When you go shopping....

....and buy something for your kids do you give it to them straight away or wait until you pay?

The reason I ask is, if we are ever out & get something for Zander (a drink or a snack) I always always make him wait until we pay for it. I figure it will teach him patience and that even though he uses his manners, sometimes he just has to wait.

Today we were at the supermarket, we had done a few other things & I could see he was hot so I figured he would be thirsty. I pick a bottle of apple juice and he held it but I told him "you have to wait until we pay the lady". Everything was fine he held the bottle while we finished the shopping and we went to the register. There was a bit of a line so we had to wait. Zander handed the botte to me & said please. I told him again we had to wait until we pay the lady. He was hot, thirsty & tired so he started to whinge & say please some more. I told him he has beautiful manners, but we really have to wait until we pay the lady. The checkout girl said to me "oh that's ok he can have it, everyone else does it" and I said no that's fine he can wait. So we got to the front of the line, she scanned it first and handed it to him. Of course he passes it to me says please. I told him yet again he has to wait & he went nuts. So I explained calmly (I think!) that mummy can't pay the lady & help him with the drink at the same time so he has to wait a little bit longer. He kept carrying on, but I paid then walked over to a seat & organised the drink. As I walked away I heard the checkout girl say to the lady behind me "poor little guy"

Do you think that I'm being mean or expecting too much? What do you do?

Sarah he sounds like such a polite little man that you must be doing something right lol. I really think its a personal thing...really whatever you are comfortable with. Sammy I will let hold things already in the shop and let him have them then and there but when the girls were around 2 to 3 I would reward them for their good behaviour by letting them have something after it had been paid for.

Jo

No I think you did the right thing. You're trying to be consistent right? You can't do some things some times and some things other times if you're trying to be consistent. Don't worry about the checkout girl what does she know anyway? She know's nothing about what you're trying to do with Zander etc so she has no right to say anything, she shouldn't have said "Oh that's ok everyone else doe it" either. Does that mean if everyone else steals that you should too??? Pffft to her I say.

ETA: I wait and give stuff to Jonah after it's paid for too.

Nup I would definitely do the same thing. And I'm one of those people that frowns on try before you buy when it comes to fruit and veg. I think you are instilling some wonderful morals. I did it with Paris and I hope to do it again with Seth. BUT like Jo said its a personal thing... definitely don't think you are mean!

*mwa*
Cailin

I had never thought I was being mean before, but this girl really made me question myself, if I was asking too much.

LOL Cai, I'm the same with fruit & vegetables too ;)

I do realise it's a personal decision & if you want to do it then that's fine, but this is just the way we work.

We also make both the boys wait till we are through checkout before having a drink/snack.

Lachlan although is a bugger and loves lettuce and picks at the leaves in the trolley as we go around.

Love

PMSL @ Lachlan... too cute :) At least he *eats* lettuce!

*hugs*
Cailin

Nah, I agree you did the right thing Sarah.......I do the same thing. Olivia is now at the point where she tells Charlie "Have to wait to pay the lay the money Charlie" LOL. (Although she is a bugger for opening a bag of mushrooms and chomping on them on the way round.....drives me mad.....she would NEVER open anything else, but apparently a brown paper bag with raw mushrooms in it is fair game???)

If the kids are really thirsty, I will get them a little juice to have on the way around, but I will always keep the bottle and pay at the end. Most of the time though I make them wait until we are in the car until they can have it.

I think you are right for doing what you did because it will only cause more issues down the track if you let him have it sometimes and make him wait others. He is little enough that he won't understand IYKWIM?

And bah to the checkout chick, she isn't the one trying to instill good manners and patience in a toddler.

PS; Paige is the worst for pinching grapes!

I would have done what you did......I get annoyed (wow, sounds harsh to write that!!) when I see littlies chomping on stuff when they're still in the aisles - how tempting would it be for parents to just discard the wrappers/cores when their child has finished and not pay for it?!

oh DH just had a massive tantrum happen in the shops due to this last week. Matilda wanted an apple out of the trolley NOW. He made her wait like we always do but he said he had another mother come up and offer her a lolly instead & he told the mother "no thank you we need to wait until we reach the end for the rewards" I don't know if I could have done that like he did because it would have been an instant tantrum stopper BUT I think its fantastic that he & you were able to be very consistent & keep to the way you want to do things. Not mean.

Sarah - you are definitely not mean and we do the same thing - DS is allowed to hold sometimes but definitley not open or try before paid for whether it be foodstuffs, toys or anything else for that matter and usually I contain things to the trolley otherwise you never know what state they will come out at the other end. He luckily has a fascination with "paying the lady" - to him that's the most important part of a trip to the shops.

"paying the lady"

Just as an aside.....one of my funniest supermarket experiences with Olivia is at our local Coles, where we usually go......we got to the checkout and she said, loudly, in a REALLY surprised voice "Its not a lady Mummy! Its a man!" ........becasue it was a bloke at checkout not a female........Olivia was totally in awe!!!

(Everyone around us laughed, luckily, as did the check-out bloke!)

Sarah, I have to agree with what you have done! We never let Jacob have anything out of the trolley before it is paid for. I frequently see other parents giving their children things to eat from the trolley that haven't been paid for but it's not something we practice at all.

Having said that, we don't let him have things from the trolley that he wants to eat, to hold until the end either, e.g. an apple, as it would instantaneously result in a major tantrum if we told him he wasn't allowed to have it to eat at that time! (We do allow him to hold other things that he is interested in and can't damage before it's paid for, e.g. a tin of cat food or a bag of baby wipes - he will talk about the pictures etc and then willingly put the things into the trolley and 'help' IYKWIM?)

What we do instead, is to take an appropriate drink and snack from home and allow him those at free will whilst we are shopping, and then after we have paid he can have what he wants from the trolley or a special treat (e.g. choc frog) if we happen to have gotten one that day.

Sarah, I havent been in that position yet, but i will be doing the same. Paying first before consuming!! I am guessing the Checkout operator doesnt have kiddies!!! It makes it hard when people undermine (if you like) how you are parenting. I know some people dont mean to do it but it can be annoying!!
I DONT think you are Mean!!

Yep Mel, Zander usually holds a can of corn or crushed tomatoes when we go shopping LOL!

LOL at Olivia Lucy, I always say "pay the lady" as well & have said on occasions "oh it's a man today" so I can imagine him doing the same thing!

I don't think you were being mean at all, everyone has different ways of teaching their child patience and manners. I must admit if Jackson was thirsty or seemed hot, I would've let him have it, but that is just mean, doesn't mean I think you are wrong. I normally open a packet of biscuits and give Jackson just one to mung on around the aisles, but I never give him anything that is paid by according to weight, and just because I do this doesn't mean I am going to

:

---

just discard the wrapper when their child has finished and not pay for it?!

---

I never have, and never would do that!

Well done Sarah - I reckon it sounds great what you are doing. I do the same as Melinda and take a rusk or strawberry (they're the size of apples atm lol!) and give it to Lucie before we start the shopping. Then sometimes she can have something else after we have finished the shopping and pay for it. She also likes to hold things though, like packets of biscuits or something to look at. Don't worry about the checkout lady - it's none of her business!

Your definately not a mean mummy!!! I have to agree with what everyone else has said.

As an extra note though - An employee can be sacked for opening something BEFORE they pay for it. Just thought that was an interesting point lol.

Oh Lea, yes I remember that now - Aaron was nearly sacked when he worked in Franklins for doing that. I wish I remembered that today!

I usually have treats in my bag with me, but didn't today :S I must be more careful to do that as well.

I dont think youa re mean at all.
Thats the manners you are trying to install into your children, thats fine.
We do it a different way - if I buy something that is for Jenna, I will let her carry it around until we get to the counter, and then she has to give it to the checkout person and then get it back.
This way of doing things is making life sooooo mcuh easier at the library!! And I let herhave pens at counters, but then she is learning to give those back to without any tantrums.

With the supermarket I always take something for her to eat before hand. Usually I go into Bakers Delight and get a apricot delight roll, and that does her around the whole supermarket! If I haven't - I will get her grapes to munch on as we go around. I weigh them before she starts eating, and then I tell the operator how much it weighed, and we usually find a carrot or something to weigh in their place.
I am fine with her having the grapes around the market - its a hell of alot better than chocolate as a reward! (In my eyes)

As for sampling - I always sample grapes and cherries before buying them. I worked in fruit and veg for a long time, and I'm not prepared to buy these things unless I have tried them first. You only need one to tell you if they are good or not ;)

Hehe sampling is a different matter altogether Fi! I've been caught out to many times with sour grapse and bitter cherries and have learnt my lesson LOL!

I say well done Sarah! I wish more parents did that. When I worked in shops I'd often be handed a half-eaten, gummy, dribbly packet of sweets to scan that the child had been at: I hated it! For a small general shop, the child can wait the 10-15mins it takes to get the groceries (or the 3 seconds it takes to pick up the sweets and pay for them). I'll be doing the same as you with my children because if it's not paid for, it's not yours. And if it's not yours, then it's stealing and stealing is naughty.

what a rude person to make that comment!

I would do the same thing as you ....

Cass

Sarah,
Probably the same sort of interfering checkout chick that would roll her eyes & make faces to other shoppers & co workers about a child being rude as they get older! Soooo pfffffttttt to her!

We do the same Sarah.. Matty knows to wait until mummy or daddy have paid for it. I think (and I hope!) teaching this from now helps him later...

:

---

if it's not paid for, it's not yours. And if it's not yours, then it's stealing and stealing is naughty.

---

ah, I believe stealing would be leaving the store without paying for it....Giving my child a biscuit out of the packet I am buying does not make me a thief

That's a distinction we're old enough to make - I'm not calling you a thief at all, Min, just that is what I'm going to teach my children so they don't grab things off shelves and eat them without paying for them. Even though one hasn't not left the shop, one can't give them the biscuit back so I'd rather pay for it first: but that's me.

My child already knows that he can't grap stuff off the shelf and eat it, if I give him something he will eat it, he doesn't just help himself, he knows full well that I am the boss and what I say goes.

I totally support Sarah's decision because that was her decision and she is Zander's mother. And I admire her for not being as confronting as me and ignoring the checkout lady's comment, I would've had to have bit back - Nice patience sarah!!

I don't like it when people get all haughty taughty about their decisions and make ridiculous generalisations, I am old enough to make that distinction.

No not at all, he has to learn to wait, maybe if next time you go out take his own drink so when he gets hot and thirsty he can have a drink when he pleases.
i think making him wait till you had pain is good, will teach him to be good with manners and learn he has to wait sometimes.

min is right, there your kids or kid so the people in the street or check out should learn to keep there mouth shut, if you say something and then someone else says no no he can do it, his going to get confused in whos the boss. And we are were the parents so i think its your choice if you dont want him to have it he shouldnt have it.

but i still think maybe takes his own drink next time. i always take 2milk formula bottles and a water one just incase its hot or something. lachlan never has the watter one but its just incase his only 10weeks so yeah

LOL Min, I am definately not the confronting type. And I don't qeustion your decision either. If you decide to give Jackson something while in the supermarket, so be it, it's entirely up to you. As I said in my first post this is what I did & asked what others do, I didn't expect everyone to say they did the same as me.