Too soon for sleepovers at in laws?

Hi, what age does everyone think a child should sleep over at their grandparents? I feel my daughter, who is 13 months, is too young to be staying over now. My in laws constantly suggest we let her stay the night, as I am pregnant with my second child, to give us a break and to get her used to staying over other people's houses incase she needs to stay when I go into labour. I don't really find this necessary. My mother in law has been a bit pushy about the subject for a long time, even buying a cot for her own home! Am I being nasty not letting her stay over?

It is totally up to you & what you feel comfortable with.

Our son had his first sleep over at my IL's (who are just wonderful) at about 12mths & he was pretty good. He is now 4yrs old & goes at least once a fortnite for a sleepover due to mine & DH's work commitments.

But as I said it is totally your choice as to when you are comfortable for your daughter to spend a nite away from you. Another suggestion if you want to get some rest is maybe for her to go for an afternoon "play date" at your IL's & that still gives you time to rest while she is gone without her having to stay anywhere.

Zander wasn't even 4 months old when he had his first sleep over at my parents house! He had really bad reflux & we had had very little sleep in that time & it was killing us! Having said that, my parents are next door & we left him at bedtime then picked him up first thing in the morning.

He's 18months on Wednesday & still hasn't sleep over at Granny's house, in fact he has only been looked after there for 2hrs ever. I just don't trust Aaron's dad to do what I would want him to.

Jonah first slept over at my parents place when he was about 5 or 6 months old however he has not slept over at my ILs as they are in Sydney and I would have a slight problem with this anyway. As MIL has wrapped and does wrap the other grandchildren in cotton wool and is a very uptight and worrying kind of person and she also gives them whatever they want no matter how much they play up and throw tanties. So I would be nervous the whole time with him there but it may happen one day and I think I will just have to give in because Ben wouldn't see a problem with it.

I think at 13 months that your DD is old enough but it depends on how you feel about it, if you're really not comfortable with it then don't do it but if you think it would be good for you to have some time to yourselves and would actually cope with it then maybe it is a good idea. Kirsty's idea of the "playdate" is a good idea, you can have a rest and they can get practice at looking after her by themselves.

You're not being nasty at all!!! There is no way my DS will be having sleep overs!! Maybe when he's 25 or so LOL!!!
Really, I just dont feel comfortable with it at all. I need to be there for him if he needs me! But it does come down to personal choice tho
My IL's want us to fly DS on his own, up to QLD when he is 5, to spend time with them. AHHHHH NOOOO WAAAAAY!!!!!

My 4 year old has never stayed eith my IL's. Not even for 10 minutes. Apparently he is just too wild.... They do however heave DF's nieces 3 and 4 plus his 1 year old nephew every weekend and have done for quiet along time!!

To be honest though I wouldn't mind the break if they offered it to us. As for my DD staying there at 18 months I still wouldn't be letting her. They just don't know my kids well enough. If it were my mum then yes, I would have no problem. But that's not going to happen anytime soon either. Apparently not until she sleeps through!! I think Noah may've slept 3 nights all up too.

If you aren't comfotable with the whole night - and I don't blame you. Maybe do what Kirsty said and let them have a "playdate" Or let DH go over for the night too and have a night by yourself and enjoy :D

my kids often get left with MIL and SFIL, Also with my mum and sister etc (like this weekend, jess went to my mum and sisters place as Kat was in hosp and we couldn't have Jess with us). I love having a bit of a break and I totally trust my family (well most of it anyway) including inlaws. I think it's up to how much you trust them and how well they know the kids plus their relations with you and the kids. This will sway any decision........ Ultimately it's up to you. If you are not comfortable with it for any reason.....then don't hesitate to say no. They are the most precious bundles in the world and it's better to be over protective than find out/have something go wrong!

Not nasty at all sweety. Darcy won't even be looked after by my IL's until she's at least 5! They were pushy too, but I'm fiercely protective and I can be pushier LOL.
They proved themselves last night when we went over for dinner - they couldn't even TRY and be a bit quieter so she could sleep - imagine if I wasn't there?
You're the mum. It's your choice.

I guess based on all the above responses it is really down to gut feeling, what YOU are comfortable with and what works for you and your family and support network.

Olivia did a sleepover when I went into labour with Charlie, with my SIL/BIL/her cousins....we are all very close, with kids the same age, so it was natural for us and I was totally comfortable, as was Olivia.

THis time round, when B3 comes, my SIL is coming to us (as it is more convenient.)

For various reasons I wouldn't have any sleepovers at my Mums though.......so I guess that shows, whatever you are comfy with......

MIL would love to have Milo over for a sleepover, but she has indoor dogs, and we all agree that the logistics of it just won't work, as theres no other spare room (well not wone with a door) where Milo could sleep.

If it were not for the dogs though I would be fine with it, as I would with my parents

If MIL was closer it would definitely be more of an option for me, however I probably wouldn't do sleep overs anywhere else. Paris maybe but only with a select few, I don't think she'll be doing school sleep overs unless I *really* knew the family. I think its a personal choice most definitley. But I trust MIL pretty well and couldn't think of anyone I'd rather my kids be with its just unfortunate that she's over 4000ks away, and neither of us are budging when it comes to moving closer ;) She looked after Paris when she was 8 mths old and we went away for our first wedding anniversary, mind you Paris was bottle fed so its easier. With Seth he's a BF snob so unfortunatley nana won't be having any sleepovers till he decides to wean.

*hugs*
Cailin

I will definately leave Em with my mum and step-father. They know Em really well and I know that they will respect my parenting wishes and only live a few minutes away. My Dad and step-mum live 40 mins away and I'm not sure I'd be as comfortable leaving Em with them. As for the IL's - well I've met them once. I know that DP has known them his whole life but I haven't so I doubt very much that Em will be ever be having sleep overs there.

I think its definately a personal choice and about your own level of comfort as well as that of your child!

Alex and Ned both stay over at my parent's house every Wednesday night, and have done so since January when Ned was four months old. However, my parents see the boys at least three-four times a week, and the boys are VERY comfortable with them. My parents also literally live in the next street, about 300m away, so logistically it's very very easy.

My PIL, on the other hand, have seen the boys five times since Ned was born, once for 15 mins at the hospital, for 2hrs at Christmas, 2hrs at Easter, 2hrs at Alex's birthday party, and for 30 mins the other Saturday afternoon to drop off some presents from interstate rellies. So there's absolutely no way I would even consider leaving either of them at PILs without being there myself. (Dh himself is a question for another time...)

It's definitely more about what YOU are comfortable with. I trust my parents absolutely, and know that they have my boys' best interests at heart.

It's such a personal preference, so if you don't feel right about it don't let her badger you!

I however have already left Lucy with several different family/friends for babysitting (but not overnight... wouldn't want to subject them to night wakings LOL). For NYE though we're going out of town and I've asked Lucy's grandparents to have her overnight. She will be 7 months old then.

Like everyone has said its really up to you. Ive personally waited til the kids were around 2 and at least not bfeeding until they had overnight visits.

Jo

I suppose it all depends on the relationship with inlaws as to whether people let their kids sleep over... I feel a bit smothered by MIL, as she has EVERYTHING at her house for my daughter (yes, some people will say thats a help...) We see them too much as well, and she is constantly on the subject of letting her stay overnight even though its not necessary, she's TOO eager!

Its totally up to you. Nicholas stayed overnight at my mum's when he was around 4 months old, although now with Declan we haven't left him over night and don't want to yet. He has stayed with my mum for a few hours, so Rob and I could go to the movies or whatever but thats it.

Maybe when you feel ready let your DD stay for an hour or 2 and see how you feel then.

Abby has had about 3 sleepovers at my mum and dad's house and one with my sister.

As for MIL, i felt really weird about the idea of her looking after bubby. It wasnt because i didnt think she could do it, it was more of an issue with me feeling that i didnt know her that well and being really weird and overprotective where MIL was concerned (ie taking bub off her any chance i got). I got over that by spending more time with her and now its really great. Abby gets looked after for a couple of hours about once a week and every now and then we all stay over. I wouldnt let her stay over night but the reason for that is she wont settle that well unless DF or I put her down (just when we are out and about that is, settles fine at home).

I just think that you need to ease into it and dont do it till you are ready and feel good about it. Even the first time Abby stayed with my mum i was in tears and called every 5 mins!!!

DD is 4 in march and the only time she has stayed over is with MY mother when DS was born. I have no intention of letting THEM look after my kids, day or night.

Im not into my kids getting looked after by other people, family or not. Thats my job and no one elses. This is my choice and i realise others may not agree.s

You have to be comfortable with the decision of leaving your child but also ask yourself if your child is going to be to traumatized by the experience. Every mum is different with what they want for there kids so its solely you decision.