There's a cloudy storm front approaching ...

I waited so long for you and then in such a short time you were gone.
Such a tiny life, such a huge impact.

Two and a half years of trying to get you. 25 weeks getting to know you. Fleeting. Gone so quickly. Feeling like there was something not quite right. Convincing myself it was all fine. No heartbeat. No movement. Life from “Lentil” no longer existing.

Induction and labour – so incredibly painful for no reward. No time to get to know you. No chance for you to live, breathe, experience life and us as your parents. Small and perfect. Little fingers like mine. Other fingers like your Aunty Di – long and spidery. Toes and ears like your Daddy. Nose is definitely not Mummy’s!! Small and cute – button like even. Maybe your Daddy’s? Maybe another part of the family tree? Lips like the Sprat – which really means lips like mine. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Our golden haired child.

Saying goodbye to you after your birth was hard but I knew we would be back. Naming you Caitlyn gave you a personality and made you real. Made it so much harder to say goodbye only twenty fours hours after your arrival. Born one day and gone the next. One day in our life but forever in our hearts.

12 months today since you were born. Gone but never forgotten. You arrived with a storm and today you send a storm. I love the clouds. I love the wind and the rain. It means you are close. Mummy and Daddy are thinking of you, our little angel.

Michelle that is so lovely.
Today for you both is a sad day but also a special one you gave birth to a angel that will live in your hearts forever that will watch over you until it is time to look after her again.

My thoughts are with you all today :hug: :hug:

Michelle - My thoughts are with you and your DH on this sad day. Caitlyn will live in your hearts forever and I am sure is looking over your next child to make sure they are born safe and healthly

Michelle,
Thinking of you and your darling angel, Caitlyn.
Hope that today you find some peace.

Michelle,

I sit here with tears rolling down my cheek, your words are so beautiful yet so sad. Sending all my love to you and dh and little *alf*. Your precious daughter has sent you a beautiful "I love you mummy and daddy" message through the storms, and as your heart fills with love for her today and the sorrow for the lost tomorrows, remember that little Caitlyn is with you today as she is always.

take care of each other

:hug: my beautiful and brave friend,

Lisa

Michelle, thinking of you today as you remember your baby girl.

So beautiful Michelle...

I knew it would storm today for you. It is about to storm here too.

I am thinking of you so very much.

Lots of hugs and love to you...:hug:

((hugs)) I hope today is peaceful for you

What a special storm. Hugs for you today.

You have such a special little guardian angel looking down upon you.

Thinking of you...

So lovely Michelle.....I am so pleased that Caitlyn has sent you 'Alf'.

Thinking of you today :hug:

That was so beautifully written Michelle :hug:
Thinking of you and your DH and your baby angel ~Caitlyn~ with love today.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful post with us.
Lisa

Michelle

It was very touching reading your post and I want you to know that I am sending you all my hugs to you. It is about to storm here in Brisbane also, so perhaps Caitlyn is smiling down upon all of us. You have just survived the most difficult year of your life, recently a mother who lost her baby at full term told me that being a mummy of an angel baby is the toughest job of all. Caitlyn is so lucky to have such a brave and courageous Mummy and Daddy.

Take care and hang in there.

Love Spring Angel

Michelle

That was truly beautiful.

Hoping that today is one where you feel Caitlyn's presence so close...

Michelle - that was lovely. Thinking of you

Sending kind thoughts your way Michelle :hugs: what a lovely poem...

Thank you girls. Yesterday was a day of remembrance and included both sorrow and joy. We are ecstatic to be given the blessing of *alf* and I am sure Caitlyn had a hand in the creation of this new life to help us get through the first anniversary. At the same time, nothing will replace my baby girl and I still miss her every day.

Your love and words of support means so much. Thank you :hug:

Michelle I'm a little late here but sending you my thoughts for yesterday. I am sure ~Caitlyn~ helped her parents with their special little "alf". Big hugs to you.

Michelle, what a beautiful tribute to your precious daughter. Your love for her is so clear to see and I am sure that she felt it in the 25 weeks that she had with you.

It sounds like you had a special day yesterday...I hope you are feeling some peace today, having reached such an important milestone.

:hug:

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Michelle
sorry I missed Caitlyn's anniversary.I know anything I say is inadequate about it being bittersweet - sad and a day when we remember with love and the good memories and all we looked forward to sharing with them too.
But I was thinking of you ... I saw this post title but never looked at it.

The way you wrote your feelings- I couldn't have agreed more - we will never forget

:

---

Loving memories of one so dear,
Treasured still with a love sincere,
In our hearts she is living yet,
We loved her too dearly to forget

---

today is 2yrs,2months and 2 days since Charlotte grew her wings and I still miss and think about her every day.

:

---

Dear Mom

I know this is a rough time for you.
So I will be as gentle as I can be.
First of all, thank you for so many tears,
particularly those shared with another that you love.
They are a gift to me, a precious tribute to your investment in me.
As you do your mourning, do it at your pace only.
Don't let anybody suggest that you do your grief work on their timetable.

Do whatever it takes to face directly
the reality of what has happened,
even though you may need to pause frequently
and yearn for my return.

Do this with courage and my blessing.
Know that sometimes inertia is the only movement
possible. Give your best to
keeping a balance
between remembering me
and renewing your commitments to life.

It's okay with me if you go through minutes, hours
and even days not thinking about me.

I know that you'll never forget.
Loosening me and grabbing hold of a new meaning
is a delicate art.
I am not sure if one comes before the other or not, maybe it's a combination.

Be with people who accept you as you are.
Mention my name out loud,
and if they don't make a hasty retreat,
they're probably excellent candidates for
friendship.

If, by a remote possibility, you think that there is anything
that you could have done for me and didn't.
I forgive you, as our Lord does.
Resentment does not abide here, only love.

You know how people sometimes ask you
how many children you have?
Well, I am still yours and you are still my parents.

Always acknowledge that with tenderness, unless to
do so would fall on
insensitive ears or would be painful to you.

I know how you feel inside.
Read, even though your tears anoint the page.
There is an immense library here and I have a card.
In Henri Nowens' "Out of Solitude", he writes,

"The friend who can be silent with us
in a moment of despair and confusion,
who can stay with us in an hour of grief and
bereavement,
who can tolerate not healing,
and face with us the reality of our powerlessness,
that is a friend who cares."

Mom, I don't know where you are spiritually now,
but rest assured that our God is not gone.
The still small voice you hear in your heart is His
voice.
The warmth that sometimes enfolds you is Him.
The tears that tremble just beneath your heartbeat
is Him.
He is in you, as I am.

I want you both to know that I am okay
and I have sent you messages to ease your pain,
they come in the form of flowers that bloom out of
season,
birds singing, voices and visions and sometimes
through your friends and even
strangers who volunteer as angels.

Stay open but don't expect the overly dramatic.
You will get what you need and it may be simply an
internal peace.
You are not crazy, you have been comforted.
Please seek out people bereaved longer than you.
They are tellers of truth, and if they have done
their work,
are an inspiration and a beacon of hope
whose pain lessened dramatically
and one more wisdom before we close.

There are still funny happenings in our world.
It delights me to no end when I hear
your spontaneous, uncontrolled laughter.
That, too, will come in due time.
Today, I light a candle for you.
Joined with your candle, let their light shine
above the darkness
(author unknown)

---

Trish - that was just beautiful and I think I needed it today more than ever :hug: The sky has cleared, but Caitlyn will always be a part of my world.

Now my biggest struggle is how to get through this pregnancy without the fear and trepidation taking over.

Michelle, Trish that was just utterly beautiful.

The strength you display as women and mothers never ceases to amaze me.

Michelle, you will get through this pregnancy and we are all here holding your hand along the way.

Thanks Willow :hug: I need you girls now more than ever. The past few weeks have been difficult but the fear seems to be increasing. I knew a new pregnancy would be a challenge but there are days when I don't know how I will make it through these next few weeks sane.

I guess it is just one day at a time.

Michelle, one day at a time, one hour at a time if that's what it takes.

I am so focused on trying to fall prg at the moment that most of the time I put thoughts of that fear aside. But I have no doubt that if (when!) I do fall prg again I will feel exactly the same.

I have to admit that every month I am not prg there is a tiny shred of relief in there amongst the despair because I have nothing to be scared of, nothing to fear for another month.

((Hugs)) sweetie.

Man, I want my **** emoticons back!!!

Michelle, I am also a little late - you wrote that so beautifully and while I have only read it today you & Caitlyn are in my thoughts.

Mel :)

Thank you Mel :hug: I hope you are doing OK at the moment too. The first few months are the hardest, and even then you still have days .....

Hi Michelle, we are at the same stage in our pregnancies, and i will most def be here if you need to talk.... i have never lost one but i know how i would feel - how i am feeling about the possibility of it happening.....

BIG :hug: TO YOU AND YOUR LITTLE ONE FROM ME AND MY LITTLE ONE. :hug:

Michelle sweets we are always here to support you however we can while you travel this path. It will often be rocky & you will often feel like you are not sure of the outcome but unfortunately there is nothing I can say that will take that feeling away for you but please know I am here if you ever need someone to vent to (I found it unbelieveablely helpful when pg with Thomas to help get me through the difficult times I had).

Big hugs to you

Hugest hugs to you Michelle xo

That was so beutiful - thinking of you. :)