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Friends of ours are pregnant with their 3rd baby and if it's a boy they really want to name him Lincoln (our sons name). They called last night and asked if it was okay to do this. At the time I said yes (what else could I say) but now I'm a bit miffed. What do you guys think and has this happened to anyone else? What did you say?
Are they friends you see on a regular basis??
Yes. They're quite good friends.
That's a bit weird. I reckon you should tell them how you feel... after all, they've done the right thing and asked so *hopefully* they'll take it well.
Friends of mine have a little girl named Lexi (Alexandra). Their friends had a baby not long after them and named their daughter Alexandra with Lexi for short too!! She was peeeeeeved!
I don't think I'd like close friends to copy my kid's names... unless the kids were 10-15 years apart...then it might not matter so much??
Hi there, what makes you think they are "copying"? It could just be the name they happen to like the most, and it's an unhappy thing for them that you got it first!
BTW while I was PG with DD I had already chosen her name. Four of my friends gave birth in the month before I did (I went overdue they all went early!) but if any of them had called their daughters the name I'd chosen, then tough luck. I would've named her that anyway.
I know you're upset but try to think how you would feel if one of your friends named theirs your all time favorite name before you got the chance. Hope you can smooth it over, this is not worth endangering the friendship for!
What will the age difference be?
aussienic - the age difference will be 11 months
marydean - friends of ours have already chosen a name we would like to call our daughter if we ever had one but we wouldn't do it - it just doesn't feel right.
ok seeing as the age difference is not much at all then maybe you could approach the subject by saying how confusing it will be for the 2 of them ect ect. If the age gap was bigger I would say not a problem but.. good Luck. It sounds like a very tricky situation
Tough call. I'd be pretty peeved if I friend called their kid the same as mine however I can see Marydean's point. It often happens at school that they end up being Susan F and Susan M based upon their initials but its hard when its a close friend who's named their kid the same. I would let them know how your really feel so at least then they can rethink and decide from there. Keep the lines of communication open.
Personally I find it weird. This happened to me as well. I don't even consider the friend to be particularly close but she kept harping on about how they wanted to call their baby the same name as our daughter who was born 13 months before their baby's due date. And it wasn't as if our daughter has one of the top 10 popular names either. Anyway they ended up having a boy which was good because everytime my friend mentioned it, I didn't quite know what to say... At least your friends asked - mine TOLD me that was what they were going to do. I wouldn't have minded if she said that it was the name she had always wanted to call her daughter - not a problem - but it was very odd in the circumstances.
I think you should see it as a very big compliment. They must love the name if they still wish to use it and I think they have done the polite thing by running it by you first. My advice is be gracious about it and you never know they may change their mind in the 11th hour - and you have not risked any kind of resentment in your friendship.
When I was pg the first time, DH had a boy's name he had wanted to use for as long as I have known him (20 odd years). It was only a month or so before Jack was born, after much discussing names, that I agreed we would use Jack. A couple of days later the wife of a friend was speaking to DH. These friends had been ttc for 2 or 3 years. Sam asked DH if we had decided on names. DH said yes but we weren't saying what they were. Then Sam said that she would use the name Jack if she ever had a son. DH didn't even tell me this until after Jack was born. At that stage there was no way we were changing names. These friends are interstate anyway so it wouldn't really matter if we all used the same name. But after Jack was born the Sam didn't talk to us for ages. Another friend said she was annoyed we had used the name Jack (although I think there was also a lot of jealousy at us having a bub while they were still ttc). Anyway, a year later they had twins, one a boy and used a different name so I guess it wasn't a big deal anyway.
If you see a lot of the friends I can see that it would be difficult. But I think it depends on whether they had already wanted the name before you used it or not. If they had their heart set on the name for years then maybe it's ok for them to use it. If they have only liked it since you used it, then it's a bit weird and I think they should find another name.
I would see it as a compliment too. I wouldn't do it myself, but if that's what they really want to name their child, I'm sure Lincoln won't mind. He's probably a lovely little boy and they see him with a lovely name.
Just a story from friends of ours, they loved the name ****** and just incase the other party read I wont name names.... any way the friend was pg first and had said that she didn't like that name ******, by the end of her pg, she had said to her that they now wanted to call him ****** well that was never going to happen, and she replied well that will be the end of our friendship if you do...
the child was born and named something along the same lines but not ****** so my friend was mighty p1ssed and they are friends still, but when my friend had her little boy had to name him something completely different as it would have been really noticable that they were on the same page....
HTH... I would have something to say if they were close... an xfriend of mine has a DD Kiara, and as they don't live in the same town, have hardly any friends here now, and I see them once in a blue blue blue moon, I wasn't fussed.
hhmm personally if a friend has already used a name for their child then that name is off limits - I wouldn't want to have to continually explain which child I was talking to.
maybe you should find out why they really want to use that name - perhaps it's one of their grandfathers middle names or something like that.
I agree it's hard when someone uses a name that you had your heart set on - but there are a billion gazillion names out there!
thing is if they use it you are going to boil everytime you see them, but if they don't use it they are going to be reminded every time they see you that they couldn't use the name they wanted to - which is easier to live with?
No-one's "pinched" my names as yet, i suppose the only time i would be really peeved about it is if they did it while i was still pregnant and "stole" the name KWIM? I've always had my babies' names picked since pretty much the beginning of my pregnancies,. Luckily, apart from on here, i dont know anyone having babies LOL!!
That was abit unfair Mads!! i would be severely p*ssed if I told a person "im naming my child X name" and they went and used it just because they went first!!
I wouldnt personally use a name a friend's child has but if a friend wanted to use Jesse or Tyler i dont think id stop them. If it was a family member then i probably wouldnt like it but a friend i think id be ok with it. They may have had their hearts set on that name for years and i would hate for them to not choose it just because of my son.. i think id still be happy for them.. but thats just me.
I was always going to name my children Alexander and Charlotte, but then my sister named her daughter who was born first Alexandra. So my boys name went out the window cause I wasn't going to have an Alexandra & Alexander in the family.
Don't know if I could be classed as using a friends' child's name. A good work friend's DD is also named Maggie, but she is 17 years older than my Maggie. As most of our conversations revolved around work and friends, not family, I had not thought about her daughter when picking a name.
It so happened that we were discussing names and mentioned that I liked Maggie. Luckily she, of course, thought it was a great name and agreed we should use it. It never came up between us about copying or stealing. She is the type of person that if she had an issue she would have said something. Considering that only catch up occasionally I don't think having the same name matters, especially with the age difference.
I don't think it should be a problem. You have the right to name your baby whatever you want to, as does everyone else. If its a name you or they like, then why not use it?
The only condition I would put on that is having someone in the same family of the same generation with that name. We had that situation when naming Al, and discovered he had a second cousin with the original choice of name we had chosen. They would have both had the same first and second name and are only 12months apart. So we changed to Alexander (after a lot of discussions).
How does Lincoln feel about it? Is he old enough to care?
When I was about 3 one of Mum's friends used my name for her daughter (it was quite uncommon then although its very popular now) and I thought it was really exciting.
actually you know what I think I will change my initial thoughts on this matter, I have about 30 cousins amongst us all there are two Tom's, three Catherines, an Alexander, an Alexandria, an Isobel and an Isabella, an Emily (me) and an Emma, two Richards and a Bridget - and no one ever really cared! we all just got different shortened versions - for example I am Em, and Emma is Emsie
I think it should be ok - each child will have a different personality! we all do!
This is a tough one! I think if you are together often then one will probably have a nickname. I think since you already told them it is ok, it would probably be a hard thing for them to hear you are now not ok with it. It is so exciting to finally pick the baby name, and they will be dissapointed if they have to change it. Can you think of a nickname you (or they) like and could use when you are together?
Yeah that sucks.
But - if they stick to their guns then they will probably have everyone who knows you both questioning the name once they find out....and everyone will know they 'copied' you. I'm sure they'll get criticism from others (well, maybe)....and if they're telling people already (?) then they might just get so much they change the name!
My favourite names for both a boy and a girl were taken by close friends, so we went back in to the 'name pool' to find something else.
If close friends named their child the same as mine, I wouldnt like it. (It just seems 'wierd' to me!) If they are people you rarely see, or socialise with, I wouldnt mind.
I think it best if you can get the confidence to say something to your friend - because if you don't, you will have a daily reminder of this instance because their son will always be called the same as your son!
Good luck!
It's interesting hearing everyone's opinion. I can understand about the whole "I don't own the name Lincoln" thing. I'm just disappointed because we chose it because no one we knew had a son called Lincoln. I don't know if I'd have the courage to say anything now that I've already said I don't mind. I just hope they change their mind or I'll just have to learn to live with it.