Star charts? Who uses one for their toddler?

Hi all,

We are having some challenges with Olivia at the moment, and so I am trying to be pro-active........and I was wondering who uses a star chart with any success with their toddler?

She is 2.5, very articulate, and I suspect she is being "difficult" as a result of me being so heavily pregnant/sensing change/has moved into a toddler bed (about a month ago) etc etc......so I kind of know WHY she is being a pain, but want to fix it!!!

I know I need to spend more one on one time with her.....but that will be increasingly difficult over the next few months.

Today I went and bought some stickers (stars) and a new bedside lamp & some new books, and we are going to change the bedtime routine around slightly to give her more one on one Mummy/Daddy time in the evening.........(can you guess she is being very difficult at bedtimes??! LOL!)

But I wanted to know if anyone uses star charts successfully at this age? What worked? What didn't?

And also, if anyone knows of any good online printable star/reward charts, email the links? lucy.mulvany@bellybelly.com.au

Thanks ladies............

LOL I got all the supplies to start one with Matilda, and then decided it may be a bit early... ours were for staying in bed through the night & I think that concept on its own is almost too hard for her to understand yet.

So we haven't tried ours, but we are set up & ready to go. I'd like to hear as well how others go with them.

Our Triple P consultant reckons we start one in the car for trips out, because that is where we are having the biggest behaviour problems atm. So we have a small laminated one that we are have just started on. So every shopping trip she stays in the trolley seat, she gets a sticker AND a treat atm (its pretty important to me to have her stay in the trolley) and when she gets 5 stickers, she gets a trip to the park straight away or gets to go for a swim straight away etc. Things she absolutely loves. BTW today she told me she has 2 more stars for a swim! So I think it may be working!!! We were planning on taking her for a swim Sunday morning so we'll have to go to the shops on Sat & Sunday straight before the swim. But after 6 weeks of her running away in the shops & tantrums happening to the point of having to leave the shops, having successful trips has been huge.

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BTW today she told me she has 2 more stars for a swim

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Oh Christy, that is brilliant! Far out, I hope I can get Liv onto that wavelength!!!! Well done Matilda & Christy!

So, did your PPP consultant indicate that targeting one behaviour at a time was the go for this sort of age group?

(ie If I can crack STAYING IN BED I will be happy!)

Did you make your own or print one off from online?

I made my own with 5 squares and big star stickers and put Matilda all over it & moons & stuff & then I got it laminated so I could take the stickers off one we did the activity and start over.

He recommended we start really small. One battle a month, so this is our battle we've chosen. The staying in bed was just too long for Matilda to understand the concept that staying in bed all night = 1 star. She didn't understand, she'd run into our room at 3am and ask for a star...so we forgot about that. The short trips to the shops, and I talk it through with her the WHOLE time. Constantly if she starts to climb out of the seat I say "opps, no star for Matilda if she gets out" and she sits straight back down.

Cool, thanks Christy......I shall have a think........

Neverplan, I just got your email, thank you SO much. Glad to hear it worked so well for you......I am excited now!

Neverplan, that sounds like a great way of doing them as well. I think the plan with Matilda was start very very simply & small... Thats why we have the car star chart LOL... getting her ready for bigger & better star charts :).

I am thinking along the same lines Christy.......start small (ie be quiet for an hour at rest time?) and then see how I go.........get Liv used to the concept first.......

Lucy I have seen some on Ebay... I was looking at a Thomas Tank one for Aidyn, but I actually think he is probably not ready for the time being until his speech is a bit more advanced amongst other things, but I would be really interested to know how everything goes with Olivia!
Will PM you the link I was looking at, I think the seller does all sorts of charts?

Thanks Ambah........I will pass on the link NeverPlan sent me to you too..........look out for an email from me......

Well, I have sorted out Olivia's room. Clean sheets on the bed, a new basket full of her favourite soft toys, sorted out the bookshelf and swapped a load of books up for another load (we have so many, I tend to hide and then recycle IYKWIM)

I have printed out a star chart & coloured it in using texters, and have burnt a new/not scratched copy of Peacebaby. I have installed a night light and set up a new bedside lamp.

I have also made a room spray with lavendar oil.

I AM A MUMMY ON A MISSION!!!!!

Aside from all the practical things, we are also going to do bedtime differently, so she feels "topped up" with Mummy and Daddy time. Hence the new books. I am going to allocate 30 mins for reading/wind-down after her bath. At the moment it tends to be rushed as she mucks up so much I get impatient and probably rush it. And I like putting Charlie to bed, and if Olivia takes too long, I don't get the chance, but I have come to realise that she needs me more than he does at the moment, so DH can see to Charlie whilst I just spend the time with Olivia..............

So pray for me girls, that my mission has a bit of an impact on Olivia...........

Lucy I wish you the best of luck with tonight! I am will be really interested to see how you go!

We are having problems with Ds 1 getting out of bed every 2 hours or so through the night. We didn't have a problem with him through the night since Xmas as we have had a gate across his door, but going to sleep was a bit of an issue, but we just let him play and then he would go to bed and fall asleep after about 30 mins, but now that we have taken the gate off now in preparation for our move back to a 2 bedroom house in which he will be sharing with Cooper he is getting out of bed and his room constantly till we end up having to shut his door and hold it shut. Then as I said through the night he is up every 2 hours. He goes back to sleep fine once we put him back to bed, but the broken sleep is taking it's toll, and we want to get this sorted before he shares with Cooper and wakes him!

I am wondering if the star chart might work with him to keep him in bed through the night????

Neverplan.......I have emailed you re the book!

(Only had one "get out of bed performance" from Olivia tonight: she needed to poo, so that was fair enough!) Will see how we go tomorrow............

WOO HOO!!! Lucy that is fantastic! Matilda made it last night to 5am!! Yipee!!! Then she climbed into our bed & went to sleep, which was fine considering the last few nights.

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Matilda made it last night to 5am!! Yipee!!!

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Well done Matilda and Well done Christy!!!

Olivia did no trashing and made it till 6.50am before getting up...........we shall see how we go at lunchtime...............(swimming day today.....it goes either way as she is usually so buggered by midday.....)

Hi Girls

Neverplan, I will definately look into getting a copy of that book, We had the same again last night, getting up constantly till he finally went to sleep and then up at 3am and 5.15am.

I am absolutely going to try the cd thing tonight! I have a baby to sleep one that I am going to listen to and see if it appropriate, but do you think wiggles would be OK? He loves the wiggles and would stay where he is if it meant listening to it.

Relle, we use Peacebaby........even though it is evidently not working for Miss Liv at the moment, it HAS worked beautifully for the apst 2 years........it is a 60 beat per minute thing (something to do with heartbeats helping sleep).....

Wiggles may be the go, but maybe too upbeat??

We found some calming lullabies on iTunes recently & bought 4 and have the cd on repeat all the time. It is fantastic to have something for them to listen too. I actually do some of my breathing practice while putting Matilda to sleep at night & I am going to take a copy of the cd to the hospital with me now.

We have tried so many different things, Lucy - I have been using a room spray for a month now & we used it at another difficult time in Matilda's life with "going" to sleep issues & have found it to be amazing. She honestly settles so much better. Now atm in our night routine is a foot massage with lavender lotion & we spray the room and tell her how good she has been throughout the day. This is our time to just connect with her & let her know how important she is to us... I think it really helps her having that touch & positive time together before she is left on her own, ykwim?

I do Christy, I really do, and I realised how ****ty I was being about it, and then realised SHE can't make the changes, I have to, for her, and connect with her better, despite being knackered and over it....probably the thing that made me realise this is that we were BOTH ending up asleep every night with a "black cloud" over us........me being ****ty and frustrated and her being confused and frustrated. Hence my Mummy on a Mission yesterday.........it is only baby steps, but hopefully I can make her feel more secure? Gradually?

The foot massage thing........I read that only yesterday in my aromatherapy bible.......Valerie Ann Wormwood......she really recommends it to make toddlers feel sleepy and relaxed, and I giggled, thinking of you & Miss Matilda...........but I shall be trying it tonight!!

oh don't I know that time of night... there are a few nights a week where I say to DH " I just CAN'T be positive right now, you are going to have to do it alone tonight." I give her a kiss and say "I love you sweetie" and let him do it because I know I can't deal with it at that point in time.

Can someone please email me the star chart links. Michelle@antique-locks.com
Kimberley can be a bit much at times as well so i think this might help her be a little better. She hates to pick up toys and is always asking for things when we go to the shops so if i can get that to all change that would be a great start.

Have emailed you Michelle.......

Just to report, I don't want to get too excited YET, but since all my efforts outlined in this post we have had 3 GOOD sleeps.......ie Olivia has only got out of bed once on each occasion, usually about 20 mins after I have tucked her up..........HUGE improvement!!!!!!!

Lucy thank you so much for the link. Kimberley has already picked which one she would like and what one i should get for Alex.

I'm so pleased to hear yours is working with Olivia.

Ummmmmmm, but we had a 4.45 wake up this morning........"want to watch Wiggles Mummy. I already had a big sleep" Arggggggggggggggggggggggggg!

Oh Lucy :hug:
Hopefully Olivia will sleep all night for you again 3 nights outof 4 is still very good if she was waking every night before you started to do the chart.
I think a big well done to you both.

When you use the charts do you only reward after the have been good for the whole week or do you do it after 4 or 5 days ?
I was thinking of rewarding Kimberley after 5 days of doing what i set her to do so that way i can reward her maybe at the weekend.

My plan is that the "reward" is the star on the (ie she gets to pick a colour & stick it on etc) and then when she has fgilled a row (7 stars) she gets a "treat".....he favourite thing is swimming or a particular park, so they are up on offer.........

oh Lucy, this week we've either been woken up at almost 5am or 6.30.... no rhyme or reason. But its a very very important 90 minutes for mums.

Hi everyone,
I just noticed this thread and have always thought that reward plans/star charts were a good idea. But the other day I was looking on the Montessori Books website and I came across a book called "Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A'S, Praise, and Other Bribes" by Alfie Kohn.
"Do rewards motivate people?" asks Kohn. "Yes. They motivate people to get rewards." Thats what the back on the book says.
Has anyone read this book? I would be interesting in hearing if anyone has!
Thanks

oh no I haven't read it, but would be interested in seeing what it says. I was told by our Triple P consultant to start trying basic star charts so it would be interesting to hear another side.

Ummmmmm, me too.

That book does sound very interesting!

I have drawn up our own chart this morning and the stickers are wiggles stickers, so fingers crossed this might start to work for us! We are moving in about 5 weeks to our house in which the boys will have to share a room, so we are hoping that we can get the idea of the chart across to Campbell before we move. He had a pretty good night last night, so to get the ball rolling I gave him a sticker this morning to put on the chart.

I am also searching through the boxes (I have packed majority of our house) for the calming Cds and will be putting that in his room tonight as well so fingers crossed we have some luck!

Yeah I have always thought there was a fineline, and its only needed to help establish a change in behaviour and then slowly phased out iykwim? Yes I do think that some reward systems can be taken too far and can create problems but I think they can be beneficial too. Our reward is mostly praise as that works for Paris, I'm not sure what will work for Seth although he loves praise already. And like rewards I've heard there can be too much praise too, but I don't think we've crossed that line. I just think when I'm paying for every 'A' on a report card then I know I've got a problem. Moderation is the key I think... don't go overboard. And wean from rewards as soon as possible... and replace with something more realistic long term... like praise daily then maybe praise when sleep is mentioned and never in a condesending way as it is noticed by children and they hate it as much as we do. Its just that they don't know how to vocalise that and it can often errupt behaviourly iykwim? Just remember everything we do we get rewards from, its why we do it. Even if its something selfless we still get a reward even on a subconscious level. So I think the trick is to eventually teach self praise, self appreciation. Showing the feeling of accomplishment iykwim?

Sorry I'm rambling... and I've had zero sleep due to self inflicted sleep deprivation...

*hugs*
Cailin

Hi everyone, I just wanted to say a big Thankyou to you all and Woohoo for my little man!

For the first time since he has been in a bed (which is since Xmas) we had a relatively easy time getting him to stay in his bed going to sleep. We have had the odd occasion where he has fallen asleep in the car, or been so exhausted he hasn't moved, but last night was like most nights, except we put the music on for him.

He came out twice, but we just put him back and told him the music would be turned off if he kept getting out. I could hear him singing away (it was just Disney Nursery Rhymes no singing) and then he fell off to sleep! Yippee

He then didn't get out of his room till 5am for the first time and again at 5.30am so he didn't get a sticker (he has to stay in bed till dh has a shower at 6am to get one) but this is still a huge improvement on the recent history!

WOO HOO!!! Relle that is fantastic news!

I'm going to make my own star chart any ideas on how i should do the lay out ?
I was thinking Monday - Sunday going down and then across the top do week 1 etc etc till i get to week 4 and then keep the stars on from week to week until we reach week 4.

Not sure if that is the best thing to do but i thought it might help Kimberley understand how she may have done well one week but not the next.
Even without the chart she is getting a lot better.

Michelle I made up our own chart as well and that was how I did the layout - only our stars are actually wiggles stickers as DS loves the wiggles.

We were having a couple of better days, but back to a shocker last night!

Does she like craft? Maybe get some stamps a whole range? And let her stamp the stamp herself. Give her a choice so that its more fun, and they have some great ones now that light up when you press them down. Mickey, Winnie, Princesses etc etc there's heaps :)

*hugs*
Cailin

Thanks for the stamp idea i was thinking of a small daily reward for Kimberley and i know she will love a hand stamp.

Kimberley loves her new star chart and we started to use it last night. I do have to watch her with it as she is adding her own stars to it. But i know how many she should have.