Need some urgent counsel please

Hi,

I really need some advice and help right now. Having just discovered that we're expecting our first child last Sunday, I've been placed in a really interesting situation this evening.

My Father-In-Law (FIL) was planning a family holiday in Australia in April that involved flying to the location. DH & I haven't showed a great deal of enthusiasm in the last few weeks because we were TTC and thought I may be pregnant at the time of the holiday. (We are both very conscious of not flying in the 1st Trim, or, if it can be helped - not flying at all during pregnancy). As it turns out, I AM preggas, but will be in the 2nd Tri by April.

Anyway, FIL left a message tonight saying that he didn't get enough response re that trip, so now he wants to take us to the USA in January 2008 (Winter-time)! I'm flipping out here because our baby will not even be 3 months old! I don't want to be travelling on a 16+hr flight! Let alone sharing a unit/house with 6 other people when I'm trying to get settled and breastfeed etc!

This is my situation - we are only just pregnant and had not planned to tell any family until the 3mth mark (1st grandchild - can't expect them to keep quiet), and now I feel my whole lovely week has crashed because I cannot for the life of me think of a good enough reason to give them (other than preg) why we can't go in Jan. The pressure's on because FIL wants to make bookings etc.

I need some counsel - what is a 2.5mth old baby like and how are you (mum) like at that stage? Should we try and pursuade them to do the April option again?

I just hate the thought that we're going to have to tell them sooner than planned - that it's in their control, not ours. If we could even get to the 8 wk mark, that would be better. I don't even know how to stall them.....

Just trying to stay calm and not get stressed! Would LOVE your thoughts Mums, Dads, Anyone :)

Firstly, congrats on your BFP Melody! great news!

I can't say I've travelled with a young baby so I really can't give you advise on that, however it's still pretty early in the piece. I imagine by then you will have got the knack of BFing, or FF if that's what you choose/end up doing. You will however be feeding probably 2 or 3 times overnight so if you are staying in a small apartment it will be pretty confined and cosy for all. I imagine you will still be fairly tired as you will probably still be taking around 45-60mins per feed at each feed time, even overnight.

Having said that, people do, and have travelled with little babies. They are still sleeping quite a lot during 'a day' so the flight wouldn't be too bad. You can get a bassinet seat so that bubs has somewhere comfortable and safe to be inflight.

As for telling people earlier than you had planned to... yes I guess they 'may' be taking this issue 'out of your control' but by telling them now, puts the trip more in 'your control' by being able to negotiate dates with your FIL.

Good luck on your decision making and congrats again.

Oh Rachel, thanks for your reply. Your thoughts on b/feeding were great - I just have no idea ATM.

I was surfing the net after posting my message and it seems that people do travel with little ones. Maybe we should just go? Perhaps we could negotiate something regarding accommodation as well...

How do you think my little one would cope going from a hot Aussie Summer to a freezing US winter? Don't get me wrong, I feel very blessed that I even have this opportunity, it's just that we have a life as well - we can't just drop it because FIL wants to go skiing!

Hey Mel,
CONGRATULATIONS :dance:

If you decide to go just for the US trip just prepare yourself for anything... bub may not have his/her routine for sleeping or eating sussed out so it may get a bit all over the place for them... all so the "jet lag" will play a little part in your bub possibly getting unsettled.
If you think you can handle the worst... which is probably only a fussy bub that doesnt sleep too well on your holiday then I say GO FOR IT MATE :) but if you dont think that you will be up for the lack of sleep and a fussy bub then maybe give it a miss.....

What a great oppurtunity... I totally understand your apprehension but!!

Thats a hard one mate

Good luck with your pregnancy :) and in your decision to go over seas! :)

xox

First of all congratulations on your pregnancy!

I may be able to offer some of my own perspective for you to think about but I'd like to know why you're against travelling whilst pregnant? A lot of couples take it as an oportunity to have 'one last holiday' as a couple whilst not chained to a demanding baby.

My partner is a pilot and we travel a lot. It's cheap and convenient for us so we'll often just pop on a flight and go to visit people who live a 2 hour flight away for the weekend. For us it's not any different to going on a 2 hour drive...it's just transportation.

During my pregnancy we've flown to the USA and flown around it internally (Copenhagen to Frankfurt to NY to Vegas then n 8 day drive around CA, Nevada and Arizona before flying from LA to Copenhagen via Heathrow). That was when I was 10-13 weeks pregnant and we've just come back from 2 weeks in Australia (26-28½ weeks pregnant) where we flew there via Tokyo (stayed 8 hours to see a friend) and Syndey...and back to Sweden via Hong Kong and London. It was 50 hours of travel there and 35 hours back.

In a couple of weeks we'll be flying down to Munich in the morning (3 hour flight) and back the same evening.

I plan to go to visit my sisters in London the weekend after that.

You don't need to be scared of travel or flying whilst pregnant, turbulence and changing time zones won't make a lick of difference to your little fetus in its nice little cocoon.

I just took the regular DVT precautions of moving my legs, taking walks, stretching and drinking plenty of water for the flights and I did just fine, I didn't even bother with compression stockings or anything like that.

I say take the trip in April. As a general rule, airlines prefer women to not fly after 34 weeks and some are as late at 36 weeks but this is due to the risk of the woman going into labour on the plane rather than any implied health risks.

Just relax and enjoy your pregnany. There's no need to put your life that much on hold. Travel now is so much easier than when you have a little poop machine and all the associated accesories to lug around with you!!!

Melody,

Many congratulations for you & your husband!

I am from the UK and travelled with my daughter when she was 3 months and a couple of days old to the UK for a month long trip.

Here are my thoughts:

PROS:
It was the perfect time to travel with her - she slept a lot on the plane and was just starting to smile everyday which was lovely for the family!

It was wonderful allowing family members to spend quality time with her (especially my husband) although they all had to 'share' her!

CONS:
However, I had insist on making sure she was getting her sleeps through the day and her bedtime routine was adhered to, or else the following day would be very difficult (other people found this hard to work around). At 2 - 3 months, you may find yourself wanting to start a proper routine (e.g. at bedtime) and this can be very difficult when others are wanting to go out and about and do stuff.

My daughter is incredibly easy too but it definately slowed down any activities others wanted to do because I was feeding every 2.5 - 3 hrs (and each time for about 30 mins) and if she was having a bad day, we just stayed put for the day. Plus I was up 3 times a night feeding.

Also consider the cost - internationally, you'll pay 10% of the adult fare, plus 100% adult taxes so flights will be expensive.

Plus,USA in January - BRRRR.....Cold!!

Personally I would recommend that you travel and enjoy the holiday when you're pregnant in April. Especially if it's just a 2 week holiday. Not to be negative, but you don't know what's going to happen (e.g. if you end up having a c/s, what the temperament of your baby will be like, whether you'll feel up to it (you'll be pretty tired, if like me!).

Oh, and subsequently, we've been to NZ for 2 weeks at Xmas and went camping last weekend so I'm not saying babies slow you down necessarily, but at 2.5 months, things may not yet be settled enough to enjoy the trip fully.

Good luck with your decision!:lol:

Just realised, your FIL wants it to be cold it he's going skiing!! Doh!

Oh Ladies, you are so wonderful to give me your thoughts. Thankyou!

DH and I haven't even had a chance to discuss this, so getting an understanding of what it's going to be like having a young one is so helpful.

The April option may not be an option anymore because FIL may have his heart now set on skiing (while his legs are still able). I've had a sleep on this and am now wondering whether travelling with our baby at 2-3mths (challenging though it may be) may not be the end of the world or impossible.

The whole of the In-laws will be skiing (apart from MIL who will prob hang around me) so I wouldn't be holding anyone up during the day (they'll be out). Having just woken up to the sound of a crying baby last night in our unit block - my biggest concern would be the family putting up with the natural rhythms of the baby for 2 wks during the night.

I have thought of another reason to go - my sister is planning to go on exchange in September for 9 mths. She doesn't yet know that we're having a baby in October, and if she goes, will miss the birth. Perhaps she could come and stay and get to know the baby while the boys are all on the slopes?

Kitty, I'm not to flash when I'm tired, so your points are really great and helping me think.....
Expat, thankyou for your thoughts, and congratulations on your pregnancy! Not flying is a personal choice for us. I know people do it (like your lovely self) and are fine, but we would prefer not to if we could during pregnancy.
Hi RoyaUK, it's really great to have a first hand opinion of this situation, thankyou! Do you think it would have been easier for you if you had had your own space/unit etc? The April holiday would only be for about 1wk. Fantastic that you went camping - we love to camp and can't wait to take our children.

I'll have to run all this by DH, but am I knocking back a great opportunity? Should a baby determine whether we go or not?

I don't think I would be keen to go, but it is a great opportunity for you! Personally, I would prefer the April hol (but I don't have a prob flying in the 2nd tri), but it sounds like that's not going to be happening now.

I know you're not keen to tell people, but if you are going to agree on going to the US I think you should tell your ILs anyway. I'm sure it won't make a difference to them, but it is their hol too, and it will be easier for everyone to plan around the fact that you will have a little baby with you ie. accomodation etc. Much as they will love having a grandchild it might not be their idea of a holiday being woken up through the night IYKWIM!

Good luck with your decision!

I wouldn't worry so much about routines. At that age, you still just put them to sleep whenever they're tired and feed them whenever they're hungry! hehe.

They are actually they're most portable when they're that little.. coz all you need is nappies, clothes and boob!

It sounds like it would be very relaxing for you, if the rellies are off skiing etc. I think you'd have a lovely time. And being on holidays, you can sleep whenever the baby sleeps, so I don't think tiredness will consume you. TBH, I didn't suffer from sleep deprivation, and Tallon fed every 3 hrs or there abouts for about 4 months! Just enjoy it. I wouldn't worry about rels and the baby waking through the night either (and think of all the babysitters on hand! ;) ) If they know you have a baby, then they should expect it. Perhaps mention it to them in the plan making tho, so it's upfront that they'll have a little baby with them!

If we fall pg this cycle, we'll be travelling to singapore with a 2 month old, and I'm not worried at all about it. Especially breastfeeding, don't have to worry about the local water etc, or food contaminents.

Anyway - congrats on your pregnancy.. enjoy it! And enjoy planning your holiday!

Hi Melody, just wanted to add that we flew to Australia from the UK when my third daughter was only 7 weeks old. She slept most of the trip, I breastfed her on the plane, and the cabin crew were great, there was a gay guy who took her from me so i could have a break and he was off for half an hour with her showing her to all the stewardesses.
I think you should mention it to your FIL though, if he has to book wouldnt he have to book a skycot at the time as well?

Best of luck whatever you decide xx

Hi,

I've spoken to a couple of people who have travelled with babies, and they tell me it is easier when they are younger, as they are less mobile and really the crucial things are food and sleep. I'd love to have someone take our family to the US for skiing when our little one is 2.5 months old!!!

If your FIL is looking at travelling Jan 2008, he's got tons of time to book a trip - perhaps you could get him to spend the next month or two researching various options (distract him from actually doing the booking) and show your enthusiasm for those options that might fit well with a baby in tow (eg self-catering apartment). Then you could tell everyone a little later on in the pregnancy. What do you think?

Hi Gals, great tips! I'm starting to think that it would be OK to go, but I haven't had the chance to explain all your great advice to DH (he's playing golf) and so he's still of the impression that there is no way we could travel with a bub that age. I think he's more keen for the April option (sun, not snow).

If we decide to go, I think my best option is to delay telling them for as long as possible - say we're keen, but have to check leave etc. If we could just get a few more weeks grace that would be the best.

So excited - been househunting today and I think I found our new home! Those feelings have outweighed any bad ones I was having last night :)

And think about using something like the Hug-a-Bub sling... nice and toasty warm for your baby & you.

We travelled to the US when our daughter was 18 months old and I think it would be alot easier going right now with our 12 week old than it was with her. Our 12 week old is breastfed so I don't have to worry about bottles. And I'm already tired all the time so I wouldn't worry, just a change of scenery...which is what I really need at this point as well. Around this time most mums start to feel isolated, so being around people could be a very good thing.

This is my personal expereince with travelling with a new born baby, although it wasn't overseas.
Ash was 3 months old (1st and only child) and I had just turned 21 and i packed up and went to QLD by myself for a holiday for a few weeks to stay with my best freind.
I was breast feeding and breastfed her on the plane for take off and landing so her ears wouldnt hurt. She slept in my arms the whole way. The airport staff and hostess' were so over accommodating, making sure I had a spare seat next to me for extra room, offering to hold bubby if i wanted a break to to use the bathroom etc. I had people offering to carry the umbrella's to the plane cause it was raining when we had to walk out.

When I got to QLD Ashlea fit in perfectly. I went shopping, we went camping for the weekend, ash slept in a bassinet in the tent with us, we took her swimming in the river with us, she lay in the pram at night around the camp fire, it really was an absolute breeze!

The whole holiday was really fantastic and Ashlea was young enough to breeze through it all and fit in with everything and be fine

I look at 3 month old babies now and can't believe i did it all on my own, but at the time i didn't think twice about it :)

I found it easier then than when she was older! I'd say go for it, but its up to you to decide whats best for you :)

Thanks Dee and great idea Christy re the sling - I've been thinking that would be a great way to "wear" my baby.

Well girls, obviously so much more is possible with a baby than I thought!

hehehe, just some food for thought........what if you're having twins?!!!!

hehe, that's cruel expat...but funny!
i would also add that it really does depend on the baby, i had a shocker/screamer/colic/reflux baby and the first 3 (and more) months were a complete nightmare. i dont know how i would have coped out of my home environment and with people trying to sleep.
i dont want to be negative, lots of people have great experiences, and some babies ARE easier to deal with when they are little/portable, but not all.
i guess if the worst comes to worst, you could always pull out at the last minute - GET TRAVEL INSURANCE, and then get a dr. to say you are not able to take the baby (burst into tears and sob about not being able to cope).
also, try to get a separate apartment, you will be really stressed if you have a baby that screams between 1am and 5am (yes, it happens) and keeps everyone awake all night.
also, tell your family before they book - as supportive as they are, its only fair to warn them in case they have hesitations.
i wouldnt worry too much about the 16 hour flight over there - thats over and done with quickly - its more the actual time over there...
good luck, and congrats!

Twins!! Hadn't thought of that Expat. That would be interesting.

I like your idea of the separate appt ttcno2, and I think if we were going to go we would have to tell them - it's only fair - that could change their whole mind on the holiday anyway!

Thanks girls, I'll let you know what we're thinking after hubby & I have a chat.

Hi there,

Melody - we've been on 11 flights now with our daughter so it's all great fun, but you need to be organised!!

Other considerations:

ACCOMMODATION: To answer your query re: own space, I think it would be a great idea as they are going skiing (probably getting up early to hit the slopes so will they appreciate it!) however, you will probably find yourself going to that separate location every couple of hours (checking up, feeding) if you have a baby monitor that can work at that distance or just spend the evenings in your own place (so you're close to her)... or...let her sleep whereever then carry her 'home'. We spent our days and nights at friends and family in the UK so I was always able to hear her (with the monitor on) and just go upstairs to tend to her.

BABY BED: We found one of the most useful things was taking a cocoon (we have an eBay bought Valco one) so she could sleep anywhere and we could just carry her home. This was great for letting her sleep at connecting airports etc too. Plus our HAB (love the HAB!!) We didn't need a stroller at all.

TICKETS: As skiing is looking popular, I would be thinking that your FIL would want to book soon to secure cheaper tickets at such a popular time of year. Some airlines allow you to buy a ticket for an infant before they are born and you advise of the name once bubs has arrived i.e. able to by a cheap ticket for baby too. Others won't let you until the little one is born as they need birth details i.e. have to buy ticket much later, prices will have shot up (as we found).

BASSINETT: Make sure that you book a bassinet though as soon as possible regardless (can book even if can't buy ticket yet). Different airlines, different policies. Some work on an age basis so you can request it but if there are younger babies who need it they get priority. Others work on a first in, best dressed basis so the earlier you book the better chance of getting one. Big planes to the US will probably have 4 on board so you'll want to book it quickly.

LUGGAGE: You will have so much stuff for the little one! Some airlines have a decent baggage allowance for infants (20kg) and others don't (10kg). This may not be enough especially in winter and bulky winter clothing, ski gear etc. The great thing about travelling with a group is that you'll be able to spread your luggage between the group.

I guess though my thinking is that you'll probably end up needing to tell your family soon if travel plans are being discussed as it's only fair to let others make up their mind (other family members).

Good luck!

RoyaUk - you're amazing! Thanks for all your advice - that's fantastic.

DH and I had a chat yesterday and agreed that we'll need to tell the family eariler than 12wks (2 months away) as it just wouldn't be fair, and if we're still going, they need a chance to make appropriate arrangements.

We've decided we have to stall them from making final bookings for at least another 3 wks - then I'll be in my 8th wk of pregnancy and they could probably keep a lid on things for a month. Anyway, DH will tell FIL that we're interested (all your fabulous advice ladies has made all the difference!) but that before he makes the final bookings, just check with us as we'll need to make sure leave is available etc.

So, by the time FIL does all the research and looks at the options, 3 wks will have gone and we can tell them and re-assess the situation. I think the idea of travel insurance that covers pregnancy is great - just incase we need to pull out because of bubba.

Oh, I'm so grateful for your help girls. DH asked "Have you asked your BB friends?" and I said "YES - listen to this...." Fantastic to have a snapshot of what it could be like with a baby at 3mths.

Just thought I'd give you all an update.

We ended up telling the PILs about 1 week ago as FIL was full steam ahead with preparations. They've promised to keep the news it quiet until we tell other family members etc.

They were originally in agreement to get 2 rooms (we'd share a 2 bed unit with them and have an adjacent room for the others), however FIL seems to think we'll all be fine in a 4 bed condo thingy. Well, they can't blame us if bubbs wakes them up all the time!
They're also planning a short time in New York (which we may/may not join in).

My most recent dilemma is, how do you travel in a taxi with a baby?

I'm not sure of the legislation in the US, Melody however in Victoria where I am, you didn't have to have the baby in a capsule/car seat up - you could hold them in your arms - until I think the beginning of this year. Now you can still hold them if you want or the taxi company has to have a restraint available. This is only if you call to book a cab. Maybe you can ask the company who is providing the accommodation - hotel/apartments if they know the legislation over there. Personally, I'd have bubs in a hugabub if the restraint isn't available. Maybe you can hire a restraint over there, but seems like a lot of work for taxi rides - ok for hire car if you are getting one.

Thanks Wardygirl,

I'm loving the idea of the Hug-a-bub - and baby hammocks! Most transport will be booked, so my preference is to get a child seat. Lots of people must do this....

I would have thought it would be mandatory to have the child in a restraint - I seem to remember "Britney" getting in trouble and in the papaers for not doing this a while back.

I think its great that you are going. I would have chosen to travel after the baby is born than while pregnant.

WRT the accomodation, as long as everyone understans the potential for sleepless nights with a young baby. DS slept well at that age though, and seems to sleep better when we travel than he does at home.

Hi,

Not quite the same, but we flew from Melbourne to the Whitsundays (4hrs or so), when our bub was 3 weeks old - and he slept the whole way....

I just made sure I feed him on the way up and the way down for his ears...

I'm glad I did it then rather then later, we figured if we were going to be sleep deprived we may as well be sleep deprived in the Whitsundays....

Good Luck

Hi Melody, Great to hear that the plans are working out for you. Re: car restraints in the US, it seems different states have different legislation so best to check with a booking agent in the US perhaps.

Having recently introduced solids (or the lack thereof) I can tell you, it's much easier to travel with bubs when they're just breastfeeding...oh boy!

I think you should go - it's not too hard travelling with a little one, especially that young. You should have the feeding down pat by then. Just make sure he/she is suckling when the plane takes off/lands.

Have fun! You will also find that people will bend over backwards to help you.