Not enjoying breast feeding...

ATM I am finding it less than enjoyable to breast feed. I don't have sore nipples or anything (and I have been lucky in that respect) but I just don't feel as great about it as many women seem to do.
I find that it creates self-doubt. Is she getting enough? Am I producing enough? How long to I leave her on for? I hate maternity bras. They are so uncomfortable and do nothing for my breast shape. I can't wear a bra to bed so I end up waking up wet every night - even if I put a towel in place.

Do you think it's because it's still very eary days for me? Did anyone else feel this way about BFing in the beginning then grow to like it more?

I don't want to give up (especially for such selfish reasons) and I intend to keep going for as long as I can. I just wish it was a more enjoyable experience.

Hiya Debbie

I would be the first one to admit I hated it !! I persisted till Kameron was 4mths old and he was always so skinny, at 4mths I started on solids and breast milk till 6mths then we switched to formula where he just stacked on the weight.

I fed Lachlan for 3 wks, cause of the whole breast is best thing but he was feeding every 2 hours and with looking after a toddler as well it was doing my head in. Even my GP said if I didn't stop something was going to give as I wasn't getting sleep cause Kam would be awake all day. So at 4wks old Lachlan went onto formula and I didn't regret it for a minute.

Love

Awww Deb, you poor thing :hug: I can't comment really cos Zander has been bottle fed since day 4 cos my milk never came in. Just wanted to say that you need to do what is best for BOTH of you.

Kathryn - I can imagine with a toddler AND a newborn it would be hell to have to feed every 2 hours.
That's why I have a new respect for the decision my step sister made when she chose to bottle feed her 2nd from the beginning. If she so much as turns her back, her eldest gets into something so she just couldn't sit for ages and BF.

Another reason why I am not really enjoying it is because my huge F cups boobs are from from discreet. My areola is really big and dark too so I get people commenting on it all the time. Again, a selfish and silly reason but it's embarrassing. I am hoping I get over it soon!

Thanks Sarah.
I think I am going to try and aim for at least 4 months then re-evaluate the situation. I think if I give myself a smaller goal, it may make it easier to deal with. Uno... kind of like losing weight. If you focus on losing 20 kilos it will seem to take forever. But, if you make smaller 5kg goals, it doesn't seem so hard. Kind of trick my brain iykwim?

As it is, my Mum is very unimpressed that I am giving her a comp feed. Maybe I should try and sell it do her. If I bottle feed later, she will be able to baby sit sooner for longer!

I must admit that I really didn't like breastfeeding in the beginning, it hurt, had cracked nipples, hated waking up wet, had mastitis. But I presisted as bf for me I am determined to do right as there is a greater chance of Matthew not having coeliac disease when he is older if I bf him for at least 6 months.

Now, I love it. I love looking down at him while he is feeding, he is so peaceful sucking away. I am constantly amazed that I am able to do this for my son. I also now have the confidence of whipping them out anywhere to feed lol! Some of the looks I have gotten, usually from older grandma types, looks of disgust! But I don't care.

I understand that you feel uncomfortable about doing in front of people, especially since they are commenting on you (and how rude I must say!). Have you thought of hetting one of those privacy blankets things or using a bunny rug? I see women use them all the time, just tell them that Gabby gets too distracted if people are watching her feed.

I'd say hang in for a bit longer if you can, good luck!

Hi Debbie,

I hope that breastfeeding can become more comfortable for you.
Do you have a good Maternal/Child Health Nurse? (I found mine bent over backwards to help make breastfeeding more convenient) Or could you link with a lactation consultant? It can make it feel easier with someone supporting you.

Remember that breastfeeding goes through different phases as the baby gets older, so it may not feel as demanding as time goes on.

For my premmie breastmilk is such a precious source of goodness, and I'm sure breast-feeding contributed to my first baby being so healthy too.

Good luck with whatever you decide :)

Thanks Nellbe. I am going to persist. Considering I haven't had all the problems that you had (not even a cracked nipple), I feel pretty selfish.
I guess once Gabby gets bigger and can smile up at me it will help.
I do use bunny rugs but getting attached whilst covering her is difficult so there is still some initial exposure. Ah well, people will have to just get over it, hey?
Thanks for your reply. It's good to know it gets better as you get the hang of things.

Thanks Berry.
I did see a lactation consultant at the Day Stay program here in Geelong but she just managed to confuse me. She was telling me that Gabby was draining my boobs within a few minutes. She also changed the way I had been holding her. So for a couple of days there, Gabby was really unsettled because I was taking her off way before she was finished and I was so uncomfortable holding her the "proper way".
My Mum told me to just go back to what I was doing before. She has been putting on weight so obviously what I was doing wasn't so bad.
We are back to feeds taking at least 30 minutes but I don't mind because at least I know she is getting enough.
I have had a temp. MCHN because the one I am meant to have has been on holidays. I have been told she is good. I will meet her next Thursday at Gabby's next weigh-in so hopefully we will get along ok.
Thanks for your feedback :)

I hated breastfeeding. I had E cup boobs before I bf, they then went to GG and I felt like a cow. And I didn't have a particularly good supply either.

I felt SO good when I stopped breastfeeding at 5 months. Lots of people tried to make me feel guilty, but I just didn't care. It simply wasn't for me.

I will try to bf this next bubba, we will wait and see. I do know it's better for them, but each Mum needs to work out what is best for them.

BTW, as we knew I was going back to work when Alex was pretty little (14 weeks), he always had at least one bottle feed a day. A lot of it was EBM, but certainly he had formula. And as they forcefed him in hospital (he was a premmie and IUGR) he got formula then too. He's just Fine!

Debbie I didn't like breast feeding. I found it to be a very stressful experience and was getting to the point where I dreaded having to feed Alana. I was getting upset and crying about it. The first time I gave a bottle to Alana I cried with relief.

I had people tell me that I was making the wrong decision. A nurse from my hospital even went as far as saying that I would be basically harming Alana when she gets older by bottle feeding her. I tell you I could not stop crying after that. But of course that is so untrue. I was bottled feed and the formulas these days a ten times better than 31 years ago!

What ever your decision, please don't feel guilty. Good Luck!

Debbie I felt exactly the same as you. I had no problems as far as bb's were concerned, I couldn't express, I felt under pressure heaps because everytime Matilda had a feed she would scream after, I worried about her having enough, as I've said before she would feed for HOURS and then some and every 2 hours and I was exhausted.

When she was diagnosed with reflux (6weeks) the GP warned me that bf was best but she might have to get formula, or I might have to express all her feeds & add a thickener.... that made life heaps worse because I knew that BM was best for her nutritionally, but not for the reflux.

Comp feeds helped, and I started to wean her at 4 months planning to continue bf'ing morning & night for comfort. But after a week I started drying up. I was happy about it at the time, but then two months later, I missed it, I don't know why because I really didn't like it at the time, but I did.

I was always stressed about wether they were getting enough andDH said we need a meter on each BB so we can see what bubs is drinking!! I too felt it uncomfortable to wear a bra to bed, ( ,most people only leak at the start of the BF relationship, after a few months I hardly ever leaked.) I wore one of those singlet top bras to bed ( with a cloth nappy tucked in) and found this much more comfortable to sleep in, I have a G cup prior and a H cup whilst!

Stare back at people looking at you. Right in the eye! this usually makes them aware of what they are doing. ( and embarrassed) I always figured they were the ones with problems and never covered up ( mind you with twins its a bit hard too)

I agree with your mum, do it how you feel comfortable, even with no 3 they were telling me how to position, and I did it, but just felt odd, so went back to how bubs and I were comfortable ( and it was much better)

IF you want to give up, don't feel guilty or a bad mum etc etc, you have to do whats right BY YOU. like cloth vs disposable, there are always 2 sides to every thing.

As muchas they say its natural rubbish, its a learnt skill, that takes time to master and feel comfortable with, so you need to give yourself time, I fed my twins til 14 mths, and the 3rd til 17 mths, and after a while it felt comforting, I went back to work with all the kids when they were about 3 mths, and never comp fed.

All the best with whatever you decide to do, breast or bottle, ( if you chose breast just hang in there it will get better!!)

hugs to you debbie - yup breastfeeding can be one of those, i must admit i really don't enjoy it but i do it. i breastfed 1st dd for 12mths (nearly gave up at 3mths - but remember the gas strike - well i couldn't boil water etc) didn't think of the kettle back then lol so i persevered, ds was a shocker and i bottle fed from 12wks, when i was prg i said i would not beat myself up about feeding i will go with the flow. i must admit having done it differently with both the breast feeding is so much more convenient and if bubs is fussy and you don't know why a bit of boobie nearly always does the trick.

i think setting little goals might help this is what i have done with lani - ie i will b/feed until 3mths then at 3mths i thought what the heck i will keep going - lani is 7mths and has 2 breastfeeds a day, 2 bottles of formula and a top up bottle for rollover. i to have biggish boobs 16dd and i hate having to think about what to wear if i go out and i need to feed - but i just do it, it does get easier you are still just getting to know gabby and gabby is just getting to know you. try not to stress and feel done about it cause gabby will pick up on that, and i think you should just make sure you get as much rest as possible. when i gave up breastfeeding my son at 12wks i was very very sad - but he wasn't gaining and was a shocking feeder so i had to do what i had to do - but i missed that closeness. as they get older the frequency and length of feeds will lessen and you will think nothing of sitting down having a cuppa and feeding bubs at the same time. take it easy and just do what you think is right for gabby and you.

Deb, I think there are days when all bfing Mums doubt themselves or their bb's. I have had split/cracked nipples almost since day 1 with Tehya. Teh other day I was in tears putting her on. While I have smaller sized boobs I have BIG nipples, both Noah and Tehya had/have problems getting it all into their mouths. I investingin some nipple shields and while they worked great with Noah, I am finding this time around I am blocking up when I use them so I either have cracked nipples or blocked boobs ](*,)

AS long as Gabby is gaining weight then you know she is gettin genough from you. The comp feed won't hurt her and you shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself on it. As for people looking when you are going to feed I think some people do it without realising. I myself have done it before but I only look because I think that it is such a beautiful sight. I love watching my babies feed from me and knowing that I am giving the best that I can from my body. I fed my first 2 until they were 9 months old and Noah til he was 20 months, who knows how long Tehya will last for. Hopefully just as long as Noah although with a busy toddler it really can be hard to just sit and relax to feed. I feed because I love it, not because it's what society says I should do.

Do what you want to do. Whatever makes you and Gabby comfortable, that is the right thing for you.


Take care
Trish

I didn't like breastfeeding at all either... I found it stressful and tiresome and it turned me into a nervous wreck for those first couple of weeks as Aidyn was refusing to attach and screaming constantly..... which is probably why I stopped doing it.
I look back now and wish I had perservered a bit more cause I just think it would have been such a lovely bonding experience to have with Aidyn... however it just wasn't meant to be.

All the best with whatever you decide to do Deb. Please don't let your Mum give you the guilts about comp feeding... do things with how YOU feel comfortable with! She should be supporting the wonderful job you are doing, not critiscising you because you may be doing something a little different to her.
Goodluck!

Thanks guys.
It is just so amazing how different our experiences are.
Whether soley breast fed, soley bottle fed or given comp feeds, it seems that the one pattern is that once you are doing what you feel comfy with, the baby thrives!
Mum hasn't been overly critical. I can just hear it in her voice when I talk about the comp feed. Other than that, she has been an absolute God-send.
Thanks for all the wonderful advice. I am going to keep plugging away at it. I must admit, I do like it when her little hands play with my skin while I am feeding. I also get a chance to fiddle with her nails and make them look pretty - so it's not an entirely bad experience at all.

I was so close to giving up with Mason. I had given him a bottle of formula then I felt bad so I BF him next feed. I think it wasn't until he was 6 wks that it settled down properly with not much night leaking.
I was really shy about feeding in public as I had a lady in the mothers room at Myer tell me that "Gee you are really small, how do you know that you are making enough?". Pretty rude hey!

Debbie my breasts are mammoth too & the dark aereola, yep that's me!!!

I only fed for a week as i had pain from the actual top of my nipple cracking & splitting, Maddy was vomiting blood from my breast milk & she was not getting enough!!!
I then bottle fed & got sleep, knew what she was gettiong & felt more in control. I am going to try breast feeding this one too, but if it doesn't work atleast I know not to feel guilty this time!!!

I hope you are feeling better!!!!

Hi Debbie,

Good on you for perservering, and I agree it is lovely to have that skin contact - a fantastic bonding time. I thought it was cute when my baby would tap his little hand while concentrating on feeding.

BTW, I found Lansinol helped a lot re cracked nipples...

Although I'm a breastfeeding advocate, I absolutely agree that each mum needs to decide what they're comfortable with - as the saying says "if momma aint happy, nobody's happy"

Hey Deb,

Hope you are feeling OK about this now - whatever decision you decide to make.
I sort of look at it a bit differently. There are some people who would love to feed, and can't - and if I can, I really should?

I've been close to tears that many times with Jenna attaching - the first few sucks are absolute agony because I have grazed nipples which nothing is helping.

I can slowly feel my milk settling down - even after only 2 weeks. I dont have anywhere near the number of leaks, and I dont have to express before a feed anymore - unless she goes longer than 4hrs between feeds.

If your little girl is pooing, weeing and putting on weight, you are giving her enough, and I'm finding that a booby will settle her where nothing else can too! And the convenience..... My god - I have been able to do trips already that I didn't think possible. I've flopped them out in the car a few times now, and probided I'm armed with face-washers, we get through it OK.

BTW - I think if I had a bottle and formula, I would be more conscious of how much she was drinking whereas with my boobies, I know when she falls asleep, and wont suck anymore, she's probably had enough! I have no idea on mls - but she seems to be contented.

Good luck - hope you feel good about your decisions - whatever they are. Dont let anyone else make you feel stink about it!
Fi

Hey Fi when I was actually breastfeeding (well attempting to) I ended up with massive blisters. The ECHN suggested putting saline on them which you can get in little vials at the chemist. It worked really really well.

Fi, I have been using Lansinol too. It works great on sore nipples. The other thing they say to do is to rub some of your hind milk into your nipples after you have finished a feed, it suposed to work good too. HTH
I love the convenience of bfing for sure. I don't have to worry if I have enough bottles out with me or being able to warm them up. Give me a seat and I'm right :)

Take care
Trish

When the twins were little, they fed one at a time for about 45 mins each ( were only 4pd 11 ) and I didn't even sit down half the time ( mum was disgusted when walking around Target she realised I had a baby under my top!!!)

LOL Vanita, maybe if my babies were abit lighter I could do that too. After about 5 minutes of holding them up to the boob they get abit heavy and my arms need a rest. My Mum would laugh at me if I did that, I don't think she'd be horrified at all. God help the person that did say something to me though if she were with me.


Take care
Trish

Well she was not "disgusted" I guess more exasperated???IYKWIM it was like, " oh god your NOT doing that here in the middle of target are you!!"She never was embarrassed or preturbed if I did it in the middle of the food court whilst having a drink, I think it was coz I didnt take the time to sit down, and do it properly!!

I used to see women walking around kmart BFing all the time. I thought it was great that they could shop and feed at the same time! I would think "Good on em!". There's no way I would be able to do that!

Fi - I hear you on all the positives there. I think that's why I am still going with it - the pure convienience. You are right - if Gabby is weeing and pooing, then she is getting enough (even with 1 bottle but I doubt that would make a difference).

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When the twins were little, they fed one at a time for about 45 mins each ( were only 4pd 11 ) and I didn't even sit down half the time ( mum was disgusted when walking around Target she realised I had a baby under my top!!!)

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LOL that is fantastic!! I wish I had boobs that allowed me to walk and feed! Mine are too big!

I really did grow into my love for breastfeeding, at the beginning I used to think - this will get easier, this will get easier and it did..MUCH..

I was embarressed to feed in public because I have large breasts, and thought everyone was looking at me. Now I will feed almost anywhere and proudly.

The many times I could stay out all day because I breastfed I cant count, because all I needed were nappies, no need to find a place to heat a bottle up etc...there is enough of all that when you start solids, I actually hated the inconvience of solids once we started because I was so used to no preparation!

I too found it hard to quatify the amount he was getting, but as others have said, just trust the nappies, they are all that matters, those growth charts are outdated and for formula fed babies from the 50's so not suitable for breastfed babies.

Don't feel guilty for your decision to comp feed, if it works for you, then it is right..never let someone else lay their ideas on you, we have enough guilt as it is without adding someone elses!

It WILL get easier, it IS worth it, more than just feeding wise, the first time your baby is sick you will be more than thankful that you are still feeding. Well I am anyhow, it makes me feel better that I can do something even if it's just offering my antibodies..

I think your decision to take it step by step is a great one, a year seems like a long time (it really isn't when you have a baby who is nearly 1 ;) ) but those first few months, every day is monumental.

I dont have big boobs, I have ginormous ones!! lOl 18II normally, 20 H when pg/BF, but have had them long enough to realise people will stare at them even if fully dressed ( IYKWIM) so went stuff it, and flash n bare whenever!! :-s I too liked the convenience , and when it came to solid taught my lot to eat it cold, so didnt have to look for heating facilities!!

Deb, I wish I had of seen your post earlier. You sound EXACTLY like me when Aidan was the same age. People would ask me how hard work it was having a baby, and I said the ONLY hard thing was breastfeeding. I'll never forget how hard I thought everything was in the first month. Aidan was big and hungry and before my milk came in he was recommended to be there sucking to stimulate supply - it hurt so much I would sob in pain. Anyway..... I bought a breat pump and that was my first step to feeling guily. I returned to b/f instead of expressing as soon as my nipples were better which only took a few days, but it was funny, I then found myself expressing for no reason and bottle feeding Aidan! I was so over b/f that I found a way to avoid it without Aidan missing out on the goodies! I think for me this really helped, I had a great supply so was able to express and store in fridge and freezer which came in handy when ppl would drop over or when we went out (I dont know why, but I just cant get my boob out, I feel SO self concious, which I hated myself for but couldnt change). I think Aidan was about 3 months when I decided on a comp feed (2nd step to guilt), and now, at 4 months, I b/f twice a day and formula feed twice a day. Personally I am really enjoying this routine and I feel now that I am happy I may continue to b/f for a lot longer than I would have if I was solely b/f. Having said that, I dont want to recommend giving it up, as I can easily imagine missing it once I stop. Persevere for as long as YOU can (dont worry about other opinions, who cares!)

HTH

Jess

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I bought a breat pump and that was my first step to feeling guily. I returned to b/f instead of expressing as soon as my nipples were better which only took a few days, but it was funny, I then found myself expressing for no reason and bottle feeding Aidan! I was so over b/f that I found a way to avoid it without Aidan missing out on the goodies! I think for me this really helped, I had a great supply so was able to express and store in fridge and freezer which came in handy when ppl would drop over or when we went out (I dont know why, but I just cant get my boob out, I feel SO self concious, which I hated myself for but couldnt change). I think Aidan was about 3 months when I decided on a comp feed (2nd step to guilt), and now, at 4 months, I b/f twice a day and formula feed twice a day. Personally I am really enjoying this routine and I feel now that I am happy I may continue to b/f for a lot longer than I would have if I was solely b/f.

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Jess you should feel no guilt, a baby gets just as much benefits from expressed milk as directly from the breast, and if it helped you keep feeding then it's all good! Also comp feeding makes sense if you are attached to a pump all day..

I heard at the ABA that with even one feed of breastmilk a day a baby gets the antibodies that make the big difference between formula and breastmilk

Thanks Jessica. It does help to know that others feel the same way. I really like doing the comp feed too. Gabby knows that her night time bottle means it's time for sleep and she zonks it for a good 5-7 hours at night. It has kept me sane! Thanks for telling me your story.
Katanya - you are so right. Some breast milk is better than nothing, hey? That's what I figure. Gabby is getting BM all day and only being topped up at night (sometimes she barely drinks half the bottle). That's better than if I completely give up!