Hospital visitors after birth

I was wondering for those of you who have already had a child (or more) the second time around did you or are you planning on trying to limit the number of people who come and visit you in hospital?

After a c-section last time I had sooo many visitors and felt so overwhelmed.

I even had people who I'd never met before or had only met once or twice come in (to see DH)

I was talking to DH last night and suggested we only tell a few close friends and family this time and then announce it to everybody else once I'm home.

I also want to make the transition for DS very easy too.

What are your thoughts on this?

After my first son was born I had a ****load of visitors as well which was very overwhelming. The 2nd time I wasn't in hospital long enough to get many visitors. The 3rd time I could count on one hand how many visitors I had. I think the novelty wears off for everyone after you have had 1 child LOL. well it happened in my case.

Love

I personally loved having heaps of visitors cause i felt fantastic and loved the company. I also had a long but quite easy labour (32 hours) and had no problems afterwards.

I can understand it may be different with a different labour. I think if its what you want then everyone will understand. Its your baby, your family, its completely up to you. Let the nurses/midwives know your wishes and they can help with unwanted guests :)

I had a 31 hour labour and was completely exhausted, I also didn't get much sleep whilst in hospital.

Maybe I'll just see how I feel afterwards than trying to be a complete control freak now :-)

I still think you need to have an idea of how you want to handle it when the time comes, cause you need to lay the ground rules so to speak if you feel so adamant about it and especially certain people - family will be different but the aquaintances can wait kwim?

Jacqui, After an emergency C/S with my DD, I have decided to put a few 'rules' in place for the next time should we get a BFP!
I was exactly the same as you, completely overwhelmed.

I plan on making the first day a 'family' day. Family as in DH,DD myself and our new addition to the family.. The next day will be my parents and in laws, with possibly great grandparents later that arvo or the next day. The day after that anyone else can visit, but not at all the same time.

When the time comes, we plan on telling everyone so they know and have time to get use to the idea as I'm sure quite a few people will be most upset with me.

Nic

With my DD i also had a room full every visiting hour, & the same, some people were there to see DD's dad (i'd met them mabey once!) It drove me nuts to have so many people in their, especially when you want to be alone with bubs as well. This time i have told DP that anyone on his side can only come in when he's there, as i wont tell them i to tired etc, but i would with any of mine. I have put him complete charge of this or telling people to leave if im tired. I have also told him to tell people to come into the hossy if they want to see us as i DO NOT want people coming to the house for at least the first month. Hoping it will be like Astrolady said and the novelty wears off after the first!

Good luck!!

We had visitors (BIL and SIL) within 4 hours of birth - next time I think I will tell everyone about bub's arrival once we are at home....maybe even a week after I get home!!

Well we have chosen not to tell anyone about our baby untill after he is born so no one will know im in labour anyway, then we will sms them at night to limit how many people can come.

my friend had people knocking on the labour suit door she was so mad, all she wanted was a shower and all they wanted was to see the baby. How rude.

Havent discussed this one yet with DH, but, i think will text imm. family when i go into labour (mums, dads bros and sisters) but, i dont want any visitors for at least 24hours, and then only imm family first, and then others the next day. But, depends on how i feel i guess. I certainly dont want people waiting outside while i am in labour like they do in the movies. I will feel so pressured to 'rush' things along cause i hate the idea of people waiting for me.

This time around will also be very different. My DD came early at 34 wks and spent 3 wks in the NICU. The 10 days that i was in hospital we had stacks of visitors - some i didn't even know very well - all expecting to see the baby (which was impossible as she wasn't with me). It was not a nice situation for me at all and i only wanted to spend my time either recovering or with my DD. This time i think we'll limit it to the first 24hrs immed. family (this bub - Tia - will be going into the NICU too :() meaning me, DH and DD - then the rest of family (parents and siblings only) and a few very close friends- that's it! Others can wait til we get home and are recovered before coming to see Tia.

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Maybe in your announcement (we txt ours out to friends and extended family, but call the immediate families first) say, "Baby **** is here, mum and bub are well, but exhausted. No visitors as yet, we'll let you know when we are ready" This might deter alot of the visitors... who come in for the sake of it (like just to see your DH)

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Thats a great idea - will remember that one. Nice, simple, not offensive, but gets the msg across clearly.

I like the idea of that text too fletch.

I would be perfectly happy for DH & DS along with my parents and my brother and DH's parents on the first day, maybe the second.

Depending on the time the baby is born I might just have DH and DS for the first day.

Thanks for your responses and for helping me see i'm not being overly sensitive.

No, your not being overly sensitive - i think it makes perfect sense for you to want to have this time to bond with just you, your bub and DH, without peoples come in, and out and disturbing your time. I recall, very vaguely, someone said something once about only the mum and dad should hold the baby in the first 'x' amount of hours, cause the babies get used to your own particular smell/scent.

Hmmm, well DH and I wanted a week to bond with baby and DH wanted 2 weeks before anyone else held the baby... I've had to put my foot down with our families (parents and siblings) very hard and... we're seeing them the day after. But at least everyone else will be waiting longer... well, everyone else being DH's uncle as my family won't visit anyway, too far away, and it will be March before they do see the baby then.

I'm telling the grandparents first, then friends who can't visit (like everyone here!) then finally people who may visit a couple of days afterwards. But with my social calendar, some people may guess why I'm not around.

With one of my friends, I was one of those people "waiting outside", it wasn't really intentional, just that we were actually the ones to take my friend to hospital, we were in the birthing suite but they kicked us out for being "disruptive" pffft it was the mum-to-be who opened up the 2nd bottle of champagne for us (she didn't have any!), but we're talking about the mum who had us wheeling her outside the ward within 6 hours of bub's being born so she could have a smoke & a beer (she'd not drunk or smoked thought the whole pregnancy).

I remember with my SIL, being one of the first of the family to hold 3 of their 4 bubs (1st was born in Brisbane while we were living in Sydney), but then again I was 10, 12 & 14 yo when the 3 were born (8 for the first).

I don't honestly know what my feelings will be when/if it comes to the birth of my child/ren - it will depend on whether we are having 1 or 2 & how bad the birth was. I know that I don't want "all and sundry" traipsing through, but good friends who have been there for me throughout the hardest parts of my life, so by-rights they should be there for the best parts of my life.

I'm one of these horrid people that doesn't want friends to visit - I don't mind family - infact they were ALL there for the birth including IL's - this was not intentional just kind of went from pretty relaxed to full steam ahead - they were like "deers in the headlights" - but again didn't bother me - i had my mum and MIL praying at the end of the bed and at that point it was kind of calming - almost like I could have done with all the help I could get - YKWIM - OK gone off track - sorry

But friends for me are a different story and alot of them didn't see BJ for the first month - don't know why I was like that but i just wasn't ready to "entertain"

Just do what feels right at the time

jacqui - when my first daughter was born we had lots of visitors. When second daughter arrived there wasn't many - exactly as Kathryn said, the novelty wears off!!!! Lots of friends phoned or sent text messages. I was in hospital for 5 days with DD#2 and my last day I had no visitors - it was lovely. Most days I only had 1 or 2 which wasn't too bad and mostly family. You have every right to want a bit of bonding time with your new baby and DS. Being in hospital is the only time you can have quality one on one time with the new baby - make the most of it.

I said no visitors for #1 and #2 in hospital. We were also pretty strict with people coming over for the first week or so after the event. Both times people came in, and it annoyed me cuase I left a message with the desk no visitors.
The problem isn't them coming - its how long they stay for. My BIL and SIL came with their 3yo, and stayed for 90 mins!!!!! All through this I was having massive afterpains, and actually just wanted to sleep. It sucked, and I'm still a bit bitter about it, but what can you do.

So I'm all for being upfront with people and saying - look nows not a really good time forus. Its unsettling enough wiht a toddler and a baby, people wanting to cuddle the newbie just make things harder sometimes.

I think it's a great idea Jacqui.
My IL's came well before visiting hours right when i wanted to have a shower. In fact I had just stood up and had that massive blood flow after a csec and they wanted to come in! Like hell! Then they said, oh we'll just take the baby then....over my dead body.
I will be fighting my DH not to tell them until the day after next time, but they are not coming like that again. Then they were there ever visiting hours all visiting hour for the next week! I was really sick and they never gotany subtle hints so next time I will be about as tactful as a tonne of bricks.

I really like Fletch's idea though and have saved it to remind me.

See I wouldn't mind so much if people just came to visit quickly and left, but with the inlaws and the strangers (to me) who came to visit they stayed longer than visiting hours went for.

Then when some people were leaving they'd bump into others that were just arriving and decide to stick around.

Your opinions are all very helpful. :-)

When it comes right down to it, it's up to you and how your feeling after the birth.
I know when I had Kayla I loved having visits from family and friends but after I had Liam I wasn't in the hospital that long (only 24 hours) so I had family and friends over at the house. With Willow I told my DH to tell family and friends that they could come up the next day but after that could thay please give us some space as we needed time to get our heads around Wilow being born that early and I would ring them when I got home.
However you play it I'm sure or family and friends will understand and respected your wishes.
Good luck.

Raven

I loved having visitors although I was glad hospital had visiting hrs so we did have time to get to settle in to everything.
You wouldnt have been able to keep everyone away from the hospital after DS was born, but he was the 1st child.

I would hope everyone would be just as excited with bubs #2

I loved having visitors too, but I know heaps of ppl came when I had Maddy, but no aunts, cousins, great grandpa's etc came with Indah... They all came in the next week or 2 at home after her birth... But I had maddy stay with me on my bed all day whilst in the hospital as she just laid next to me & we'd cuddle up on the oh so small bed & sleep in each others arms & when Indah would wake Maddy was with me (dh was organising his new motorbike & Maddy was on school hol's & we had never been apart so it was an extremely emotional time for Maddy & I being kept apart!) So for the 3 dyas in Hossy It was nice just Me, Maddy & Indah & Dh would pop in & bring us goodies.. Then Mum, Dad & my closest friends popped in too...

This time other thn Mum, My Aunt & Dh being with me in labour noone will be visiting as we are in the FBC & go home within 24hrs so I will let them know they can see us at home in a few dyas time!!!

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I think the novelty wears off for everyone after you have had 1 child LOL. well it happened in my case.

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Happened here too Kat lol!

Maybe you can get DH to let people know when he calls to announce the arrival that you want them to call and speak to you first before visiting so that you don't become innundated all at once.

I had a few vistors but was lucky one left as onother was arriving most of the time.
The girl I shared with for the first two nights had so many visitors they could barely fit behind her curtain and I had to wheel Calebs crib around the other side because some moron kept bumping into it. Then I had to walk through a group of them to get to the loo :eek: I felt kind of sorry for her.
Thankfully I went to a private room after that.

My SIL had her baby 6 months before me and her parents sat in the room through the whole labour then sat outside the room while she had the C-section at 2am!!

There was no way I wanted that and my in-laws would say to my parents 'see you at the birth'.......HA, I dont think so!!

So a couple of weeks before Maya was due I tactfully said to my MIL that we will call them from the hospital once she was here and let them know when to come in as I wanted to have the first couple of hours with our daughter to ourselves. She couldnt exactly say anything against it, so they waited for the phone call:D Maya arrived at 2.15pm and we rang around 5pm, I was showered and refreshed by the time they got there:biggrin: