how to get her on my back though. I do need to cook earlier in the day. Or at least prepare stuff. She's a bit of a 'napper' rather than a big sleeper as well so I often only get 20 minutes while she's down.

I shouldn't really complain. She's sleeping from 9.30pm till 5or6 with no wake ups at the moment. But consequently feeding more often in the daytime and not sleeping a lot.

I know we will get there. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I know the cleaning and other stuff doesn't matter. But it feels better when I'm on top of it it's just so never ending.

I remember those days. It was awful. For me it was always a Wednesday and we had been to baby group and DS didn't sleep in the morning so would be out of sorts all day. Come 5 pm I was at my wits end. The only thing to help was to get DH to bring the pram inside and I would push him for ages until he fell asleep as he was so over stimulated and over tired. I could push it with my foot while cooking. I used to dread Wednesday afternoon and then Thursday mornings.

Prepare dinner earlier if you can. Not always possible I know, but at even having it prepped can help.

Sometime I would take him into his bedroom and make it really dark and just rock and hum to him. He used to get over stimulated really easy and need unwinding time. I still feel he gets over stimulated from daycare and find 20 mins down time when we get home makes the night time easier.

It does get better but the dinner ritual doesn't get easier. DS now has dinner around 5.45pm which is just about when dinner is starting to heat up /boil/ burn. Lucky DH takes over dinner while I feed DS. Most nights my dinner is eaten cold. Lucky I am not too fussed on temperature. Its rare to get to eat a meal without interruption. DH eats, oblivious to it all. Saturday nights we eat dinner later just so I can eat in peace.

Its hard when they dont sleep through the day and come night time you are too exhausted to do any house stuff. Everyone says it doesn't matter, but it gets to the point when it does matter. I used to feel out of control if the house was trashed but you get better and quicker at time management. Its easier when they get bigger although DS "helps" now.

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I just don't understand from an evolutionary, anthropological, medical or whatever other scientific point of view, why it happens.... Doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.....

I think when I can understand the why, it's easier to cope. But when it seems to come from nowhere, I just don't understand. She really is happy most of the time, although now that she's more alert she's sleeping less during the day and just wants to be held and interacted with... Which... (And I feel guilty for thinking this, cause she is SO wanted...)... Is quite tiresome... There are so many other things I need to get done as well as look after her. It's just not practical to be at her beck and call....

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I have heard explanations for it, I doubt their accuracy because no one really knows why it happens but sometimes having a half baked theory is better than nothing at all......

The theories I have heard are related to wind. One is that breast milk has something in it that helps get wind out, but the level of this mysterious 'thing' is higher in milk produced at night - and peeks around 2-3am so by the evening the level of 'it' is pretty low thus babies get very uncomfortable with wind and at that age they just don't know what to do with themselves when they are uncomfortable so it all just turns pear shaped. The other theory is about wind kind of 'building up' during the day, they get rid of some of it but they get a bit of a back log by the end of the day and it causes discomfort and again - pear shaped. Compound this with little bodies often being veeeery tired at the end of the day and making discomfort harder to deal with - double pear shaped. Compound that with a wonder week at 12 weeks and you guessed it, triple pear shaped.

I think you've said she is 3 months? I remember in the book Baby Love says that this crying in the evening stage typically - but not always - goes from roughly 5-6 weeks, peaks at about 8 weeks and lasts until about 12 weeks, but I found it was more like 14 weeks. But the good news is that it does end! I totally remember being exactly where you are with my first and when you are in the midst of it, it feels like it is going to be like this forever and you will always have this crying poppet in the evenings. But again the good news is everything is a stage, everything passes, everything has an ebb and flo and you are really just waiting for the flo, not dealing with a long term issue.

I understand what you are saying about her not being at her beck and call, but I think a really good rule of thumb is that for the first 12 weeks (or maybe 14 if this stage lasts just that bit longer ;) ) you just do whatever you have to do to get through the day. Some days that will be being at her beck and call but repeat message from earlier everything is a stage, everything passes, everything has an ebb and flo. Around 12 weeks these beautiful creatures go through their wonder week and it is a really tough time but afterwards there is more calm. Not saying it all turns to beer and skittles then but it changes and that change is for the better. Being at her beck and call for weeks at a time is easier when you know it is a short sprint and not a long haul. It makes life difficult/impossible for a time but then it passes and your little one will have learnt something new like how to laugh and then she will amaze you even more that she did yesterday.

Try wearing her a bit earlier in the day, like for one of her naps, and see if that makes a difference. It did for us - A carrier sleep at 9am made the witching hour at 5pm soooo much easier to bear. And usually got a better day nap too.

"It's never to early to start dinner" was the best advice I ever got. I meal plan, I start prep early, or whenever it's quiet, and then spend 5-9pm pretty much on the couch.

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Try wearing her a bit earlier in the day, like for one of her naps, and see if that makes a difference. It did for us - A carrier sleep at 9am made the witching hour at 5pm soooo much easier to bear. And usually got a better day nap too.

"It's never to early to start dinner" was the best advice I ever got. I meal plan, I start prep early, or whenever it's quiet, and then spend 5-9pm pretty much on the couch.

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Why do you think a carrier sleep in the am made a difference in the pm? I wouldn't have expected that...

Thanks everyone. I'm just really missing hubby. I think. You're right, we are not supposed to do this alone, but the community and extended family thing doesn't happen in my culture anymore :(

Had a cry on the phone to mum. It helped, surprisingly. Lol.

She went to sleep at 10. So I'm going to finally sign off the iPad for the night and sleep too.

*hugs*
Does she get a decent 1-2 hour nap in the day?
My son had "witching hour" (except it went for hourS) from about 1month to when he started sleeping longer naps in the day (so about 4ish months?).
I was googling around to see why he was crying in the evenings and saw one lady say that when she started swaddling her baby he slept longer naps. I figured it was worth a shot so I started swaddling him again (had stopped at about 1 month) and would lie next to him for his day nap (we co sleep so he slept in our bed). I'd nurse him to sleep, then just lie with him knowing he'd wake in 20-30 mins. Feed him back to sleep and after a couple days of that he started sleeping about 1.5 hours for day naps and the witching disappeared.
So if you haven't tried this yet, maybe it's worth a shot.

No she doesn't nap well during the day. We get about 4 half hour to 45 minute naps. It's like we have Feed play sleep play (sometimes another sleep) then back to feed again. I'm hoping some longer naps are in our future soon. We get good nights at the moment so I can't complain really.

Feeling much better today. Hubby home tonight and I've got the slow cooker on already. Will put the rice cooker on a bit closer to home time. Sun is back out. Been out to the shops and got some jobs done I have been meaning to do.

Fx I can get through the rough patch this evening now that I've got dinner ready to go.

My son is very similar, i did a lot of 'sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhing' & jiggling while patting to settle him to sleep. It was very draining but definitely got a lot better as time went on. I would just try to get as much rest during the day as possible with bubs. I found that the more upset I got the worse he was.

Wearing often helps them to have better/longer sleeps in the day, and helps to meet their need for physical contact, reassurance, etc, which is probably why they tend to do better for the rest of the day.
Good luck!

Cooking early in the day or laying down some freezer dinners so you can pull something out & heat it in the oven can help.

I also had a simple rocker that i could operate with my foot when I needed an arms-free break.

But most of all, this: find a pediatric osteopath. My DD2 had reflux & a torticollis, 3-4 sessions and it was sorted. Made a huge difference in her settledness in the evenings.

I do have an osteo. The LC mentioned it when she was first born and I just never followed up. Maybe I should.

She is so chucky. Sometimes I'm not sure she's even getting enough - except she is putting on weight so she must be.

Use a wash basket with a tri pillow in it. I used this and took dd around the house with me wherever i went, just pop a few toys in there with her. Infacol didn't work instantly for me, but once I started using it every feed I did see a difference. I spent a looooong time burping after feeds too. DD spewed almost after every feed, though iy didn't seem to bother her too much, it was more the wind. Hope she settles for you soon, better days are ahead x