babywise

Hi

Has anyone used this book to help with settling their baby. my baby is 11weeks old,

Hey Maggie

I haven't used it...have no kids!!!

BUT...

my friend who has 4 kids has used it and found it to be very helpful...I think she said it was very routined and she followed it fairly closely, but not strictly...and it seemed to help lots...

Good luck!

Hi Maggie

Someone gave this book to me when I was pregnant and I read it, but it really didn't suit my parenting style at all, so I chucked it in the bin. I found it didn't really allow for baby's individual personalities, and leant more towards controlled crying techniques than gentle parenting techniques (which sit more comfortably with my DH and I's parenting style).

Have you read any of Pinky's books? They'd give you a lot of options that are more gentle parenting styles, if you're interested. There's a couple of them reviewed on the main BB site here (just scroll down).

The babywise books are very controversial, you might be able to find previous threads on the topic by searching, probably in the archives. They are books I would most steer clear of. He was even ostracised from his own church for the things that he had in his books, babies ended up with failure to thrive and some of his child discipline methods are, to be honest, cruel.

Try www.ezzo.info

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Ezzo claims millions of success stories but many families who initially considered their experience a success--even to the point of recommending the books and classes to others--have reevaluated the value of what they learned when feeding problems, low weight gain, loss of breastfeeding, and adversarial relationships with their children developed.

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Oh dear!!!

My friend must have used an EXTREMELY MODIFIED version of this (if at all)...as she is one of the most relaxed and competent Mums I know...with 4 of the most balanced and fun kids I have the pleasure of knowing!

Maybe she didn't end up using it that much...sorry for the bum steer!

LOL Monnie I have friends who have sworn off the book Babywise & when I first looked into it I thought it was really strange, but yep I think some of them modify it to suit them & forget to mention it ;) at least I hope so....

Thanks for that Christy...I've felt like a real dill since reading the other posts...

Yeah...she would have definitely modified it (or thrown it out!)...we just never got to have part 2 of the conversation!!!

Awwww don't feel bad monnie, at least now you know, and will be less likely to use it yourself :) Your future children will thank you for it :) Thats the thing, we just dont know these things, so much word of mouth and unless you hear two sides you can't judge.

Monnie don't feel like a dill. I have a friend who did read it and does follow it loosely too. Each to their own, just not my cup of tea.

I had my step-mother bring the book from the US when DS was 7 weeks old and she and my dad were coming for a visit. I read the book and completely disagreed with just about everything that was written in it. I agree with the other people who have said that it goes against everything they and their partner/husband feel is the best way to care for a child. But I'm still glad I read it so I know what else it out there. I then bought and read one of Pinky McKay's books and have also read a book by Elizabeth Pantley and both of them are much more in line with my thinking!

Hi Ladies,
I am going to upset you all by saying that I have done BW with all 3 children and have not had no problems with non thriving children. My children know what to expect, they know what is comimg next due to routine. I am not a perfect mum but I do feel that this book/program gives me direction and support. I use it as a flexable tool. I use common sense and look at the situation in context.
It's not for everyone but some parents and families may be suited to it.

Hi Rose,
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and what works for one family doesn't work for another. I have a friend who has used the book and feels it was the best for her and her family and I don't doubt that it was the right way for her to respond to her children - but I also know that it is NOT the right way for me to respond to my child.
What I most disagree with is the book's stance on demand feeding and how demand fed babies can grow into children who are insecure, unable to amuse themselves, and unable to self sooth. Now I admit that could be the situation for SOME people but certainly not everyone. I will use just myself, my sister and my brother as an example. My sister and I were both bottle fed, thus schedule fed, and both of us sucked our thumbs for a LONG time (me age 8 my sister until age 14), both of us had security issues throughout our childhood and needed a stuffed animal, a blankie, our thumb, or each other (we often slept together until we hit high school) to comfort and sooth ourselves to sleep at night.
My brother on the other hand, was breastfed the longest (he self weaned at 10 months), and was demand fed the whole time. He NEVER sucked his thumb, used a dummy, had a stuffed animal or a blankie or needed to sleep with my parents or us to sooth himself to sleep. He is the most secure of all of us and was much more able to amuse himself and play on his own at a much younger age then my sister and I.
I'm sure if I read through the book again I would have a LOT more to say about it but I'll stop there. Again, I'm not upset at all by what you said, and I'm glad the book and its methods worked well for you, your family, and your children, but it just isn't my cup of tea and I prefer a more gentle approach with my son.
One final point, neither myself, nor my sister, nor my brother slept through the night consistently until about 14-16 months so I disagree that HOW and HOW often the baby is fed has anything to do with ability to sleep through the night!

I hope I haven't offended with any of my comments, just wanted to clarify my thoughts!

Yeah its not fair of him to talk down other methods like babywearing and self-weaning, when all that stuff has been proven to create secure attachments and is not spoiling. My two have been comforted in every way, and they are great at giving comfort. How can what I have done been so wrong?! He can talk about what he wants, but should not make comments that have no credibility. Kinda like a few baby experts though.

I would have to re-read the book to find the exact quote - and I'm not keen to re-read it - but I seem to remember him making a comment about how babies who are demand fed have a lower IQ as well. Now I could be wrong, because as I said I would have to re-read the book to find the quote - but if that were the case then my brother should have the lowest IQ in our family - and rather he has the highest.
I'm still glad I read the book - but I certainly didn't find it helpful at all - and IF I had decided to use his techniques I certainly would have ceased breastfeeding at around 6 weeks when DS went through his first growth spurt. Instead I kept with it - spending a whole day nursing almost non-stop and DS went back to a more normal 2-4 hour feeding schedule all on his own within a couple of days.

Ah, I hate to go against the flow but we've been following BW. This book stresses the importance of being flexible a lot so unless you ignore that, then of course this book sounds awful. Caty, by the way, is the most content little creature.
A lot of people I know have used it (hence us checking it out) and their kids are fine....I would imagine (and hope) the majority of people who do BW are flexible with it, hence it 'works' for them.
Then again, I've had some who have used it for the first bubs with no probs, then with the second it wont suit at all....so I guess a lot of it is up who bubs is?
Anyway, whatever works I say. This works for me, wont work for you, and might work for the next person.

ps: ha, please don't hate me for this post!

I wouldn't worry about people hating you, that's not what we're about!:D

My own two cents.... I have also read the book and found all the information he gives about breastfeeding to be completely wrong. My sister is a psychologist and she tells me what is says about bonding and attachment is also wrong. I haven't got a problem with people using what they find helpful and ignoring the rest but the way the book's written it says that it's their way or the highway. So it tries to tell parents that if they don't follow the book to the letter then they are bad parents. And don't get me started on the manipulative examples it gives about the two families using the two different parenting methods!

Anyway, my suggestion is for you to read a few different parenting books and take from each what you need and ignore what doesn't suit. Most importantly don't let anyone tell you you're a bad parent for following your instincts.

hmmm interesting thread.... my cousin followed babywise and her two children are great, and both slept thru the night from about 6 weeks from memory.... i have just read it and i guess i found it useful in the fact that i like the idea of a routine, with the option of being flexible... i dont know if i will strictly follow it, but i like the idea of having a plan, okay feed 8 - 10 times a day, have play time and nap time then repeat etc.... im a first time mum and plan on just winging it, and playing it by ear whilst listening to those with experience, but i will try to stick to some sort of routine, just for my own sanity.... of course though i will listen to my own maternal instincts over what i have read in any book...

Sorry love i havent read it ..... but hope it helps!

I read it and followed it loosely also. There are some good ideas, and some off the wall seemingly cruel ideas! I took some ideas to try to get abby on a schedule and she was sleeping through the night since 8 weeks of age. She is now 14 months, and still sleeps though the night 12 hours! Every baby is different and different techniques will work for them. I found what was key for Abigail was that when she was thriving, I would give her her pacifier in the middle of the night instead of a feeding, and if she went right back to sleep I would too. If the pacifier didnt work, she was obviously very hungry and I would feed her. After about 3 days of this, the pacifier worked every time and on the 4th day she slept through the night, and it has stayed that way. I wouldnt try for a routine until the baby is thriving. Good luck! let us know what works for your little one! :)

Ezzo is not qualified to give advice on babies which to me is a problem. I don't believe in getting babies into routines when they are that small so I was never going to agree with much of what he has written anyway. Babies don't cry to manipulate people ... they cry because they need something from you and those cries cannot go unanswered. A baby cannot be spoilt from being picked up when it cries. They don't understand why you are leaving them to cry so the concept of "training" them doesn't quite wash.

That said, if people have read his books and found some tips which were helpful and worked for them, then well and good. I think it might be very much a case of take what you can use and leave what you can't.

A friend of mine said this book and it's suggestions for routines saved her sanity! I had a quick flick through it at her house but didn't like some of the ideas. I guess it depends if you're really one for routines and CC or not. I guess it works for some and not for others! There's no harm in having a read I suppose.

This book IS harmful, that's the point of the dissociations that have ensued since publication! Many parenting organisations that normally don't engage in endorsements or not of products have made a point of discouraging use of this book.
Do a google search and you will be presented with many reasons not to use the book. I read it, and to begin with it seemed to make sense. As I read on I realised the book was rubbish. Sure, some things may 'work', but not so much for the child as for the parent. Same goes for CC. There is no study anywhere to say that CC is NOT harmful, it's just something that is taught and done because parents get desperate in a society where they get left alone to figure their kids out (just the nature of our society where we likely don't know our neighbours or get involved with local families apart from a few hours here and there with kinder and school etc).
Anyway, Ezzo has NO qualifications and his book is a scaled down version of his Christian book on the same thing. The aim of his book and teachings is to create pliant children who will be more conducive to 'Christian' teachings where they don't question, they just 'do'. Look it up, look into it, and please tell me I'm wrong! I looked into it last year, hoping to use the book as a source for some school work (studying grad dip in psych) and realised that the book has no cred whatsoever, and even the guy who 'co-authored' the secular version has distanced himself from it!!
Yep, I'm against CC and separation of mother and child, however, there have got to be far, far better books out there where the author at least has a qualification that doesn't involved a revoked licence to preach to a religious congregation.
The book reckons it is flexible, but from what I read the flexibility relates to maybe a half hour here and there in the 4 hour recommendation between feeds. There wasn't actually a lot more 'flexibility' involved.
Consider this (and this can be read in the Summer edition of Kindred, complete with a references list from suitably qualified people), there is NO scientifically researched body of work to even suggest that CC is safe for children (not talking about parents here, talking about the long term wellbeing of the child), whereas there is a huge selection of articles and research that support attachment parenting, demand-feeding, immediate response to infants, baby-wearing, co-sleeping... Justify CC etc how you like, I'm doing what rings true to my own eyes and ears from instinct as well as sound research. Best wishes to anyone who uses the book and can find any value in it.
Sorry about the lecture! This book made me so mad when it took me in initially. I suggest a bonfire for all copies of this book...!! And I'm not alone in that suggestion, many health professionals feel the same way...before anyone wants to have a go at me for my opinion ;)