tips to make ds's sleep oatterns easier to manage

My baby is 16 weeks old & sleeps well overnight. During the day is a different story however. He mostly catnaps for 30 minutes or so each time, all day. Ive tried everything to extend his sleeps without success so ive had to accept that this is the way he is.

but im finding it exhausting & draining & after some tips to manage it better - basically it can take up to an hour of screaming to get him to go down for his nap & then when he wakes after 30 minutes & wont resettle I could cry.

So my day is basically:

Ds wakes for the day
Change, feed, play, top up feed if required (1hr & a half awake time)
Spend up to an hour enduring the screaming trying to get him down fir his sleep
quickly use the bathroom & make/scoff food as fast as possible, maybe sit down for a few minutes if im lucky
ds wakes (30 mins later)
Spend 30 minutes trying to resettle with no success
awake for 1 hour - change, feed, play, feed again if required
repeat above

this usually goes on all day. Dh doesnt get home till around 7, when ds is either asleep or (more often) im still trying to get him down. If thats the case dh takes over while I cook dinner. We eat dinner, watch a little tv & then I have a shower & go to bed

I barely get a break or any time to do anything for myself & im finding that really hard

im also really struggling to endure the screaming for up to an hour each time. Ive tried listening to music with headphones on but it doesnt help. Any tips for how I can last long enough to actually get him down? Half the time I cant take it anymore & I just give up so then he doesnt sleep & is then impossible to get down for the rest of the day as he's so overtired then he screams all afternoon/evening. I need to not give up but I dont know how to push through it

just to note, ive tried adjusting his awake times & it makes no difference as far as getting him down for a nap - it still takes up to an hour.

Also I cant see any cues at all, never have been able to, which is why im using times.

Its hard to have friends over cause I want to be able to spend time with them instead of being in ds's room with the door closed for an hour. So I just dont usually bother having anyone over unless its the weekend & dh is here.

its also hard to go out as I dont drive & he'll sometimes sleep in the pram but not always - and that usually envolves an hour of screaming in the pram as well. So we just dont go out unless its the weekend & dh is here

Ive had to accept his sleep patterns as ive tried everything (including getting professional help) & nothing works. Im just after ways to make it a bit easier on me

You poor thing. :hug:

Did the professional go through the sleeping cues with you? I found these to be the most important thing. Does he yawn? Rub eyes? Get more irritable? Times never worked for dd1 for me. It was all about cues.

With the pram, could you try rocking him so he doesn't see you? Dd1 used to go to sleep if I faced her the other way and put a relaxing music dvd on while I rocked lol. Or go for a walk outside with the pram, get a bit of sun on his face so he has to close his eyes?

Also you you wrap him? My girls won't go down during the day and stay asleep unless they're wrapped. Only other thing is, can you repeat your process you do at night time during the day so he is getting your cues for sleep?

Xxxx

Yes he gets swaddled, although we will need to transition him soon as he's starting to roll, which im not looking forward to

he always faces away from me in the pram, & I make sure the hood is down etc so he cant see me or look around but it still doesnt make a difference.

I can go for short walks but I couldnt walk for an hour & a half in this heat every day & he always wakes up as soon as I open the garage door once we get home

the professional went through cues but by the time I see him yawning he is already overtired.

at night I feed, bath him, read a story then spend forever trying to get him down, but for some reason once he is down at night he stays asleep. The room is dark during the day too so I dont understand it. I cant bath him 6 times a day, but ive tried reading a story before every sleep, doesnt seem to make much difference

with the 1.5 hr awake time are you trying to settle before the 1.5 hours is up or putting him down at the 1.5 hour mark? I was also not the best with cues so I did the 1.5 hour awake time as well and I found that I needed to start settling DS before the 1.5 hour mark as if I waited till it had been 1.5 hours he was already over tired and then it would be a huge fight to get him to sleep. Some other things that saved my sanity were a baby hammock and a cradle swing. DS spent a lot of time sleeping in the swing as the constant movement kept him asleep between sleep cycles. Do you use a baby carrier? That could help as well as you could pop him in it and get on with your day (with the hope the movement will put him to sleep) I also introduced a comforter as a sleep cue (a soft piece of material with an elephants head) I wore it down my top for a few days to get my smell and I only gave it to him at sleep time. My DS is 11 months old now and he loves cuddling up to it at sleep time. He is in the cot now and it never leaves it so he knows it's associated with sleep time.

Ive tried both - settling before 1.5 hours is up & settling at 1.5 hours. It doesnt make a difference

he wont sleep in a carrier & I cant wear one for long periods anyway (even an ergonomic one) due to a sporting injury

I dont have a swing but he's almost outgrown his rocker & I have no idea what ill do then. He does sleep in it sometimes when I give up but i hate it cause I dont feel comfortable leaving him asleep in it unsupervised so I just have to sit & watch him the entire sleep. So im trying not to do that.

I have no idea, but wondering if it's something else to do with feeding etc? Have u checked him for silent reflux at all? Or perhaps he is over fed if ur toppin him up before sleeps and is uncomfortable in the belly?

I seriously have no idea - just something I thought when reading ur post?

Could be wind. My dd had really bad wind and would scream every time I put her down. It would literally take hours to get her to sleep and I was losing my mind. I started using infacol and spending lots of time burping after feeds (up to 30 minutes sometimes) But I found as she got a little older it subsided.

Sounds like he isn't tired when you want him to have a day sleep. Give up on it. Especially if he sleeps well at night.

I found the pram was great for a non sleeper: either he was awake and enjoying the fresh air, or he'd drift off after half an hour. I would sit him up slightly too, helped with his tum. Then he wouldn't be strapped to me so I could have a coffee and read. I mean do the washing, of course.

Eta do you let him cry alone, or do you hold him? I worried when you said "professional" help, as I know what that was like for me. Some babies will never cry to sleep, no matter what you were promised. The ones who give no cues are more like that than others. I had one like that too, and at 7 he still gives no cues!

Personally, I'd give up on the resettling. If he only sleeps for 30 minutes so be it. Let him catnap and eventually he'll go longer (mine did 40 minutes naps until they were about 9-10 months).

This will go again the grain here, but I found DS1 would cry a lot when I tried to settle him with bouncing, rocking, swaying, him in my arms (i.e. 40 minutes of crying whilst being held). But if I put him in a darkened room alone he would cry for 2-3 minutes and go to sleep... I know this is a gentle parenting site, but I just followed what worked for my baby and I think it was that my presence is too stimulating for him. Since then, he has always been a kid who will sleep in a cot in a darkened room but will not sleep if there is anything at all exciting going on.

I feel like it might not be enough awake time, so he's not tired enough. At that age, DS2 was awake for around 2 hours between naps.

Has this always been the case or is it just something that's been happening recently?

Bloom - I had the exact same experience with both my boys. My being in the room just overstimulated them. They both did much better when I left them alone.

I also wouldn't try to resettle after 30 minutes sleep. Very slim chance he'll go back to sleep.

I second being out of the room. I used to leave dd door open a bit so she could still hear me. We also used the old sheet over the window to make the room dark. (still do! lol)

ETA: I read that at this age their sleep cycles are about 40 minutes long. That's why they always wake after this time.

This has been happening since he was born - struggling with day sleeps. He's my first baby & when he was new I had no idea how to know when he was meant to go to sleep, still cant see any cues etc. So for a few weeks when he was really young he barely slept at all during the day cause I just couldnt get him down. So he literally screamed all day & I spent all day calling dh in tears because he wouldnt sleep & wouldnt settle. I wondered why id even had him & often still do. I asked for help but no-one was helpful so I just had to muddle through alone. Im exhausted after 16 weeks & struggling to manage it anymore.

he doesnt have reflux & I make sure to burp him well. I only offer the top up feed if he wants it (ie he is very fussy & sometimes he just wont feed anymore so we'll play for a bit then he decides he's hungry again) - so its more of a split feed really.

I do put him in his cot & duck down out of sight but he just starts screaming & keeps screaming so I have to pick him up etc. The room is dark (blackout blinds) & I use white noise.

the professional was not into CC or CIO, it was all gentle methods. Unfortunately they dont seem to work

Ca Plane Pour Moi if I give up on day sleeps then he doesnt sleep at all during the day, so he'd probably only get 7-8 hours in a 24 hour period. Ive tried that before & he screamed all day & it took dh 4 hours to get him down for the night. So that wont really work.

Oh hun, I felt the same with my first baby. It's exhausting and overwhelming, but it can definitely get better.

What's his sleep like overnight? What worked for us is routine. So getting him up at the same time every morning and putting him down at the same time every night.

If you're really desperate you can consider going to a sleep school, but it's possible to do it yourself at home. It takes trial and error, patience, commitment and support from your partner. All things that probably seem tough at the moment because you're so tired... But it'll be worth it when you see the benefits.
Where are you located?

Im in brisbane

he wakes up between 5.30 & 6.30 every morning & I havent been able to get it to be the samevtime every day so I just have to go with it.

He sleeps from about 7 or 8pm (depending on how overtired he is = how long it takes hubby to get him down), till 10pm when he has a feed, then he sleeps through from around 11pm to the morning.

So im happy with the night sleep, im just struggling with having a screaming baby all day

edit: well he has just slept for an hour & a half in his rocker, with no crying at all. So I guess he just sleeps in his rocker from now on. Better try & find a bigger one cause he's almost too long for it. I dont like it but it seems I have no choice.

Check out the my little lamb swings. They have a higher kg rating so you can use them for longer. Also re not liking leaving him unsupervised in it could you try putting it in the main area where you are so you can keep an eye on him but still get on with things? That is what I did with DS or if I had to do something noisy like vacuuming I would set him up with the video monitor on him so I could still see him- I only did that for short periods though as I preferred having him near me. Hang in there this too shall pass xxx

Sail-away
I'm from brisbane and wonder if you have private health? I know not every one likes sleep schools etc but I work with paediatricians that are connected with the Brisbane Nurture centre (mother baby unit) at the north west private hospital. If you have private health u just need a referral from a gp or pead and it's fully covered by your private health? It's a week long stay and sometimes it's just nice to have a week to stay and get meals done, people to talk to (8 babies with their mums each week) and nurses to help and reassure you.

A friend has also been there with her little boy when he was a similar age and they helped her a lot with reading sleep cues and knowing how to help them settle to sleep ( with her in their with bub) so not cry it out specifically. There is a little bit of protesting but drf different to CIO methods.

Just something to maybe look into ?

You're not useless! You're a brand new mum figuring stuff out, which is what we all are to begin with (and for a long time, quite frankly).

That's great he's sleeping well overnight. Do you have a sling or baby carrier? I would suggest you or your partner (or other helper) wear him as much as possible during the day to allow you hands-free time to do things. It often helps them sleep better, also. You can pop him in, jiggle around, carry on with your day and avoid the hour of pre-sleep struggle.

My honest advice is this: If doing things this way is not working, do something easier. Just cuddle or feed or rock to sleep, whatever works.

Alligators mum - im in the process of getting a referral to the public sleep school. Surprisingly their wait list is shorter than the nurture centre & my PHI doesnt cover it all anyway so I cant afford it

A friend of mine is currently at a sleep school here in Melbourne and it's been amazing and life changing! Good luck!

Sail away I am so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. Things will improve. Some babies are incredibly difficult regardless of what parenting style you use or what you try.

There is a good app that may be usedful called Rockabub by safe sleep space. Even try googling safe sleep space for more info on it.

You said you have seeked help. Can you see someone else?